Dream/Nightmare

What are dreams?

Broken shards of unfulfilled hope?

A dealer with an empty bag of dope?

Remnants of longed for lifestyles?

The gap along unwanted aisles?

What exactly are dreams?

A blur of shattered imagination?

A squiggle of smudged reflection?

The wings of a squashed mosquito once fit for flight?

Between day and day is there no longer night?

Where are my dreams?

So, if a dream is supposed to be positive, why does a nightmare grow from good news?

Will joyous elation ready for skews?

Is good news a mask for darkness?

Are all answers but a wild guess?

What makes dreams?

Is the craved mountain peak eternally too far to reach?

Is the hourglass open like that of a beach?

Do dawn and dusk merge as one?

Which silent bell tolls for the gone?

So, what are dreams?

STRONG(ER)

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Really?

Overused and overly spoken dross.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Parodied aphorism!

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Resilience and affirmation for overcoming adversity?

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

“Out of life’s school of war…“

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Twilight of the Idols, an unread book on the shelf I’ve yet to install.

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”

Friedrich Nietzsche, I don’t believe you.

Take suffering as an opportunity to build strength.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Kelly Clarkson sang about standing “a little taller.”

“Aus der Kriegsschule des Lebens.—Was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich starker”

It never feels that way.

Shadow.

I feel the ache.

It’s like a shadow inside of me.

My mind questions.

It’s as if an enigma wrapped around my soul.

The nervous worry.

It’s an endless shadowing movement walking beside me.

Wobbling legs beneath me.

I feel I’m sliding uphill on ice facing downhill.

Not quite right inside.

As if I am a carpet grip with no carpet.

Every doubt exaggerated.

There’s a shadow, and I feel it’ll claim me.

Dreams

“You are never too old to set another goal or dream another dream” – C.S. Lewis

More sleep. More mentoring. More books. More sharing. More new foods. More daring. More paths, yet to be walked. More caring. More cycle rides. More riding. More hugs. More talking. More cuddles. More sliding. More cups of tea. More creating. More cosiness. More time writing. More sunsets. More bearing. More starry skies. More drawing. More laughter. More reassuring. More dog walks. More cooking. More dreams. More learning. More trips away. More cleaning. More togetherness. More feeling. More fun. More dreaming. More devotion. More gleaming. More love. More, more, more.

More than this.

Life (For Living)

It’s the pull and the push;

The sprinted finish rush.

The days are moving, the days with halts;

The bolt and jolt as nerves send volts.

The twists and turns as drama unfolds;

The seconds of voices delivering their scolds.

The wrestle of conscience whilst conscious;

The admitting of behaviours found stupendous.

The alterations of mindsets and the picking at nits;

The nagging, scriking, and getting on someone’s tits.

The feelings that flow like rivers so strong;

The knowing that we’ll get on fine, get along.

The possibility of possibilities that bubble up and fizz;

The rush, the speed of it, and that wanting to whiz;

The secondhand ticking as the stomach metabolises.

Nerves that swerve and give little of what is deserved;

Results dished out and served.

Only then will we know, which way it shall flow;

But, why oh why, does it feel so slow?

Be Thankful: Merry Christmas

Still here. Others aren’t.

Abused and unloved. Yet I’m not.

Lost souls. With someone, even if apart.

Some have no family. I’m lucky that I do.

Battling cancer and mental health. I’m supporting a few, and there in spirit.

Working and keeping services on point. A holiday from work.

Toxicity surrounding family. Tough at times, but love abounds.

Negative balances and mounting debts. With you all the way.

No hunger to celebrate. Spread love, not hate.

There is no passion for religion and belief. Take a moment to recuperate.

Lost hope, faith, and feelings. Give to others.

There’s only one way of life: Lift your spirits.

Stay positive.

Unseen Variable

It’s not the thing you see and know. It’s the thing they see and know.

It’s the shadow across broad daylight, revealed in radiant rays of newness

It’s the stillness of the pond on a windy day and what lies beneath.

It’s the calm skies ahead of a mighty mammoth of a storm.

It’s the drumming of Earth’s heart, rattling along lines far below the surface.

It’s the invisible rays passing from great solar storms passing through unknown to all.

It’s the grit under tyres and the silt beneath that spins the wheels above to new angles.

It’s the push of the wind against the flow of traffic slowing down the morning commute.

It’s sounds unheard yet given to the air, triggering an avalanche of unlocked actions.

It’s the soliloquy spoken softly to an absent audience ahead of silent auditions.

It’s an array of unseen variables that tangle hairs and twist cotton threads.

It’s not the thing you see and know. It’s the thing they see and know.

R(age)

Bouncing fists off walls.

Endless unappreciated failed triumphs.

Hurdles leaped, barriers removed, all in vain.

Boxes ticked, copies spoiled, followed by new processes.

Old processes retracted, money subtracted, and added, again and again and again.

No longer stopping, looking, and listening.

Hoping for a fight to be put my way.

Not sharing or caring.

Turning milk sour. With a stare.

Deleted. No longer there. Unsent messages.

