“Once you choose hope, anything’s possible.”

2^nd November 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

The door god stared outwardly at me. Ménshén (门神) is a deity of doors, gates and passages. I entered the tea house (茶館 cháguăn) in HengLi, a district of Dongguan. A teacher from a training centre called Speaker English invited me to observe a few classes, have lunch and go for tea. We had planned to visit the town’s museum but it closed unexpectedly early, so immediately went for a sushi dinner. I caught up with Sam at Winner’s Bar, having chatted to him a week earlier after the HubHao HengLi Cup.

 

Anyway, the teas supped were a very strong but sweet Qimen red tea, initially, Qí Mén Hóng Chá (祁门红茶). Second up, in the cup, was Dongting Green Snail Spring [Dòng Tíng Bì Luó Chūn 洞庭碧螺春]. Finally, the last tea was a Yúnnán Pǔ’ěr Chá (云南普洱). Following all that I needed a wee. Conversation at the teahouse revolved around experiences in China, teaching ideas, and the possibly mythical legend of Xú Fú (徐福). Entrusted by Qín Shǐ Huáng (秦始皇) to see the secret of immortaility, Xú Fú (徐福) was packed off with three thousand virgin boys and girls, not a crate of Heinz Baked Beans in sight, and sought a mountainous elixir of life. Sea monsters stopped Xú Fú (徐福)’s voyage. It is purported that Xú Fú (徐福) never returned. He took a wrong turning and ending up in Japan. He is rumoured to have become the first emperor of Japan, Jofuku (徐福) and that could be how Chinese and Japanese languages have evolved from each other. Anyway, pretty much interesting yet heavy stuff. A later meal of sushi rounded off a great day out.

 

A week flew by. Classes were as normal as could be from Monday to Wednesday. On Thursday, after many hours of construction, we opened the Haunted House experience. Josie, Analisa and Jack worked very hard to create this indoor adventure. To judge how scary, it all was, the light had to be eliminated. Covering over 100 square metres in black bin bags and huge curtains to blacken a brighten music room, alongside three marquees decorated in spiders (affixed on winches), a scary principal’s room and a room of masks. With the lights now out, grades 5 and 6 passed through. Several boys and girls would cry by the end of the day. By grade 3 and 4 the next day, more would shed tears. On my birthday. At school.

 

My birthday was a quiet affair. Simple. Food, a few drinks and minimal celebration. The way I like it. On the Saturday, the celebration continued as I joined Javier and a dozen or so others for wakeboarding and a stag do/pub crawl. We arrived eager and early for wakeboarding, taking the short ferry to a private island antiparadise. After a lengthy wait, by the ill-prepared staff of the catchily named Songshan Lake OPIZ Water-skiing club, we were split into two boats. Boat one’s captain with Javier, Daniel, Gambi, Lucho, Bram and Aaron departed earlier than the second boat. Our boat had novices Calum, John Burns, Alvaro, Abraham and an aggravatingly impatient captain of the speedboat. To prove how much of a bodge job the whole wakeboarding experience was, there was little to none instruction on how to upright yourself and how to remain steady. That said the language barrier and cultural differences probably played into it. Or maybe the boards were too stumpy. The wrong water? After watching everyone try, I readied myself. Or rather, I tried to squeeze into the lifevest. It didn’t fit. I gestured to the speedboat captain. He laughed then frowned. He tried to force an already overstretched clip into another tightly fitting clip. No joy. With this he said we’d get another jacket from the other boat. I had to patient for much longer than I had anticipated. A whole two weeks of excitement about trying wakeboarding had to wait. With that, Alvaro dipped in for a second set of attempts. Low and behold, the boat conked out. Ten minutes of failed engine revs and starting pursued. We were going nowhere fast. The rustbucket of a boat with the continually flashing engine advice of “maintenance” beneath a red letter was dead to the world. Ideal for Hallowe’en weekend in some ways. After he used his 3% battery to call his colleagues back on terrafirma, a jetski pulled alongside. The man from it dived on board. He immediately started the engine. Our speedboat captain had lost so much faith. Instead of going to the other boat, we returned to the shithole of an island we had set sail from. No wakeboarding was to be had. A tad frustrating. Almost like the day my Dad took me to Knowsley Safari Park, and we sat in the carpark eating sandwiches. Unlike that day, I didn’t enjoy this experience. It was grade A, class one bobbins with the premier side option of optimum shite. Like the many dead fish floating over the lake and the dead cat on the island HQ roof, not a pretty sight.

 

Bram and Abraham had to return to inner-city Dongguan, whilst Oggy tagged in and met us at Gecko Restaurant and Pub in Chang’an. Here we had fantastic pizza, some Boddingtons and then walked to Ziggy’s Bar, via a square dance. Having gotten Javier into a rather feminine attire and made him sign autographs to strangers at Gecko Bar, it was rude not to encourage an incursion on the square dance of central Chang’an town. From then on we visited One Stop bar for a 1RMB Tiger Beer, before alighting by taxi to The Treehouse in Wanjiang and then to the heavily crowded Hallowe’en bash at Murray’s Irish Bar in Dongcheng. Being home before 4am assisted in a lazy Sunday.

 

On Sunday, I spent time looking at the varied 17^th (X 2) Birthday well-wishes. I have partially ridden a crest of happiness since my birthday. Unexpected messages, a few great thoughts (like a notepad from one student) and some vimto concentrate from Kate in the U.K. have helped me feel positive. That and City’s fantastic win over Barcelona. Sadly, my mind is distracted by news that my mother is in hospital. Mum needs to have an operation to remove something causing her pain.

The notepad received on my birthday, from a student in class 704, has a small quote, in Chinese, it translates as, “You need to succeed in life.” It isn’t up there with such distinctions as Christopher Reeves, “So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.” However, it does inspire. Inspiration, like trying to push students in class, is key to success.

 

Some more great Christopher Reeve quotes:

“A Hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure inspite of overwhelming obstacles.”

“If I can laugh, I can live.”

“I’m not living the life I thought I would lead, but it does have meaning, purpose. There is love… there is joy… there is laughter.”

“Even though I don’t personally believe in the Lord, I try to behave as though He was watching.”

“A hero is an ordinary person doing things in an extra ordinary way.”

“Either you choose to stay in the shallow end of the pool or you go out into the ocean.”

“there is a relationship between the mind and the body that can both create a physical condition and enable us to recover from it”

“We all have many more abilities and internal resources than we know. My advice is that you don’t need to break your neck to find out about them.”

“I have to stop this cascade of memories, or at least take them out of their drawer only for a moment, have a brief look, and put them back. I know how to do it now: I have to take the key to acting and apply it to my life. There is no other way to survive except to be in the moment. Just as my accident and its aftermath caused me to redefine what a hero, I’ve had to take a hard look at what it means to live as fully as possible in the present. How do you survive in the moment when it’s bleak and painful and the past seems so seductive?”

“A hero is someone who, in spite of weakness, doubt or not always knowing the answers, goes ahead and overcomes anyway.”

“He was like an untied balloon that had been inflated and immediately released.”

 

And about Christopher Reeve, movie director Richard Donner put it perfectly: “He (Reeve) was put on this Earth for… a lot of reasons. He wasn’t just here to be an actor. He was Superman.” But to me, my biggest hero, will always be my mum. I wish her a speedy and swift recovery.

 

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Relax, take it easy.

7^th November 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

A good news message arrived last Thursday morning on my WeChat account. Mum’s operation has been completed and was released from captivity that same day (okay, the N.H.S. are not remotely bad) to recover in the comfort of home.

 

I always find cycling at night, in Dongguan, a little dazzling and overwhelming to the senses. There are square dances, bad trance music blasting from shops, horns blazing, lights flashing here, there and everywhere. So many people moving around and lots of selfishness and lack of self awareness. Maybe it stems from poor education, and maybe it is just laziness, but to have bright headlights in a built up, often streetlit area, is just plain old stupid. A feature on B.B.C.’s website caught my eye. It turns out full-beam drivers are being punished, by dazzling. Well, if punishments are being chosen for the crimes, good luck to Rhino horn poachers…

 

In China, just a few kilometres away, last week, over sveral days, the famous Red Arrows debuted at Zhuhai’s China International Air Show 2016. It is safe to fly here, but not safe to drive as a toddler did through traffic .

 

On Friday, I attended Javier and Carmen’s wedding party at the Treehouse in Batou, Wanjiang. I can safely say, I enjoyed the Vimto far too much. Okay, it was Sangria, but had a kind of fruity-herbal taste to it. For argument’s sake, it was Spanish Vimto, made in China. The food made by the gloriously delicious Al Chile restaurant went down well. Great fun was had by all as we celebrated the coming together of Spanish Harry Potter and his Chinese wife Carmen. A spoof wedding ceremony by Father Aaron has probably lined him up by a lightning strike by God. Whichever God that is. They’re all fictitious in my view. I’m not preaching. Just my view. I departed for midnight, because, A, I am sensible and B, I was pooped, stone cold shattered. The school day previous had been fun but was for the best of it, relentless in pace.

 

On Saturday, I debuted at Snookball, finishing 4^th, having defeated Eddy (Ireland) and Andre (Ukraine) but lost to all the South Americans, Erick (Brazil), Daniel (Argentina) and Abraham (Mexico). I enjoyed it so much that on the 17^th of December, I expect to enter the Guancheng round of Snookball. It isn’t easy at all, but it is great fun. I said I wouldn’t drink that day but ended up supping three cold Panda Brew ales and a cider from Somerset, alongside a beef and ale pie… and four stilton sausages. Then I had a three-hour evening nap before watching City hammer Middlesbrough 1-1.

 

On Sunday, I went to HengLi, had lunch, then a massage that involved my arms, legs, feet, shouders and head. It was most relaxing. Then, I returned to Houjie and went to bed extra early.

 

My checklist of things I must do in China before I leave here, is getting shorter. I haven’t written it anywhere, but it is sat in my mind, so I’ll begin the checklist now…

1. Prove I am a man. Bù dào chángchéng fēi hӑohàn (不到长城非好汉) or “if you fail to reach the Great Wall you are not a man” as spoken by Chairman Mao. I have been twice. COMPLETED.
2. Visit Qingdao, a city my Grandfather visited in World War 2.
3. Fly a kite.
4. Have a drinking session of alcoholic beverages with local Chinese people and see who wins. COMPLETED. No winners.
5. Have a fight when paying a restaurant bill. COMPLETED.
6. Try your best to understand customs and Chinese culture (中国文化Zhōngguó wénhuà). IN PROGRESS. Massively curious.
7. Visit the heart of Beijing, Tiananmen Square, Monument to the People’s Heroes, the Gate of Heavenly Peace and the Forbidden City. COMPLETED.
8. Visit a Hutong in Beijing. COMPLETED.
9. Watch firecrackers and fireworks in China. COMPLETED.
10. Visit a teahouse. COMPLETED.
11. Watch an èrhú (二胡) concert. COMPLETED.
12. Try Square Dancing. COMPLETED.
13. Attend Dragon Boat Racing. COMPLETED. Several times.
14. Visit Hong Kong. COMPLETED. Several times.
15. Try to learn Mandarin Chinese. IN PROGRESS. Still trying.
16. Eat foods from every province. COMPLETED. Never stop trying new food.
17. Visit Harbin for the snow and ice festivals. COMPLETED.
18. Watch a lion dance (舞狮) festival. COMPLETED.
19. Travel and see Guilin, the Li River and Yangshuo for the Karst mountain landscapes. COMPLETED.
20. See Giant Pandas. COMPLETED.
21. Visit Zhangjiajie. COMPLETED.
22. Swim the South China Sea. COMPLETED.
23. Experience extreme winter cold in Inner Mongolia. COMPLETED.
24. Visit dry and wet markets, various other markets too. COMPLETED.
25. Hum and enjoy the national anthem. Surely, one of the best national anthem themes in the world. COMPLETED.

 

起来！不愿做奴隶的人们！Qǐlái! Búyuàn zuò núlì de rénmen! Arise, ye who refuse to be slaves!
把我们的血肉，筑成我们新的长城！Bǎ wǒmen de xuèròu zhùchéng wǒmen xīnde chángchéng! With our flesh and blood, let us build a new Great Wall!
中华民族到了最危险的时候，Zhōnghuá Mínzú dào le zùi wēixiǎnde shíhòu, As China faces its greatest peril
每个人被迫着发出最后的吼声。Měige rén bèipòzhe fāchū zùihòude hǒushēng. From each one the urgent call to action comes forth.
起来！起来！起来！Qǐlái! Qǐlái! Qǐlái! Arise! Arise! Arise!
我们万众一心，Wǒmen wànzhòngyīxīn, Millions of but one heart
冒着敌人的炮火，前进！Màozhe dírén de pàohuǒ, Qiánjìn! Braving the enemies’ fire! March on!
前进！
冒着敌人的炮火，前进！Màozhe dírén de pàohuǒ, Qiánjìn! Braving the enemies’ fire! March on!

前进！前进！进！Qiánjìn! Qiánjìn! Jìn! March on! March, march on!

 

1. Visit Kunming and Yunnan.

1. See the Terracotta Warriors.

1. Visit Hangzhou, “Paradise on Earth”

1. Check out Jiuzhaigou.

1. Visit Chengdu.

1. Visit Shanghai, a city my Grandfather visited in World War 2.

1. Try Chinese art and caligraphy.

1. Try Kung Fu and Wushu.

I’ll add more in time.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Lest we forget. The lost lives & futures.

11^th November 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

11^th November is a sombre day in the U.K. At 11 o’clock, bells, canons and clocks mark silence for two minutes. Salutes, moments of remembrance and celebration of ‘The Glorious Dead’ who live on forever in our memories carry a message nationally and beyond to show we will not forget their sacrifice. Our freedom, our choices and our options now have stemmed from their actions, or their inability to have the same options, freedoms or choices we are afforded. For me, I must prepare a very different kind of reflection and silence. I will hold a two-minute’s silence on the roof of school. There will be far more background noise. I will look to the skies and pray (not to gods) to the future, that my generation and generations that follow never need to answer a call, or take a form of action, without choice. I will think about how, in this present day, our human race needs to resolve conflict and end tyranny, for the greater good. I will think of those who came back, sometimes a shadow of their former selves, affected greatly by the stark reality of the ultimate and decisive act of life; death. Without the actions of the few, the many, the turned and unturned, the brave, the bold and the unselfish, we would live in a different world. Times change, attitudes to history evolves. Great losses and their longterm dominoes effect cannot be forgotten. The Great War, the Spanish Flu, World War II, Israel’s fragmented creation, the Russian bloc – a lack of relations between the Western powers and the Kremlin, September 11^th 2001, Afghanistan, Daesh, Syria’s civil war, a list of endless genocides and conflict. It must end sometime, surely? The world orders have shifted, but we cannot forget what many gave to give us our today. Our tomorrow is based on their yesterdays. Their final days. It is important to live on and remember, not at the expense of the moment, but to honour those who fell. I can’t imagine how I would feel if my brothers, sisters, best friends and cousins had to go to war. It’d be hard. I would want to be with them and hope to keep them safe. As great as my imagination is, I have been lucky not to be offered the chance to change my mind’s eye into reality. A stark, dangerous and bleak one. Let’s go forwards. Let’s not forget. Lest we forget.

 

11^th of November in China is far different to this date experienced back home. In recent years, it has been marked up as 11.11. A clever advertising campaign targeting singletons and those with little common sense to swat promotions away like the annoying fly that it is. Online shopping goes through the roof [About 12 hours into the event on Alibaba, sales had reached 82.4bn yuan ($12.1bn; £10bn)]. Double 11, or Singles’ Day is everywhere, every shop, every phone and spread over social media. The four ones of 11.11 symbolise bare branches. This day was intended to console. An allowance to buy and treat oneself to something luxorious. Shops and websites dived on that pretty swiftly. I won’t be investing. I have my poppy and poppy pin, purchased in advance at Manchester’s Pop-In shop, in summer. The Poppy Appeal, and Remembrance Day, for me, is more important than say Christmas or Easter. Whilst they are great times for family and friends, the absence of partying and solemn reminders of Armistice Day give sober reflection to what we are capable of, and what we should avoid. It isn’t a day of gloom and dullness, but a day of contemplation, a manifestation of memory and tribute. A chance to understand and learn. A chance to remember. Lest we forget.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

The big interview – Felipe Scolari!

14^th November 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

“One must learn by doing the thing, for though you think you know it, you have no certainty until you try.” Aristotle inscribed that, somewhere, and not even in English. Somehow in time it was translated. Time is good. Time changes things. If everything was the same, or simple, it’d be dull. Right?

Felipe Scolari sat upright on a wooden seat, his arms almost draped over the curved armrests. To look at Felipe, revealed little signs of his age. You could say he has been on football management but outwardly shows no strains of the game. Stress may have visited him like a bunch of angry away fans. Not one iota of nervous tension appeared now. I sat opposite him, having been introduced by a member of the kindly P.T.G. Dongguan Veia group. On an assignment from HubHao, I was presented with a wonderful chance to interview.

I led in with the first question, “You started your youth football in 1966, have travelled with many clubs and nations, why did China appeal to you?”

The questions flowed freely, “How do you find Chinese culture?”

“What was it like to find such a large expat community of Brazilians? Did it help you to settle here?”

“How important is having Gaucho culture on your doorstep?”

“Are you afforded more space to be free or anonymous here than in your home country?”

“How does the atmosphere feel to you at Chinese football grounds?”

Then, there was ten questions focused around football, Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, and very casual questions before I ended with, “Why didn’t you want to move to Manchester in 2008?” Scolari had been reported to have been appraoached by Manchester City.

However, the above was a dream. It never happened. Eddy called me at 2 o’clock to say we have an interview with Big Phil. I departed by subway, grabbed a taxi, met our photographer and arrived swiftly at the Tangla Hotel. An hour wait for another film crew there to talk with some amazing and famous Gaucho singers who performed there the night before. On waiting outside we were eventually told, that due to contractual reasons, with his football club (Guǎngzhōu Héngdà Táobǎo/广州恒大淘宝), and possibly the Chinese Super League, Mr Scolari was not allowed to give interviews. He was stood on the otherside of the glass, probably and rightfully unsure as to who I was. He did not want to get into trouble. I said, we could conduct this without using football questions. On this, our liaison man Junior went to discuss. He returned. That idea was also scuttled. With that Ched and I trudged out of the hotel. Nobody had considered the emotional damage of rejection. I can’t believe that the legal aspect of conducting said interview was not checked before I left a warm cup of coffee to go cold at my apartment.  In my mind, it was the best interview I had ever prepared for and I’m sure it would have made Mr Scolari laugh and smile. As Oasis sang, “you’ve gotta roll with it…”

 

So, I went for sausage rolls. Quiche, sausages and cider with blackberries too. Alan’s World in Dongcheng was holding a third anniversary. Anniversaries of businesses in China seem most important. Food, cake and free cider was most welcome. I completed my article from the night before, on PTG’s dinner and dance, and relaxed. Eddy arrived and we nattered a little. I said I would bill HubHao for my abandoned cold coffee.

 

Anyway, this morning I have emailed Guǎngzhōu Héngdà Táobǎo/广州恒大淘宝 in the hope that they will grant an interview. As Sir Winston Churchill said, “Sometimes doing your best is not good enough. Sometimes you must do what is required.”
再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Time to chase the showers away

18^th September 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

I was just about to tell a teacher to close the door, however, she looked extremely displeased and angry. I held back. Maybe, next time! I’ve just been asked to go running with grades 7-9 in middle school. The full conversation went something like this:

“Hey John, do you want to join middle school for morning exercise?”

“Is it still hot outside?”

“Yes. Will you join us?”

“Will there be air-conditioning?”

“No. Will you join us?”

“How hot is it?”

“Around 30 degrees. Will you join us?”

“Is it very humid?”

“Yes. Will you join us?”

“Did you see how much I sweated last Wednesday?”

“Yes. Will you join us?”

“Will we stop for water in the 15 minutes of running?”

“No. Will you join us?”

“No, I played football last night and need to recover from that.”

“You will be okay. It will help you lose weight. Will you join us?”

“I feel too hot right now.”

“You can cool down afterwards. Will you join us?”

“I was going to have a meeting with Josie and Analisa.”

“That can wait. Will you join us?”

“I…” Just as I was about to dig up an excuse, in walks my hero, the principal and distracts the conversation. 194cm of me slides down my seat and hides away. I cannot have another class where I feel I am not just swimming in my sweaty clothes, but I am properly drowning and parched as a fish in the desert.

 

The above was written last Wednesday before lunchtime and the typical school early term photo shoot in intense inhumane 31°C heat with a higher humidity factor than the sea.  Last Tuesday, I played football.  I can safely say I was sore, the next day.  The 16km each way of cycling didn’t help things.  I also have invested in a brand spanking new Meizu m3 Note cocky [they ain’t just smart, are they] phone. Compared to my once suitably smart Meizu m1 cocky phone, it has a 6000 Series Aluminum alloy [hopefully bounce resistant].  The Meizu website marketing says “lighter and more elegant” as well as it will “feel incredible to the touch.”  It isn’t bad.  With the Helio P10 octa-core processor, it can do something and do it on the energy efficiency ratio quite well.  Whatever that means.  Now, I was sold on the 4100mAh battery.  Phones are seldom just over half of that capacity.  If it lasts the advertised two days, I will be happy.  It has an added security feature, the mTouch 2.1 fingerprint sensor.  Now, if only I can remember which digit I set it up on.  The 13 megapixel PDAF auto-focus, and the sharpness of my previous phone camera also sold it.  The 5.5-inch display is larger and more annoying.  Phones are starting to get bigger, again.  What really grinds my gears is the mixed use of imperial and metric measurements to sell a product.  C’mon, be consistent!  The shop keeper’s selling point was continually, “only 163g.”  Yes, because 18 stones of idiot can’t lift up 200g of phone!  See, mixed metric-imperialistic measurements are annoying.  The -10 to 40°C working environment temperature [-40 to 70°C non-working environment temperature] specs with a 95% relative humidity may get a testing.

 

Last week was the 15^th day of the 8^th lunar calendar month, there’s a mooncake recipe:

Blue Moon Mooncakes ingredients: 250g Icing Sugar; 125g Rice flour (fried); 50g Crisco; a few drops banana essence; 110g cool water (boiled); a few drops of blue colouring; 1kg Red bean paste or lotus paste; Salted egg yolk (optional)

Method: 1) Sift the rice flour and the icing sugar into a mixing bowl. Mix them well. 2) Mix the water, colouring and banana essence thoroughly. 3) Make a well in the centre of the flour. Pour in the liquid mixture and crisco. 4) Stir quickly with a wooden spoon. Keep the dough aside for 20 to 30 minutes. 5) Cut the dough into small round pieces. 6) Prepare the filling into small balls. 7) Put a portion of the filling into the centre of the dough and seal it up. 8) Roll it with some fried rice flour and place the dough into the mold, press it. 9) Let the dough out of the mold carefully. You have a mooncake.

祝你和你的家人中秋快乐Zhù nǐ hé nǐ de jiārén zhōngqiū kuàilè. Wish you and your family a happy Mid-Autumn Festival.

 

Last Thursday, I joined Eddy, Ruben and Alex with their family to make moon cakes and lanterns. This followed some very tough and deeply sad news. The day was not a good one and the two remaining holiday days were equally low. It started with the news that Tim from our football team, a local musician and generally all-round nice guy had passed away. Having lost one of my best friends Pete, in recent weeks, and with his funeral only being last Friday, my mind has been shrouded by pain and blueness. Emotionally I have been feeling void, on and off, more and more. Almost empty. Devoid of vim. Plagued by doubts and woe. Today, I don’t feel so bad. Captain Morgan got me through Friday evening, with Marcus and some other friends at Irene’s Bar. I needed to let go. How many tears can one set of eyes produce? Just because I am so tall, doesn’t mean a giant cannot feel. I feel. Often all to much. Hurt is hurt and it doesn’t go easily.

 

So, after the mid-autumn festival event, Eddy and I hooked up at Murray’s Bar in Dongcheng with most of our team. It seemed everyone wanted to be there, to share the grief and shock and be there for one another. To lose somebody so bubbly and spirited at our age is not right. People should die in their seventies or eighties – at least! Not the low end of the thirties. It hits home, how precious life is. How, every moment spent here, in this dimension, amongst these weaving religions and beliefs, that life is your own and you must live it how you seek fit. What waits beyond, is what you wish or believe in. Then, there is the question, an odd one, surreal in fact. Who will miss me when I am gone? What legacy, if any, would I leave? What undreamt dreams did I not delve into? Who do I need to say or do something for? Mostly selfish thoughts, but the mind does not stop, it wanders, it ploughs on, it searches for solace. It drifts in and out of darkness, caressing raw nerves, bringing to the fore both placid and potent worries. It strangles. It chokes. It makes you want to look to the sky and cry like the god Thor, commanding thunder until the Earth is ravaged by power. And then a gentle hand hits your shoulder, welcomes you home. Come back to life. Do you embrace the hand? You have no choice. You must honour the dead. You must bring light to the bleak hours of dreary night. Others need you. You need others.

 

And sadly, it has to be mentioned, but the tragic passing of Bahman Golbarnezhad in the Paralympics adds a cloud of upset to an otherwise splendid tournament. My condolences to his family and friends.

 

Meanwhile in Wukan, have a look at this news that was blocked in China. Still corruption related, have a gander at Harambe McHarambeface. And in tune with this article, I can safely say I have yet to see any live Paralympic coverage, sadly. Right, I am off to have a drink and get lucky. This week, involving today, is going to be a six-day school week. I am mostly tempted by the Guangzhou derby.  R&F play Evergrande in the Chinese F.A. Cup semi-final second leg. It could be a good game. Derby games this month seem to all be of entertainment value – the Manchester derby carried some bite for sure.

 

It hasn’t rained in days, yet I feel it is time to chase the showers away.

 

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

The first smile after loss

8^th October 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Last night, I struggled to sleep, the Blue Mountain Coffee from a local coffee shop (Tea Story) at lunchtime was far too potent. It was probably 4 o’clock in the morning when I rolled over and shut my eyes properly. Needless to say, I awoke startled and sleepy this morn. Not ideal. With some good green tea, grapefruit black tea and Chinese chestnuts (Zhōngguó bǎnlì 中国板栗) from a colleague, I am determined to end the day energised and awake. An early night is called for. And I suspect the lunchtime nap was needed.

 

Unlike last year (A brief word from the Department for Common Sense), I have been welcomed back to school with two morning classes following the seven days off. After this day, another six will follow. A 17 class week is now a 23 class week with the extra lessons of Wednesday making up today (on a Saturday) and Thursday tomorrow (on a Sunday). This does mean classes 506, 501, 504, 804 and 704 will be a class ahead for the foreseeable future but that isn’t all bad. If a class doesn’t work so well, I can tweak it or abandon the lesson plan altogether, without too much damage or loss. The added Grade 5 V.I.P. lesson does mean “A pirate went to sea” has changed to “a student went to school” as a song and will include more games or general creativity pushing. I want my students to be confident enough to try creating their own lyrics and actions. Creativity is innovation.

 

So, on the Friday morning, before school had a week long holiday, a door in my office had a broken lock, no one could get out of the door to the left. It is a fair walk using the right hand door. So the handyman arrived, via the opened door. He looks at the lock and handle on that door. I point and tell him to go to the other door, telling him “this is the one.” He looks at the door and says, “no, I was told this one.” He has opened, shut, locked and unlocked it a dozen times. Then, after ten minutes, he walked away. In the meanwhile, I couldn’t use the left door, and a half dozen teachers walked the long way around. The problem was resolved a full hour later, when the school’s handyman returned, didn’t look me in the eye once or in my direction. I think he had lost face. Personally, I would have laughed about it, no weakness in that, in my mind.

 

This last week, I’ve spent a few hours watching the highlights of the Rio 2016 Paralympics.  A record haul for Team G.B. and a tournament so well received by spectators, following a subdued opening ceremony with numbers that barely unfolded.  Kadeena Cox did great in cycling and athletics, and her medal was received with a beautiful life-affirming smile.  Dame Sarah Storey flew the flag of Manchester’s Velodrome in impeccable fashion. Athletes such as Morteza Mehrzad, Daniel Dias, the Canadian sprinter who wants to be a stand up comedian… so many great stories and athletes. The Channel 4 (U.K. television broadcaster) show, The Last Leg, is hearty, warm and full of life’s zest. Hosted by Aussie Adam Hills, flanked by Josh Widdicombe and Alex Brooker, it has assisted with a week of self-indulged rest and physiotherapy on my troubled groin strain. I started yoga last week. In some circles, my sexuality might be questioned. Not that I have answered it publicly. My business is my business. No, I need to prolong fitness until the day my nails still grow but my heart beats not.

