Stressful authority.

Prove your status.

Copy that letter.


Translate this to that.

Duplicate, duplicate, duplicate.


Indicate at the tick box.

Here, there, and HERE.

There again.

Copies of a passport.

Duplicate and photostat your household register.

Voice print.

Embassy and Consulate verification required.

University experience desired.

Nose print.

Passport photos. Wedding photos. Holiday photos.

Travel history records. Paper money trail. Bank statements.

Dental records.

Fill in this.

Provide a copy of your birth certificate.


What was your dog’s mum’s maiden name?

And, what did your ex-wife eat for lunch yesterday?


Bloodtype, fingerprints, retina scan.

When did you last sneeze?

Health check.

How good are your genes?

Swear an oath, an affidavit, an allegiance to the flag.

Sing the national anthem. In Swahili.


What are your political beliefs?

Trump or Xi? Sunak or Churchill?


Height, weight, favourite colour.

Where do you plan to go?


Hand over your loved ones.

Get down on your knees.


Relieve yourself of all sins.

Seek absolution and fix this.


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