poetry

STRONG(ER)

14/02/202414/02/2024oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Really?

Overused and overly spoken dross.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Parodied aphorism!

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Resilience and affirmation for overcoming adversity?

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

“Out of life’s school of war…“

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Twilight of the Idols, an unread book on the shelf I’ve yet to install.

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”

Friedrich Nietzsche, I don’t believe you.

Take suffering as an opportunity to build strength.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Kelly Clarkson sang about standing “a little taller.”

“Aus der Kriegsschule des Lebens.—Was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich starker”

It never feels that way.

Shadow.

18/01/2024oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

I feel the ache.

It’s like a shadow inside of me.

My mind questions.

It’s as if an enigma wrapped around my soul.

The nervous worry.

It’s an endless shadowing movement walking beside me.

Wobbling legs beneath me.

I feel I’m sliding uphill on ice facing downhill.

Not quite right inside.

As if I am a carpet grip with no carpet.

Every doubt exaggerated.

There’s a shadow, and I feel it’ll claim me.

Immigration.

17/01/202417/01/2024oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

You can’t ever imagine how it feels.

You really can’t.

The worry that shakes the ground beneath your feet;

the storm brewing and paperwork left unfilled.

You have been settled, untroubled by these challenges, unaware of the steps we have yet taken.

You sigh and carry on regardless.

Master

03/01/202402/01/2024oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

How do we master the theory and put it to practice? Can’t let the search for answers distract us.

Those educated guesses, insights accumulated; control learned to halt ourselves frustrated.

Who will believe in our ways forward?
Guide from the sea, our lost raft, shoreward.

Daring do.

02/01/202402/01/2024oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

Daring do.

Boldness brought about by fate;

The chutzpah of the moment, raging inflate.

Determination by the bucketload;

Jaw strutting out, standing proud and bold.

Destiny unknown, holding your nerve;

Fearlessness to catch the serve at every swerve.

With courage and dauntlessness;

Batting away fear with dabs of recklessness.

Petty safe ground abound and found;

Hopes and dreams sound around yet downed.

Compliance of darkness swept aside, under a mound;

Chasing away gloomy twilight, each and every black hound.

Life (For Living)

28/12/202327/12/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

It’s the pull and the push;

The sprinted finish rush.

The days are moving, the days with halts;

The bolt and jolt as nerves send volts.

The twists and turns as drama unfolds;

The seconds of voices delivering their scolds.

The wrestle of conscience whilst conscious;

The admitting of behaviours found stupendous.

The alterations of mindsets and the picking at nits;

The nagging, scriking, and getting on someone’s tits.

The feelings that flow like rivers so strong;

The knowing that we’ll get on fine, get along.

The possibility of possibilities that bubble up and fizz;

The rush, the speed of it, and that wanting to whiz;

The secondhand ticking as the stomach metabolises.

Nerves that swerve and give little of what is deserved;

Results dished out and served.

Only then will we know, which way it shall flow;

But, why oh why, does it feel so slow?

Unseen Variable

22/12/202322/12/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

It’s not the thing you see and know. It’s the thing they see and know.

It’s the shadow across broad daylight, revealed in radiant rays of newness

It’s the stillness of the pond on a windy day and what lies beneath.

It’s the calm skies ahead of a mighty mammoth of a storm.

It’s the drumming of Earth’s heart, rattling along lines far below the surface.

It’s the invisible rays passing from great solar storms passing through unknown to all.

It’s the grit under tyres and the silt beneath that spins the wheels above to new angles.

It’s the push of the wind against the flow of traffic slowing down the morning commute.

It’s sounds unheard yet given to the air, triggering an avalanche of unlocked actions.

It’s the soliloquy spoken softly to an absent audience ahead of silent auditions.

It’s an array of unseen variables that tangle hairs and twist cotton threads.

It’s not the thing you see and know. It’s the thing they see and know.

Lighthouses in a storm.

15/12/202314/12/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

I’ll never be Benjamin Zephaniah. Nor will I be Jimi Goodwin.

I’ll never write a hit poem. Or sing to the crowds of Berlin.

I’ll never be a preacher on a hit TV show. Not one play developed.

I won’t start a foundation. I won’t wrap words up well-enveloped.