 

During Grade 5’s VIP second to last class before the break, several girls and one boy walked away when I had my back to them. It took some time to get them back. The 21 students were divided into teams of 7. The first team shown their song, then the second but the third team ran away!!! When I asked saw them, I asked them back. They did not join in. I don’t know the girl’s name, she wears pink glasses, I think. She is proving most difficult to control. She is the Stripe to the many students who behave as Gizmo.  I printed 25 song sheets before class, and within minutes, before I had chance to explain what we were doing several students had ripped up the sheets of paper.

 

Three attempts were had at finding The Treehouse, in Batou village of Wanjiang. I walked past twice, lost. Third time lucky? The Friday evening before the holiday, I tried again. Oh yes! Behind the old wooden window frames and panel doors, surrounding a concrete tree dotted by real live plants, a stage area rose with a bar off to the immediate right. I met the owner, having bugged David for directions, and immediately relaxed with a wonderful BBQ buffet (around 150RMB) but well worth it for the salmon, steak, pork, sausages, proper mashed potato and gravy to die for. With live music and plenty to do here, or see, or relax, I really like Treehouse. I’ll be back to Batou. Now I know the way! It is by one of the small lakes, the one inland a bit and down many alleyways, or ginnels as we say in the North (England, not Game of Thrones), by a stoney car park. Top place. Top people. The added bonus of live music in Hip-Hop duo, The Mighty Orphans, helped. However, they were very much late and the local police policed and ceased the loud beats before the witching hour of midnight. They’d only been on thirty or so minutes. It was as bad as finding out that replacing the artificial colouring in blue M&Ms requires twice the amount of the current global supply available.

 

I had a lazy day or two in the last week. It was spent indulging in some movies. One movie that stood out, considering my initial apprehension about this love story, was Remember Me (IMDB contains spoilers!). Anything with stars of Twilight like Robert Pattinson, usually makes me steer well clear. A delightful story with an ending that makes you think far more than most movies. How did I miss that?! The second movie of the moment for me was A Hologram for The King starring the great Tom Hanks. A greta movie and a welcome distraction to our currently trumped up little world.

 

To quote the character Tyler in the movie Remember Me, “Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it’s very important that you do it because nobody else will.”

 

Oh, and I have been helping HubHao magazine to renovate their website. All dead links have been removed. New menus have been added and the general look has been tweaked to improve accessibility. There have been a few problems along the way but, we’re getting there. Wherever there is. Here’s my article page (56 pieces, plus other pieces affixed to other authors, whereby we have worked together on two parts – see the Case Against Flying in China), where I dropped the name John, in a more international feel.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

Author’s Posts

Arts Review – Stewart Kohinga & Bethany Peele

Restaurant Review – Lauren’s Pizza & Bakery

Pizza, that one sanctuary of cheese and delights some like to call heaven. Italy’s gift to the world has mutated into so many forms, some even believe it to be an…

Arts Review – Magic Island

Few things go better together than the summer and a music festival. Unfortunately, in our region, however, there are surprisingly few festivals. So when HubHao heard…

An Alternative Dragon Boat Race

During Dragon Boat Festival you can see races all around Dongguan, but none quite like the one that takes places in Qiaotou Village in Houjie. John Acton explored a…

Arts Review – The Big Band Theory

Better late than never is a phrase coined for such times. After three soothing sets by local starlet Angie, The Big Band Theory arrived at Murray’s Irish Bar, around…

On The Terraces Part I – Blue Dreams

There are those that like to watch football, there are fair weathered fans, there hardcore supporters, and then there is John Acton. There are few who have supported…

On The Terraces Part II – Red Screams

There are those that like to watch football, there are fair weathered fans, there hardcore supporters, and then there is John Acton. There are few who have supported…

Dongguan International Football League – Round 8

Every team has faced every other team at least once. Now, in the eighth week of the Dongguan International Football League the battles for titles and pride really came…

Dongguan International Football League – Round 5

With hot anticipation comes pressure.  With pressure, comes passion and the roar of raging pride in battle.  All three mouth-watering ties in round 5 of the Dongguan…

Arts Review – Mark Lotz And A Fula’s Call

After a long delay, the band, well, three quarters of the band, got under way.  They started in the smoky room with a sheepish apology.

Dongguan International Football League – Round 4

Hash Harriers – A drinking club with a running problem

The Dongguan Hash Harriers is the most fun sports group in Dongguan that you’ve probably not heard of. Mixing adventures in orienteering with beers with friends, the…

Shopper’s Guide to Shoe Market

Big Foot Strikes Again With size 50 foot, finding shoes has never been easy for John Acton. That was until he found the Kangmei Shoe City Mall in Houjie. In the…

Arts Review – Mr Walrus

In the latest Arts Review, John Acton went to the Brown Sugar Jar on Christmas Day to hear Mr. Walrus play a mix of Oasis and The Beatles. A medley of British rock…

Tips For The Classroom

In Tips For The Classroom Part 3, John Acton looks at education and teaching in China specifically. Five new teaching tips Often we can learn from trial and error,…

The Case For And Against Having An Ayi

To clean or not to clean? In the case for and against having an Ayi we look at cleaning your home in Dongguan and if having an Ayi is the right thing to do. The…

Badasses Of Chinese History – Yue Fei

Yue Fei – Utmost, Loyalty, Serve and Nation When talking about loyalty in Chinese history, Yue Fei’s name will surely come up. In the latest Badasses Of Chinese…

Shopper’s Guide To Bike Street

Find the bike for you in the old streets of Guancheng Our city is full of cyclists. Be they locals riding beaters trying to find a way to beat the rush hour jams to…

Restaurant Review – Revolving Restaurant

The best view in Dongguan The Houjie International Hotel is one of the most famous landmarks in Houjie. Whether you’re a guest of the hotel or a casual visitor, the…

Cycling From Chengdu To Moscow

One cyclist’s journey on the Silk Road Last summer, Alexis Pineau, a teacher based in Dongguan, went on an amazing journey. All by himself he cycled from Chengdu to…

 

Bar Review – 28 Over Par

Shoppers’ Guide To Wanjiang Sportswear Street

Customized team kits and bargain sportswear Back home, high street sports shops resemble fashion houses and fashion houses sometimes cross the great divide into sports….

Badasses Of Chinese History – Hua Mulan

The myth behind the Disney movie China has one of the longest and most interesting histories in the world. From rebels who thought they were Jesus to beauties that…

Winners Bar – Bar Review

A winning blend of English authenticity The doors were opened wide by two ladies dressed in what appeared to be outfits like those worn by the Royal Guards outside of…

Going For The Bullseye

The growing popularity of Darts in Dongguan Steel tip darts has always held a special place in many of the bars in Dongguan. The introduction of soft tip darts has seen…

How To Survive Going To A Cinema

The cinema is a place of magic, emotions and white-knuckle rollercoaster rides. Often many battles are on-screen and increasingly as East meets West clashes engulf the big screen movie theatres. Here…

Tips For The Classroom

Often we can learn from trial and error, observing others, or good old fashioned teaching. There’s no right way or wrong way, we all develop our own style to learn,…

Atlantic Attraction at Brown Sugar Jar – Arts Review

The atmospheric intro quickly faded into a homely vibrant song. The kind a popular TV show could easily mould into a soundtrack. Before long lead singer Kevin, complete…

Badasses of Chinese History: Zhuge Liang

China has one of the longest and most interesting histories in the world. From rebels who thought they were Jesus to beauties that would put Helen of Troy to shame. Each…

Restaurant Review – Munchalots

I love food. Food experts probably scrutinize food far too deeply. I personally pick satisfaction above all else. In an effort to show you my writing and taste has some…

 

Tips for the Classroom

Often we can learn from trial and error, observing others, or good old fashioned teaching. There’s no right way or wrong way, we all develop our own style to learn,…

Xiegang, Huangjiang, Fenggang, Chang’an, Machong, Shijie, Zhongtang, Gaobu, Qingxi, Hongmei

8^th October 2016

Xiegang Town 谢岗镇 Xiègǎng Zhèn Xiegang http://heredg.com/2014/04/town-guide-xiegang/   http://www.hubhao.com/silver-bottle-mountain-places-of-dongguan/	Huangjiang Town 黄江镇 Huángjiāng Zhèn Huangjiang
Chang’an Town 长安镇 Cháng’ān Zhèn Chang’an http://heredg.com/2014/11/changan/	Fenggang Town 凤岗镇 Fènggǎng Zhèn Fenggang
Machong Town 麻涌镇 Máchǒng Zhèn Machong http://heredg.com/2014/12/machong/	Shijie Town 石碣镇 Shíjié Zhèn Shijie
Gaobu Town 高埗镇 Gāobù Zhèn Gaobu	中堂镇 Zhōngtáng Zhèn
Qingxi Town 清溪镇 Qīngxī Zhèn Qingxi	Hongmei Town 洪梅镇
Qishi Town 企石镇 Qǐshí Zhèn Qishi http://heredg.com/2014/09/qishi/ L5B: Guangcheng Culture Square – Yuehui Park Main stops: Guangcheng Culture Square, Keyuan Garden, South China Mall, Dongguan Central Bus Station, Jichuan Middle School, Daojiao Gynasisum, Daojiao Middle School, Yuehui Garden

 

Devoid of common sense?

11^th October 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Severe Tropical Storm Aere (Julian), located South and East of Hong Kong, slowly moving North and East, is due to affect local weather, judging by the five day forecast of rain. This’ll break the monotony of an otherwise dry period of time since I returned to China in (very) late August. Compared to last year, the region has had far fewer storms and typhoons, so far this year. This isn’t a bad thing. This year the typhoons didn’t develop until after July 3^rd, a joint record since the western Pacific Ocean started naming typhoons (in 1944, when Task Force 38 bore the brunt of one such typhoon, Cobra).  Reading how the 中国气象局 (Zhōngguó Qìxiàng Jú) China Meteorological Administration (CMA), joined the World Meteorological Organization (WMO – 世界气象组织) is equally stormy in it’s history. On a disaster front two earthquakes have been logged in Guangdong’s area since records began. The first in 1918 and the second in 1969. I mention this because over the years I have noticed many Earthquake Shelters around the city, yet nobody has ever heard of such a thing afflicting the city. That said, there are many signs for Air Raid Shelters and warning systems. Last properly used in 1945, thankfully. Nobody likes disaster but at least it seems here, they are prepared for the unexpected.

 

On Saturday evening, I had a short ride on my bike. As I was cycling past the Houjie Cultural Park, I noticed many kites tangled on the neighbouring powerlines. The 110,000kV cables had at least 5 kites. I glanced to my right and spotted a dizen smaller kits drifting up and up. It dawned on me that with the wind blowing South East then most kites without the requisite height needed to pass the pylons were in striking distance. The park does not have one sign to warn of this danger. I’ve always wanted to fly a huge kite here, I will one day, but not on a park with exposed powerlines in close proximity. Some of these kites are so large they require a cable to launch them – and others have lights in the reel and cable that soars upwards for use at night. Coupled with so many glass coated razor sharp kite wires, I will stand clear of those ones! Kite flying (放风筝) is popular here. Let’s hope it doesn’t maim anyone like competitive kite-fighting events in India and Pakistan! 墨子Mòzǐ and 鲁班Lǔ Bān (the patron saint of Chinese builders and contractors) certainly created a legacy from the simplest construct using silk fabric (sail material); fine, high-tensile-strength silk (flying line); and resilient bamboo (a durable, lightweight framework). The dream of humans flying could have began here.

 

Following my observations of the kite craziness, last night I cycled to football training. The number of motorbikes riding towards me, against the flow of traffic, without lights and often with people riding them whilst talking on the phone didn’t just annoy me. I feltg my blood boil. In a particularly dark section of road, I was too distracted looking for potholes and almost ploughed into me head on. They had no helmet on too. Just like the dozen or so teachers who came to school by powerful and speedy e-Bikes. I hate e-Bikes, and having heard of a man who was castrated by an exploding lithium battery mounted under his bike seat, you’ll never get me on one. I’d tried them before that tale, and they do nothing for me. No heart, no power from your own engine. They are cold electronic machines.

 

Today, I am having a gander at the news, Trump and Clinton certainly seem to be enjoying their botter debates but most concerning for me is Russia’s stance on Syria. Deploying and spouting threats about using their nuclear arsenal is not good for the west, the east or the middle east. It is like in some schools, the teachers who wrap their metal rulers in plastic tape and padding to use it as punishment. Provactive and an act of threat, caused to create terror and fear. In reality, if they want to cause fear, theyshould just replicate China’s national trainline website in English. The delightfully obvious address of http://www.12306.cn/ cannot be explained by anyone. Nothing says train travel like 12306. Unexplainable. After clicking the website you’re greeted by an overwhelming array of clickable links. Illustrations can guide you, but simple is not present in any degree. Thankfully, WeChat portals like Guide in China have produced helpful tutorials. In my mind, you shouldn’t have to learn how to travel. It should be easier than opening a bottle of milk. A country needs its people to travel and commute to boost the economy, surely.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

P.S. I should have mentioned I asked superb DJ Aussie Ben to teach me how to play the drums. We’ve yet to work out a first session, because I am too busy.

#201: The 201st post

12^th October 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

201 funfact?  Year 201 (CCI) was a common year starting on Thursday (link will display the full calendar) of the Julian calendar. At the time, it was known as the Year of the Consulship of Fabianus and Arrius (or, less frequently, year 954 Ab urbe condita – from the founding of the City – Rome). The denomination 201 for this year has been used since the early medieval period, when the Anno Domini calendar era became the prevalent method in Europe for naming years.

 

Closer to adopted home, in the year 201, 曹操 (Cao Cao) defeated袁绍 (Yuán Shào) and we’re not talking football. Also, 谯周(Qiáo Zhōu) was born.

 

Last night I went to see the Blue Man Group, at Guangzhou’s Opera House. On the way back, I had a private driver. My driver gunned the accelator following a deafening bang. A lengthy articulated lorry swerved our way. The wheel trims casting huge bright sparks amongst the smoke and debris of a tyre no longer in existence. My driver did not glance left or right knowingly, he aimed the Chevrolet directly along the outside lane and squeezed beyond the cab of the truck as in crossed all three lanes. Inches of space at the final moment. The suction of air from the lorry seemingly pulling us over. I yelped, “Oh bugger.” A typical British response or a noise to hide the fact I was close to defecating in my trousers?

 

Today’s temperature is 24°C. Every teacher and student seem to have an extra layer of clothes on. Today’s high should be 25°C. Tomorrow’s forecast high is 29°C and by the weekend it is expected to be 32°C. Little Amy, a teacher in grade 5, has asked me to close the door, “It is so cold.”

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

The trials and tribulations of life: Justin Bieber

18^th October 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

It pains me, deep down. It slashes at every nerve. A dulling of the senses. There is wool over my eyes. I can no longer see clearly. A mist shrouds my presence, here on Earth. Or have I moved on? Do I no longer exist? Am I gripped by pain and suffering of an incomprehensible nature? I have commited a previously unfathomable and inconceivable act. Most perplexing in nature. What little astuteness and acumen I had, wiped away. Gone. My aptitude will fail every test going forward. Game over. I just completed a Microsoft Powerpoint 365 presentation. Other overhead projection display software formats are available. This suits my needs. On this particular recently completed presentation, my cleverness sank. Nullified. The presentation for Grade 5 is focused on the following keywords:

moose, Canada, grizzly bear, wolf, wolves, bears, skiing

In explaining where Canada is, I’ve opted for the maple leaf flag, Mounties, a word map highlighting said country, and sadly had to mention Justin Bieber and Celine Dion. Send me to outer space for my sins.

 

Space, the final frontier? Well, China launched some blokes up there. I hope they contribute to international knowledge of space travel. With their military might and scientific innovation, this recent launch of Shénzhōu 11 (神舟十一号; Shénzhōu means divine land) could be groundbreaking. In just 13 years, China has now sent 14 of its people into orbit [in just 6 missions] and inside only 17 years of space travel, the plan to open a space station full time. 181 satellites and the odd bit of space junk have also been sent up. As Chinese astronauts sit up there, I wonder, how will they eat noodles and rice at the beautifully named Tiāngōng èrhào (天宫二号; Heavenly Palace 2). And will they know about the elephant rescue in Yúnnán (云南)?

Closer to home, I enjoyed the Blue Man Group last week, as is evident on my arts review for HubHao.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?

20^th October 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

To paraphrase Bane in his battle against The Dark Knight, “Oh, you think rain is your ally. But you merely adopted the rain; I was born in it, moulded by it. I didn’t see the sun until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but BLINDING!” The squally weather hung over us like the looming shadows of the Catholic Church denying wrongdoings of a paedophilic nature. Whether lodged on a weather map, hiding transgressions behind vacant eyes or stinging heads through pelting rain, the weather yesterday and the day before was properly up to no good. Typhoon Sarika rained off football training on Tuesday and fitness training last night. It was epicly torrential.

 

The beauty of life continues, mostly indoors, sheltered, warm and dry. On Tuesday evening in Mandarin class we were supposed to learn the song Mòlìhuā (Jasmine Flower), however it was spent going over some basic revision. That said the phrase, “Let me think” was given to us, and I plan to use it: Ràng wǒ xiǎng xiǎng (让我想想).

hǎo yī duǒ mĕi lì de mò li huā (What a beautiful jasmine flower) 好一朵美丽的茉莉花
hǎo yī duǒ mĕi lì de mò li huā (What a beautiful jasmine flower) 好一朵美丽的茉莉花
fēn fāng měi lì mǎn zhī yā (Sweet-smelling, beautiful, stems full of buds) 芬芳美丽满枝桠
yòu xiāng yòu bái rén rén kuā (Fragrant and white, everyone praises) 又香又白人人夸
ràng wǒ lái jiāng nǐ zhāi xià (Let me pluck you down) 让我来将你摘下
sòng gěi bié rén jiā (Give to someone else) 送给别人家
mò li huā ya mò li huā (Jasmine flower, oh jasmine flower) 茉莉花呀茉莉花

 

What’s on TV tonight? Oh, politics and corruption, is it House of Cards? No, it is a documentary about China’s corruption crackdown. If British politics did such a show, it’d be called BBC News 24, and show at every available minute of the day. Still, it beats deadly clashes over taxation on caterpillars, or dating in Ikea after collecting your pension. I’ll be heading to Murray’s FC’s football training, weather permitting.

 

As squeakie bums and messages galore about Typhoon Haima (熱帶風暴海馬) flood my phone and the possibility of a day at school being cancelled tomorrow, there is a beautiful near clear sky outside. Calm. Windless. It is 29°C, not too humid and all seems well.
P.S. the title is taken from William Shakespeare’s MacBeth.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Peter Ridyard [2nd August 1983 – 13th August 2016]

16^th September 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

Good old Pete, good old wee man. A short arse, an annoyance as a kid alongside his clan of brothers. “Millions of Ridyards all ynder one roof…” I’d sing mocking the Toys ‘R’ Us theme tune. It was never aimed in bitterness. Not once. This was a sign of typical Mancunian knobhead-like affection towards our very own band of brothers, of sorts. We were close growing up and every after school evening involved avoiding homework or trying to break away from being grounded. Not just Pete, or Dan, but me too. We got in trouble often but we never aimed to hurt anyone. We never did. Well maybe the odd golf cart driver chasing us tha managed to crash into a tree. Hell, Pete took one in the back from a low-flying golf ball. That did teach us not to nip over a golfcourse on a short cut.

Pete leaves behind too many souls. He was a Dad, Partner and stepfather amongst his tribe of brothers and sisters. Being a popular uncle and brother-in-law was natural to him. He just knew how to be entertaining without trying so much. Every catch up with Pete, even as we both grew up and did adult things like move to another place, get real jobs and develop mature lifestyles, catching up was awesome. Every year we’d share stories like we were together yesterday. There’d be no hiding things or holding back. Between the best of friends everything was mentioned. The unwritten rule of spilling the beans or exposing raw emotions was a certainty. Pete was a fun guy, he could make an uneasy situation comfortable. It may have involved a fart joke or some social commentary about my height. Between me and Pete, we always had “Little and large” banter. Always. Again, it was never meant in hurt, just respect because for a small bugger, he knew how to have a big heart. Even after a few growing up fights between each other, we remained friends. Jumping and hopping along “the pipes” or “the monkey bridge”, bounding over “the brickie”, drill-marching at air cadets (“Form a squadron of three wanks.” I’ve never heard Pete laugh so much at James Cliff’s ill-advised instructions), wandering the streets of Reddish, Levenshulme, Burnage, the Heatons, Gorton, etc. Seemingly endless days.

Pete and Dan convinced me to start trick or treating. I wasn’t and still can’t confess to have ever enjoyed Halloween, however, when it comes to harmless fun [don’t knock a strangers house, was a lesson mum taught me early on], Dan and Pete managed to override my instinct a few times. I mean, what harm can trick or treating be as schools go back in the first week of September? Or taking a Guy Fawlke doll out mid-October? It tied in well with our carol singing commencing early November. As Pete said, it wasn’t begging, it was more something to do for entertainment. We were entertained and it kept us from playing knock a door run and other daring dares. I’m not sure how Robert Hanna was caught by a guy wearing only his underpants, in knock a door run… or how a scarecrow the size of a giant ended up sat on top of Kwik Save’s roof… but I am sure, sat star-gazing on Cringle Fields, one late night (after 9pm, back in the day), Pete and I chatted about the future. It remains the deepest conversation I had ever shared with him. He was an intelligent but often lazily placed character, who over the years, I noticed his maturity etching through and a toughness of character biting away his inner demons.

There are so many tales of our adventures, Dan, Pete and I walked back from Hough End (the other side of the world/far end of Manchester) via Heaton something or other, and I ended up falling down a manhole cover and breaking my leg. As I cried my eyes out, Pete laughed, “John was this tall, and now he ain’t tall.” He copied my disappearing action whilst Dan and I locked in on the laughter too. I genuinely forgot the pain. That night’s bath, I stretched my leg inwards and I felt the crack surge with venom. Mum took me to the hospital at Manchester M.R.I. where a fracture was spotted. Had Pete not got me laughing, we’d have wasted an ambulance journey and some tear-filled tissues, earlier that day.

One Christmas Day, I received a Falcon, silver, mountain bike, from mum. Dan had his new bike. Pete had his chicken chaser. On a ride down Lancashire Hill into the town centre of Stockport, it transpired that the bike was loosely assembled. I flew head over tit into the ground. Pete helped me up. We laughed. The next day we all cycled to Lyme Park and back. Not bad for kids under 15 with no sense of direction other than where we went stomping.

In summer 2011, Pete, Dan and I went camping near to Morecambe and Hess Bank. As no campfires were permitted on the camping grounds, we hiked up the coast, set a camp under a tree and gathered driftwood. Messers Jaeger and Beer joined us. So, did Brian the cow. Pete named the cow. A lesson in cow anatomy was followed by a surreal debate about cow gender equality. After our Blitzkrieg-style bonfire, we sleaked back to the campsite. Dan slept in his car. Pete farted him out of the tent. I struggled to use any air in the tent. The door was zipped wide open all night. Gnats versus Pete’s farts. Gnats was favoured. The next morning as we leisurely woke, a audden explosion from a nearby tent’s gas cooker rattled out. Pete ran to check the man as we all grabbed fire extinguishers. Thankfully nothing too serious. Fearless and caring, Pete checked, double checked and then we slipped away having done all that was possible, beyond the “Slow Children Crossing” sign that seemed so inappropriate, and made Pete laugh.  The following summer involved a wild camping trip with Adam, Steven, Peter, Dan and I. A spot of rafting, numerous campfires, tales over a shopping trolley full of drinks and nattering made for two very good nights indeed.

你是我最好的朋友之一。本周五，当你的身体安息时，我和你的家人都会与你的精神同在。我们一起长大，你，我和Dan。你们两个是亲兄弟，我不是。然后我们却像亲兄弟一样。我会永远怀念您我的朋友。

You were one of my best friends. This Friday, when your body is laid to rest, I am with your spirit and your family. We grew up together.  Me, you and Dan. You two were brothers. I was not. Yet we are brothers. I’ll miss you forever my friend.

给彼特，好好安息我的朋友.

To Peter, rest well my friend.

On Friday September 16th Peter will be received into Blackley Crematorium Centre Chapel for service and committal at 2.00pm. Family flowers only please, donations preferred to the Oliver Ridyard trust fund. All further enquiries and donations contact Michael Kennedy personally at Greater Manchester Funeral Service Moston on 0161 681 1864.

We owe it to those who we have lost, to share memories and carry their spirits on.  Onwards and upwards together.

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Bloggered off, blog on

19^th July 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Some time has been spent avoiding writing and generally procrastinating.  The blog’s break is over.  I land on the 30th of July (having departed by Etihad Airways on the 29^th from Hong Kong).  That day, I’m thinking Colwyn Bay FC v Manchester City FC All Stars MCFC, then on the 31st Manchester City Women are at home… Mum and the tribe are taking us off to sunny Llanddeusant, Ynys Mon (Angelsey) for a few days.  I’ll sort out trips to catch up with the tribe, Morecambe, Nat and her dogs (not including Stephen), Kate and Peter, the Lakes to see brother Daniel and his parish… so many people to see – and places to go before I fly on the penultimate day of August (30^th).

 

This week is fairly relaxed with some voluntary work, followed by a trip to Beijing at the weekend to watch the Manchester derby on Monday night, then back to Shenzhen for City v Borussia Dortmund – and then a quick run back, grab things and fly back to Europe… or the U.K… or whatever home is to be called going forward…

 

I was and am European. I was and am British. I was and will aways be Mancunian. I am human. In these days of uncertainty, wear a smile on your face and do what you can do best. Things are out of our control most of the time. Fight for your family and friends. Welcome all. Stick two fingers up at those who seek to profit at yoru loss.

 

What really annoys me, when I ask someone, why they voted out, which I respect their choice, their arguments are usually, “bloody foreigners take our jobs.”  ANd some of these people I knew from school are too busy dealing pot and crack or stealing their livings to actually work in jobs that keep the country moving.  Do they really thing the EU vote was all about shutting our borders?  Twonks.  Utter numpties.  Let them work out the future with respect to roaming charges for mobile phones, disease control, border control (how to tackle the fairly peaceful frontline of Europe located in Ireland), disembarkment of Scotland, Wales (£4bn since 2000 of EU finding) surely will depart, NI’s future, the NHS, Euro-tunnel, passport agreements, HK’s full handover, visa free travel to non-EU states for EU citizens, freedom of rights, conformity of electrical appliances, safety regulations, GM foods, etc

 

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Farewell to Our Pete

14^th August 2016

To the unfinished dens and dams, to the days spent wandering aimlessly, the chicken chaser bike rides, the two for one deals at the cinema, our special bonfires and many more wonderful memories and moments. I want to say thank you, properly thank you, from my heart. You were a little bastard at times but you were always there for me as a friend. Whereas geography and life has kept us apart, I’ve always felt strength knowing you and Dan were there for me as a friend. The best of friends, even in fights and stupidity. You stood by me and helped me in primary school, like no other. Little and large. A boy bigger than me in spirit and fearless throughout. Whilst I cry now, it is a selfish need to want to share banter with you and want to laugh, because you were always the funniest friend I had. Nobody wants to say goodbye, ever. Nobody should. We grew up, eh, lad? No more pipes to spring around on, and we’ll not camp no more in the wild. You were a little shit, and I am glad our paths collided, I’m glad we got into trouble and I’m glad we learnt along the way. I’ll miss you, and I’ll try to do something in your memory with your family and friends. Thanks Pete! We’ll make dens again one day, I promise you that!

