A bumper year of ups and downs. More downs than I can ever recall. A tough year. A painful one. Loss and confusion has reigned throughout. Yet as we approach the dawn of 2026, there is reason to be optimistic. Right? If 2025 knocked the wind out of you, or it made you feel heavy, or plans had to change, then at least we achieved getting through this year. Survival was our summit. Now let’s climb 2026.

Been worried about my Mam for some time now. Wish she’d quit smoking and things would improve for her. Said farewell to Paul Hux, Mam’s partner and love, which hurt far too much. The end was painful in so many ways and reminded us all of how little time we have. We have yet to scatter his ashes. We will. As per Paul’s wishes. Ideally in better mountain climbing weather and with a degree of fitness to do so. And without rush.

Our kid, Paul Jr., has been near-enough unemployed all year and I’m far from convinced he’s trying hard to find work. Not that I don’t blame him, his confidence must be blown to shit after being treated like a disposable whore in the world of retail. If he had empathy and emotions he’d easily find a more social job. I really wish Mam and Paul Jr. a better year in 2026

Soon after my Mam’s ex, and my brother’s father, also called Paul, exited life. His near-adopted daughter, Astrid (my little big sister), was devastated and in hospital for considerable time. She’s better now and living near-independently. I never got on much with Paul but I did call him and kind of apologise for my behaviour as a teenager and he laughed it off. It was weird. I also helped him get some cash and a few bits to his hostel but a week after he’d left life. Astrid needs some closure and a place say her farewell. A tree-planting idea has been mentioned.

Then Mam and Paul Hux’s bearded dragon passed away too. As did my younger brother and sister’s mam Bernie. And new and old friends at football. It really has been an odd year. Work has been tough. Bugs caught me and life seemed to grind to a halt. Limbo was broken by news of the visa in December. Good mates have been around for me, even when I push them away, or hide away from conversation or life. I am thankful for Dan, my footy friends Haguey, Alison and Chris, Brahma, Daz, and others.

Panda GunDOGan has been spoilt by my Dad and nagged to death by his kangaroo-bollocked sized buddy Blue. Panda’s twin from another mother, Sky, the cat has really got used to her black and white oversized twin. It is great to see. Especially in winter when they’re cuddled up together. Heartwarming scenes!

Family life has been divided by geography but the green-lit visa has arrived. An early Christmas present. One I needed. I have been close to giving up and legging it back to China. Optimism has returned. 2026 is make or break. 2025’s highlights involved summer in Guangxi, Chengdu, Dali, Shangrila, and Guangdong. Some miles laid down and memories boxed away.

Escape has been difficult but through a quadruple helping of Doves music gigs, the sensational Divine Comedy, the magnificent John Grant (with the incredible Lynks), and an out of this world Jeff Wayne’s War of the Worlds at the Coop Live! Music has been an amazing escape. Like many walks with Panda. Hull Pot and Hunt Pot by Pen y Ghent have left memorable impressions from nature. I will return! At football we all lost Shez and others. Saying goodbye is not easy. I send my love to the families and friends. City, Manchester City, carried on forever more. Not a bad year after a transitional season that saw us finish runners-up in the FA Cup and 3rd in the Premier League. We’ve ended 2025 second to a powerful Arsenal and still fighting for 3 cups. Never say never.

On reflection, 2025 has made me thankful for many things: safe food standards; NHS healthcare that is accessible and paid through National Insurance; fairness and rights that are enforced and ones we can challenge via appeal (even if the archaic processes are slow); gun control; vaccines and their effectiveness; Bee Network and soon to be nationalised railways as part of readily available public transport; and family and friends for being there.

Sending love to those who’ve been there (wherever there is), family, friends, those who feel lonely during holidays, those who struggle to afford to celebrate holiday times, those who grieve a loss, anyone spending time with someone who isn’t supportive, the caregivers, nurses, doctors, charity workers, good samaritans, those battling mental illness and depression, and you for reading. Peace and love.