I won’t mourn who I didn’t know. I will pass on my condolences.

I won’t dwell on the passing of life. I will celebrate the old and look out for the new.

What I will be is: inspired.

What I will do: write more.

What I want to do: my very best.

What I feel: inspired.

Benjamin Obadiah Iqbal Zephaniah (né Springer; 15 April 1958 – 7 December 2023)

R(age)

14/12/202314/12/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

Bouncing fists off walls.

Endless unappreciated failed triumphs.

Hurdles leaped, barriers removed, all in vain.

Boxes ticked, copies spoiled, followed by new processes.

Old processes retracted, money subtracted, and added, again and again and again.

No longer stopping, looking, and listening.

Hoping for a fight to be put my way.

Not sharing or caring.

Turning milk sour. With a stare.

Deleted. No longer there. Unsent messages.

No worries. No thoughts.

Switched to off.

Void.

Black.

FOR QUEEN & COUNTRY

04/11/202311/11/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)2 Comments

Fought for Queen and Country

Drives a van for Asda

Battled sandstorms, landmines, and budgets readily

Pumping oil from near Basra

Why did they serve?

Away from family for months and days

Eddie Stobart rejecting tank commanders

Bodies fed on greedily by strays

Bills at the floor of the doors as bailiffs panders

Vulnerable as all.

Criminal courts ripping up old yarns

Furiously cashing in on earned medals

Looters dashing from farms to barns

PTSD, shellshock, forgotten jacketed, outcasted rebels

Witnessed the fall.

Owen, Sassoon, Armitage, Duffy, or Agard

Signed up with support lacking equipment

Stories lost, retold, or given little regard

Brutally shown reality of near-empty shipment

Exposed to much more.

War to war, always the same

For King, for Queen and service to crown

New players in the same old game

Faded uniform blends to funeral gown

The end begins.

Ex Nihilo

03/11/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

Something from nothing,

Yet nothing was something;

So something was

And therefore, nothing can be.

Omnipotent presence

Surely was something;

How can nothing birth something?

Why would something grow from nothing?

Ignorance and wrath in stark contrast,

Ever the contradiction;

Biased omnibenevolence to some,

With all powerful ignorance damning many.

The chicken, the egg, the old conundrum;

Which came first?

Faith in science and science in faith,

Each with parts unravelled.

The Embrace.

06/10/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

Feel. As much as it hurts.

Fear. For everything you dread.

Worry. About nothing and everything.

Carry. Wherever you go.

However much it hurts…

Lose yourself. But return right back.

Find yourself. Take time to bring love home.

Try yourself. Do it when you feel ready.

Love yourself. Without belief, hope can’t grow.

However much it hurts…

Be confused. Not everything features clarity.

Be afraid. The principles of life bind us.

Be connected. Separately, we feel weaknesses.

Be inspired. Endless possibilities rise with each new dawn.

However much it hurts…

Macintosh.

29/09/202328/09/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

Heavy rain tonight! I didn’t get soaked. D’ya know why?

I was wearing me rain jacket. Me big coat.

If I wear it, it never rains.

The moment I wear shorts or sunglasses,

I’m soaked right through.

I swear my shorts attract clouds.

But, my big jacket. The one with all the pockets.

It has never felt a drop of rain.

That’s why the clouds moved by me on the ride home.

Hear My Problems Only

28/09/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

If I could stop myself feeling, would I tear it out of me?

No, but I would cut this feeling from me.

Dig deeper for focus on possible positives.

If I could remove all the reminders, and the memories to make it hurt less, should I try to silence all?

I need to feel. I need to know. I need to hang onto hope.

No matter how little remains.

If I could wake up tomorrow energised, refreshed, no longer tired and raring to go, would I sleep peacefully now?

I know I can. Yet I can’t. I should. But, I won’t.

I try to release the anger. The pain. The worry.

Should I desperately reach out for hope and determination, clutching it to my heart?

Kick back the snapping, snarling, scrappy black dogs at the feet of my bed.

Today ends soon. Tomorrow starts immediately. Onwards.

Tree Fall.

22/09/202301/01/2024oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

Amongst the space of a lonely field,

Towering into winds never before perceived,

For many a century, the wood stood unpeeled,

History’s hardest winds never before conceived.