 

I’ll be a man in the shadows

13^th September 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

The sirens are screaming, and the fires are howling, way down in the valley tonight… well not quite that. However, somebody has left both doors open in my office. I’ll be a man in the shadows with a gun in his eye, and a blade shining oh so bright. There’s a bloody sign on the door in big Chinese characters and smaller English letters, saying “Please keep the door closed at all times.” I have relocated from Grade 9’s top floor office (5^th floor in Chinese terms; 4^th floor in English terms; the ground floor is the first floor here) to the second floor (locally). This benefits my ankles and knees greatly, especially on a day after playing football. The teachers in my new office went out of their way to write the blooming sign. My new office is located between Grade 7’s class one and Grade 7’s class 2. The students and teachers often use this second floor passageway office between classes. It can resemble an episode of Scooby Doo where the crimefighters are chasing a disguised criminal. Okay, so why am I so bloody hot [and I don’t mean gorgeous]? Well, the doors (plural) are left open again. The teachers in my office are the worst offenders. The students close the door everytime! The teachers here are so lazy to close doors.

 

So, I landed on the 31^st of August, beginning school the following day. I did not have classes on the 1^st of 2^nd of September as they had yet to finalise the school timetable. When the finally finalised the school timetable, there were numerous clashes of classes between my primary school and middle school timetables. So, I fixed them. On the first Sunday back, I trained with Murray’s F.C. and haven’t been seen since. I thought I did well, considering the summer break but haven’t had time to hook up since. The first week involved seven grade five classes (I’ve been relegated down a grade as grade 6 no longer have a foreign teacher), four grade seven classes (half of the number of classes as per previous semesters) and four grade eight classes. V.I.P. classes (two of them) will begin this week (the second week).

 

There are just three foreign teachers including myself now. Analisa joins from the next door kindergarten and is joined by new intern Josie (from Stockton-on-Tees). The pair split grades 1-4 classes and the corresponding V.I.P. classes between them. We are joined by Jack Armstrong, once of Oxford Kingdom International School, as our foreign teacher team leader. My 17 classes a week with limited responsibility is odd but it allows me more preparation time. Mustn’t grumble. Especially seeing as some classes have gone from 34 to 55 students and most now top out at 45 students! The school is the same size, yet student numbers are far higher!

 

Mid-Autumn Festival is this week. A short break from Thursday until Saturday is on the cards, meaning a six day working week from Sunday.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Under their noses a Womble may be.

1^st June 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

After today, just 16 working days remain at Dao Ming Foreign Language School.  As June becomes July, I don’t know what the next step is.  Should I stay or should I go?  If I go there may be trouble, if I stay there will be double.  On Monday, I had my 1291^st and 1292^nd classes here.  Class 801 and 803 get this joy.  I was tempted to set off a party popper and inflate one balloon to mark the occasion.  At this juncture, my head is an enigma wrapped in a mystery shrouded by a cloud of doubt and uncertainty.  I’m not remotely worried anymore.  I’ve resigned my mind to the future all being a big pile of steaming shit, stacked so high that I no longer worry about disappointment.  Actually, I have a regret in life.  Going to university.  I wish I had never gone so soon.  The student loan debt sits above me.  Being away from the U.K. has caused a rise in the figure I owe.  I will and have paid for it in two and half years, without actually paying anything off.  I wish I had worked after college and found a more financially viable way to pay for my education.  In some ways I am proud to have studied – and in other ways I feel bitter as hell.  Actually, my degree was too low a result to gain a job teaching English in Japan and South Korea.  So, I have a non-universal university degree of varying degrees of value.  At least my credit score won’t be affected if I don’t look after my parents when they grown old…

 

With respect to the M.C.F.C. seasoncard, I am going to cancel it.  I cannot find anyone to look after it and I fear if I return to the U.K., I won’t be able to afford £600 for a season (plus all that goes with it).  Premier League and even Football League football, a working class game, is pricing out fans left, right and centre with its hyperinflated prices.  Also, no one can reastically look after it.  Sad days, it will be impossible to get a seasoncard in the future.  I had tried to relocate to the £300 seating areas but 7 hours of failed Skype calls and hold music let me down.  I never even had a response from City’s customer services.  A two-day relocation window, whilst I am located in China – and no one was free to call in person…. ah well, all the joy of going to the football is over.

 

Last week, I fell out of love with football again.  After recording Murray’s F.C. Maine Road’s first win of the Dongguan International Football League campaign (a 4-1 win over Winner’s F.C.) and a win against Poka’s Brazil F.C., I played a game too many on Saturday.  Our depleted team had a hammering.  The kind where everything went wrong.  Two of their goals deflected off me.  We conceded a dubious penalty and we had a player sent off midway through the first half.  At 2-0 down with only ten men, we went in at the break three goals against us.  After this break, we used our only two subs.  The opposition team used 7 subs in the second half.  Within five minutes of the restart my right leg and hamstring tightened to near immobility and our keeper made some terrible errors of judgment.  We lost 10-0 to Guangdong Football Academy and deservedly so.  The Guangdong stage of a national tournament to elect a third flight of football in China may not feature Murray’s F.C.  With one team already on 6 points and just three more games to go for them, we are facing an uphill battle.  Each province has this competition and the top teams will all form a national league.  We cannot field more than 7 international (foreign) players.  We managed 6 on Saturday.  Miguel [Spain], Ruben [Spain], Alex [Spain], Yura [Ukraine (red carded)], Barry [Nigeria], Juan [Colombia] and I [U.K.] joined 6 Chinese players (Dean and Buffon I knew of before) and we did not gel.  The heavy second half rain made play sluggish but we were poorly organised and with one player less, dragged left, right and centre.  It was a teasing game by a team of 16 to 19-year old boys far fitter and sharper.  Hats off to them, they earned their comprehensive win.  The age difference did not balance out against our collective game experience.  步步高昇 (bù bù gāoshēng): Onwards and upwards…

To be continued…

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

We womble by night and we womble by day.

1^st June 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

“And the seas boiled and the skies fell.”

 

Ghostbusters.  “We got one.”  The original movie was brilliant.  Ghostbusters II was a natural flowing continuation of it’s most innovative predecessor.  And then nothing, for 27 years.  Three of the four previous Ghostbusters cameo, alongside Annie Potts (Janine) and Sigourney Weaver (Dana Barrett), with Ivan Reitman and Dan Aykroyd as producer / production executive and executive producer respectively.  There has to be a touch of the old ghost in there.  With the 1970s Columbia Pictures logo and the the film’s first trailer became one of the most “disliked videos in YouTube history” this is a clash of nostalgia and reboots of biblical proportions.  Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!  I can’t imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light, but it could be totally a flop of a movie, or it could be amazing.

 

“Concentrate… I want you to tell me what you think it is.”

 

Yesterday, during school, we held Children’s Day activities with a top ten talent contest for singers from primary and middle school.  Following that we converted Dao Ming Foreign Language School into a bazaar – a flea market/car boot sale.  My Dad would have loved it here.  The students had their own stalls whilst us foreign teachers ran a kind of sweet shuop/tuck shop.  I spent 678RMB on sweets, chocolates and biscuits and we sold 670RMBs worth of goods.  That said, I did clear out a box of biscuits (hobnobs and Moomin crackers) for 10RMB just to end it quickly.  I could have charged the extra 8RMB.  Jack sold some basketball goods, Arvid sold some Swedish materials whilst Beth and Tess just helped.  I think asking foreign teachers to sell “international items, things we can’t get here in China” is pretty difficult.  Imported goods carry high prices and are selectively available.  A combination of French, German and English sweets made for a great sweet mix-up, like the old 10p mix-ups I used to have as a kid, except in a plastic cup and not a paper bag (the 32°C would cause the sweets to melt to the bags).

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

Making good use of the things that we find.

12 seconds ago

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Yesterday. was full of the joys of the message in Happy Children’s Day (儿童节快乐ér tóng jié kuài lè).  Grades 7-9 had classes whilst the children of the school from grades 1-6 had a day off.  As such, so did those teachers.  My grade 7 classes remained.  Was I envious?  Not really.  I enjoy teaching and I enjoy being in the team environment of my close-knit grade 9 office.  The grade 7 classes were good fun, with class 702 high-spirited and eager as ever.  They really are the exception in the school, they have a class full of bright sparks with few kids unwilling to try hard.  Hands are always up.  Screams and shouts are always there, “pick me,”  “her!”, “him!”, and so on…

 

On the way to school, sveral grade 6 students stopped me to ask them to join their trip to the cinema.  I declined with thanks, and explained that I must have classes.  They said I work too hard.  I replied, I don’t work nearly as hard as their native teachers.  I could have rattled on that I don’t start at 09:30hrs and depart as late as 21:30hrs some days; I don’t have 90 students’ comprehension, grammar or textbook homework to mark [there are actually two textbooks now]; I don’t have tutor group worries comparative to being a carer, parent and rock to rely on; I don’t have to attend grade, school and training meetings; I don’t have to do many things, but I do have to do other things, inspire, and innovate.  On the last day of May, we held a flea market, I created ten pence mix-ups (sold for 3-5RMB) from sweets purchased at Corners Deli in Nancheng, chocolates and biscuits from Dongcheng’s Walmart, and other smaller imported treats and titbits grabbed here there and everywhere.  Ultimately it cost 1200RMB for everything and it all sold, returning the same amount of money, well kind of… 8RMB shy of breaking even.  Because of the heat ten pence mix ups came in small recyclable plastic cups, as did the chocoloate combinations (After Eights, Dairy Milk, Twix and chocolate raisins) and the biscuit bunch (Hobnobs, Moomin crackers from Japan and some cereal bites).

 

On the following day (yesterday), the remaining sweets (three pouches from Turkey) became a good prize for my four classes.   That, and I shared some with the teachers of middle school.  As a teacher you muts make use of limited resources.  In grade 6, the resources must stretch over 8 classes.  In grades 7 and 8, they have to span 4 classes each.  Some things take a bashing.  Others stand firm.  Buying props or games does not mean they’ll stand the test.  Making things from shoe boxes (Houjie is famous for shoe production) or using old bottles etc, making giant weather maps, these are things that go down well.  Bright, colourful, interactive – and coupled with the wow factor of Powerpoint presentations featuring interesting imagery (moving GIFs help somewhat) create depth.  Forty minutes well divided (by lesson plans) into previous class review, current class warm-up, introduction of new materials, a midway review, a second introduction and then a finale review.  All this builds up over a semester landing my classes where they are now:  exam time.

 

The oral English exam is one double-sided sheet of A4 paper.  Here it is…

Grade 6 Oral Lesson Test

六年级外教教学内容测试

1a) Listen.  Circle the words that you hear. [10 points]

1b) Give a sentence for the two words I have marked with an X. [10 points]

robot	goalkeeper	longest	cavemen	heavy
tallest	sorry	shorter	kilograms	humans
taller	centimetres	angry	dream	change
earth	stopped	windy	spaceship	healthy
visited	cleaned	already	planned	studied
promise	fantastic	excellent	teamwork	happening

 

2) Which question(s) did you hear? 

Please answer the question(s). [40 points]

How tall are you? Did you go to the movies last night? How old are you? How heavy are you? What size are your shoes?

Who is the tallest student in this class? What’s happening over there? How was your weekend? What did you do at the weekend?

 

3)  Use two sentences to talk about the chosen two pictures. [40 points]          

Picture one HOBBIES	Picture two GIFTS
Picture three JOE HART GOALKEEPER	Picture four ROBOTS / EARTH / CAVEMEN

 

 

 

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

 

 

Is life a never ending exam?

9^th July 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Last Thursday night, I went to see a band (with Ben, a local musician and English teacher from Reading), Searching for Something, from Sweden at Brown Sugar Jar in Nancheng.  They weren’t bad, but not one to shout about.

 

Last week marked the start of the grade 6 oral English exams.  Classes 601-604 had the honours of the first round of exams.  Tom, 1.37m tall, from class 602 has always been a giddy and happy but shy student.  His spoken English level surprised me and he certainly deserved 100%.  Rex, from the same class, came into the teacher’s office shortly after lunchtime.  Several teachers were still napping, “This is the teacher’s office, we should be quiet.”  Here after we whispered the spoken exam.  Again, 100% was scored.  From the 72 exams, they ranged from 80-100%.  A good day.

 

A bad day.  Saturday’s game, in Tangxia, against Matteus’s team (he is a local football coach of Brazilian origin) and his Martins Brazilian Football Academy was never going to be easy AND against the elements.  It was too hot for an afternoon kick off – and will remain so until September.  They had to win it to clinch the title and a substantial 10,000RMB prize.  We had to make up for the previous weekend’s 10-0 defeat.  By Friday evening, of the 23 available players, we had 13 available.  In the afternoon as we departed, we had just 11 players.  A huge storm arrived, almost blowing the game away and washing us away.  We were saturated, deflacted and tired losing 7-0 at half time.  With four players, I had never met before, a goalkeeper standing less than 1.5 metres tall, we needed a miracle.  It never came.  We lost 11-2.  A windswept journey back, a bite to eat (fish and chips) at Murray’s Irish Bar in Dongcheng, a swift passage along the subway to Liaoxia and I wrapped myself up and watched The Brothers Grimsby.

 

An ugly day.  Sunday, was supposed to be spent watching the Wanjiang dragon boat races but with torrential rain and fierce winds, I favoured a morning of reading books.  In the afternoon, I joined Murray’s F.C.’s Sunday league team just as cover but did not play.  Thankfully, everyone turned up!  Afterwards, I had food again at Murray’s Irish Bar, opting for an all day breakfast burrito and wedges.

 

Monday’s classes in grade 8 were halved to just two classes.  The teacher of classes 804 and 802 has taken almost half of my classes this semester.  Tuesday marked a return to the oral English exams in grade six.  A one to one exam for the best part of 350 students certainly takes time.  I’m just touching the half-way point… with some students, it can be funny and most are very clued up.  Some, like Susan, in class 607 are witty and wise.  Having spent the whole semester, greeting me with, “May I have candy?” the exam was little different, “Can you give me 100 points and candy?”  I told her the different name we call sweet tasting sugary confectionary.  She now knows the words sweets and confectionary.  She asks for all three often and upon completing the exam, this was no exception.  Many more exams will follow for all, at every level of school.

 

I’ve always admired how hard Chinese students work.  From kindergarten through to middle school or high school, senior high school and beyond.  The gāokǎo (高考/higher education exam) is held annually.  It determines your fate.  As a prerequisite for entrance into most higher education institutions at the undergraduate level.  Two days of exams spread over 9 hours.  Your fate.  Your biros, your pencils, your mind.  Subjects usually include Chinese literature, Mathematics, and English language – plus one of either Humanities (文綜）or Natural Sciences (理綜).  The winners of exams, as they should be called after battling these monsters, get the Chinese equivalent of UCAS points.  Since 1952, these exams have hung over every student’s life and developed a way to map and pathway students to their futures, good or bad.  Their 4-6 choices of university or college hang in the balance (chosen before or after the exam – and in some cases after the results, depending on the province).  The BBC article here gives a good account.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

The writings on the wall

10^th June 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Someone asked me yesterday, “Why do you only ever write about football in HubHao?”  To which I felt a little bemused.  I responded that I prefer to write about cultural clashes and historical pieces.  I had a look this morning, I’ve only written three football reports and two articles about Guangzhou football.  In fact, breaking down the range of articles covered, I am disappointed to this close-minded view.

 

Two weeks ago, I reviewed an amazing band called The Big Band Theory from the Phillapines.  That article will be published soon.  Tonight, I will go to Qiáotóu (the village in Houjie and not the district in north-eastern Dongguan) to watch the dry dragon boat race/competition.  Then, tomorrow I am going to JiuZhou island (九洲岛) by Zhūhǎi (珠海) to a one day/one night music festival.  I don’t know what to expect, but it sounds most interesting.

Sports related articles (6):	On The Terraces Part I – Blue Dreams Cycling From Chengdu To Moscow On The Terraces Part II – Red Screams Dongguan International Football League – Round 8 Dongguan International Football League – Round 5 Dongguan International Football League – Round 4
The arts (5):	Arts Review – Mark Lotz And A Fula’s Call Arts Review – Mr Walrus Atlantic Attraction at Brown Sugar Jar – Arts Review The Big Band Theory – yet to be published. Magic Island music festival – yet to be published.
Social culture (2):	Hash Harriers – A drinking club with a running problem Going For The Bullseye
Shopping (3):	Shopper’s Guide to Shoe Market Shopper’s Guide To Bike Street Shoppers’ Guide To Wanjiang Sportswear Street
Teaching (3):	Tips For The Classroom Tips for the Classroom Tips For The Classroom
Bars and restaurants (6):	Restaurant Review – Revolving Restaurant Bar Review – 28 Over Par Winners Bar – Bar Review Restaurant Review – Munchalots Gigg Club (Houjie) – unpublished. Pioneer chateaux alliance – yet to be published.
Chinese and  Western culture (8):	The Case For And Against Having An Ayi The Case For And Against Learning Chinese Badasses Of Chinese History – Yue Fei The Case For And Against Driving In China Badasses Of Chinese History – Hua Mulan How To Survive Going To A Cinema Badasses of Chinese History: Zhuge Liang Dragon boat festival – yet to be published.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

 

[These words are in brackets]

14^th June 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

As the penultimate week whistles by at an alarming pace, I sit here looking at an ever-reducing pile of oral English exam papers.  Classes 601-604 (less 8 students, no present on Sunday) are complete.  Following last week’s Dragon Boat Festival holiday, school resumed on a Sunday.   The Thursday timetable was applied accordingly.  With it classes 601 to 604 had their oral English exams in the grade 5/6 teachers’ office.  The fourth floor location offered respite from the harshly humid heat of the outside and the noisy classrooms that stretch out along the concrete with tacky tiled corridor-balconies of primary school.

 

In class 602, an unhappy and sleepy looking Alice (by far the most advanced student in the school for her degree of spoken English) told me, “yesterday was my birthday.  I spent the day travelling back to school.  Her classroom mate, Young, a stuttering boy with some behavioural traits that can please and scare in equal measure came in next.  He has always been very vocal, uncontrollably so.  He tries hard but is easily fed misinformation by his peers.  His usually reasonably choir boy-like voice, was squeaky and deep in patches, like a rollercoaster screeching around a bend before thumping heavily along a straight track.  I think his voice is breaking.  Soon after, Willson and Bobby, both very unaccented, confident and capable students.  Both scored perfection.  Both, alongside Alice should advance far swifter.  Class 601’s “Little Einstein” Bobby, who loves maths and physics, entered the fray next.  He told me how much he, “hates English classes and P.E.  They stop me from learning science and maths.”  What I am particularly proud of is the fact that Bobby recognises the differences between English (Traditional/U.K.) and English (Simplified/U.S.A.).  He always tries to note the spoken and written differences by either writing with U.K. and U.S.A. in parentheses or brackets.  He once told me, “in Science you must know the difference, it is important.”  I didn’t have the heart to tell him most people don’t know what brackets look like [these words are in brackets].

 

The afternoon’s exams whistled by like the Orient Express fast-tracked by a pushed French TGV train.  Oscar in class 603 said he was happy, I asked why, “I am happy because I have a new pencil case.”  It’d be a far better world if more kids took joy from something so simple.  I remember being his age and all my classmates wanted the latest Sega Megadrive or Gameboy, Nike Air Max, and all that jazz.  From class 604, Camble (who dropped his Samsung tablet smashing the screen, on the last school trip) exhibited the usual cheerful smile and said politely, “I only want 100 points if I am very good.”  From the same class Anna, a usually quiet student in class, with her small birthmark on her nose, came in with a smile and would not shut up.  The three-minute exam lasted six minutes.  I was amazed at how much she talked.  James, our very own class guitar hero, who can sing many Bon Jovi numbers came in and we skipped the usual exam format in favour of discussing music and who his heroes are.  In fact, members of “John’s team” (that’s what they called us on the recent school trip), Mike, Lucas and Jimmy all answered clearly and we opted to discuss other matters, such as what movie is best at the cinema, where to travel in the world and so on.  Lucas and Jimmy are a pair.  They are inseperable.  I hope they go to middle school together.  Neither knows which school their parents have selected.

 

The ever clever Mary, who said she travelled 26-hours to Sichuan after school last Wednesday evening and returned to school on Sunday morning, following another 26-hour journey looked cream-crackered, properly knackered.  She wants to return to Dao Ming but feels, “my parents will take her to a more advanced school.”  Smart kid.  Another smart kid, named Alice, when asked, “Why are you happy?” replied with, “I am happy because maths is very interesting.” Maths!  Not math!  Also, how many kids truly like maths?  I used to until year 9 of secondary school at Reddish Vale High School.  Around then, sets happened and the class pace slowed down for too many assessments.  Comparable to China, we were barely tested back then, and rarely had homework…

 

 

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

Dreams are there to be earned.

21^st June 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Last week, marked the end of the oral English exams in grade 6.  Two students did not complete their exams as they had left school for the remainder of the semester.  In class 608, Peter, 1.71m tall, and easily the tallest male student in his grade, couldn’t answer a question about which student was the tallest in his class.  In the same class, after three attempts, Tody, clammed up, spokne not once, and scored a feable 25%.  His teacher said he never ever tries.  Shame, because, I managed to start to get him trying until she walked in and hovered over him, putting him down with words like, “you never talk English.  You must.  You are so bad.”  I felt so angry at her for that.  Later, I tried again.  No joy.  With less pressure, I’m sure he will try one day.  He has talked a little to me in class.  Class 607’s Peter reminds me of my friend, Peter.  This Peter is 1.4m tall and cheeky.  So, is my friend Peter.  Well maybe 1.42m tall.  I asked a student who is seriously overwight, how heavy he is, he is 1.7m tall and 100kg.  I am 1.94m tall and 110kg.  His response was, “I am fat. Yay.”  I hope this not so poor kid, thinks it is not a good thing!  He needs a salad or two, every day otherwise his health is at major risk.

 

On of the questions is simpy, “What did you do last weekend?”  Sometimes, the responses are so plain and it requires some digging.  For example, in class 607, Joanna, “I washed my clothes and did my homework.”  To which, I delved further, “What else did you do?”  The meat on the bones reply followed, “We went to the beach and played games in the sea.”  The interesting material is saved for last!  This seemed to be the case throughout the exams.  I had to push and push for something that detracted from the inside-the-box textbook response.  Also, by affirming that the answers were far better this way, it builds a student’s confidence by direct feedback.  From the same class, Bobby, 1.45m tall, small, very smiley, always bright and inquisitive had to be told to stop.  His conversation for the final task was wonderful.  From 606, Emily, in her square nerdy-looking glasses told me how she, “loves fishing with her father.”  A theme throughout the exams.  Even when walking about fishing, the passion is clear, that this is a big thing here, and fishing with fathers around Father’s Day, sounds most pleasant.  Personally, fishing sounds dull.  But good company and a natter with your Dad isn’t a bad thing in any sense. 

 

The final class over the finishing line, was class 605.  Beadlets of sweat on the students’ noses seemed to occur all the time.  In this class, May, from the province of Henan, personified this extra nose sweat.  She shown no other signs of sweat.  Her awkwardness, 1.76m tall, seemed to be from standing head and shoulders above the rest.  We compared notes on being tall.  It seemed to be a gaucheness, I could relate to.  With blinged pens, working hard throughout all of the exams, students like Harry Potter-glasses wearing Honey, who I taught last year in Grade 5’s VIP classes all scored well.  Her pen had an Eiffel Tower hanging from it.  I do so hope these students get the chance to learn well and travel the world.  Dreams are there to be earned [earnt is acceptable but highly ucommon].

 

Travelling from Houjie to Xiàmén (厦门), around 620km away, took around 5 hours.  The 15-minute bullet train between Humen Railway Station to Shenzhen North, for the connection of the long distance train (Shenxia Highspeed Rail), was swift.  It hit over 300km/h.  The latter train was less swift but not exactly slow.  On the bullet train, I went faster than any other boy has ever gone.  And my skin was raw, but my soul was ripe.  An amazing piece of engineering.  That was my Friday evening.  Followed by a collection at Xiamen North Railway Station, where we met a man with a sign saying Gulangyu Cup 2016 (by sign it was an A4 piece of paper with barely readable words), and a drop off at the Tangdair Hotel around midnight (睿弘唐代尔酒店（厦门新轮渡码头店）厦门 湖里区 东渡路85号 ，厦鼓轮渡码头旁。).  Santi and Juan went clubbing.  Ideal pre-tournament ideas.  I bunked with Lucho in a twin bed hotel room.

 

We awoke for breakfast at 6.30am, gathered at the poor breakfast buffet restaurant.  After being handed a boiled egg on entry, we took a look, noticed the lack of carbohydrates then scattered to the coach, hungry.  With a still drunk Santi, and a not so happy looking Juan we set off.  Even before kicking a ball the format of the 2016 GuLangYu Cup stunk of class.  A team photo and blurb appeared online of Murray’s F.C.  The forms of registration and processes were simple and clear.  Assistance was thrown at us in the shape of discount on the train travel.  The total cost was 3800RMB (we paid 1000RMB deposit; and 900RMB on the day).  1900RMB was not charged to us, as we’d paid that to the trainfares.  Effectively it wasn’t a bad weekend on the wallet, because trainfares cost around 384RMB for a return journey.  The hotel costs 200RMB for 2 nights each.  Food and drink on top was met by your own wallet.  That said, on the day of the tournament, things were included.  At the tournament in included a ferry return journey voucher, a voucher for a juice, one for a hamburger, two beers, a Dutch waffle, an ice cream, and a sports massage.   After the game a free beer was available too.

 

On departure by ferry, the view was magnificent.  The gentle morning sun caressed the prominent Gulangyu (鼓浪屿) and the bold granite Statue of Koxinga (國姓爺; Guóxìngyé).  Often known as “The Island of Music” (音樂之島), Gulangyu attracts serious numbers of tourists annually.  On stopping at a hole in the wall breakfast place, I had a quick chūnjuǎn (春卷; Xiamen Spring Roll) and hǎilì jiān (海蛎煎; an oyster omelet) for breakfast on the island.  Neither filled the hole.  On debarking, we walked from the small port, up the narrow, under renovation streets, passing a few western style eyesores (that golden M) and then seeing a few closed shops (it was too early to trade) before reaching the Gulangyu People’s Stadium.  A sense of peace could have been noted, but for pneumatic drills and construction sounds.  Here, only electric government service vehicles are permitted – these are small and barely evident.

 

The stadium, set underneath an exquisite looking mansion, and with the backdrop of Mount Lit-kong-giam (日光岩 Sunlight Rock – the highest place on Gulangyu).  After the prompt official opening ceremony, our game was first up.  MFC v Beijing Barbarians.  We lost 2-0.  The first goal was my fault, I was caught between two players, the ball to my left and allowed a man to drift central for a simple goal.  The second was a direct shot which I should have got behind.  I needed a better breakfast.  Next up, last year’s runners up, Xiamen BOBO FC fielded a team against us.  We were the better side, but you could see a team used to cramped fields (the fields were sub-7-a-side conditions) and without offside the found space, twice.  Our final group game was a Guangdong derby, facing off against The Lions FC from Shenzhen.  We romped to a 2-0 victory.

 

A break in the schedule allowed us to enjoy Shanghai Mint Girls FC face off against the newly formed Xiamen International Women’s FC.  It was a totally once sided affair, leaving me time to read the programme notes.  “We bear our football dreams in mind and ready to carry it from the metropolitan city of Shanghai to that of the GuLangYu, Xiamen City.  You can see the Mint Girls playing football happily everywhere, either on the dusty fields or the wild green sports pitches. Mint Girls.  Go, go, go!”  Yes, that had clearly been translated.  Actually, the standard of their team was ultra-professional.  Their neon green with highlighted sponsors, less so.  Even their crest is vile.

 

Eliminated from the Gulangyu Cup competition, we entered the Gulangyu Plate competition.  We started with a bang.  Well, Doug did.  A 5-0 hammering of Hong Kong Krauts FC, in a blood and guts game saw the injury list rack up.  I had my foot stamped on, and well Doug, he had a faceful of something.  His nose broke and away he whizzed in an ambulance.  He later had it straightened up in hospital.  Next up, Suzhou Arabian Knights F.C., in the semi-finals.  On their debut season in the highly competitive Suzhou Football League they immediately became champions.  Murray’s FC had a testing game and proved victors.  1-0.  The final proved to be one game too many.  It was always going to be a single goal affair.  A cruel goal in off the woodwork saw Murray’s F.C. come runners-up.  Following the conclusion of proceedings, we departed the GuLangYu People’s Stadium alongside Hong Kong Krauts FC.  The battle remained on the field, but off it, we were all friendly.