No worries. No thoughts.

Switched to off.

Void.

Black.

Brother.

What’s done is done. Don’t waste time waiting to be carried on. Get out and join the run. Find that cloud that moves away for sun.

What isn’t done isn’t a dream turned to reality. More is the pity. Witty as you are, zitty as you may be. Cheer on City, sing a ditty. Don’t feel life is shitty.

Live it. Seek it. Find it. Whatever it is. Get out more. See more. Do more. It is what it is. Time flies in a whizz.

Spend it. Spend it wisely. It can be scary and lary or live it fully and happily. Get up early, even on a Saturday.

It’s how you spend it. Like comedy? Choose wit. Like music? Find your hit. Get out of your pit. Grab your true grit.

Choose to live. This life. Now. Friends will come and go. Some live long, and some live slow. You will love some, and some may know.

What are you waiting for?

Weather the storm.

I don’t want to talk about someone in the past tense;

The here and now will do.

Hearing, lustening, feeling across the range of sense;

Being around people presently through and through.

Seeing memorials, farewells, and gatherings of goodbye;

Flowers lay, horse and cart pulling away.

Knelt down by stone, looking up at the grey sky;

Unspoken words not ever able to say.

Wretched dreams unlived and walks unwalked;

Guidance and advice, unable to be dispensed.

Nattering and talks left silent, untalked;

Unable to place arms, no hugs against.

Worry and fear of you no longer near;

Push it aside and stand tall together.

Until the time comes, we must live out every year.

Weather the storm whatever the weather.

The Embrace.

Feel. As much as it hurts.

Fear. For everything you dread.

Worry. About nothing and everything.

Carry. Wherever you go.

However much it hurts…

Lose yourself. But return right back.

Find yourself. Take time to bring love home.

Try yourself. Do it when you feel ready.

Love yourself. Without belief, hope can’t grow.

However much it hurts…

Be confused. Not everything features clarity.

Be afraid. The principles of life bind us.

Be connected. Separately, we feel weaknesses.

Be inspired. Endless possibilities rise with each new dawn.

However much it hurts…

Hear My Problems Only

If I could stop myself feeling, would I tear it out of me?

No, but I would cut this feeling from me.

Dig deeper for focus on possible positives.

If I could remove all the reminders, and the memories to make it hurt less, should I try to silence all?

I need to feel. I need to know. I need to hang onto hope.

No matter how little remains.

If I could wake up tomorrow energised, refreshed, no longer tired and raring to go, would I sleep peacefully now?

I know I can. Yet I can’t. I should. But, I won’t.

I try to release the anger. The pain. The worry.

Should I desperately reach out for hope and determination, clutching it to my heart?

Kick back the snapping, snarling, scrappy black dogs at the feet of my bed.

Today ends soon. Tomorrow starts immediately. Onwards.

Tree Fall.

Amongst the space of a lonely field,

Towering into winds never before perceived,

For many a century, the wood stood unpeeled,

History’s hardest winds never before conceived.



This night, your great winds blew, relentlessly,

Shaking all umbrellas as they wandered,

And sweeping side to side shattered panes carelessly,

Macintosh jackets thought as squandered.



Stood upright, resistant to gales,

Arose squelching sounds to tree roots,

Battered and blustery heaped on, it fails,

Tougher than a pair of old boots.



Creaking and leaning, sinking deep into,

The tree sought to stand hard on the land,

The air blew and grew as the storm did brew,

Tanned tree’s fanned roots sank into sand.



The turbulent gust gave more bursts of force,

Fierce furious and volcanic blasts slammed,

No longer the tree could hold its long course,

Rammed into it and cause it to be dammed.



Tempestuous savagery caused the tree to turn,

Leaves leapt into volatile and quarrelsome air,

Down went all branches as the trunk turned up fern,

Slumped down, did it all without but a prayer.



The ruinous remains of life situated across,

Soon, dies down the storm of the night,

New horizons lay out for its coating of moss,

Once upright, now fitted tight, susceptible to parasite.



The adaptive bole will adjust as best,

The sideways makeover, an alteration,

Its fruits shall bear once more upon its crest,

Should it steady in its newfound acclimation.





Some.

Sometimes, I feel backwards. Some hours, all I touch breaks. Some weeks last longer than others. Some days, a storm becomes an argument. Some moments fade to anger. Some challenges become impassable mountains. Some paths cut off. Some routes have new walls. Some connections tear apart. Some green turns to black. Some perfumes rot in sunlight. Some rainbows wash away. Somehow, I can’t walk away.

Like yesterday

Was it yesterday we last met? Or, the week before? What? Over four years?! Unbelievable! It feels just like yesterday.

A new place with a new arrangement? Feels homely and familiar. I’ve never been here, yet it fits like a glove. Incredible! It feels just like yesterday.

Older paws and fresh tails. New photos and shirts and books and electronics. Similar but different games. Same old, same old. It feels just like yesterday.

Same voices, different figures. Hearts and minds open or closed. Warmth, deeply felt friendship. Experiences gained through tales and moments unmatched. It feels just like yesterday.