This night, your great winds blew, relentlessly,

Shaking all umbrellas as they wandered,

And sweeping side to side shattered panes carelessly,

Macintosh jackets thought as squandered.

Stood upright, resistant to gales,

Arose squelching sounds to tree roots,

Battered and blustery heaped on, it fails,

Tougher than a pair of old boots.

Creaking and leaning, sinking deep into,

The tree sought to stand hard on the land,

The air blew and grew as the storm did brew,

Tanned tree’s fanned roots sank into sand.

The turbulent gust gave more bursts of force,

Fierce furious and volcanic blasts slammed,

No longer the tree could hold its long course,

Rammed into it and cause it to be dammed.

Tempestuous savagery caused the tree to turn,

Leaves leapt into volatile and quarrelsome air,

Down went all branches as the trunk turned up fern,

Slumped down, did it all without but a prayer.

The ruinous remains of life situated across,

Soon, dies down the storm of the night,

New horizons lay out for its coating of moss,

Once upright, now fitted tight, susceptible to parasite.

The adaptive bole will adjust as best,

The sideways makeover, an alteration,

Its fruits shall bear once more upon its crest,

Should it steady in its newfound acclimation.

Budweiser.

16/09/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

Shimmering shards of shattered semblance

Beneath broken bottles, unwanted emblems

This mark of shame; scattered destruction

The cyclists, aware, swerving the obstruction;

Former bottles tossed, discarded and then some.

We are unneeded. Before this day

We were used, emptied, paid for, on display

Gave joy, and felt sorrow and now we lay wasted

On the croft, forgotten.

Pick a battle with our handlers so:

To you and your unforgivable hands we know

To decay, expenditure and ruin, with lost opportunity.

Broken faith in our use to your community

We no longer hold your golden ale, or darkest stout

On the croft, forgotten.

Some.

15/09/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

Sometimes, I feel backwards. Some hours, all I touch breaks. Some weeks last longer than others. Some days, a storm becomes an argument. Some moments fade to anger. Some challenges become impassable mountains. Some paths cut off. Some routes have new walls. Some connections tear apart. Some green turns to black. Some perfumes rot in sunlight. Some rainbows wash away. Somehow, I can’t walk away.

Too much pressure.

06/07/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

Too much pressure, I’m at boiling point. Crawling beneath, and within, hidden desperation. I know not, and no longer see what’s around me. I’m scared, so afraid, bring me down.

Too much pressure, bubbling over. I cannot taste this food you make. Isolated, solitary, remote, godforsaken, detached from you. There is no love about this town. The fury I feel is bringing me down. Curled up here, afraid to move.

Too much pressure, burning up. I cannot hear the sound of birds. Rile, irritable, aggravating, enraged – no smiles. All intrinsics, essentials, and instincts instantly lost. Insobriety, inebriated, intoxicated, disappearing. This night stayed. No reappearance nearing.

Too much pressure, feeling cold. I cannot feel your hand on mine. Unevenness, rough, changed, random protrusions throwing out delusions and illusions. Sleeping here in fear’s shadow, hiding away. Cold, clammering, coughing, spluttering, wheezing and sneezing. I struggle to breathe, numb and wheezing.

Too much pressure, reaching boiling point. Too much pressure, bubbling over. Too much pressure, burning up. Too much pressure, feeling cold. Pressure relieving as I slip away. Drifting and shifting. I’m out. Gone.

Interminable.

15/06/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

Eternally.
How long is that?
Forever and a day.
Surely that is too long, right?
Always.
When does that end?
Until I know when, I’ll carry on.
Until I know how, I will turn the now into the future;
And the future into the past.
Interminable.

DZY

21/05/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

On special days; do nothing days; on stay in and snooze days; I wish you were here.

To find new pathways; climb new trails and have short stays; roll in grassy hays; I wish you were there.

Looking at cloudy skies; pondering those storms by eyes; sunny days swarming flies; I wish you were everywhere.

Tidying up after little ones; brushing dog hair off the chair; making efforts ever so fair; I wish we were together.

Foul weather; tough times; moody moments we can’t decline; I wish to share forever.

Just us.

15/04/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

Just us.

No-one else.

Those who matter in the distance.

Those who care, held close.

Our thoughts in your thoughts.