 

After Lucy, our Japanese assistant helped us on the coach get to Rasa Sayang Restaurant.  The journey was 40 minutes long, and seemed to pass entirely through tunnels and bridges.  On arrival a few problems with wristbands (Juan had forgotten his), Doug too (but he had the excuse of several hours in hospital with a busted nose) and the lack of live football (Belgium were playing Ireland on the TV) caused half our group to flee.  The other hand waited, very patiently, for food.  It was good.  Armed with a few free beers we legged it back for the town.  We met the others by a bar watching the football.  Here on Revolution bar in Xiamen and a couple of bars nearby carried me through to 2am.  Then I went to rest.  Sunburnt and sleepy.  The following late morning-early afternoon under the tiny shadow of the Hulishan Fortress (湖里的堡垒), we joined Beijing Barbarians for a spot of football tennis.  I sat in the shade for the most reading about the local area.  For the future, I want to visit Kinmen (金門).  A ferry can be taken from Xiamen.  The return journey was uneventful (aside from almost going to the wrong return railways station), sleepy and a little smelly.

 

On Monday, I tried luóhàn guǒ (Monk fruit/罗汉果/ 羅漢果) in my tea, at school.  Beyond that, all classes were cancelled.  Today, Tuesday, all classes are cancelled…

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

I have had enough.

22^nd June 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

So, yesterday, contract negotiations, with the company I work for, hit a brick wall.  Splatt.  I’ve had a loose opportunity from GMA primary school (a partnership school to Eton House), a few schools in Guangzhou, an offer of 21,000AED (around £4000) from a school in the UAE… and so on.  So, I asked for a tincy-wincy rise from my company, they said yes, but with no bonus.  I asked for the bonus too.  They said I can retain the current salary and have a bonus (which I worked out would be the same as the tincy-wincy pay rise).  So, I asked for both, they reduced their offers.  Yesterday, we ended talks on the matter, because they want my commitment before the visa is extended.  So, now, I said I wanted to stay, but feel their offer is unfair.  I know this because I know of teachers locally on more.  I was offered a better role at Songshan Lake, which is a tad far from here (where I have a contracted apartment until November), so can’t take that role.  The company I work for know this.  They seem to know everything.  What they don’t know, is that I have packed my bags and apartment away.  I have had enough.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Crossing the finish line.

24^th June 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Wear a smile on your face.  That should be a guideline to life.  I try to live by that philosophy.  Every now and then, I struggle to show a smile.  Today, my last day at Dao Ming, is like that.  I can’t help my feelings.  I’m not worried about leaving or missing the teachers and students.  I’m clouded.  Shrouded by a combination of exhausation and anger.  This last week, I have been made to sing for my supper far too often.  I’m not a businessman and I am certainly not aggressive enough for contract negotiations.  Even just raising my demands, citing loyalty and quoting that others get bonuses hasn’t been enough.  Loyalty dies the moment the unspoken trust is broken.  I should have learnt this many times before, but like an obedient puppy, knowing no better, I persist.  And here I am.  The final day.  1318 classes since I began.

 

This week, every class has been cancelled to allow for exam preparations, graduation rehearsal and so on.  I’ve been strictly told to “ask the school to ask the company” about next semester.  Nobody knows, this is it.  Miss Jiang asked me some advice for her plans next semester.  She wants phonics and pronunciation to be a focus of classes next semester.  Elocution and articulation is important.  It’d make a good warm-up section of the class for ten minutes or so.  I don’t believe it of great importance to grades 5 upwards.  I’ll miss consulting with Miss Jiang and the other teachers.

 

Today, Friday, I had been asked to say “farewell” to students in grade 6.  Snowie’s classes, 601 and 602, were free after 2 o’clock.  Summer’s classes 607 and 608 had to be seen in period 3 or 4 before lunch.  The other classes (Apple’s and Nancy’s 603-606) were visited in period 2.  In middle school, Class 701, at 13:30, wanted to say farewell too, after lunch.  Class 702 would have liked to, but there was a clash of availability.  Teacher’s availability of classes, exams and other such importances gave good reason to prevent a farewell to the remainder of middle school’s students.  In some ways, I’d prefer to slip out quietly, unnoticed, on others, I want to be seen to say goodbye.  Maybe, it shouldn’t even be my choice.  Perhaps, the students should choose and not me.  For me to choose is selfish.  On Wednesday, the grade 9 teachers invited me to the graduation ceremony (on a date to be agreed).  Likewise, Grade 6’s Nancy advised I should attend the graduation ceremony of grade 6.  Again, no date has been forthcoming.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Seismic shifts of stupidity?

24^th June 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Today, 1 GBP is around 8RMB, yesterday it was 1GBP to 9.75RMB… and now comes the dark days of uncertainty.

 

As the votes come in for the European Union referendum of the U.K., it is clear and present to all that see, that Wales has no interest in the E.U., nor do areas with high unemployment and pretty much anyone north of London and not in Scotland.  This shows massive fraction in the U.K.  There is a debate about whether education and knowledge matters.  That again is a fragmented view.  People are fed up with the current U.K. leaders, and they could be using this vote to force a change.  There is so much at play here.  The U.K. has always been disjointed and the state of the union, whilst peaceful, is far from solidified.  People want change, not that they’ll be much change as the value of the pound drops and drops.  With this uncertainty will come a period to reflect and hopefully a rise from the ashes.  In the meantime, anyone in Wales that has directly benefited from E.U. Objective I funding, or those who have enjoyed free university as a result of indirect benefits due to freed up money in the Welsh Assembly, shame on you.  If you are given an apple and choose to eat it, don’t spit out the seeds and expect others to grow a plant for you – and then refuse the rotten trees that grow from them.  A murky analogy?  Everything is grey, not black and white.  Everything.

 

An independent U.K.?  Or a global U.K.?  Calm and rational look?  Invoke article 50?

 

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

A growl with bite.

7^th April 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Let’s discuss dog meat.  My first instinctive response is to yell, I mean absolutely f**king scream at throat-damaging levels, “Why the f**k do you eat dog meat you lowlife, worthless, valueless anti-moral massaging selfish, insignificant malefactoring, dog theft inducing wrongdoing, villainous egotistical venal turd of a mercenary against nature and all things bright and beautiful, you empty and futile hollow soul of canine crunching canine b*st*rd of a supposed man?”  Then, I cool off in the head.  I ask questions, I think.  Why?  Why, oh why?  Why do people consider dog or cat meat?  How did it become involved in numerous festivals?  See Yulin dog, cat and lychee festival on any search engine.

 

On the 21^st of June this year, around 10-15,000 dogs and 4,000 cats will be subjected to death by extreme torture at Guangxi’s biggest festival, the 玉林荔枝狗肉节 (Lychee and Dog Meat Festival).  Why?  Who goes there?  How does this even exist?  People in China love festivals.  This festival was primarily a lychee festival but some knobheads in the media said it was “good for the health” in 2010.  Surprisingly, media influence has seen it grow in size and stature.  Dog and cat thefts have risen.  Actors Fan Bingbing, Sun Li and Yang Mi (several Chinese celebrities) have spoken out in opposition.  Even Professors comment freely on this grim event.

 

 

 

Good for the health?  Cortisol levels are higher in stressed animals.  If consumed by humans it can cause heart problems, impotency and general fatigue.  These are the very same things that eating dog meat was reported to solve.  Well done, so called experts.  They fell from the stupidity tree and smacked their heads off every thicky branch on the descent to the ground of dumbness.  There isn’t even a mention of biomagnification and the accumulation of toxic metals in the eating party.  This shit leads to genetic problems, cancers, prionic disease, current disease and viral resistance.  SARS came from bird consumption (that had reportedly consumed other birds), bat consumption led to Ebola, cows being fed other cows ground-up components led to CJD.  Are we digging our own grave again?  Vietnamese medical expert panels are concerned by gastrointestinal problems caused by dog and cat worms.  There are thousands of worm species, some good, but often in carnivores they do bad or fatal things.  Rabies cases on the region are above the normal levels.  Parasites, toxins and viruses can transfer by bite or other means.  With 10,000 dogs, it only takes one bite and the next pandemic begins…

 

To the credit of Yulin Government (an autonomous region) they deny it happens.  Covering signage, offering posters to take care when eating meats and asking doctors or food safety staff not to eat dog meat just n June is far from ending this immensely stupid dietary fad.  It is a fad.  With a ban or serious regulation (there are certificates issued for many dogs from dog farms) it could end.  Because of greed for money, dogs are stolen nationally, fake documentation is banded around freely, and smugglers use lesser roads by bike or truck.  Poison darts, crossbows, traps… the more you read, the more it feels totally inhumane and leaves a bilious nauseous swelling of bile in my stomach.  Should you or I ignore it?  Should we protest?  Should we spread the word?  In China, activists (it is legal to protest for conservation matters – but for animal wefare, I am unsure) post information on social media, cry out to the international community, and cause public outrage.  Some travel to the region.  I read Yang Xiaoyun, spent 150,000 RMB to save 360 dogs and in 2015 spent 7,000 RMB to rescue 100 dogs.  What one does with 460 dogs is beyond my imagination?  I’d imagine, euthanasia is the only path in some cases… maybe, euthanasia of dog and cat meat festivals is the ONLY right path.

Activism threatens businesses and trade.  When someone or something rich is pressurised they fight or flight.  Like a cornered angry dog with snarling teeth, fighting to live, they may bite back.

 

The hype draws people in from all over Guangdong, and even from overseas.  This is the summer solstice afterall, a hot time and an ideal time for a good festival.  As the party commences and before, many cats and dogs battle dehydration, because no one wants a frozen or refrigerated dog/cat dish of the day.  The consumption of dog seems ultimately one of profit.  No care.  Not a thought.  Just cold hard cash.  A thump over the head to end consciousness.  I once witnessed this from a dog here, it squealed a screech so unearthly it made me sick.  They then drain the blood and chuck the dog into a machine.  The fur is plucked and span away.  The dog is boiled.  If it hasn’t died, it is being cooked alive.  Without a machine, this process is done on hooks.  Again, with doomed and barely living dogs.  Each meal should come with a label to say, “All our dog and cat meat is 100% torture guaranteed!”

 

Wine, lychees, dog and cat meat are considered warming foods, important in culture.  That is to say they promote good health.  I can see how wine and lychees fit in the case, but man’s best friend and Tom, the hunter of Jerry don’t belong on plates.  As the build up to the gathering crowds to network, make friends, or even discuss business over a hot plate of stir-fried Yorkshire terrier, I can’t quite believe I am part of this inhuman race.  The businesses market the festival as one to boost blood flow blood flow (fertility and keeping warm in winter) yet all I imagine is slaughter and an invitation of destruction on our species.  Maybe nature will witness this and end our days.

 

When will it end?  If enough voices speak out and then someone massive, like global megastar massive, Jackie Chan or Yao Ming speaks out, then more will follow.  #DOGOFFYAOMING #JACKIECHANLOVESCATS #YULINLYCHEESNOTMUTTS #GUANGXICATSPROTECTION – you get the gist.  Coldplay or U2 can do it better than me.  Maybe Apple or XiaoMi can step in, #APPLEBOBBINStoDOGMEAT.  Yulin has a government progressing bit by bit and they listen to other governments, the media and celebrities.  This isn’t about preaching or taking a highground.  Spain has bull fights, the UK eradicates badgers to fight TB, there are many other hypocrisies in the west.  But this dog massacre is pure evil.  Then, I think about the thousands of scattered restaurants offering dog meat in China, Vietnam, Mexico, Taiwan (banned in 2001 but still on many menus) and Switzerland.  Take out this one for now.  Let the others follow?  Or ignore it?  Something must be unleashed…

 

#STOPYULIN

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

Beyond the wall

10^th May 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

It has been over a month since I have written on this blog.  In some ways I have been fighting a battle in my brain.  Half of me wishes to mothball the blog, the other half knows my desire to write is so great.  I have been busy scribing my debut novel and emitting words for HubHao of late.

 

On the HubHao front, a small piece has been compiled based on two weekend trips to Guǎngzhōu.  The first weekend being one to watch Guǎngzhōu Fùlì or R&F, (广州富力).  The latter to watch Guǎngzhōu Héngdà Táobǎo or Evergrande (广州恒大淘宝).  It is set to be published in June, as a kind of comparative piece on watching football in the west and east.  The 3,800 words were selected carefully, with half set for magazine publication and the remainder to be exclusively web-based.  The experience with Guǎngzhōu Fùlì was most welcoming and extremely generous by the blue team’s supporters, involving bountiful amounts of dancing, cheering and drinking afterwards.  After the game, at the red side’s team, which I had to barter for a ticket, it was much more difficult and less-inviting.  “Better dead than red,” is what should be said.

 

I’ve also discharged some words about a wine bar, between two recent matchday reports for the Dongguan International Football League (gameday five and gameday four) under my pen name Indigo Freeman.  I may change the pen name to Indigo Victor Freeman or I.V. Freeman sooner or later.  Back to football, it is safe to say, my Murray’s FC Maine Road are propping everyone up, after gameday seven (written by new writer Aaron Lowe).

 

Prior to this an article on Mark Lotz and A Fula’s Calling was published.  Sadly, at the time of publication it was found to us, that Abu Djigo had passed away.  I was quite pleased with the article and now it is a reminder, that life is precious, take all the beauty you can from it.  Good night, god bless Abu Djigo.

 

Of late open lessons, mid-term exams, prepartions for grade 6 and grade 9 class graduation, an international day and country profile detail have filled my time.  There have been some wonderful moments and the usual lows that remind you teaching is not meant to be easy.  Nor is working as part of a diverse foreign language team.  Culture differences between America, the U.K. and Sweden are just as challenging as that of Chinese-Western differences.  If not, somewhat worse, because you don’t naturally anticipate them or form your own prejudices from previous experiences.  A delayed middle school travel to Dàpéng jiēdào (大鹏街道) in Shenzhen (深圳) happened.  We went to see a museum at dàpéngchéng (Dàpéng Fortress大鹏城), a walled village fortress and have a barbecue at Dàpéng Wan (bay).  There are many people in this area that speak a mixture of Cantonese and Hakka, the Dàpéng dialect (大鵬話).  The area has some of the best coastline in Guangdong, a so called Oriental Hawaii.  The Dàpéng Peninsula (大鹏半岛) sweeps around the east of Hong Kong and looks pretty amazing (The 943.7m tall Wútóng Shān, 梧桐山, is a very distinctive shape in the distance.  Closer by there is the 869m tall Qiniang Shān, 七娘山).  It is a most popular weekend destination.  XiChong (西涌) beach is located there.  You can reach this on foot or by an often cramped bus E11 from Shenzhen North Station to Nan’Ao Terminus 南澳总站; then bus M232 to XiChong village 酉涌沙岗村站).  A famous person who hailed from this region is Jian Ting (简廷).  Sadly, we can’t go to the pretty looking offshore island Peng Chau Tung (平洲東), because it is under the jurisdiction of Hong Kong.  At the barbecue, we had to catch our own fish and chickens.  Some students abandoned humane methods of chopping the fish’s head off, for bludgeoning with the smooth flat of the knife’s blade.  It didn’t make sense.  Once I explained the humane ways, they understood and some respected it.  After the wonderful barbecue, in a kind of shanty-village gardens, we explored a geological museum.  A most treasured and bizarre day without shit-sinking and cream-floating like some teachers I have met claim classes can be.

 

Last week, I had a visitor from Beijing.  Esben, a former foreign teacher (from my first semester in Dao Ming Foreign Language School) called by for a break.  He had visited his friend Jason in Fóshān, so the short journey down on the way to Beijing via Shenzhen airport, wasn’t too much of a detour.  He attended six of my classes and my grade 6 students, who he had taught when they were in grade 4, remembered him.  Well kind of.  His beard and longer hair was a tad confusing for some.  A few prompts helped them say his name.  Several teachers, the few that remained, greeted Esben equally as cordially.  Esben was lucky enough to join class 604, who were at half strength due to an outbreak of chicken pox in said class.  Bizarrely most students are allowed to remain in school, whilst several have spent time at hospital.  Most are thankfully better now.  It was odd going into a class, without being told and seeing desks far apart, with no two students inside within a metre of each other.  My class was based around greetings, high fives, fist bumps, hand shakes… with zero actions taking place.  Better safe, than itchy.

 

On the scratchy itchy front of life, this last fortnight has seen a drastic increase in the rise of the winged bastards they call mosquitoes.  I am thankful for no longer sharing an office with my heat-loving colleague Mr Yang Wenbo (Maths Teacher).  Bites have been sighted moreso, because Esben, whilst lodging at my apartment, managed to leave the mosquito nets ajar all too often.  So winged warriors of worry have delivered chew marks to by posterior, anterior and limbs alongside a few buzzes past my ear at night.  There is little comfort in being woken up by a mosquito at night and chasing, actually hunting, like a caveman after the terrorsome Daesh adherents.   I get why they exist, mosquitoes, not Daesh, and fully understand their ecological value but they don’t half incense me.  I’ve even been to the cinema and watched the Jungle Book in a kind of extra-dimensional setting with authentic fly nibbles to add to the experience.  Hell, they even shown up at Captain America: Civil War.  They just love the cinema feel!

 

It is safe to to say that the weather has gone from pleasantly warm to the lower levels of Dante’s Inferno.  The unbearable rung of humidity comes in drips and drabs, literally – as people say.  My apartment’s air conditioning is on for at least 50% of the time I am present.  The sound drowns out the neighbour’s pet hawk sqwarking on the staircase outside.  Yes, the neighbour has been setting their chick loose for a month now, it has grown and is now fearless of me.  The staircase stinks of bird droppings now.  And hawks eat other chicks etc, so it can be pungent at best.  SARS-risk aside, it is quite pleasant to see local people taking on pets such as dogs and cats but to see a hawk is far from unusual – it is practically unheard of!

 

Esben and I met Bright last week for a reunion and meal at Munchalots in Houjie.  Afterwards we met Bright’s friend, drank good tea and fussed a six-month old crazy border collie dog.  Bright’s friend has students at my school, so hopefully I’ll see more of that energetic four-legged friend.

 

On Sunday afternoon, I had my bike fully serviced, a few minor repairs and parts replaced.  A new cycling computer (to replace one recently stolen from my frame) and a bag to fit beneath the handlebars added to a satisfying rebirth of the bike.  The Dutchess of Manchester is as good as new and rolls well.  Far better than last week’s sluggish rides back from football.  I could still race well against electric bikes and motorbikes when my wheels were more strained but it felt like an absolute chore.  The potholes of Houjie and beyond had hammered the bearings and buckled my wheels.  Now my bike seems to float.

 

Football has been busy with many games being played.  All have been a challenge but I seem to be just cresting my fitness right now.  It isn’t easy with the humidity but I am trying to get fitter and faster.  Eddy is back to shore up our inner sanctum board of players (Weng, Alex, Alain, Reuben, Eddy and I).  He has worked hard on securing a game in Tangxia to be watched by 2,000-20,000 students; games in Xiamen; a new league competition and several one-day cup games around the region.  I don’t know how he managed to get engaged with his commitments to Hubhao and a trip to watch Middlesbrough F.C. clinch promotion.  I give my heart-felt congratulations to Eddy and June on their engagement.  May they have long and happily complete lives saturated with joy and smiles.

 

I read many publications on wechat, via magazines and the like.  I am shocked at some of them, not because of their efforts to be outwardly controversial or critical of the People’s Republic of China, but purely because how mediocre and feable some of the text reads.  For example, how do the Chinese see foreigners?  Well a website called GUIDEINCHINA tried to generalise and tie them all together.  I hate being labelled.  They labled the type of foreigners found here.  “Foreign language teachers who can be in turn grouped into four sub-categories: A. genuinely professional, passionate teachers. B. older people in retirement willing to trade comfort for a more adventurous life. C. young people, predominantly male (with or without qualifications) who presumably ‘couldn’t make it back home and thus ended up in China’. D. tourists/stay at home wives-turned language teachers.”  Am I in catergory A or C?  It’d be easy to write a response on their forum and tell them where the horizon is and how to get there using expletives.  However, one statement I could totally relate to: “generally agreed among those surveyed that the attention foreigners get in China is disproportionate.”   Had it have said tall, I would have nominated them for the Chinese equivalent of the Pulitzer Prize.  Interestingly, they mentioned the drive to China.  I certainly now have the “love for Chinese language/culture” but I couldn’t say any of the 4 reasons motivated me to come here.  I did like how the fourth question (Source of information to form impressions of foreigners in China) mostly stemmed from media portrayal.  When it comes to the below qualities, I see a few positives from many of my foreign friends here, and many friends who hail from this very nation.  I’d say generally, both foreigners and Chinese are equal here in the below qualities:

 

Open-minded, friendly, polite, well-educated, humorous, helpful, extroverted, sociable, funny, fun-loving, bar hoppers, party animals, sports lovers, financially secure, good-looking, pretty, athletic, creative, ambitious, egoistic, arrogant, superior-minded, rule-abiding, organised, religious, ambitious, straight-forward, progressive, aggressive, loud, selfish, stubborn.

We’re all individuals.  Don’t believe the truth…

#DOGOFFYAOMING

#JACKIECHANLOVESCATS

#YULINLYCHEESNOTMUTTS

#GUANGXICATSPROTECTION

#APPLEsayBOBBINStoDOGMEAT

#STOPYULIN

 

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Wombling free

16^th May 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

A regular Tuesday usually involves a meeting of the foreign teachers, four grade 6 classes from class eigtht down to class five, a ten minute English language video viewing and a VIP class in grade 5.  Today has not been the usual smooth flowing day.  I was late to school by ten minutes because of the profligate lashings of morning.  Even in a rainjacket I did not fancy wading to school.  The meeting was sparse as Wendy, our leader, was unavailable, forsook in the primary school building, unwilling to splash her way to her office building at the fair end of the playground.  Tess (freshly returned from the U.S.A.) was a few minutes late, Beth anxious about her day’s open lesson, and Arvid as relaxed as ever.  With a term end date for foreign teachers set to June the 26^th, I am trying to find out my finishing date.  That does mean five or six weeks remain… as it stands.  We shall see…  Following the truncated meeting, I sped to an office and attended class 608 as normal, ish.  My VGA to HDMI cable fell out of my pocket as I walked, landed under foot and resembling a crumbled plastic pancake afterwards.  So, class 608 met chalky chalk and good old fashioned blackboard (even though they are green).  We played games and made sentences.  I skipped to the next class to find class 607 was cancelled and replaced by photographs of each student.  No worries, I spent my time on the last blog post.  After lunch, I had photos with several classes before returning to class 606 for the remaining twenty minutes of the lesson.  That was cancelled only two minutes later.  Class 605 would finish the day… the VIP class capitulated to the now heavy afternoon tropical rains.

 

Following an early evening of unsettled weather, Murray’s F.C. Maine Road kicked off at 9.30pm and drew a game against Red Lions (Dongguan) F.C.  That was our first point in this season’s Dongguan International Football League.  Next up, we have top place Murray’s F.C. ATFC in what we call a “civil war” between our two offspring clubs of Murray’s F.C.  The other offspring Murray’s F.C. Bilbao are also doing very well.  In typical Maine Road spirit, M.F.C. Maine Road are bobbins for results but great on effort and spirit, a little like watching City in the mid to late 1990s.  Murray’s F.C. played at the weekend, and like last Thursday, I took a break.  This week there is the Dongguan International Football League game tomorrow night, a Thursday night game in Liaobu (an exhibition game), and an 11-a-side league game on Saturday in Tángxià (塘厦) also.

 

Thursday’s school day was swept away for the primary school day trip to Vanilla World in northern Guangzhou.  I accompanied Nancy and some of grade 6’s class 3.  By some, I mean 3 students from 40.  28 were mixed amongst other coaches whilst the remainder remained off school with chicken pox.  As I boarded the coach with Tess, Jack and Arvid, a student Mary plonker herself next to me for the journey.  Amongst my pigeon Chinese, it was actually a pleasant journey with much discussed, as best you can with an 11-year old girl.  On arrival at the gardens/theme park, class 603 reconvened.  Immediately, one student Alan, shown how bored he was, and how bored he would carry on being all day.  The tour guide escorting our class around, looked lost and for the most of it, he was.  I offered assistance with directions every now and then, whilst others just followed without question.  He really was a comedy tour guide.  After hundreds of photos and just as many mosquito bites (despite sunblock and repellent) we stopped for lunch.  At which stage, I was allowed to wander free of my class.  I was immediately stopped by five class 603 students who commandeered me.  Annexed we became an unlikely gang, a tribe lurching from ferris wheel to bumper cars to the ghost house (actually, one third of my band were too afraid to enter; and I just walked around laughing at how much screaming the remaining trio of students could do).  After a hyper afternoon, we reconvened by a museum in the park where the students made the custodian look very nervous as they selectively swarmed over ancient artefacts.  Hands touching where it said “do not touch” and camerasa flashing the “take no photographs” signs, with sugary food being consumed and drinks splashing the odd glass surface.  I had told them to obey the rules.  They said they would.  They did for the most part of the ten minutes, then it was fair game.  That museum custodian had her honeymoon period smashed from her foremind.  Boom.  We soon boarded the coach back and joined the procession of traffic jams all the way back to Dongguan’s sunny Houjie.  The hottest day of the year so far had hit 35°C.  It was stifling, yet not so humid.

 

On Friday night, I checked out a band called Deer at 8 Livehouse in Guǎnchéng (莞城).  Pre-music I tried pizza at Zoe’s Tea House.  The pizza was terrible.  The French fries equally so.  The drink was good.  As was the atmosphere with many boardgames and puzzles.  Next door there is a remote control car model shop and racing track.  There is a PADI diving centre nearby and a fake big wheel.  The whole area is filled with upmarket restaurants, cafes and bars.  It feels very plastic, like a movie set.

 

At the weekend, I visited HuYing Park (虎英公园) in Dōngchéng (东城) via bus 54 (2RMB) from Guantai Lu near Nánchéng (南城) bus station, after taking the L1 bus (3RMB) from Hòujiē (厚街).  The park is cleaner than most other city parks.  There are statues, trails and plenty of places to stroll.  The neighbouring hotel complex of Tangla does not interfere and it connects well to QiFeng Park over a bridge to the west.  The problem I have with the park is the noise from the small theme park, located quite centrally, fills most of the air with the sounds of “Xiao Pingguo” and other such non-works-of-art.  The ponds, streams, small pathways to the pavillion are pretty and there is evidence of some good wildlife in amphibians, insects (preying mantids, caterpillars and butterflies galore) as well as many beautiful sounds of singing birds.  If they turned off the mobile KTV boxes lining one hill, some people could escape the city and enjoy the cicadas gently humming – however, the KTV keeps the cicadas on constant alarm status.  It is a good park for someone with a camera and offers plenty of shade from the relentless sun.  Bring earplugs for true peace.

 

On the 28^th of May 2016, Houjie (at Shanmei 珊美 and the Exhibition Centre 展览中心) and my local area of Liaoxia (寮厦)shall become more connected.  There’s a random stop a little far out called Chenwu (陈屋) which is barely surrounded by anything.  Line 2 of the subway/underground/metro/MTR trainline opens from Shílóng (石龙) in the north of Dongguan (by the Dōngjiāng river 东江) to Hǔmén Railway station (虎门火车站) in the south west by the Pearl River (Zhūjiāng; 珠江).  The townships of Cháshān (茶山), Dōngchéng, Nánchéng become that little bit closer.  I’m familiar with the two latter townships but have not explored Cháshān (茶山).  Nanshe Ming and Qing village (南社明清古村落at 511700茶山镇南社村) is located there.  A short underground ride will get riders to Shílóng (石龙) and such places as Shílóng Golden Bay (东莞石龙金沙湾) – a nature park.  Line 1 of the Dongguan underground hasn’t even been started yet.  For now, I can visit trees older than 100 years old and one tree that is 300 years old in Shílóng.  There might be dragon boat races there too at Jinshawan.