Hugs, handshakes, and cheers. One for the road. A night cap. A natter. It all matters. It’s irrelevant until it’s relevant. A proud writer talking to a writer. Audiences growing. It feels just like yesterday.

Congratulations and commiserations. Job done. Here’s to another one. Not too many years away next time. Days instead. Open doors and invites. It feels like it will be tomorrow.

Too much pressure.

Too much pressure, I’m at boiling point. Crawling beneath, and within, hidden desperation. I know not, and no longer see what’s around me. I’m scared, so afraid, bring me down.

Too much pressure, bubbling over. I cannot taste this food you make. Isolated, solitary, remote, godforsaken, detached from you. There is no love about this town. The fury I feel is bringing me down. Curled up here, afraid to move.

Too much pressure, burning up. I cannot hear the sound of birds. Rile, irritable, aggravating, enraged – no smiles. All intrinsics, essentials, and instincts instantly lost. Insobriety, inebriated, intoxicated, disappearing. This night stayed. No reappearance nearing.

Too much pressure, feeling cold. I cannot feel your hand on mine. Unevenness, rough, changed, random protrusions throwing out delusions and illusions. Sleeping here in fear’s shadow, hiding away. Cold, clammering, coughing, spluttering, wheezing and sneezing. I struggle to breathe, numb and wheezing.

Too much pressure, reaching boiling point. Too much pressure, bubbling over. Too much pressure, burning up. Too much pressure, feeling cold. Pressure relieving as I slip away. Drifting and shifting. I’m out. Gone.

Reflected.

Morality is an argument. Conscientious decisions trouble. Choices a barrage of beratement. Unearthed memories lay in rubble.

Wicked temptation twists contemplation. Rightfully wrongly, lyrics of living. Shrouded silk on slivered sensation. The sieged scattered soul of sacred sieving.

Reflection reigns readily within contrast. Thoughts tumble twist, blast, and clash. Tumultuous turmoil thrashes out the past. What once was, and what no longer is, rests in ash.

Triumphant yesterday smoulders in the mirror. Grounded mortar spills from split seams. Consider it, nor will it deliver and trigger a shiver. The remains of the day gleams no further dreams.

I said you were…

I said you were too hot, so you cooled down.

I said you were too bright, so you dulled somewhat.

I said you were too serious, and like that you became a clown.

I said you didn’t share, you gave away the lot.

I said you were too fast for me, so on the brakes you stood.

I said you were ever so proud, so you became modest.

I said you were an angel, so you got up to no good.

I said you didn’t hide truth, so you became dishonest.

I thought you cared, with that you spared no thought.

I said you were too dry, so you rained hard.

I said you saved too much, and the balance became nought.

I listened to your love for me, only I became a mard.

COME ON CITY!

This is for the fan who couldn’t get a ticket; this shout for the one who couldn’t afford it; this is a cheer for those no longer here; raising a glass, singing we’re not really here!

COME ON CITY

A dedication to the fan of Sun Jihai who followed him and then followed us, hooked to the buzz, the love, the passion of the South Stand, the joy of following City over land and sea (and Stretford), the York massive and the gatecrashers at Blackburn.

COME ON CITY!

This is a call to all, to follow the ball, and head it and kick it and shout it into thar onion bag at the other end. Cry out loud, cry out proud, Poznan, and bounce, swing uour scarves and poor out your hearts.

COME ON CITY!

To those who followed Gerry Gow’s moustache, Ball on the bench, Pearce’s sensational home team, Santa’s Cruz’s wobbly knee, Ireland’s Superman lingerie range, Uwe and his ancestors, the Doyle generations, or cold nights in Hyde watching our future.

COME ON CITY!

To the women’s team, done and dusted; to the under 16s, under 18s and EDS champions at rest; to the loanstars on their way back; Perrone and Co overseas; to the subs and the starring eleven…

COME ON CITY!

To the dreamers and schemers, they always believe us, the rioters and chargers or fields, and all who wear the pride in battle of blue and white… no matter what happens today, yesterday or tomorrow, we say:

COME ON CITY!

DZY

On special days; do nothing days; on stay in and snooze days; I wish you were here.

To find new pathways; climb new trails and have short stays; roll in grassy hays; I wish you were there.

Looking at cloudy skies; pondering those storms by eyes; sunny days swarming flies; I wish you were everywhere.

Tidying up after little ones; brushing dog hair off the chair; making efforts ever so fair; I wish we were together.

Foul weather; tough times; moody moments we can’t decline; I wish to share forever.

Just us.

Just us.

No-one else.

Those who matter in the distance.

Those who care, held close.

Our thoughts in your thoughts.

Your warmth together.

Just us.

Two peas. One pod.

Wrapped up snuggly.

Joined. At the hip.

Together.

Stronger as one.

A union led by destiny.

No pressures. No worries.

Challenges to face together.

Fearless and relentless.

For us.

Hope and glory, in lands, over the seas and by green trees.

Bound at the hands.

Rings on.

A bond. Embraced.

One.