Your warmth together.

Just us.

Two peas. One pod.

Wrapped up snuggly.

Joined. At the hip.

Together.

Stronger as one.

A union led by destiny.

No pressures. No worries.

Challenges to face together.

Fearless and relentless.

For us.

Hope and glory, in lands, over the seas and by green trees.

Bound at the hands.

Rings on.

A bond. Embraced.

One.

Stressful authority.

13/04/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

Prove your status.

Copy that letter.

Twice.

Translate this to that.

Duplicate, duplicate, duplicate.

Thrice.

Indicate at the tick box.

Here, there, and HERE.

There again.

Copies of a passport.

Duplicate and photostat your household register.

Voice print.

Embassy and Consulate verification required.

University experience desired.

Nose print.

Passport photos. Wedding photos. Holiday photos.

Travel history records. Paper money trail. Bank statements.

Dental records.

Fill in this.

Provide a copy of your birth certificate.

Photographs.

What was your dog’s mum’s maiden name?

And, what did your ex-wife eat for lunch yesterday?

Evidence.

Bloodtype, fingerprints, retina scan.

When did you last sneeze?

Health check.

How good are your genes?

Swear an oath, an affidavit, an allegiance to the flag.

Sing the national anthem. In Swahili.

Verify.

What are your political beliefs?

Trump or Xi? Sunak or Churchill?

Confirm.

Height, weight, favourite colour.

Where do you plan to go?

Bureaucracy.

Hand over your loved ones.

Get down on your knees.

Pray.

Relieve yourself of all sins.

Seek absolution and fix this.

Hurdles.

Vellichor

11/04/202311/04/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

The scent pours off of you, slipping away from your soul, wriggling away, pulling you down to the hole.

The depth opens up wide, snarling ruthlessly snide, ripping darkness from below, confirmation that hopes lost and lied.

The pages tear from the spine, torn away in time, words failing to be read, all shrouded in grime.

You lay on the shelf, emitting bad health, your pages full of wise wealth, yet all pass your stealth.

Daylight comes and goes, your words nobody knows, inside treasures like a rose, you slip away on endless rows.

The dust on your front and back, tightened and slack, no hands to pick you up and put you on back.

Discrimination

10/04/202311/04/2023oyster28catcher (JRA)Leave a comment

Why do you discriminate against me?

Why do you think you’re better?

Who allows you to talk over me?

Am I too unambitious if not a go-getter?

What makes you the king of this castle?

Whose voices are you speaking for?

Why do you bring me all this hassle?

Was it my forefathers in that long forgotten war?

Didn’t you understand the mistakes of the past?

Is it my skin, you fear?

Do you blame me or my people for that blast?

What values should I hold dear?

My religion or your religion?

Hate us? Hate me? Hate our future?

Where is the peace dove or grey sooty pigeon?

What makes you think I’ll level a score?

Equality or inequality?

Why do you raise your voice?

Why do you question my ability?

Why do you ask me for my choice?

Will your hateful words always haunt me?

Do you decry the freedom I seek?

Where is forgiveness and the blossoming new tree of the free?

Are you unhappy that I am not weak?

What makes civilisation?

How do I know that you know?

Where is my destination?

How will you show we can no longer grow?

Mams, moms, mums… 妈妈

19/03/202302/01/2024oyster28catcher (JRA)1 Comment

Words taught. Ideas thought. And spoken. A gift, a token, a day awoken. Mums are brilliant. They’re resilient, they’re efficient and sufficient. A guide along paths. A shoulder to turn tears to laughs. Mums, moms, mams, 妈妈

Books given. Lies forgiven. Lessons learned. Trophies earned. Encouraged. Discouraged. Pushed on. Troubles gone. Forever enduring, securing and helping you before and during. A fanatic supporter helping and scoring. Moms, mams, mums, 妈妈

Try this, try that. Do this, do that. Eat your corn. See her scorn. Tidy up, fold it up, put it away. Have your say. Listen to the way. Day after day, always there for you. Truthfully, forever true. Mams, moms, mums, 妈妈

Loving, caring, sharing (through choice or not), supporting (win, lose or draw), there for you, no matter your lot. MUMS, MAMS, MOMS, 妈妈

Thanks for being my friend.