 

The opening of the underground sees new possibilities for evenings out and gentle walks.  It does mean places like Cháshān will join the growing list of places in this city that I have explored.  Cháshān could offer surprises like Nanshe or something else like Dongyue Temple (东莞东岳庙), you never know!  Now all I need to do is find a way to Yangling Cliff rock carvings (燕岭摩崖石刻)…

 

With respect to next semester, I have had some good, some bad and some terrible job offers ranging from Shanghai, Dongguan to Taipei and Birmingham, but I might have to devote the weekend to the next ride.  I have been insulted a few times with low job offers, and questioned almost every time if I a native speaker.  What I then don’t get is that when they tell me the offered salary, I tell them how low it is compared to mine, and how they then counter offer with something equally as insulting.  What further narks me off is how many offer an incorrect visa.  I want to do things officially to show my experience and level of education – not to to be a cheap commodity!  That doesn’t show respect!  Without an incey-wincey bit of respect, I won’t be knocking on their doors.  Ultimately, I could remain at Dao Ming Foreign Language School… but I need freshness, and HòuJīe (厚街) has changed so much, it really is a city now compared to the town I entered two and a half years ago.  The village of Liaoxia (寮厦) within is a different place.  A new beginning?  A new adventure?

 

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

The virtual private network (That’s entertainment!)

17th March 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Spider piss, spider piss, does whatever spider piss can…

 

I had a coldsore.  Herpes simplex is in town.  HSV-1 sounds like a railway construction project title.  I didn’t want to wait the 7-10 day clear-up time.  It is unsightly and uncomfortable.  On Wednesday (the 2^nd of March) morning, I could feel a tingling burning sensation on the left of my lips.  By the afternoon a small blister erupted.  By the evening my lips had dried and become much more sore.  The small blister had multiplied into a cluster of fluid-filled pouches.  I’m fairly certain that on Tuesday (March the 1^st) night, somebody at football took a swig or two from my personal drinks bottle.  I am not happy about this.  I have always hated sharing drinks bottles, glasses or anything of the same irk.  That said it could be fatigue from the 60km of cycling slapped around two hours of football… or strong sunlight… or menustration (as if)… or emotional and psychological stress… endless possibilities.  Last Thursday morning I opted to call by the pharmacy (as I had in October 2014).  The cream is the same tiger balm deep heat smelling one as before.  This time they have me something called Sihuang Xiehuo Pian (四黄泻火片).  The tiger balm fragranced cream has soothed the lip symptoms and I hope it’ll swiftly clear up the blemishing.  The new tablets contain 7mg of berberine hydrochloride in their 0.25g tablets.  Take 4, three times daily, said the pharmacist.  The description of the tablet’s uses (from the box label), directly translates as:

 

“Treatment against heat dampness, purging fire detoxification.  For inner burning filled, red eyes and throat, toothache , sore tongue , scanty dark urine , dry stools and surgical sore embolism.”

So, having survived my pigeon Chinese exchange with a pharmacist, I fled to school via a breakfast stall.  At school, I asked my colleague Wendy about these new mysterious tablets.  She explained in scientific terms that farmyard spiders have moved into the city and taken a leak on my lips.  They came in, cocked many of their eight legs and took a slash on my face.  I was pissed on by spiders, man.  I didn’t argue, as the story was backed up by many tales passed down from generation to generation by ancestrial kin.  I guess there is a reason why a primary school of Chinese whispers gets that name.

 

Forgive me for going all Sam Smith and saying that the writings on the wall, but right now, I am so far up the creek of crap, I don’t know if I need to wade, dive or kayak away.  Something has reappeared that I thought was long buried.  A storm is coming.  If I am to make it through this storm, I either face it head on and don’t further ignore it, or I won’t be able to breathe.  I can barely breathe thinking about it.  There isn’t much light left at the end of the day, and that is when hope is at its least.  Last week, I was ebbed so far off, I thought deep dark thoughts.  A demon has appeared at the end of my bed, and it wants to pull me in.  I’m afraid and unsure.  I must face it.

 

On a more positive front HubHao have published two of my latest articles, one is about a local Hash Harrier group.  A second article skirts a little too close to political matters for my liking, so I’ve coined a pen name, Indigo Freeman, to write about taxi driver strikes.  Whilst not entirely political it does talk about workers’ rights, to which I am not willing to tie my name to this increasingly warm fronted debate with China.  China is busy changing a few things at the minute and has been for over a week.  VPNs have been null and void for some time.  The big two meetings (Liang? ) has been attended mainly by party officials but has had guests such as Edmund Phelps (2006 Nobel laureate in economics) and Steve Chu (former U.S. Secretary of Energy who won the Nobel Prize in physics in 1997).  China’s State Administration of Foreign Experts Affairs (SAFEA) has been seeking suggestions and insights from overseas to assist China with various matters.  Whether it is economic approaches, financial risk control, clean energy, cooperation on the Belt and Road, the middle income trap or health care reform, China wants to progress.  Tougher bans on tobacco advertisements, the tackling of obesity and many more sensible healthcare decisions have been announced.  As the U.K.’s own government strangles and constricts the National Health Service, China looks over at Britain as a model of aspiration.  When you try to explain that their goal is being destroyed in Britain, they never understand.

 

Without a VPN, and with increased internet censorship of late, sites such as YouTube has been useless.  I shouldn’t complain because I am a guest of the state.  I’ve relied on the Chinese equivilents but can’t quite get my music fix or communicate with those who don’t use email, WeChat etc.  BBCs websites have been up and down but thankfully MCFC.co.uk has remained unaffected.  City TV beats having a TV channel on cable or satelite TV where every programme is half-thought, dragged out and often repeated.  It is informative, well-produced and broad in content.  There have been moments of humour, something for the kids, deep interviews, past perspectives and far more content targeting a wide and now increasingly global audience.  I feel in touch with the club and at ease with how our club is being ran.  The chairman’s reports, Inside City, youth team highlights and general first team footage have been particularly pleasing to see.  I love my club and it feels great to see and hear praise from other team’s fans about our website.  They want to be where we’re at and when they get there, we’ve already gone further…  I prefer to use MCFC.co.uk over social media (which can often be restricted in use at offices, social media has no use in China when I am working there, etc).

 

The last 10 days has seen temperatures drop from 22°C to 7°C.  The previous week’s hot exploration around the Dongguan Botanical Gardens seems a distant memory.  Last Saturday was so cool in comparison.  Yesterday’s heavy rain showers hinted at the spring monsoon deluges that may follow.  That said, the night sky was clear and starry, amongst the glows of light pollution.  Today, the humidity ramped up to a steady 90% and the temperature has risen to 17°C.

 

Today, I had to perform a presentation to the English teachers within Dao Ming Foreign Language School.  I think it went well.  I was challenged to talk about my Spring Festival vacation, which I feel was rather boring.  I told of the short spell teaching, the multiple problems I faced with regards to travel, my attempts at ten pin bowling (where I hit a strike… on the wrong lane), my bike rides and my ambition to write novels.  With a few props (Spitfire Ale ten pins from a gift set my Mum once gave me), the medal from the Shenzhen football tournament I played in, and a cycling hat, it seemed to go well.  The head of foreign language [They olnly teach English], Miss Jiang, belly-laughed and left her poker-face aside for a wee while.  If she was happy, I think I did an okay job.

 

I’ve been offered the chance to interview Boris Becker this weekend at Mission Hills in Shenzhen.  The article and interview will be for a local magazine.  I may have to pass due to prior commitments teaching that morning.  I have a morning class from 8.20am to 10.10am.  After that class, I have my Chinese class.  I’m also not a fan of tennis, so maybe it isn’t my cup of tea.  Speaking, or writing of tea, I am drinking a lovely bitter black tea with added lemon to sour any hint of fragrance.  It certainly soothes an aching throat.

 

This last week’s classes have flown by, with many classes affected by coughing and spluttering ill children.  The change in temperature and humidity has allowed a spring colds and flu to move freely.  The foreign teachers here, Tess, Beth, Arvid, and Jack have each had at least one day off with sickness.  I’m the last man standing – and I am doing my best to avoid the dreaded lurgy or man flu.  My fruit intake and recovery from football (this last week my Murray’s FC team lost 4-3 and won 7-0 in two fixtures…).

 

The school have offered me a football coaching role and extra lessons but my contract with Worlda forbids me from accepting it.  And, also, from working for the school for two years after leaving Worlda… so I’m a tad upset.  What next?

 

Today, I have uploaded the blog post having typed it long ago.  It has been changed a little to accommodate for the best part of three week’s absence.  I’m sure more will follow…

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Magic that slips over boundaries

17^th March 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

I’ve noticed since I have been in China, how odd the sense of hunour is here.  Mr Bean is a demigod, ranked so highly he is on a par with everyone’s favourite unconvicted paedophile Michael Jackson.  On a side note I don’t band around this vile word paedophile so freely, but in the case of a man so childlike in nature with a disposition for over the top body reworkings, and one too many children staying over, it does worry me that celebrity and great music can prevent legal experts from taking on the once-upon-a-time-or-maybe-now-Adam Johnson of America.  Anyway, now I’ve ripped a few more friends from my Facebook list by condemning the singer of the wonderful Thriller, I’ll crack on.  Bean is immortal here in China, appearing at square dances and even being badly remade in Chinese.  I can see why, I have been told many Chinese jokes, lost in translation and jokes about black people having an abhorrence of cannibalising their own digits, to slurs about the Japanese and besmirches of those who Hitler aimed to wipe off the Earth.  I don’t believe the students who told such tasteless ditties, aimed to offend.  I think they learned them from adults, who learned them from seniors and nobody has ever questioned why such materials are banded around.  Then came a generation of kids, aged nine and upwards who can self-translate whole realms of language.  The bright sparks look bold and pleased with what they have changed into my native tongue.  I slap their achievements out of the air, swatting them aside like a mosquito preying on my arm.  Here I fill their ears with education and soon they listen.

 

I hate division by stupidity.  Racism and exclusionism I abhor.  It is like being at a meal and several souls inviting each other for a night out to the cinema, without inviting one person sat between them.  We’re all in this together.  Why snipe?  Why overlook?  Even if that person acts silly or brave, they should be included.  Mr Bean never ousts anyone, well he does show his selfishness throughout ther series but we never ever feel hurt by this.  The plot is simple, as life should be.  The only minor confusion arises by his lack of dialogue.

 

To me my childhood featured great TV shows like Challenge Annika, The Crystal Maze, London’s Burning, The Paul Daniels Show (R.I.P. Paul Daniels) and Mr Bean.   Yet, many years later, one show refuses to leave TV screens.  In part because, maybe it was never shown until many years after it was first released and in part due to the comedy genius and timing of the main actor.  Mr Bean prattles on.  A gift from Rowan Atkinson and Britain to the world.  To China it is the Fawlty Towers reruns of Germany.  This is their vent.  Slapstick humour can be wonderful.  Leslie Neilsen and Charlie Chaplin (the other guy with that ‘tache) are my slapstick heroes.  Eric Morecambe added dialogue with a stooge, a fall guy.  But Mr Bean… if you even whisper Mr Bean in a class, the students erupt in laughter.  They haven’t seen anything yet remember everything they have seen.  A tidal wave of euphoria from a teddy-bear carrying brown suited fool.  Mr Bean turned 25 years-old last year, and here in China, his legacy rolls on, with Snickers giving him a recent TV advertisement.  His simple mumblings and bumbings have won him a host of fans.  His symbolism of Great Britain and slow-witted tomfoolery offer escape.  Be that escape from grey industrial lives or homework, I’d rather see my students pander for Mr Bean than reach to jokes about race and gender.  Maybe, just maybe, Mr Bean should be awarded a UN ambassador roll for racial harmony…

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Slippery when…

27^th March 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

The week before last, I was slipped into, I slipped over numerous times without any assistance and witnessed multiple counts of sliding.  There was a sudden temperature change causing the 100% air humidity to run water down most, if not all, walls exposed to external air for longer than a few minutes.  Even opening my door last weekend, allowed too much damp air into the apartment.  An extractor fan in the bathroom had drawn more water into the bathroom than had originally remained following a shower.  Mould growths seemingly expanded before my eyes last Tuesday as I sat at my desk.  The tiny green specks on my backpack’s pocket grew into thumbsized smudges by the end of the day.  I have since cleaned my backpack thoroughly.

 

I’ve seen scooters smashed to smitherines by sliding wet roads.  The humidity has turned well-laid roads into skating rinks.  The lesser repaired and maintained roads have been far comfier to cycle along due to extra pothole and debris offering stable traction.  China is busy, so busy that sometimes multiple worlds collide.  And when, you’re cycling, it pays to look forwards, sideways and behind you.

 

Actually, this spring has seen many more headaches, flus, coughs, colds and viruses than last year.  It had felt significantly cooler and damper compared to my previous two springs in Dongguan.  I’ve had signs of man flu on and off, a mild fever for a good two weeks.  Coupled with my bruised left calf, swollen achille’s heel and hairline foot fractures (related to being a victim of a slip) last week had been a rather sluggish week.  Two games of football during that timeframe resulted in a 10-4 win and a 5-1 defeat, with my team almost unrecognisable between the two ties.  Both were against Red Lions (Dongguan) FC.  Following Manchester City’s defeat in the Manchester Derby, there is no further desire or need to mention football.  Well… just a little… Shenzhen will host Manchester City against Borussia Dortmund on July 23^rd followed by a Manchester Derby in Beijing five days later.  Actually, football news here has become more prolific in the last 6 months.  Many clubs and media groups are tapping the Chinese market.  Good to see Chinese City fans get a mention on the official website and for activities to take place around derby day.  The less said about the result, the better.  It is up there with the expected gun shooting massacres in the US of A.  C’mon America, sort it out!  Not that I should say anything because gun crime in China is on the rise.

 

I now have the tools and materials to fashion my own sushi.  This will be most exciting.  Between the stir fry dishes from my favourite Sichuanese restaurant, it makes sense to try cooking new foods at the apartment.  In fact, I’ve managed to cook almost every other day for thr first time in ages.  The first batch of sushi was a success.  More will follow.

 

Yesterday, I went walking from Houjie to Dalingshan through Dalingshan forest park.  Spotting several kingfishers and a dozen golen-black jay-like birds was particularly pleasing.  The evening’s meal at Nazaar Turkish restaurant made up for the disappointment of seeing Batman Vs. Superman.  What a cluttered up movie that is!  My Saturday class (in week three) moved from the below par training centre to class 306 in Dao Ming.  The 15 students paid more attention and the facilities were far better.  Going forward the class will split into a class of 8 and a class of 7 students.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

Football terms in Mandarin

27^th March 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

 

EXPRESSION		PINYIN			HANZI
PENALTY		DIAN QIU	diǎn qiú		点球
RED CARD		HONG PAI	hóng  pái		红牌
YELLOW CARD		HUANG PAI	huáng pái		黄牌
FOULT		FAN GUI	fàn ɡuī		犯规
HAND BALL		SHOU QIU	shǒu qiú		手球
OFFSIDE		YUE WEI	yuè wèi		越位
DIVING		JIA SHUAI	jiǎ shuāi		假摔	跳水 tiào shuǐ
REFEREE		CAI PAN	cái pàn		裁判
LINE REFEREE		BIAN CAI	biān cái		边裁
BALL		QIU	qiú		球
SOCKS		QIU WA	qiú wà		球袜
SHIRT		QIU YI	qiú yī		球衣
TROUSERS		QIU KU	qiú kù		球裤	短裤duǎn kù
FOOTBALL SHOES		ZU QIU XIE	zú qiú xié		足球鞋
RISE THE FLAG		JU QI	jǔ qí		举旗
KEEP PLAYING		JI XU TI	jì xù tī		继续踢
PASS THE BALL		CHUAN QIU	chuán  qiú		传球
KEEP THE BALL		KONG QIU	kòng qiú		控球
DO NOT LOSE THE BALL		BIE DIU QIU	bié diū qiú		别丢球
SHOOT IT		SHE MEN	shè  mén		射门
IN THE GOAL		JIN QIU	jìn qiú		进球
OUT OF THE GOAL		MEI JIN	méi jìn		没进
TACKLE		CHAN QIU	chǎn qiú		铲球
PUSH THEM		TUI TA	tuī  tā		推他
KEEP PRESSURE		(GEI TA MEN YA LI) JIN GONG			进攻	jìn gōng
LONG BALL		CHANG CHUAN QIU	cháng chuán qiú		长传球
OPEN TO THE WINGS		CHUAN BIAN LU	chuán biān lù		传边路
CLOSE DEFENSE		FANG SHOU JIN BI	fáng shǒu jǐn bī		防守紧逼
FACE THE BALL		KAN ZHE QIU	kàn zhe qiú		看着球
EXPRESSION		PINYIN			HANZI
RUN		PAO	pǎo		跑
PLAY EASY		MAN DIAN LAI	màn diǎn		慢点
I DID NOT HEARD THE WHISTLE		WO MEI TING JIAN CHUI SHAO			我没听见吹哨
IT’S OUR BALL		WO MEN DE QIU			我们的球
CORNER		JIAO QIU	jiǎo qiú		角球
FIRST POST???		I HAO WEI			一号位
SECOND POST???		2 HAO WEI			二号位
HALF TIME		ZHONG CHANG (XIU XI)			中场
MAKE A SUBSTITUTE		HUAN REN	huàn rén		换人
WAIT, HOLD ON		DENG YI XIA			等一下
INJURE		SHOU SHANG	shòu shāng		受伤
I JUST HIT THE BALL		WO MEI FAN GUI			我没犯规
OPPONENTS		DUI SHOU	duì shǒu		对手
KEEPER		SHOU MEN YUAN			守门员
STRIKER		QIAN FENG	qián fēng		前锋
DEFENCE		HOU WEI	hòu wèi		后卫
CAPTAIN		DUI ZHANG	duì zhǎng		队长
FREE KICK		REN YI QIU	rèn yì qiú		任意球
EXTRA TIME		JIA SHI SAI			加时赛
FINAL SCORE		BI FEN	bǐ  fēn		比分
MIDFIELD		ZHONG CHANG	zhōng cháng		中场
FOOTBALL MEMBERS		QIU YUAN			球员
COACH		JIAO LIAN	jiào liàn		教练
NOT USUAL PLAYERS		LENG BAN DENG			冷板凳
MULTI SUBS		DUO NENG TI BU			多能替补
OWN GOAL		WU LONG QIU			乌龙球
PLAY WITH HEAD		TOU QIU	tóu qiú		头球
POST		MEN ZHU			门柱
FINISH TIME		JIE SHU			结束
EXPRESSION		PINYIN			HANZI
CONTROL THE BALL		KONG QIU			控球
HOLD AND PASS THE BALL		chuán  qiú			传球
WARM UP		RE SHEN			热身
FRIENDLY GAME		YOU YI SAI			友谊赛
GOAL POST		BIAN KUANG			边框
SHOOT VERY BADLY		TI FEI LE			踢飞了
NET		WANG DOU			网兜
PITCH		QIU CHANG			球场
WIN		YING LE			赢了
LOSE		SHU LE			输了

 

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

Easter is east.

30^th March 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

I hope you had a happy Easter time.  This Easter weekend resulted in the investment in some chocolate for my classes.  Kinder, Cadbury’s Dairy Milk, and Cadbury’s Fingers have entered the fray.  They are all rewards for Easter themed virtual reality egg hunts on my powerpoint-based classroom games.  I started the theme of Easter in yesterday’s grade 8 classes.  Class 801 were abysmal as ever, they have a complete disrespect for all teachers.  Not just me.  I gain 50% of their collective attention at best.  Five students were asleep on entering the class and refused to be disturbed thereafter.  Of the five desks of five students, one desk failed to have any input.  Infact from the 25 students, only 10 students had any input.  They don’t fear the teachers in all classes.  They don’t look forward to any classes, despite most saying they want my class.  I’m told I get the best response from them out of all their physics, politics, maths, geography, biology, art and other English classes.  Even the P.E. teachers cannot find a way to grasp their enthusiasm.  In some ways, it reminds me of my lesser-spotted younger borther Paul.  He seems totally cut off from me.  This class are the closest thing to that.  If I died today, I doubt he or they’d care.  In stark contrast 803, try, try and try somemore.  Every student.  The rear of the class has been foricibly pushed forth by the class’s absolute commitment to having a laugh and learning at the same time.  They may have spent two years saying, “John, what’s your name?” but amongst their warm humour, they have shown strides of effort.  Class 804 moved from the morning period 4 to period 5 in the afternoon.  Three-in-a-row classes on a Monday certainly make the week easier to tackle.  Class 804 embraced the task well, as did class 802 in the morning.  I just wish I could grasp class 803 and bring them up to speed.  The Chinese English teacher Joyce has her hands full trying.  Her predecessor never had a chance.  Good luck to her!

 

At the weekend Murray’s FC were winning 8-2, and after some handbags the other team walked off the field shouting things like “shit foot” and “f**k crazy” which made the petulance all the more entertaining.  Our player, Werner, who had been fouled, had stood up angrily, and you could see fire in his eyes, yet he never lashed out.  They did, all their players were around him.  As quick as the heat built up, it went.  They went.  They walked away to another pitch.  We carried on with a training game.  Last night (Tuesday), Murray’s FC Maine Road lost 12-0 to Murray’s FC ATFC.  The damage was done by half time and even though in the second half we made it difficult for the opposition to create chances, we were never in the game.  Brazilian team FC Cavera rolled Dongguan Koreans FC 17-0, whilst Red Lions (Dongguan) FC lost 4-2 to Winners (Hengli) FC.  Murray’s FC Bilbao won 10-4 at XiHu.  I may have to give my achille’s heel a rest, because yet again, that and the tendons on the top of my left foot feel like they are burning and ache very much.  They feel fine whilst cycling and in the game.  When I rest, that is when the pain comes…

 

I’ve been reading about Xiāngfēi (香妃), following a conversation with Wendy about butterflies.  There are so many accounts and fascinating stories about the so-called Fragrant Concubine.  Xiāng (香) is the same character as in Hong Kong (香港) meaning Fragrant Harbour.  Anyway, Xiāngfēi is a most interesting story indeed.  Now HubHao have paid me up to date, I may try to write about this.  Tonight (Wednesday), I am going to see some jazz with Mark Lotz and A Fula’s Call.  The line up will feature original African and modern jazz music with Mark Alban Lotz (Germany/Holland) playing the Indian flute; Omar Ka (Senegal/Holland) has the vocals and guitar; Afra Mussawisade (Iran/Germany) is on percussion with Abu Djigo (Senegal/Italy) on guitar also.  So, a stiff-assed Brit will walk into a livehouse in China, to watch an eclectic and wide-ranging collective of sound.  Can I get away with eating Turkish food for my dinner tonight?

 

Today, in HòuJīe (厚街), many fire engines and emergency workers attended a huge evacuation and fire drill at the nearby Wanda Plaza.  Speculation of a huge fire, plants being over-watered was soon doused when an image of several dummies on the road was banded around by WeChat.  I have had two grade 7 classes move this afternoon due to a membership sign up for the students to volunteer locally.  Well, at least that’s what I was told… no teacher has explained it too clearly.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

At McCawley’s a prize awaited…

2^nd February 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Last weekend was spent in Shēnzhèn (深圳).  It costs just 45RMB to travel from HòuJīe (厚街) to Luōhú, a district immediately on the border of Hong Kong, with two busy crossings.  My journey after the coachride consisted of a 4RMB Line 1 subway ride to Gǎngxià Zhàn (岗厦站).  As convenient hotels go, the Haitian Hotel was well-located on Caituan Lu (彩田路), however I exited at exit B, did a full 270-degree spin of four major roads before heading the few hundred metres to the hotel.  After arriving for 10.30am, I dashed my bag and belongings into the hotel before departing for McCawley’s Bar in Fútián Qū (福田区).  What is with ex-pats and Irish bars?  The first Manchester City Official Supporters Club (OSC) in China have located here, as the Shenzhen Blues.  Katherine Li and Stephen Richardson (of Gorton and the Maine Road generation, who moved to China in 2008) led a building group of expats, Sun Jihai-born fans and founded the local OSC in South China.  Even though, over the border Hong Kong has a growing OSC.  Their focus seems totally aimed at integration of any nationality, upbringing, or when did they start following City.  Together as one.  The reason for my attendance that weekend was to join the McCawley’s Shenzhen 1^st International Football Tournament.

 

After breakfast at McCawley’s where they evidentally have an abudance of hashbrowns, we headed from the bar to the football by luxury people carriers.  McCawley’s Cup poster. A fantastic sight to see how clear the Shenzhen badge of Manchester City Supporters stands out. The Red Arrogant Gits of Man Utd crest looks like a GI Joe style airforce badge.  Our team would wear the dark blue away shirt of Manchester City FC.  Pride in Battle indeed.  The XL shorts, shirts and socks were too tight.  I wrecked my socks in the first game.  Torn to shreds.

 

So here I joined Alex (Dorset), James (Dorset), Dan (Israel), Kenny (Belgium), Vinny (Australia), Ray and Johnson (both China) with Katherine (China) featuring in the first game.  All had valid reasons for following a club, not quite where they lived.  I admire that.  None had started following City after 2008.  I doubly respect that.  Stephen couldn’t play and a few others too.  I didn’t expect to turn up, play straight away and feature in every minute of every game.  As with organising football, 16 responses of yes can soon become 10 maybes… and when we started the 8-a-side tournament we started as 8 players.  Johnson replaced Katherine after the first game.  Katherine played a brave game in goal for the first game.  When Johnson arrived, she opted not to play.  We had no subs for any games!  MCFC OSC Shenzhen beat Old Boys FC (a Celtic clad supporters team) in our first game.

 

We were told it’d be tough.  MUFC’s Red Devil fans had won their previous game against Tottenham Hotspurs HK fans. After our first game we faced a non-Mancunian team, fans of ManUre – Shenzhen Red devils. Not one could point out where Manchester was on a map, and despite their unclean play, we won 2-0 in the really-mini-teeny-weeny-tiny derby.  The clean sheet was a great achievement too.  Not bad for only our second ever 8-a-side game together [without any substitutes to hand].  So, MCFC Supporters Club of Shenzhen claimed the McCawley’s 1st Shenzhen International Football Cup with a penalty shoot-out win.  I’d scored from the spot twice that day and felt like I’d worked damn hard at right back/centreback.  Our team gave 100% and played with a calmness of a team that looked mature and used to each other – odd.  China may have invented the game of football but the standards here are lower than Hong Kong.  So to beat two teams at 8-a-side from there was wonderful.  I’ll certainly be adding them to teams Murray’s F.C. should face in the future.

 

Post-game we went to a beach, kind of, at Futian Beach (福田沙滩), an urban beach bar.  The sausage roll, chicken pie, baked beans, coleslaw and fries with two Asda real ales went down well.  The cool reclining deckchairs, ambient sounds and soft lighting certainly made my tired body want to rest.  Following this it was planned to head back to McCawley’s.  A shower was needed so, I skipped back to Gǎngxià’s paradise and had a shower.

 

At McCawley’s a prize awaited, a 1000RMB prize!  McCawley’s is located 200 metres from the Ping An Finance Centre (平安国际金融中心).  This skyscraper is 600 m (1969 ft) tall and due to open later this year.  With 115 floors, it is the second tallest in China and the fourth tallest in the world.  On Sunday morning, breakfast was had at the same bar.  It was rude not to.  And on arriving back in costa del HòuJīe (厚街), I met Marcelo and Marcelina ahead of their flight back to Brazil… at Murray’s Irish Bar.  Monday passed by slowly, without anything of note other than Manuel Pellegrini announcing he’d leave at the end of his contract and City then saying Pep Guardiola would replace him.  Transfer deadline day had been hijacked wonderfully by City.

 

So now, I’m sat here looking at world news, beginning to watch series two of True Detective and relaxing in the cold apartment.  It is 4°C in here.  At the weekend I had some sunburn and it hit 20°C in Shenzhen.  What a weird winter this is?!  I didn’t even know Terry Wogan had died until now.  As a kid growing up someone’s persona and heartfelt words kept me watching charitable programming despite seeing heartache.  He made you feel what was being shown.  He helped you to face and respect many issues most aspects of the media hide in shadows.  Aside from his humanitarian side, Terry Wogan struck me as a practical person, down to earth and respectful of those around him.  His book Those Were the Days was a sweet affair and on reading it, it becomes impossible not to imagine Terry Wogan reading to you.  Impersonated, loved, styled and replicated by many, he was a man many living rooms welcomed and few could change the channel, even if his pun-telling was off at times.  With more than 50 years on TV and radio, the man knew how to adapt and earned the title of national treasure both in his home country and the UK.  Throughout this time he remained loyal to his family and wife, showing a touch of personal class by not forcing fame, and simply being himself, unflashy and sophisticated in equal measure.

 

In my quest to get away for Spring Festival, I’m now toying with the idea of local journeys only [maybe to see the 26 minute long Chinese New year fireworks at Hong Kong].  When you see 100,000 stranded folk in the transit city of Guangzhou it desn’t appeal to travel right now.  We’ll see.  Tomorrow, I’ll ride my bike again.  The best form of escape ever.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you some footballing thoughts…

4^th February 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

It feels good to be playing Leicester on the rise.  They have good fans, down to earth.  They have ambition, they have resource yet seem to know not to go over the top, probably based on recent ownership troubles.  They are balanced in play, refreshing in their team work and effort levels.  Aside from their obvious glamour name Jamie Vardy , who I seen play at Stocksbridge but he didn’t stand out, they have a squad that plays to their strengths.  They don’t mess around, they often play simple football.  Mahrez is an engine in their team that gets praise, but for me liek David Silva of old, he barely gets the plaudits he really deserves.  They carried their form over from last season, like City in some ways, but unlike City they’ve maintained it.  Ranieri is a grand leader, he’s like The Engineer, works out a tactic based on what is availabe to him.  He is modest and keeps his mouth speaking the right words without drawing too much or too little attention.  He has wit and class.  His team breaks lines, they read the game but oddly they sacrifice possession to do so.  I think they’re one of the best counter-attacking sides who know how to intercept the ball, clip possession from players and hit at pace.  The Foxes aren’t here to make up numbers.  It is easy to see why neutrals and even fans of other clubs are rooting for them.  They have points to prove without the pressure of expectation.  If Leicester do get the upper hand and go on t win it, it encourages all 19 teams in the Premier League next season.  Maybe, anyone can do it, their way.  Two league defeats (Liverpool away, Arsenal home) to date shows they’re good enough.  Their 8 draws to our 5 suggests they also fight to the end… even their two domestic cup games were close calls.

 

To beat Leicester, City need to be absolutely at their best.

 

With regards to learning Chinese, I’m focusing on the subject of “Where are you from?”  Going for purely basic subjects at a newbie level is helping my confidence and helping me to build on what I am listening to.

 

Lately my HubHao contributions include a shoe market guide; Mr Walrus singing Oasis stylings; some Tips for the Classroom (still not named teaching with tofu!) and one about not having an ayi. 39 of the 41 published articles can be found via this link.  The last articles I wrote, to be published shortly are about Hash Harriers, and taxi drivers (although I may be using a pen name for this).  HubHao have yet again failed to pay me (for a while), so I’m looking for a free transfer to either Delta Bridges, HereDG or That’s PRD magazines…

 

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

To Gran and Ernie.

7^th February 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Two years have passed.  Nobody wants to say goodbye.  Luckily we don’t have to say goodbye.  Those lives who Granny Ivy touched took a piece of her.  Gran was wonderful, endearing, humble and stronger than an Ox.  Gran pushed me to go to China long before I flew.  On the visits to Gran’s flat in Failsworth, we’d sit and talk, about family, relationships, friends, books and ideas.  Often ideas would be banded around, even if combatting Gran’s hearing aid in later years, and one idea was my desire to travel somewhere new, different and out of the comfort zone.  I said how I’d like to understand a new way of life, maybe Japan, Africa or China.  I’d listen to stories of Gran’s life, what the neighbours had been doing and descriptions of health in later years.  Occasionally they’ll be moments of amazement, at hearing Gran describe how she wrestled a refrigerator around her flat, just to clean some dust or how she’d lifted the sofa up and lost a caster wheel.  Gran was extremely independent.  In her flat she had a book that would describe ow to fix or make anything.  I’m convinced Gran was the author.

 

Gran always had an anecdote to break any silence but in truth she was an entertainer as well as a host.  She had ways to describe the view outside, I never thought possible.  Gran’s eyes and vocabulary always struck me as articulate but so, so modest.  I’ll certainly always covet her oven bottom sandwiches with smoked ham and cheese.  Nobody makes food like grandparents.  Those lucky afternoons and evenings spent looking out that window were some of the happiest moments of my life.  Totally contented and supremely comfortable.  I was at ease and the world could not get me.  No feeling of security has matched it since.

 

Born in Densmore Street in Failsworth, she’d never drift much further than this for home.  Her school was Mathers Street Council School.  On April the 13^th 1939, Granny Ivy became a machinist making night clothes for Smith and Nephew (a Hollinwood based company).  By 1943, Granny Ivy swapped stitches for munitions and aircraft pieces at Avro Ltd.  Granny Ivy married in 1949 to John Hitchin, and by May of that year my Aunty Carolyn was born.  At an early age both Ivy and Carolyn suffered the loss of John Hitchin.  He had a fatal heart attack in 1955.  Granny Ivy was a widow, aged just 30 years-old.  The following year brought loss once again, 1956, Ivy’s mother died aged sixty-nine.  In late December 1956, Ivy remarried, to John Roberts.  John came from a long line of North-Wales men.  Susan Ivy Roberts was born upon the 5^th of October 1957.  Soon after, Ivy’s third child Elaine June Roberts was born upon the 20^th of June 1961.  Gran would marry once again, in spring 2005.  Ernie Freeman sadly passed away weekly after their marriage.  Fairclough Hospital, in Bury provided a cake and wedding ring.  Imagine being so in tune with someone that you decide to marry on your deathbed in hospital.  Gran being who she was obviously gave Ernie happiness right to the last moment.  I’ve always seen Ernie as Gran as inseparable pair.  After my sister was hit by a car, they looked after me.  They protected me from the pain and uncertainty at the time.  I was young and did not understand, yet they helped me through a tough period of my development.  They met in 1989 and shared companionship until 2005.  Many trips to markets, steam museums, museums and even just sat on Levenshulme station watching trains were to be had.  Ernie and Gran both gave me an expensive and intricate steam engine model one year and I treasure it still.  This summer it will whistle once again.  I’ll clean it up and eat another ham ovenbottom in the Failsworth.

 

In a way, Ernie’s love of steam nostalgia has rubbed off on me.  I have a deep respect for the olden days.  The final piece of music before we left the ceremony of Ernie’s passing was that of a steam engine puffing up and sounding its horn.  I miss Gran and Ernie dearly.  I will always miss him and will always wish that I’d got to know him better.  He was a very interesting man who I do admire greatly.  Ernie was honest, caring and considerate.  He was witty and a true gentleman.  Though he was not my real biological grandfather, I will always call him my granddad.  Even now, when I see something dismantled or in need of repair, I think of Ernie with Gran.

I know, to a degree, and understand, again only a little, the pains of life Gran faced, and she never, not even once complained or felt sorry for herself.  She stood strong and led for others.  In the face of the disease that is cancer that she battled harda against, she joked and laughed, and smiled right to the end.  She may have suffered but she wanted her family to be stronger for it.  I’ve failed many times in life, made many stupid mistakes and should try harder at everything.  I owe this to the memory of those like Gran, no longer here and to my family here and now.

An environmentally friendly lantern of memory was released here in China, with love and wishes to Gran and all my family.

 

Similarly, Gran’s love and passion for reading has been passed down the generations.  I’m still working on the novels and one day, one shall be dedicated, “To Gran and Ernie.”

 

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

新年快乐 / Xīnnián kuàilè / Happy New Year

 

Sink or swim. Xià chén huò yóuyǒng / 下沉或游泳

6 seconds ago

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

That’s the break in my posting to the blog over with.  I have been busy writing a novel, averaging 2000 words a day for 3 weeks.  The core and structure of the novel is in place, with the final dialogue and padded subplots all being woven in.  It won’t be Shakespeare, Dahl or Crichton but it will be above average.  I won’t attempt to publish it otherwise!  Having had two authors read sections of the material and some minor changes, I am quietly confident.

Way back at the beginning of this blog, there was what I referred to as “Blue Monday.”  On the 17^th of February 2014, I first stepped into a classroom at Dao Ming Foreign Language School.  Fast forward two years, and today I am back.  I remember that first ground floor class room experience vividly.  I had class 701, the original class 701, who are now in grade 9, opposite my office.  Whilst then I was worried and extremely out of my comfort zone, today I began on the third floor, as a fish is in water.  In classes 802 and 804 today, we discussed Chinese New Year.  The students have just returned and they’ve submitted their winter holiday homework books, received their initial homework sheets and look somewhat taller and a little refreshed.  Comfortable, relaxed, contented and fully at ease.  Whilst I have enjoyed the holiday period to embrace my freedoms, I have missed teaching.  I feel revitalised and ready for the new challenge.  My previously developed material has been deleted, not modified.  I am starting this semester from scratch.  New methods, new ideas and innovation.

This morning, I had the pleasure of welcoming students to school at 7am, followed by joining my new-ish colleagues for the opening ceremony of the new school semester.  Tess has returned from the U.S.A. for her second semester here.  We are joined by Arvid of Sweden (Gothenburg), Jack from U.S.A. (Michigan) and Beth from Kent (U.K.).

Last night, I played my first game for Murray’s FC, in what seems like forever.  We were winning 7-2 when I left, and it transpired the scoreline finished 10-7 in our favour.  Such, is the size of our squad, a second game was played simultaneiously at the same time, with a larger than usual scoring win.  The bike ride there was a good slow roll (swinging by the lantern display in central Nánchéng) but the return ride was tiring!

I’m going to submit job applications with Manchester City’s Chinese offshoot.  There a few points I cannot satisfy but I do have an ability to learn, as these last two years have shown.  I don’t sink.  I swim.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

Add some vim

25^th February 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

When I’m not busy reading about the banning of bizarre architecture in China, I am busy.  I personally think the Guangzhou Circle between Guangzhou and Foshan is pretty impressive.  Anything that livens up the concrete maze of breezeblocks and cubist steel meshes, is in my mind positive.  That applies to all countries and cultures.  We need more modern artistry and more embracement of natural forms.  Nothing can beat the Nordic houses on the Faroe Islands, the castles of old Europe and the majestic ambition of Blackpool Tower.  Expression in buildings can be symbolistic to those around the creation.  The Great Wall, Eiffel Tower, Palace of Westminster and more modern structures like the London Eye or Sydney Opera House all capture hearts and minds.  Banning a curvy, shapely building stifles my mind.  That’s why I am not the leader of a nation… everything would be blue and based on Maine Road or Manchester.

The return to school has been welcoming.  As always the arms of the teachers are wide open for hugs and cheers of “welcome back!” have been heard.  At least once.  Maybe.  Possibly.  I heard something.  Last Friday, three new teachers arrived to my school.  Arvid is a very tall 19-year old from Sweden.  He seems musically talented and carries a relaxed personality.  He is certainly curious about Chinese customs and teaching.  Then there is John.  Thankfully we can call him by the name of Jack because his father shares his name also.  With his very long moniker, he brings an interest in many sports and has already endeared himself to the local basketball culture.  His talents also include singing.  He has embraced KTV already.  This is good news for the school performances that await us all.  Beth arrived from Kent (U.K.) via Beijing.  Beth has conservative values, a religious background and seems well travelled.  This will certainly assist her in preparing for many classes going forward.  Together with Tess, returning from the U.S.A. (not just U.S.A., add the too!), everyone has been bombarded with requests, procedures, information and much, much more.  Yes, they have had time to adjust to the culture in Beijing but now they swim in the deep end.  There are no sharks here, but buoyancy is key to a good swim.  I’m confident in each and every team member.  They can do it!

On entering my office, on the 5^th floor, of middle school, my teaching colleagues were cleaning frantically.  Mice had, and have made the office their new home.  The house of mice has yet to be found.  They’ve nibbled some of my postcards, shredded a textbook and chewed various bits of my desk drawer’s contents.  The little rodentia bastards!  Hopefully they’ll move on without need for any extermination.  I suspect, with teachers present, and food now entering the fray, that they may stay.  After a little catch up over spicy hometown confectionaries (dare I say candies?) and local teas, the ball was rolling.  Into the swing of things with grade eight classes filling Monday.  Tuesday saw the resumption of service in grade 6.  Grade 7 classes stepped into the equation on Wednesday.  On Tuesday we began our foreign language teacher team meetings once again.  This year Wendy, a new teacher, heads and assists us on all things academic and for the interns/Tess, most things domestic.  I met Wendy via the company I work for.  She assisted me at the schools in Baiyun and Nansha throughout those three weeks of teaching biology.  I’m very confident in her ability and her “can do” attitude.  Already, I have seen swifter turnarounds in questions with answers, and action for readiness, for example going into HòuJīe to buy cables to connect a laptop to the overhead projectors.

This last week, I have tried different places for breakfast every day.  This is my new venture, breakfast by chance.  I could happily eat some of the foods I have had for breakfast over that of milk and cereal.  An expensive breakfast has become one of good value, very swiftly.  I think I’ll write more about breakfast soon enough.

John Burns, from Murray’s F.C. returned from Blighty this week.  In his bag were two pairs of football boots for me.  Most importantly he also fetched me a bottle of Vimto and some Lancashire cheese.  Said cheese was applied with sardines to a toasted sandwich last night.  A first sup of Vimto since summer is to my left, steaming away in my insulated sky blue sports bottle.  The teachers here are amazed by the fruity herbal smell of one of Manchester’s greatest achievements (supercomputers, mathematicians, scientific advances, sporting endeavours, technological pathways asisde).  I may share it.

On the football front, Murray’s F.C. played two games, as different squads, on Tuesday night.  My team won 11-1 against a Man U****d supporting team of local descent.  I tested my new boots out and the laces are bobbins, they’ll need replacing promptly.  I played left back and right back that day.  It felt more natural than right midfeld and left back in the previous game.  On the cycle ride there, along a cycle road, I listened to some Chinese music.  It was too mellow to ride with.  I will not make that mistake again.  Around 15-20km each way rides are best with music to push your pedalling ability, not slow it up.  The oddity of it all was, the nexy day, I ached like hell.  Sore ankles, knees tired and thighs strained.  Middle school, a student from class 803, invited me to join the morning exercise run.  Whilst tiring it helped me to stretch out and end the strains of the day before.  I may add that to my recovery going forward.

Murray’s F.C. are assisting a local football ground company Bosom, to formulate a larger than usual tournament for foreign teams and Chinese teams alike.  I’m joining Eddy in a meeting with twenty plus captains and representatives of interested parties on Monday night.  Monday the 29^th is the closing date for a position with City Football Group.  I have submitted my application for a social media role based in China.  Fingers crossed.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

Not quite Weetabix.

25^th February 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Breakfast is tremendously important to me.  If you were to ask my friends Pete and Dan, both will recall me eating Weetabix from a porcelain mixing bowl.  The 12 Weetabix would soak up the milk, but not fast enough to turn to mush.  I devoured them far quicker.  A sprinkling of sugar on top added sweetness, or a few slices of banana when possible.  Honey may have entered the bowl, but not so often.  Anyway, when not ploughing throught wheat fields, corn flakes of many variaties and tastes would be subjected to a multiple bowl refill treatment.  Without breakfast, I was and remain pretty much non-functional.  Even a bacon barm on its own is inadequate preparation for the day ahead.  Coffee has not been necessary, in fact since I left the U.K., coffee has barely featured on the menu.

 

Things I’ve had for breakfast:

·As popular as diǎnxīn (dim sum 点心) is, I rarely eat it.  The small moist offerings are okay but not hearty (despite the Chinese meaning “touch the heart”).

·Zhōu (congee粥) is a weak porridge that the Scottish would label as pish.  It sometimes is pish in taste, sometimes delightful.  I’ve had chrysanthemum flavour, jujube flavour, pineapple and coconut flavours.  If you like soup, this is the breakfast to hit.  Expect odd bits of vegetables, fermented tofu, peanuts, eggs, and meats as toppings or in the mix.  This is no substitute for those who love Shredded Wheat.  It comes in a cup and costs around 3RMB.

·Bāozi (steamed stuffed buns 包子) sounds like the name of a small canine companion but they often have ground pork pastes, aubergines, eggs, spinach and so much more in them… some can be a surprise or a blend of surprises.  The fear of finding one with corn inside doesn’t deter me.  It happened once.  The less said the better.   These cost around 1RMB.

·Guilin rice noodles or various other noodle types.  Upto 8RMB should be expected.

·Fried dumplings (Jaozi) cost around 3RMB.

·Yóutiáo (油条) are very oily like sticks of dough.  This resembles a bread stick, but softer.  These are often 1RMB each.

·Húntún (馄饨wontons) are dought pouches in an oily broth.  I like the textures, the fragrances and the fillings.  Mushrooms, shrimp and beef make for great fillings.

·Jiānbǐng (煎饼) are almost like crepes.  The wraps can have a filling of almost anything.  I particularly enjoy a beef, carrot, corriander and honey variety.  3-5RMB well spent.  More fillings equal more pennies spent.

·Tāngyuán (汤圆) are round doughy balls.  They are important at the time of the Lantern Festival (the end of the Spring Festival).  They often have white sugar, red bean pastes, walnuts and jujube pastes inside their thick sticky rice flour.  I think if you eat many of these, you will soon resemble a large round ball.

·Dòuhuā (豆花) means bean flower.  It is tofu based and sometimes sweet.  Sometimes it is sour with soy sauce.  Sometimes it is salty like the sea.  Locally, it is served alongside a scrambled egg and ginger.  It isn’t terrible.

·Zòngzi (粽子) are best left to Dragon Boat festivals for me.  They are glutinous, stocky and sticky.  The dumpling of rice, is wrapped in bamboo leaves and then steamed.  It isn’t that bad every now and then, and by every now and then, I mean annually.  It will never replace eating Rice Crispies.  3RMB will almost certainly have been spent.

·Dòujiāng (豆浆) is a standard drink to be had.  It is sometimes sweet or savoury.  Simply made from good old soy.  Great warm.

·Fanshu (sweet potatoes) are charged on weight.  I usually pay 5-10RMB for a large one.

·Then there is the global basis for a hearty breakfast, boiled eggs!

 

Breakfasts here are quick, on the go usually.  They are seldom eaten at home.  Most people choose to eat their breakfast in the street.  It may be purchased at stalls, food vendors or to be taken away.  Morning drinks do not include tea or coffee – soy milk is mostly drank, as well as bean juices.  People who skip breakfast are treated like lepers.  Many of the foods are stodgy and heavy, some are not.

 

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away….

2^nd January 2016

Year MMXVI: A New Challenge

It is a period of hard work. Workbooks and powerpoints, striking from a base in Guangzhou, have won their first victory against a teacher’s chiselled soul.

During the preparation, Worlda agents managed to create plans to deploy a teacher for two weeks at a new basecamp to teach biology [namely Mendelian Genetics and Plant/Animal Cell Biology].  In Baiyun and Nanshan, are large high schools with enough students to populate an entire planet.

Pushed by Worlda’s staffing agents, John races aboard his coach, custodian of the powerpoint and lesson plans that can save his predecessor’s work and restore structure to the school’s lesson flow…

[Everyone is banging on about the latest Star Wars movie – and it doesn’t come out until Friday the 9th of January here!]

The final frontier

5^th January 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Last Thursday was the final day of the year and also my final day at Dao Ming Foreign Language School.  Completing the Grade Six oral English exams that morning amongst three classes wasn’t particularly taxing for me, but some of the students did show an unnecessary level of stresses.  Twitching of the eyes, nervous jolts of the head, eyes shy of direct contact and overall worry.  They needn’t have.  Only three students today scored less than 80%.  None of the three students have been at Dao Ming longer than this semester.  One student retook his exam due to the fact last time he scored 3% – but today he scored 55%.  Some students looked so chilled out, deadened by a continual flow of mock exams, tests and examinations.  Homework related previous papers are not uncommon.  Results had been compiled and sent to the teachers at the end of the day.  Like my first entry into school, I slipped in and out without any drama.

 

During the final day however the school show was great fun to be involved with.  My peers Tess, Asger, Anna and Albin gave their all and we delivered a good musical/dance number.  Our act featured some Beatles songs and Morecambe and Wise’s Bring Me Sunshine.  For 15 acts before and 4 acts following the students from various grades demonstrated acting, comedic and dance talents giving the 2016 Arts’ Festival a real sense of variety.  The initial hundreds-of-balloons launched may cause a few animal deaths and some low level plastic refusing to go away, but it looked good for the camera.  Oddly, students were picking up more biodegradable things like paper and lecturing each other about the possible environmental impacts!  Start small, I guess!

 

The teachers and students work damn hard – too hard.  They are driven by the school’s high demand for quality output.  The school has pride – but it works the students above and beyond to achieve their goals.  I hope for the students’ futures, it pays its dues.  And that was that, the day ended alongside a semester and year.

 

After a quiet new year (I went to see a movie Mojin – The Last Legend [Guĭ Chuī Dēng Zhī Xún Lóng Jué/鬼吹灯之寻龙诀 – starring Yáng Yǐng AKA 杨颖Angelababy,Shū Qí – Lín Lìhuì 林立慧 ] that finished just after midnight, as if nothing had happened – because to most Chinese people, the Gregorian calendar is not the norm…) and a weekend of rest, I headed to Huánggé Zhèn (黄阁镇) in Nánshā via Guǎngzhōu along the Guǎngzhōu Dìtiě Sì Hào Xiàn (广州地铁4号线/ Line 4 of the Guangzhou Metro).

 

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Beware of close relations with the platypus.

7^th January 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Don’t fuck a platypus.  That’s what the sign should read as.  I’m stood looking down, dubiously at the do not disturb sign.  I’m angry.  Even if I hang it outside, it means nothing.  The Chinese characters beneath the English state the same: shut up; shhh; hush hush; please be quiet…  I choose not to hang it outside.  It wouldn’t make one iota of a difference to my night’s sleep.  I know I’m in for a rough ride.  Two nights have passed here.  Tonight is the final one here at the 99 Inn, Nánshā.  If heaven’s forbid, it is on Tripadvisor or some such hotel and travel website, I will slate it until it sits within inches of Dante’s Inferno.  Don’t get me wrong, the room is good.  It is spacious, airy and clean.  The raised sleeping area with the near submerged desk and bed give it a Japanese style, although one rushed by Ikea’s flat-packed furniture.  The television faces the bed, offering escape and laziness at the click of a button, from the comfort and warmth of the cradle.  I’ll forgive them for offering two pairs of lounging sandals, with all the key foot massage points elevated.  Even the bathroom mistakes are laughable – but hardly an inconvenience.  A toilet roll holder beneath the shower.   Who does that?  No door.  Privacy at its best.  The hotel is on Jin Tao Da Jie (off Jintao Road, amongst the Jinzhou Plaza) in Nánshā having only recently been rebranded as 99 Inn from Lidong Hotel.

 

The first night, I managed to get to sleep sometime around 3am on Monday morning, having despatched myself under the covers 10.30pm on Sunday.  The neighbouring building and the very same building both had KTV/bar/nightclub combinations.  On Tuesday after school, I did look for another hotel but discerned they all seem to neighbour entertainment complexes.  The reasoning behind my search, was getting to sleep around 2am on Tuesday morning.  Again, I’d fled to bed early the previous night.  With no alternative forthcoming and my company saying they’d fix it next week, I fell asleep at 9.30pm.  By 10.30pm I was awoken, this time by a live band, howling fans and would stay this way until 3am.  In amongst it all the Police and some criminals re-enacted a Benny Hill TV show chase scene, with added sirens.  And knocks on the door.  And tannoy announcements locally.  I had checked every floor of the hotel for possible quieter rooms, but there were none.  So, up at 6.30am I checked out of the hotel (booked by David at my company – which I shall take more interest in, going forward).  I shall never ever return there.  I’d rather chance myself sleeping in the sea (in, not on).  After the slowest check-out from a hotel ever, I managed to make my 7.55am class at Guangzhou Foreign Language School (广州外国语学校 Guǎngzhōu wàiguóyǔ xuéxiào), five minutes late.  That was okay.  Two classes followed and I was whisked by the school’s private driver to Báiyún Qū (白云区/Baiyun district).

 

Sprawling outwards from beneath the white cloud mountain, the Báiyún suburbs are dense and mostly occupied.  Greenery is present but in patches resembling a decorator’s radio with paint splatter.  Actually, maybe less than that!  In the early evening, following two back to back classes, I was assisted by Wendy from Worlda to check into a new hotel.  All roads in China seem to lead to 7 Days Inn [7tiān Liánsuǒ Jiǔdiàn Jítuán /7天连锁酒店集团].  A peaceful night’s sleep was had, following a very large meal for one.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Is there life on Mars?

12^th January 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Am I Professor Snape?  At times it feels like I’m in a perverse anti-Harry Potter World.  Somehow here, yet somehow not here (simultaneously, at the same time).  The school I am in, looks on the surface like the high school I went to (Reddish Vale Technological College), yet somehow feels closer to the mutant baby of Hogwarts and a prison.  There’s the military precision of order – with very little notion of the normal chaotic Chinese time sat behind it.  Every office desk is in a cube, beyond that more order, and far along the corridors, very organised classrooms.  Door handles may be missing here and there, but this high school is ran well.  The captain of this vessel knows their biscuits from their cookies.  The layout of the buildings has structure, uniformity and a pattern.  It has to.  There are more than two thousand developing souls at various stages of puberty roaming around this campus.  They are damn bright too.  The elite of the cream of the crop of the pinnacle of the apex of their generation, is still an understatement.  Most students in the Advanced Placement programme building are on a par with the most fluent of westerner.  They probably have a deeper vocabulary, and have shocked me a few times already with their wide range of understanding.  It is no surprise China is picking and finding the bright sparks to push them forward.  In my biology classes I am teaching Mendelian Genetics to the two Senior 2 classes, spread between 6 classes.  Senior 3 class is learning about animal and plant cells over 6 classes.  Senior 1/2/3 (at Baiyun campus) have to learn Meiosis and Mendelian Genetics across 15 classes.  The level of content is analogous to that of what I learnt at university!

 

The reason I am teaching biology is because my company needed a cover teacher.  My predecessor (the long-term teacher) fell ill and has returned to Canada.  I hope he is well soon, it did not sound like a good position to be in!  His cover teacher also left.  So, Worlda, knowing that I was free asked me to cover.  I’m not a person who says no.  I also need the money.  I am inexperienced teaching high school and rusty with my biology knowledge (I’ve not studied much since university!).   Alarm bells rang initially.  Then, I faced the challenge head on.  Worlda, eventually put me clear and a previous cover teacher, Ishit from India, helped tremendously.  The jigsaw pieces fell into place.  It transpired each class at the Nansha campus holds around 20 students and in the Baiyun campus, just 9 learners.  With the previous teacher’s PowerPoints, notes and lesson plans to hand, I dug into the challenge.  Professor Google and Doctor Wikipedia met with Chancellor Slideshare and pooled their talents.  The Holt McDougal Biology textbook by Stephen Nowicki landed on my desk on Monday morning, almost shattering it.  I should mention my first class was at 10:40am on that day, and I arrived to school with 20 minutes to spare.  My co-worker just made it!

 

High school biology in China is like entry level university.  They have textbooks for biology and enviromental sciences, amongst others, I’ve only ever seen at university and specialist bookshops.  Not only that, the students are the cream of the crop.  All are leaving after summer, aged 15/16, to go to Universities in and around the U.S.A.  The first two classes were surprisingly okay, then the third was just so so.  Oddly, that Monday’s classes mirrored the following Monday’s classes.   The students on the whole seem energetic, buried in school work, textbooks and homework.  I don’t give homework but I do tell them to read up on each subject, and they seem to do it:  I’ve seen notes and they’ve told me so much more!  Being the school swat must be damn hard here.  Each student is so very, very bright.   At their desks they have tools, non-primative ones, like laptops, pens that can scan English and translate into Chinese characters, phones, electronic dictionaries – and so much more.  Whilst some of the boys sit at the latest Alienware laptop (high end sh!t), they don’t play games or surf the web.  They have privileges and clear goals.  I guess the fear of parents knowing that they’re wasting their hard-earned is enough…

 

The classrooms are small, twenty desks and some peripheral furniture.  Students live nearby in one of the many accommodation blocks but judging by every covered surface, you’d guess they spend 80% of their time in the classroom.  The main projection board has all the latest touchscreen technology, smartboard or something, and a tiny chalkboard sits next door.  The teacher’s desk comes with a PC, music system, secondary monitor and all mod cons.  Luxury.  The only odd thing about this school, is that there are three other foreign teachers in my office – and so far none have said much more than hello.  Even the Chinese teachers in here are extra, extra silent.  If a pin drops, it will be heard.  I guess it is the pre-exam time being hectic or demanding, physically and mentally.

 

So, on Sunday I returned to Nansha – and thankfully a different hotel.  I slept well at what I think is called the Baishui Esplanade (there isn’t really a walkway nearby) Hotel.  It was odd to be greeted by ten ladies at the door.  It seems there is a massage service.  No, thank you!  I’m happy because my box room has a carpet and a fantastic rainforest shower.  My second night’s sleep was wonderful too.  If I return to Nansha, ever, I’d stay there again.  That’s how confident I am about they final night’s sleep there!  There are two restaurants next door and no signs of anything else – and Wanda Plaza is less than 2km away, offering a selection of western/Chinese dishes – and the big brand restaurants, like Master Potato.  Peace and quiet, after last week!

 

Hearing the sad news about the passing of the music icon David Bowie, made me think, “How good was he?”  Bowie was better than The Beatles.  His songs, from across 29 albums, span across is 69 years on Earth, or was it Mars?  As a kid, I did not get his music and then over time I matured and grew up listening to his art.  The materials he made were a canvas of imagination, soul, blues and beauty.  Don’t get me wrong, there was darkness, depth and sorrow but overall his music was pure escapism.  Anyone who can create an iconic character and then re-enter music under multiple styles and genres deserves respect.  And he could act, Labyrinth was such an iconic movie.

 

“Look up here, I’m in heaven, I’ve got scars that can’t be seen, I’ve got drama, can’t be stolen, everybody knows me now.”

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

The Buddha of Suburbia

13^th January 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

A new day has come blasted out over the school’s tannoy system, after lunch on Tuesday afternoon.  It seems that every day 2pm, following a nap, students and teachers must suffer at the tones of Celine Dion.  I actually love the song but to be woke by it, would be hell.  Tuesday morning’s first and only class in Senior 2/7 flowed reasonably smoothly.  In the afternoon I had classes in Senior 3 and the quieter students in Senior 2/6 followed up afterwards.  In Senior 2 we finished Mendelian Genetics ahead of Wednesday morning’s examination.  I was tasked with supervising said exam.  I had been briefed on modes of cheating, flying drone alerts and much more.  I wasn’t quite sure if I was supervising school students or Daesh invaders.  So, during the exam I spotted one student intent on looking at another student’s paper far across the desks.  He knew it too.  We played cat and mouse all class and I’m convinced said student actually answered very little overall.  I shall see, as I have been tasked to mark the 49 papers!  They’re sat opposite me giving me the evil eye.

 

This afternoon, following lunch (and my 0755 class for cell biology in Senior 3), I departed by private driver (arranged by the school) to Baiyun for two classes, where the Senior 1/2/3 combination of 9 students started the topic of Mendelian Genetics.  After school I checked in at the 7 Day’s Inn once again.  It isn’t as swish as the Esplanade in Nansha [南沙区环市西路海宁大街110号 (毛家湾饭店旁边)], but it is sound enough.  It might be slapped in the middle of a very heavily populated and dusty suburb, but there is beauty here too.  The sunset tonight was brilliantly bright.  Tomorrow, I have two classes and one on Friday morning.  Next week, I have to mark the Senior 3 Biology exam papers and run the Baiyun campus examination… then mark the papers too.  The good news is that next week, I have no classes.  I’m not sure I am needed for the three days of work, but we shall see!

 

Murray’s FC started up again last weekend and on Tuesday night I missed my second game.  This excursion for work phenomenon is disturbing my lack of fitness regime.  I haven’t ridden my bike since last year too.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

I’m gonna start a revolution from my bed

21^st January 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Just as my hometown mighty Manchester has the National Cycling Centre – that has become known to the world as a medal factory, Hong Kong and beyond should have their eyes glued on the Hong Kong Velodrome.  This venue has all the potential for stars to work their way up the ranks.  Attending the UCI Track Cycling World Cup, I could see instantly the presence would only act as a beacon of hope and inspiration.  Those who were there will have taken heart and shall deliver the message beyond the atmosphere-capturing doors.  The young tiny tot Striders may be a few years away from battling for medals and glory but with event like this, there’ll be more than enough talent raised in Hong Kong.

 

The event and venue just needed a proper kiosk/shop (there was a limited selection outside on a table top), canteen area and better provisions for ticket collection on the day (advance tickets could be collected at selected outlets, most of which opened at 10am/11am… Saturday’s doors opened at 9am).  The venue had adequate signage (although the external areas, I’d day there was too much signage!) and very good toilet facilities.  The seating was adequate and comfier than Manchester’s Velodrome with excellent sight lines and two huge screens in perfect balance to one another with respect to contents.  The banister around the outside of the track was replaced with a glass partition, offering temptation to lean upon.  A bannister inset of this would have done the trick better and discouraged trackside leaning.  The PA system did the job, but sadly my Cantonese is non-existent.  Times of races/schedules on a wall board would have been useful to accompany the very sparse programme content (although, I shouldn’t complain – it was free).  The track and venue look brilliant and I’m sure in time more colour will be added to the vibrant feeling ambience already in place.

 

I had a wonderful time at the 24th UCI Track Cycling World Cup third edition and look forward to possibly seeing other tournaments there.  The venue and organisers should look to the Revolution Cycling series in the UK/Australia… and if you they have that, I’m over the border from China in a split second!  They’ll benefit from regular top-level competitions too.  Races that stood out for me were the semi-final sprint between eventual winner Patrick Constable, a 20-year-old Aussie against Bolton’s Jason Kenny OBE (who is still only 27-years-old.  After already sending out Damian Zielinski (Poland; UCI World Cup leader and overall points winner after the tournament ended) from the running for gold, he beat Shurshin (a very strong rider indeed).  In the Keirin Matthijs Buchli held off Canadian Hugo Barrette crowd favourite to steal away the gold medal.

 

I remember seeing Jason Kenny in the Revolution cycle series way back as a Future Stars competitor.  I hope defeat here, pushes him on for the World Track Championships (London, March) and Rio 2016.  23-year-old Laura Trott earned an Omnium event Team GB gold, holding off U.S.A.’s experienced 32-year-old Sarah Hammer.  Trott also claimed silver in the Scratch Race.  There was silver in the team sprint for Jess Varnish and Katy Marchant; and silver too in the Team Pursuit for Emily nelson, 21-year-old Cardiff born Elinor Barker (a name I heard often at the Manchester Velodrome), 26-year-old Welsh representative Ciara Horne and 27-year-old Joanna Rowsell-Shand.  There is room in each Team GB’s medal cabinet and their collective Palmarès can only increase in depth and content.

 

Other stand out races included 33-year-old Simona Krupeckaitė who swept away Stephanie Morton in a whisker of a win to allow Lithuania to claim gold in the women’s Keirin final.  The Canadian team (Laura Brown, Stephanie Roorda, future star 23-year-old Germany born Jasmin Glaesser – who had a rough tumble after the race, ) claimed the Team Pursuit gold (she also claimed silver in the Point Race).  In the men’s Omnium Thomas Boudat claimed gold, but for the final Points Race it was all between him, Lasse Norman Hansen of Denmark and the large-framed Artyom Zakharov of Kazakhstan.  Manx Missile Mark Cavendish claimed fourth spot in the Omnium.  Personal favourite and muscle man Robert Förstemann had a few rides but was beaten by his German junior opponent early on.  The standard of the sprint cyclists has so much depth – with tactical awareness and speed of reaction allowing for no margin of error in this sport!  Robert Förstemann is well known for his 74cm thighs, but few know that he once had a race with a toaster (click and watch the video!).

 

Closer to home (present home) 25-year-old Chinese powerhouse Lin Junhong pushed aside her opponents in the women’s Sprint honours, followed by 28-year-old local superstar 李慧詩 (Lei5 Wai3 Si1 – more than 4 tones in Cantonese; also known as Sarah Lee, which sounds like a British gateau brand).  李慧詩 also came third in the Keirin and was promptly photographed continuously for by what seemed like half the stadium.  22-year-old Yang Qianyu came third in the women’s Scratch race, allowing Hong Kong once again a bronze medal.  Xu Chao, of China, landed silver.  He is but 21-years-old and lost both final Sprint races to rookie Constable!  Guo Shuang (郭爽) retained her World Cup points winner title from the previous year holding off 李慧詩 by 37 points overall.  There are some wonderful cyclists already in Hong Kong and China – and I can see the Rio 2016 Olympics featuring one or two names on the medal podiums.  Something big is on the horizon…

 

In amongst the best part of 20 hours of cycling spectating there was little time for anything else.  The Hong Kong Marathon was observed in passing, and not as intention.  The heavy rain and sweeping wind did little to inspire me to join the running masses.  And in Hong Kong, I had a good night’s sleep, three times… all be them, expensive ones.  Nothing is cheap there!  Pizza was pricey; food was often expensive; drinks are not so good value for money… but transport was good value.  Just.  I will not make an effort to go to Hong Kong again, unless something catches my eye, like a luxury bed-shaped bicycle (I spotted in one shop on the way out).  I also intended to visit Marks and Spencers (Hong Kong) for Lancashire cheese, but left little time.  Odd, that in the U.K., I’d never seek out M&S (there are some in Shanghai too) for anything, yet here I am and at every opportunity I try to buy a cheese I hold dear to home!

 

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

Shining Haven – International Tests!

21^st January 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Yet again, I find myself in the Baiyun ShiJing 7 Days Inn hotel (the first week I had room 711; last week room 811; and this week I am in room 611 – next week I want to win a Porche 911, but I know I’ll just get the number 211 bus).  This week I was told to go to Baiyun’s campus of the AP programme.  The school is linked to the group, Shining Haven, which sounds a tad James Bond baddie-like.  I thought the school was named the same as the one in Nansha, Guangzhou Foreign Language School (广州外国语学校 Guǎngzhōu wàiguóyǔ xuéxiào) but in fact this school in Baiyun has the title The Experimental School Affiliated to the Guǎngzhōu College (广州市广大附属实验学校).  I went to North Trafford College, Reddish Vale High School, Chapel Street Primary School, Clayton Brook Primary School and New Moston Primary School.  These are all simple names.  Like the typing up and calculating of school scores for the Senior 1-3 classes, the names of these schools are overly complex.

 

The Senior 3 papers arrived yesterday, E.T.A. was 9am, and I was told to be at Dao Ming School to collect them from a delivery driver at 10.50am, 11.30am and then on my fourth visit to school they arrived at 1.30pm.  Papers were promptly marked with scores averaging above 70% in Senior 3, class 5 and one student getting 97%!  Oddly, and slyly they dropped in ten extra papers completed by Senior 3, class 6… and the scores ranged from 2% to 87% – with 9/10 papers failing.  I was later informed this class had abandoned Biology classes long ago.  The formality of marking the papers was the purest form of time-wasting tedium.  Senior 2 papers had been marked last week and returned with good grades all round, and only a handful of students failing.  I suspect the multiple changes of teachers failed them, more than they failed themselves.  I argued this point and backed the students recommending a weighting be allowed for this.  Meanwhile, Senior 1 at the Baiyun lair of Shining Haven completed their Biology papers.  I was told, set the work at Senior 2 level.  I did just that.  5 of the 9 passed the paper, with all students eventually passing the course based on their assignment, homework and classwork performances.  Some achieved great scores, some not so.  Again, they have had too any teachers before them.  That and 8 exams over two days do not bode well for fantastic scores.  I wish them well, but I do feel sorry for them.  They’ve has Ishit from India, Mark from Canada and me amongst many teachers.  Too many styles of teaching, too many methods and too many content gaps.  Too much homework, too many tests and too little freedom.  I’m of course part of the problem, a teacher.  If I wasn’t here, somebody would fill the void.  I like to think on top of the subject, I add character and culture.  If the students here don’t remember Meiosis, Mitosis and Mendelian Genetics, they’ll remember one Mancunian and his love of sky blue.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

All hail the Monkey King

29^th January 2016

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Frustratingly, I’ve been unable to Skype or call my sister back in the U.K. to wish her a happy birthday (back on the 20^th…) but I have found a gift (to be taken home in Summer) that I know she’ll more than appreciate.  I can’t say anything in case of the secret being outted but I am in state of pride that would frustrate those who believe in the seven deadly sins.

 

The office at Baiyun has been the most pleasing aspect of teaching this last few weeks.  Michael as leader has a tight-knit team in the well-travelled and homeless-person-lover that is Channing; the intelligent and wise Yolande who hails from somewhere near South Africa’s Durban; the sweet natured Chloe (who is still studying a course in Western Translation Theories); the pretty smiled Jean who I don’t think I ever saw without a beaming grin and was ever helpful.  They teach subjects as varied as Mathematics, Chinese, History, Litearture and act like a family to their tiny nine student class.  They treated me to a fantastic meal, full of spice and flavour, on the Wednesday night.  With teachers and students as bright as this, there is light in the world.  They’re on the side of the angels.

 

Last Thurday night, I spent it in the 7 Days Inn hotel, I had a fright.  Thwack!  A gothic butterfly impacted my noggin.  I don’t know why it chose the course of flight into my bonce, but it clearly wanted to be let out.  Since when have moths taken this drastic action?  Don’t they know my sleep patterns are bad enough!  I peeled back the anti-mosquito netting and let the moth slip away into Guangzhou’s night sky.

 

Since ending the semester’s work at Baiyun, I returned for two games of football with Murray’s FC.  Both had faced cancellation.  The first because of light rain.  The Brazilian team in essence backed out because they knew the weather would level the balance between them and us and them and us.  The Friday night previous we held a barbecue to celebrate Marcelo and Federico leaving to Brazil and Argentina respectively.  A few Guangzhou Strand ales were had.  The midweek game flushed away due to the torrential monsoon-like weather.  It has been cold in the last two weeks.  At the weekend the first recorded snow since 1893 was sighted.  I sighted it too.  It wasn’t much but it was beautiful to see such large snowflakes in a place I associate with steaming unbearable heat. Children, teenagers and adults alike with agasp at the snow.  Phones and cameras were out in force.  The elderly looked amazed.  I think now, they have seen it all.  Shopworkers dashed outside and even the coffee shop I visited was at standstill.  The thermometer also hit 0°C over two days.  This is sub-tropical Dongguan – and some of Hong Kong etc also had icy spells.  Manchester and northern England had seen warmer weather that weekend.  This was a beautiful moment.  I can’t imagine having never seen snow upfront.  I’ll imagine that’ll be my reaction when I finally one day see Everest, or a Whale Shark, or the Steppes of Xīnjiāng.  I think it is important to remember the feeling of awe.  Wonder and reverence can keep us feeling attached to youth.

 

Today, has been warmer, 14°C.  The walls and floors outside the apartment are equally slippery.  Two days of torrential rain hasn’t helped.  The midnight storm engulfing nearby Wanda Plaza’s towers.

A few winter holiday plans have been scuppered by either budget or varied forms of inavailability.  Plan A: no internal flights beyond Kathmandu possible, as all booked solid. Plan B: most parts of Tibet are closed to foreigners. Plan C: landslide has destroyed road to Déqīn 德欽. Plan D: Turpan (吐魯番, Tǔlǔfānin in Xīnjiāng) is closed. Plan E… watch this space.

 

IMPORTANT HEALTH WARNING: Don’t watch this movie. Even if someone suggests to watch 蒸发太平洋 as a way to relax, feel free to use excessive force. Are you a fan of Brandon Routh? This will destroy that fanaticism faster than a Man U****d fan’s love for Louis Van Gaal. This is a movie guilty of mixing too many genres, wooden acting, the concepts of Jaws 3D and splicing something together as bad as dolly the sheep with a bull’s dick. Pinewood Iskandar Malaysia Studios needs to stick to Marco Polo efforts and not B-movie relics. If you hear Zhēngfā Tàipíng Yáng being mentioned, back away. Vincent Zhou should be ashamed. I guess a movie with bit-part The Walking Dead actors has no legs to stand on but Zhāng Yǔqǐ (张雨绮) will star in the up-and-coming Stephen Chow (周星馳) movie The Mermaid(美人鱼) and he has made great movies like Kung Fu Hustle Movie and Shaolin Soccer. The movie Lost in the Pacific is so far from great, it deserves to be straight to TV, early hours, and not straight to video. In the meantime, look forward to The Mermaid and The Monkey King 2 (西游记之孙悟空三打白骨精 Xī Yóu Jì Zhī Sūn Wù Kōng Sān Dǎ Bái Gǔ Jīng) – a sequel to The Monkey King.  Besides The Monkey King reminds me of family…

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

I’ve lost my Stinky Tofu virginity

4^th December 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Last weekend flew by like a Russian aircraft imposing upon another country’s airspace.  Stinky Tofu (chòu dòufu 臭豆腐) was finally tried on Saturday night, alongside some scrumptious fish and chicken dishes along a riverbank, in strewth knows where because I wasn’t quite sure.  It could have been Daojiao or Songshan Hu (Lake)… I honestly don’t know which area I was in, such was the nature of the bus journey there.  The bus seemed to slip back along riverbank roads, squeeze down sidestreets like a four-wheel drived vehicle, swerve and dart aalong narrow lanes before arriving at the destination I was reliabily informed as being “there.”

 

There are many ways to make Stinky Tofu (chòu dòufu 臭豆腐).  In traditional methods a brine made from fermented milk, vegetables, and meat is involved.  Regionally, the brine may also include dried shrimp, mustards, bamboo shoots, herbs and more.  My portion was deep-fried, rich in coriander and accompanied by very spicy sauce.  It actually tasted very meaty and rich in flavour, once the initial smell by the nose passed.  Afterwards, the smell seemed to disappear.  The aftertaste was incredible.  Very, very full-bodied, satisfying and warming.  I can now see why it is so popular.  I certainly won’t be rushing to try locusts, cicadas, sparrows, duck blood soup, BBQ Chicken Ass,  Bull Penis,  chicken in pig intestine, like Williams Davies Jr in Hubhao’s Hardcore Food Challenge column but his first challenge of stinky tofu now seems a soft one, at best.

 

On Sunday night Murray’s FC faced up to Sociali FC again.  We came out victorious with an 8-5 victory, “Fede Express” scored five to give a healthy win, despite the game being a tightly ran 3-2 (in our favour) at the interval.  Last night (Tuesday) Murray’s FC drew 2-2 with Red Lions Dongguan FC and Cavera FC claimed the title, holding off Murray’s FC Aberystwyth in the league table on goal difference.  I feel completely worn down, have extra shin bruising and my joint ache.  I need a rest.

 

After yesterday’s primary school meeting-middle school meeting-class-classshorter lunch, no nap (winter is coming)-class-class-VIP class-performance rehearsal-home for pasta-cycle to football-football-cycle a little way back-fix puncture-cycle back-try to wind down-sleep for after midnight.  During the day, grade 6 classes (classes 608, 607, 606 and 605) were golddust in my desert of scarpered soul.  They really enthuse for lessons and give that little bit extra.  Their level of humour is just right, just innocent enough to avoid words learned by grade 7 that Father Ted did ever so well to mutate to “feck” in order to beat broadcasters.  The boys in grade 7 are all going through that phase of having to use it at every conceivable opening.  The problem is when it starts off, they all carry it on, a little like class 704’s love for the word fish.  They’ve managed to put the two words together in a kind of local curse which sounds like a clothing brand.  90% of the time I ignore the foul curses and they fade away.  The other 10% of the time I can explain it to one or two students and they get it.  The prospect of soap washing their mouths is not welcomed.  Not that this is my threat.  Chinese insults and abusive curses heard by teachers will be met with this punishment.  The odd thing is… the school bathrooms haven’t had handsoap in them for well over 12 months.  Maybe this explains where the soap is.

 

With respect to the performance here is the song and dance plan.  There are a few notes and all is subject to change.  This Thursday we must show it to the school leaders in period 6.  To date, we have rehearsed only twice.  Yesterday and earlier today.  This lunch time and evening are going to be tiring.  All this running around, it is so tiring.  No necessary pain, no comprehendible gain.  Tess is clearly passionate for dance and has heavily influenced the choreograpy.  Albin, Anna and Albin, the treble As of Dao Ming helped select the songs and added plenty of ideas along the way.  I just turned up.

Here comes the sun	Little darling Its been a long cold lonely winter Little darling It seems like years since its been here Here comes the sun Here comes the sun And I say Its alright Little darling The smiles returning to the faces Little darling It seems like years since its been here Here comes the sun (du dn du du) Here comes the sun And I say Its alright	0:00 – 0:58   John (sun center) starts on stage One person comes on each side of the stage Next two come on Put the sun together, sway a hot sec Boy/girl partners link arms and spin Ensuing do do do do rays spin away Back to sun formation Sun prop [polystyrene, chopsticks, tough card/resin, paints, paper, the amazing art skills of Tess]
Help from my friend	What would you think if I sang out of tune Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song And I’ll try not to sing out of key Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends Mmm, I get high with a little help from my friends Mmm, gonna try with a little help from my friends What do I do when my love is away (Does it worry you to be alone?) How do I feel by the end of the day (Are you sad because you’re on your own?) No, I get by with a little help from my friends Mmm, get high with a little help from my friends Mmm, gonna try with a little help from my friends Do you need anybody? I need somebody to love	0:55 – 02:02 Turn around sunrays to find letters for HELP.  ! ON ROUND part of the sun All have placards with the letters to HELP! We start the word in reverse order “!PLEH” before Albin rearranges them unbuttoning his shirt to reveal a t-shirt with the word friend on it. Sign in proper order, sway
Bring me sunshine	Bring me sunshine in your smile Bring me laughter all the while In this world where we live There should be more happiness So much joy you can give To each brand new bright tomorrow Make me happy through the years Never bring me any tears Let your arms be as warm As the sun from up above Bring me fun, bring me sunshine, bring me love Bring me sunshine in your smile Bring me laughter all the while	02:15 – 03:16   Grab umbrellas   Spinning, open in front of us   Close umbrellas on emphasis 2-1-2   Dance routine loosely based on Morecambe & Wise.
A Hard Day’s Night	It’s been a hard day’s night, and I’d been working like a dog It’s been a hard day’s night, I should be sleeping like a log But when I get home to you I find the things that you do Will make me feel alright You know I work all day to get you money to buy you things And it’s worth it just to hear you say you’re going to give me everything So why on earth should I moan, cos when I get you alone You know I feel OK When I’m home everything seems to be right When I’m home feeling you holding me tight, tight, yeah	03:17 – 04:11   Asger:  marking school homework, piled high on a desk   John: All enter wearing sunglasses and affix sun prop together Anna: (as above) Albin: (as above) Asgar: (as above)   School desk prop, with piles of school books and a stupendously large red pen.
Keep your head up	Only rainbows after rain The sun will always come again and It’s a circle, circling around again It comes around again I said only rainbows after rain The sun will always come again It’s a circle, circling around again It comes around But, you gotta keep your head up Oh oh And you can let your hair down Eh eh You gotta keep your head up Oh oh And you can let your hair down Eh eh I know it’s hard, know it’s hard to remember sometimes But, you gotta keep your head up Oh oh And you can let your hair down Eh eh eh eh eh Keep your head up Oh oh And you can let your hair down Eh eh	04:12 – 05:16     Exercise dance   Hey-ho

 

My Spring festival finishing date is January the 1^st… but because we have that day off for a holiday, it is December the 31^st.  The return date is either February the 18^th of February the 22^nd.  Time to budget (tightly) and plan the 50 plus days inbetween.  I expect learning Chinese, writing and sightseeing are on the agenda.

 

Just watching the news on TV regarding the UK’s debate on airstrikes in SyriaBombs fix things. Simple. They fix the potential for global escalation of warfare, the arms industry and possible extra pipelines. They fix hate into the physche of the desperate, the radical and the stupid. They fix the need for global powers and regions to split apart. Troops on the ground moderating and ending genocides, villages under occupation, etc are fare bettter ideas but equally complex and why should anyone in the world care about that in this day and age when we’re too busy fighting over discount TVs at a Friday non-event that was never previously a non-event but now we’re enforced to believe it is a non-event that is worthy of promotion to the Champions League of non-events. Nuclear weapons are there for a reason, use them. The worlds gone to shit since humans came about, and the Mad Max utopia doesn’t look that bad, unless you’re ginger. You may get sunburnt. All this is because of ISIS. Everyone should direct their abuse to ISIS. The International Species Information System is inncent though.

 

After wèishénme (why?) comes shéi/shuí (who?)…  Chinese can often seem like reverse engineering and in trying to understand a different language I’m torn between literal translations and learning by examples.  Instead of thinking, that is a little apple, should I be thinking “tā shi xiǎo píngguǒ.”

 

I’ve just exited class 704 which refrained from using the fish word, although one potty-mouthed boy keeps directing his obscentities at me.  I’m not proud, but I gave him a lesson in humility and after that he fell in line.  All of his teachers have real problems with him.  He is the smallest student and did not enter Dao Ming until the beginning of the year.  He has a very cruel smile and also a demeanor where he does not try, he just expects.  To the credit of the whole class, the team with the student insistent on the word fish, actually controlled the rest of the class.  Midway through, one boy even admitted they were too naughty and were sorry for their behaviour in the last few classes.  With exams looming, they know they have to up their game with respect to oral English lessons.  Class 702 before them were equally well-behaved and tried equivalently as hard.  The difference there being that six students were constantly using glue sticks to make small rubbery balls of glue.  When asked about it, they’d respond uniformly as, “We’re making snow.”  The answer clearly intended to justify their actions and for me to allow said motions to pass.  It was quite a quiet non-distraction and didn’t stop the students talking in English, so why say no?

 

This weekend I shall mostly be watching曼城 Màn chéng (Manchester City) on their quest to be Guàn jūn (Champions) in the Yīng Chāo (Premier League).  I may or may not be calling into Hong Kong for the 2016 Christmas Santa Stroll.  I’m hoping I can, but is so expensive to go for a day out there – and a night away is far more expensive there than in the U.K.  Having skipped a game for Murray’s FC last night due to school work, I’m skipping Murray’s FC’s Footgolf trip to Mission Hills tomorrow too.  There is a Craft Beer event in DongCheng I’ll be missing too.  So much happens, all at the same time.  Isn’t it always the way?

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

An optimist went to The Optimist (and came out optimistic)

7^th December 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

So, that’s that.  The weekend moved before me like a blink of an eye.  Luckily the exhaustions of last week are behind me and the week ahead can be greeted with energy.  With respect to how much positive and negative energy is anyone’s guesses.  Looking at my recent niggling injuries and fitness, most of the griping pains have eased to nearly nothing but fitness still remains average to below average.

 

 

 

At the weekend Manchester City Football Club Official Supporters’ Club Hong Kong branch has their Santa Stroll.  The stroll started at the closed Trafalgar Brewing Company 2 in Wan Chai, a wander to the nearby ferry, over the sea into Kowloon’s Harbour City [It looks great, it is clean, it is busy, it is tidy.  It isn’t for me.  Malls are for those shopping and those who love it.  It seems to have everything, yet nothing.], a walk around some stores and back.  Along the way chocolates and sweets, with Christmas cheers were given out, for free.   Many a bemused onlooker asked questions by the becketload and many a photograph was taken.  The sky blue Santa Claus costumes stood out from Hong Kong’s winterwearing public with ease.  With the air temperature cooled by blustering rain and howling wind at around 14°C, it felt like late autumn back home (to a degree).  As the Star Ferry, named Northern Star (北星號 in Cantonese) set sail, the waves lifted her gently, placing her bow down with a smack and splatter of spray.  The gentle chorus of “we’re going up, we’re going down, we’re going up, we’re going down…” could be heard in amongst the engine grinds and whistling wind at the windows.  As the vessel landed, our sky blue army spilled out onto the pier like the sea soothingly caressing disturbed sand into a smooth surface.  Not bad value for HK$3.4 (on weekends, it is a little higher than weekdays).  The diesel-electric ferries are to Hong Kong as the tram is to Blackpool, a tough of nostalgia and decorum.  Jump on board, dream a little dream, this is the boat to take you from A to B and on the way, switch off and take in the majestic scenery.

 

Or you could take a tram in Hong Kong.  The Hong Kong trams are tiny and busy but they have character and draw in the attention of those on board.  I love hopping on and off these shopping trolleys on acid.

 

 

During the weekend’s wanders of the wonderful ways of Hong Kong I sampled many great foods.  The first being a Californian-Mexican venture I’ve eaten at before and the last meal being one at The Optimist.  Located at G/F-2F, 239 Hennessy Road, Wan Chai it is worth noticing the outside façade stands out.  Emerald green tiles and large iron-looking windows with a sideways passage reminiscent of an old public house greet you.  Modest signage and little décor simplify.  As the waiter opens the door, a wide feasting area and bar greet you.  Up some stairs, decorated with a menagerie of images you enter a larger dining area.  Up top on the third floor is an impressive open-plan kitchen and classic feeling furniture.  Nothing appears false of cheaply placed.  The lunch menu, though concise, featured many dishes of variety and depth to please the palate.  Opting for shrimp tempura, a Spanish omelette [with a very mouthwatering bravas sauce], aubergine fries [with honey and Kimuchi sauce] and ham with mushroom croquettes [I haven’t enjoyed a croquette as good as this since the 1990’s when my Nana used to make them] in a starter of tapas wasn’t a bad idea.  In fact it was bloomin’ gorgeous.  For the mains I had a medium-rare minute steak baguette, with mushrooms and cheddar cheese (give the option of pickle/pastrami and they’d be on to something…).  I was full.  I’d ordered dessert and was greeted by the best potted cheesecake ever.  The strawberry coulis sauce was delectable and scrumptiously running amongst the thick cheese to the crumbly biscuit base.  The side cappuccino and a flow of water with bread and dips prior to food arriving made for a wonderful touch.  Not having and clearly saying no service charges or extra costs were to be made, I did something I have never felt compelled to do.  I tipped the waiter.  Not only that but I even calculated 15% in my head, thinking and knowing they deserved it.   I’ve never been an optimist about eating western-style food in Hong Kong, but now I am.

 

“You’ve gotta pick a pocket or two.”  Hmmm… a song apt for this morning’s stroll to work.  I live 500 metres from school.  On exiting the gated gardens of … I enter a small square area, cross over Liaoxia DaDao and walk less than 200 metres to the school gate.  As I crossed the road something seemed odd.  I could sense someone very close.  And not a student.  Thankfully I felt a hand and stopped the man escaping with my keys.  He legged it.  I went my way.  Always be vigilant.  Just another reminder that closer to new year, thefts and pickpocketing rises in China.

 

I made the mistake of looking at Facebook earlier and was instantly hit by the number of dirty laundry messages.  You know the kind, the xenophobes and harbingers of doom.  Living in China at the minute, and with all the armed police here, X-ray checks, double standard treatment (if you’re white and western, you can sometimes skip security checks quite often), police everywhere (there was an entire stand at the football once, chock full of coppers, and not a steward to be seen), and generally feeling like a policed state… thank feck the UK isn’t like this.  However, if the UK’s intelligence services and democracy panders to the call for arms to be more freely deployed it is terribly worrying.  Where did we go so wrong?  I don’t want watchmen on every corner judging me and my fellow man. Fight terror and the hatred of Daesh with love and carry on the way we did when the Nazis were on the doorstep of Britain. Keep buggering on.

 

Monday’s classes passed by with no real concerns noted, other than students’ tired attention spans and constant talking in classes 801 and 803.  The Chinese English teacher can’t instill discipline into either, but luckily 803 are massively enthusiastic and try hard.  There are 9 girls to 27 boys in that class.  It is an odd balance.  Class 801 is the smallest class with just 26 students.  That said the hierachy is a tough one, with only 8 girls.  The boys dominate class dynamic behaviours and activities.

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Sun and anarchy

9^th December 2015

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Comparable to a dogfight in the movie Star Wars, cycling on the roads of Dongguan can be eye-opening.  I always ride with a helmet, lights and appropriate clothing.  I tend to stick to the rules that have kept me alive back in Blighty.  Stopping at red lights, avoiding pavements, giving way to large vehicles such as buses and lorries – and so on.  Last night’s ride back from football made me think, as I often do on bike rides, “Do people have common sense?”  This isn’t me having a pop at the Chinese, this is simply me slating the often reckless behaviours of others that I have encountered here.  The questions below will assist in your own judgement.

 

• Is it safe to undertake (on the nearside) a slow moving lorry with only the tiniest of tiny gaps before swerving on front of it’s path to turn left (across the lorry’s driver’s side)?
• What compels someone to cycle against the flow of traffic on a road with 6 road lanes either side?  [Are they depressed?  Do they need to call for help?]
• How many people should sit on a pushbike without an engine?  [Is three or four inappropriate?]
• How wide should a thing be when carrying it by bike?  [Are two metre tall ladders acceptable when carried wide, rather than long?]
• Should you modify a bicycle to have one wheel bigger than the other?  [A BMX wheel on a mountain bike, is it wise?]
• Should you talk on the mobile phone whilst riding?  [And is it okay to use messenger services typing in the missive?]
• If you enter a road from the nearside, should you look before entering it?  [And then, why on Earth would any sane person ride to the farrest lane?]

Following last night’s 5-1 win at football for Murray’s FC, the ride back was equally as interesting with activity happening left, right and centre, but I do wonder, why?  Why, why, why?  Why?!  Stay safe people.  Don’t be stupid.

 

Oh, and it is raining, heavily now.  The temperature has barely hit 17°C in this last week.  Some of the players at Murray’s FC turned up in thermals, trenchcoats, gloves and scarves.  I can’t relate to the feeling of cold as much yet, but when it is damp here, you can feel it.  It is very damp today (like a soggy moggy).  Winter is coming.  That said, the forecast for the week ahead includes highs of 22°C and lows of 14°C.  It won’t be long until summer time…

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Strange fruit

14^th December 2015

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

“Once there was a mountain called peak 15.  Nothing was known about it, but in 1852 the surveyors found it was the highest in the world and they named it Everest.”  After umpteen countless myriads of attempts at editing the soundtrack for our school performance, Friday I have finally had the “Eureka” moment and thanks to the software Audacity, I’m onto something.  Yesterday, I blended the vocals we have sang, with the backing tracks and added a few unobtrusive sound effects to balance the levels but it needs more work.  Of all the musical events during school, I am the mist confident about this.  The first semester Children’s Day performance with Esben, Liam, James and Birgitta was wonderful and comedic.  In my second semester Micaela, Kira, Joe and Emily performed a Disney medaly but my heart wasn’t in it and on the day it felt so flat.  I let the side down.  Semester three swept along, giving us Children’s Day once again – adding colour and joy with Mikkel, Liane, Catherine, and Andreas.  Now all we need are sunglasses, some colourful t-shirts, a few more rehearsals and we’re good to go.  We won’t quite be The Play That Goes Wrong or The Beatles, but we’ll damn well give our all… or 32% of our all at least.

 

Spring Festival is looming and all I seem to hear is, “John, where are you going?”  “John what are your plans?”  “John, are you going home for the break?”  “John, why don’t you go to blah, blah, blah?”  My inaudible answers are ones of I’m still looking.  They are often met by peaceful reminders that “the world is your oyster”.  Plan A isn’t written off.  Plan B of西藏 (XīZàng /Tibet) is near unattainable until April due to government restrictions on tourists domestically [even as KFC plans an opening there…].  The dream places of Lhasa, Shigatse (you can see Everest nearby!), 昌都地区 (Chāngdū Dìqū), Ngari, Nyingchi, Nakchu, and Shannan…

 

After school Friday, I zipped back to apartment, rushed over to a shop near LiaoXiaWeiLiXinCun 7^th alley and the North Ring Road.  Outside the store I noticed boxes of trainers and shoes with some close to my size recently, so I made the effort to return.  I searched and found a black with red trim pair of skateboard trainers.  Happy with my find, I went in store but then decided to ask if the shopkeeper of there was any more sized 49/50 trainers.  She said she’d look.  Immmediately she found crates with some ideal but lightweight trainers.  I selected two further pairs.  As I paid my 390RMB (Roughly £39.00), she gestured to me to drink tea.  Her husband arrived and suddenly I have a rice cake in my hand.  As I glug the first Chinese cup (like a small saucer, but more 1950’s B-movie UFO-like in shape), the lady gives me another pair of trainers for free.  Soon her youngest boy arrives home from school.  It transpires he is a grade 1 student at my school.  He practices his English with me.  His two younger sisters are transfixed on me.  One can toddle, barely older than crawling age.  The other is only just a kindergarten student.  As I try to scatter from the welcoming shop (I’m in a hurry to go to a party in Dongcheng), another child arrives [One child policy?] and it is a student from my grade 6 classes.  I recognise him straight away.  He is a shy boy with a slight nervous twitch that causes him to flick his head back and forth whilst talking.  Another cup of tea is thrust into my hand.  My student and I talk as his family look on amazed at their child’s ability.  Not once do we get lost in translation and the conversation flows well for two cups further of tea.  The tea is delicious.  Armed with my pigeon Chinese, I bid farewell and thank them for their hospitality.  As I depart, yet another pair of trainers is stuffed into my bulging carrier bag.  Am I a caterpillar?

 

With the shoes plonked in the apartment, a swift taxi journey to Dongcheng to meet the folk of Hubhao and enjoy their Christmas revelry.  The merrymaking involved a random prize draw (I won two bottles of imported French red wine) and a White Elephant gift draw.  In essence, you bring a gift valued between 50-100RMB, place it on a table and collect a draw ticket.  The first person opens a gift-wrapped present, and there their turn ends.  On successive turns, each individual may open a new present or gets the choice to pilfer another person’s gift.  I unwrapped my gift to reveal goat’s milk soap and some towels, so I stole from Oggy his toy football set.  He now had the goat’s milk soap and would remain to have it indefinitely.  Later June, Eddy’s girlfriend, filched away the football set, leaving me with two books.  The two books remained in my custody.  One of which is a Chinese illustrated book, translated painstakingly by pencil (until the half way point of the book) and the other, I can’t remember the title… but it looks interesting!  Adam Crase at HubHao is a fine leader of group activities and events.  His promotion and marketing work is fantastic.  HubHao has so much potential but is limited in resource and is only growing slowly but steadily.  As local area magazines go, it is edgy and spirited – open to all in the community.  Since its launch, it has kicked Here Dongguan’s magazine into a healthy competitive drive that has boosted innovation and information locally.  There is room for both, and in some ways, both fill in gaps left by the other.  I personally think, they need to merge and utilise each other’s resources as alternative rags.  After an excellent buffet and some drinks, I headed back to Houjie in a 70RMB taxi journey (expensive for that time of night, but lately taxi drivers are becoming hard bargainers.

 

The following day, Saturday, was  the Murray’s FC night out.  Eddy and Weng booked a large KTV room with three microphone stands, multiple seating options and ensuite of sorts [it had toilets set inside for our use only].  Many spirits had been purchased and smuggled in via various means.  Weng assisted me at KFC, next door to Nancheng’s Rubiks Cube KTV (located within One Mall’s gargantuan location), in acquiring two drinks cups to decant my velvety but piquant tasting blueberry-tinged single malt whisky.  The night started around 8.30pm and ended up in Murray’s Irish Bar by 1.30am.  After 2.30am we retired to Eddy’s gaff to play FIFA 15 (it’s in the game) and generally continue the party.  Over the night we shed many of or 40 plus crowd.  As we hit the last four men standing, I scattered by taxi [70RMB again] to Houjie – and was tucked in, asleep for 6am.  It was to turn out that Sunday was to be a write-off.  Aside from a tired conversation to home and my Aunty Carolyn back in Manchester, sleep and inactivity was the order of the day.  Rest and recovery.

 

Today, I feel a tad annoyed.  On Thursday and Friday, I discussed the plans for the remaining 4 weeks for the foreign teachers with Miss Jiang, the head of foreign languages (Cherry was off enjoying her honeymoon).  We decided that this week would be best to start the oral exams, use next week for Christmas – it being the week of Christmas, and use the following week to continue the oral exams.  That would leave one more week for Tess, Anna, Albin and Asger to complete the oral exams and also allow some final week activities.  For me, it makes sense, Christmas in the week of Christmas.  So, I relayed that message to the other foreign teachers by word of mouth and in WeChat (a phoneapp messenger we can use, that leaves accountability by way of message histories being stored).  On Friday, I went to photocopy my 350 oral English exam papers but the copiers were out of action.  One for today.  On checking my phone I see Cherry and the other foreign teachers are confused.  Miss Jiang has changed her view and wishes to start the oral English exams next week.  This does not make sense.  In the end Cherry has asked for one revision class and a Christmas class this week.  Next week oral exams can be begin for the other foreign teachers.  Whilst it doesn’t affect me directly, it does make me wonder the value of conversations, discussions and ideas.  The negative part of me is fuming and thinking I should avoid being involved with any leadership.  Why do we ask questions and discuss ideas?  The positive spark, subdued probably in a combination of exhaustion and dehydration, is up and active.  Get on with it, forwards and not backwards.  If it was simple and easy, it’d be boring.  Euphoria, exultation and elation can defeat downfall dreary dread and dullness.  Let’s bamboozle the past by learning from it and moving forward.

 

At least I have my horned melon to try tonight.  Known by many names this fruit resembles a Hedgehog.  Cucumis metuliferus, horned melon or kiwano, also African horned cucumber or melon, jelly melon, hedged gourd, melano, in the southeastern United States, blowfish fruit.  In one supermarket I spotted this fruit for 38RMB, complete with a straw inside the box.  So, on spotting one for 18RMB in another store, I figured now is the time to try it.  More to follow.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Toilet humour.

December 14^th 2015

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Qĭngwèn, cèsuŏ zài-nǎ?  (Cheeng-wern, tser-swoh dzigh nah-urr) 请问，侧锁在哪儿？

Every now and then I have to use a public squatter toilet.  Now these toilets are the pits – and I mean it.  Yesterday, I located a convenience without convenience.  It was a long grey slit on the Earth, encased in a tiled block, so dreary in décor it could have doubled for an abandoned building, lost in time.  Instead it had a sign, with the Chinese word for toilet and specified the genders.  I opted for the sign saying man (男 Nan, a stocky character with a big head – not 女 Nü, said to resemble a woman’s figure).  I should have stood outside and crapped my pants.  I hate squatter toilets for many reasons but one jumps ahead of others.  It burns my calf muscles!  My calf muscles hate squatting actions and I can feel the strain on my meniscus (the fibrocartilage strips behind each knee).  My other key issues are:

• Tissues.  You have to pack a bulky packet for every journey, no matter how short or far because nobody wants to be caught short.  Tissue paper cannot be flushed.  It must go in the overflowing volcanic looking bin that resembles something from Swamp Thing.  I pray for the caretakers who move such industrial waste.
• Baggage and clothes.  Now, often toilets don’t have a hook or for that matter anywhere to hang your bag.  I’ve implemented into my travel bag a hook, to hang my own bag over a toilet cubicle wall, or affix to any bar (provided it can take some weight).  If no one is there to hold onto your bag, it can be a pain.  Also, you have to pay so much attention to not letting any clothes drape or droop on the floors.  Sometimes they can be dirty – and often wet from humidity, messy previous users, very soggy cleaning skills by caretakers etc.
• Knowledge.  To a degree, knowing where toilets are, whether in a restaurant or coffee shop etc, it is useful to know which places have clean, tidy and functional pans.
• Communal toilets.  So instead of cubicles, you have no walls, no boundaries and sometimes to make it entertaining two rows of toilets will face two rows of toilets.  So, if you look up, it looks like the bemused Chinese man opposite you is inspecting your movements.  Then you could look down to avoid the obvious stares, but you’d be facing a grim floor.  Look left or right and nine times out of ten someone else is watching.  Look up and your balance may be thrown off.  It is best to power squeeze and escape quickly.  Once someone took a photo of me in action.  I daren’t ask why and the look of shock on my face as they ran off with their prize quickly turned into a bemused, if not a little psychotic, laugh.  Privacy invaded.  I’m told making eye contact or looking down is frowned upon.  These are two things I’ll happily avoid.
• The squat itself.  I’ve mentioned the pain.  I’m told the grooves either side of a Chinese toilet are where you put your feet.  No thank you.  If I do that, my large body frame will miss the dropzone and the bomb-bay doors are far from the target with no windage for added guidance.  Also, the grooves are often the muckiest, wettest unwelcoming area on Earth outside of Old Trafford.  I’m told the squat is the healthiest way to pass your body’s excess detritus.  It is not dignified and never shall be.

I must admit to rarely having to queue in China for a toilet, but I have had to wait once or twice for someone who has emerged on their phone and clearly been on said phone for some time and thus frustratingly not using the toilet for the purpose of the toilet.  So, if you can and you’re in China, write a letter to the China’s National Tourist Administration about toilets being bad.  One small step for civilisation is needed.  There are star ratings for public outhouses and so far I have yet to see a good public loo.  My ambition is to use the Tiger Leaping Gorge (Yunnan) toilet.  Going to the toilet, here, there and everywhere is necessary – but so are tissues, hand gel, a sense of humour and a sh!tload of humility.  There are many survival guides, handy tips everywhere (World Toilet is amazing!  By amazing, I mean I am amazed someone has put that together… for the benefit of society?) – but I’ll never enjoy crouching, bending my knees or hunkering down.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

“I am sheep”

17^th December 2015

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Whilst looking up the character for man, I found out that 男 has two components.  One being 田 field, and one being 力 for strength.  I guess there was an old fashioned feeling that men would be strong and work in fields.  A book called the imaginatively titled Explaining Simple and Analyzing Compound Characters says as follows, “Men rule on affairs of the outside.”

 

Okay, so let’s look a woman or 女.  It is said to look like a woman’s figure.  This is the most beautiful of the characters?!  If you see女in any character, a woman is involved:  妻 (wife), 妇 (housewife) and 媽 (mother).  The upper part of 妻 (wife) is a broom.  The creators of these characters were chauvinists in a time ruled by field going strong men.

The more I read about characters, the more I understand – even if I don’t remember them.

Some are simple, such as 一, 二, and 三 for “one”, “two”, and “three”; and 上 for “up”, 下 for “down.”  Some are tougher but equally interesting, 安 “peace” is a combination of “roof” 宀 and “woman” 女, meaning “all is peaceful with the woman at home”).  Then there are the pictoral characters,山 for mountain, 人 for man, etc.

I quite like learning about Chinese and the cultures within and from those who have visited China but for every simple element there seems to be a pitfall or something equally as difficult.  The six groups are quite clear in form but there are far too many characters to learn and understand.  象形 Xiàngxíng, pictographs “depicting directly”; 指事 Zhǐshì, ideograms “pointing out the facts”; 會意 Huìyì, ideogrammic compounds “combination of meanings”; 形聲 Xíngshēng, phono-semantic compounds “form and sound”; 假借 Jiǎjiè, phonetic-loans “under false name”; 轉注 Zhuǎnzhù, reciprocal meaning “turn and pour”. 

 

Even if I poured my heart into it, I’d not have the time.  仁 (ren) the left side 亻signifies man, the right side is the number two, 二 (er).  Somehow it means the relation of man to the dignity/ethics and earthy things.  So, 仁 (ren) actually means goodness, heart, compassion and the desire for others best wishes.  In the beginning kids are taught the simplest character of one, 一 (yī).  There’s tonnes of philosophy and history behind this simple character.  Previously to female (陰 yīn) and male (陽 yáng), only一 (the One) existed as the creative power; the Entirety, the Tao.  There are lots of texts, e.g. The Epochtimes, around to explain the One or陰 yīn/陽 yang.  If you seek complexity, look at義 (meaning loyalty, justice and honesty).  I can see羊 (sheep) on top and 我 (I, myself) below.  Sheep are tasty.  Fact.  Sheep are also obedient and kind in nature.  Sheep, are seen as a symbol of good luck and prosperity in China [like the Superman symbol elsewhere].  Some translate it directly as, “I am sheep.”

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

The bipolar sunshine of 7th grade

18^th December 2015

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Wagons are rolling, they’re rolling along the pathway of the final 9 days of school.  As the 31^st bears down on me like an allied/Russian/Syrian/Turkish [delete as appropriate] jet flying at a terrorist/peaceful/opposition [delete as inappropriate] target in Syria.  This is the last act, the final furlong, the end of the world is nigh, semester one is almost over.  As is traditional at school, the school performance rehearsals are deep into the final fine tuning and shaping for the show.  Here we go again, whammy… we’re on the road to Wembley… or the curtain call.  Wednesday’s classes in grade 7 were fantastic, with students engaging questions and answers at levels of 100% in each and every class.  I applied the rule, “each student must try otherwise your team cannot win” and to be honest every student tried at least twice.  The four forty minute lessons in classes 701, 702, 703 and 704 flew by faster than Superman racing a speeding asteroid.  As an extra incentive, each winning team gained two sweets (candies) and the runners-up had half the prize.  It wasn’t much but after 48 winning sweets and 24 secondprize winners, that’s 72 candies from bags that usually total 24 at most for 6RMB each.  That’s 18RMB or around £1.80… and I’m from northern England.  And today, I returned to grade 7 for classes.  Class 702 were a delight and each received a candy Christmas treat – before asking me to play a short Christmas video or song and then singing Frozen‘s Let It Go.  Class 704 were 50/50, at best, in terms of effort.  I rewarded the top two teams.  This class features several very naughty boys, one of which wrote an English phrase“f%*$ you” on the board and told me, “I am beautiful like an ar$ehole” in Chinese, followed by “you are a yellow movie star” – yellow movies being the Chinese equivalent of blue movies, or porn.  His teachers do not like teaching him and I can see why.  The boy who usually says “fish” and “bird” frequently during class, didn’t say it once though, so manybe he is getting bored of it too.  It turns out “bird” is slang for penis.  That’s why I am often asked, “How big is your bird?” followed by giggles…

 

It is 9°C here and 16°C in Manchester right now.  Manchester is finally warmer than here in Houjie (South China)!  This hasn’t happened this year, from what I have seen.  Enjoy your warmth Manchester because winter is coming…

 

Oh and Wuzhen has been plastered on the news – world news and not domestic news, that is.  A few bureaucrats from countries that appear to silence freedom attended the World Internet Conference.  Cyber sovereignity sounds like a virtual reality queen, and precisely the thing they want to block!  Who exactly watches the Watchmen?

 

Now, I’m going to listen to some Bipolar Sunshine before lunch and a rendition of Jingle Bells infront of the school leaders.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

Autographs later:  “We are 20 million strong!”

 

Dàlǐngshān, Liáobù, Chángpíng, Shílóng, Wànjiāng & Wàngniúdūn

18^th December 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

Dongguan has just been awarded the title, “City of Forests”…

I am based in Houjie, but there are many more districts within Dongguan than my realm.  Houjie has some odd titles and is up there with all thoughts that sway towards where-did-they-get-that-name-from?  “Town of Hygiene in China”, “Famous Town of Exhibitions in China”, “Town with the Strongest Education in Guangdong”, and a “Civilized Town of Dongguan City”.  There’s a sports park (体育馆), Fushengang (福神岗), Henggang Reservoir (横岗水库) and Dalingshan (大龄山).  More info on Houjie can be found here.

In the meantime, here are six local areas…

Area	best reached from Hòujiē Zhèn (厚街镇) by bus(es) (Houjie):	Reasons to visit/Places to eat or drink/Landmarks etc
大岭山镇 Dàlǐngshān Zhèn	L5A: Dongguan Central Bus Station – Songshan Lake (6:15-20:30) Main stops: Dongguan Central Bus Station, South China Mall, Keyuan Garden, Guangcheng Culture Square, West City Gate Tower(Ying’en Gate Tower), Economy &Trade Center, Jusco, Labor Bureau, Education Information Center, Power Supply Company, Dongcheng Center, New World Garden, Dynatown Residential Garden , Yujing Residential Garden, Huying Park, Dongguan Xiangshi Zoo, Songshan Lake	This area is pretty big, it has a forest park that covers many small mountain peaks.  Within Dongguan it arguably has some of the most remote and quiet of areas.  There is an entrance to the western area of the park on the border of Houjie, although by bike or on foot it can be a pretty steep climb.  If you want to see something really unusual, go to the Anti-Japanese War National Base (1937-1945). You’ll find it in the romantically named Dawangling Village Revolutionary Site.  The Memorial Museum of Dongjiang Column is well worth a look. To the northern aspect of this region sits Songshan Lake  Established areas sit alongside more modern technology parks with tourism far and wide.  Snake soup, Dàlǐngshān Roast Goose (head to Xiangdong Road in Ailingkan Village) and Hakka Casserole Dog Meat [no thank you!] can be found on a few menus.  Look out for the delicious Hakka radish rice.  The local government website is here.
寮步镇 Liáobù Zhèn		Liáobù could easily translate as concrete in some ways but don’t be fooled.  Beyond the bright lights of western bars like 28 Over Par there is much more to see and do.  This area was founded in 627-649 (Tang Dynasty) and has changed a little since.  Liáo means huts.  Huts appear all but gone alongside the HanXi river.  Rice, lychees, longans and other fruits are numerous here from season to season.
常平镇 Chángpíng Zhèn	L3: Dongguan Central Bus Station—Changping (Yingxian Villa)( 6:00－20:00) Main stops: Dongguan Central Bus Station, South China Mall, Keyuan Garden, Guangcheng Culture Square, Donghu Residential Garden, People’s Park of Changping, Changping Bus Station, Yingxian Hillside Resort	Changping Town, belonging to the city, is the vital hub of Guangdong-Hong Kong Railway, Guangzhou-Shenzhen-Hong Kong High Speed Railway, Guangzhou-Meizhou-Shantou Railway and Beijing-Hong Kong Railway.  Within this realm there is a leisure and resort park of sorts.  There is also a link about this area here.  This is the aptly named “Famed Town of Best Logistics in China.”  Where do they think these names up?!
石龙镇 Shílóng Zhèn	L2: Dongguan Central Bus Station—Shilong (Jinsha Bay)( 6:00-19:45) Main stops of the L2: Dongguan Central Bus Station, South China Mall, Keyuan Garden, Guangcheng Culture Square, Dongguan University of Technology – City Campus, Fruit Wholesale Market, Liuhua Park, Shijie Government, Yuan Chonghuan Memorial Park, Shilong Railway Station, Shilong Zhongshan Park, Shilong Jinsha Bay	Shílóng is famous for weight-lifting.  In 1984, Shilong gained the honorary name of “Town of Weight Lifting.”  There is history behind it and a statue.
万江街道 Wànjiāng Jiēdào	Look for any bus going to the Wànjiāng bus station, often referred to as Dongguan Bus Central Station.	The Wànjiāng region has history dating back to the Ming Dynasty (around 1464).  Heritage and culture can be found here.  Such as the Tower of the Golden Turtle Oasis, which is listed as protected by the provincial government; and the Lv Dongbin Temple, the Ancestral Hall of Surname He, the Ancestral Hall of Surname Hu, the Ancestral Hall of Surname Xie, and Chongguang Institute.  Wànjiāng sits on the DongJiang river. Wànjiāng has an excellent street for sports gear, known far and wide within Dongguan.  There are many good places to visit in this distict. The notorious South China Mall is located here complete with indoor rollercoaster, theme park, cinema, restaurants, themed areas and a vastness of emptiness.
望牛墩镇 Wàngniúdūn Zhèn		Wàngniúdūn is known more for the dragon boat races that occur in the LiaoXia district every year alongside the DongJiang river, with some side channels offering entertainment or great photography options also. Local foods include Duwu baked goose, Xiacao fish balls and three-boiled bones.  Hand-picking (Shouzhua) is also present.  Xindiancheng Road has an interesting arrays of foods. My favourite thing about this town, is the title it once earned… “the town without unverified internet cafee.”  This town also holds this title, “the town with the strongest education in Guangdong.”  Is there a “town with the most peculiar and inexplicable title” yet?

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

Why do I enjoy teaching?

18^th December 2015

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Why do I enjoy teaching?  Let’s be fair, by comparison I’m not doing half the job that the Chinese teachers here at Dao Ming do, and nor would I ever put myself in that demanding position.  Nor am I teaching in the U.K. where it seems every second news article seems to report about the poor teaching pay, union strength and so on.  I know my role here is one of authenticity and to help further the students’ spoken English skills – and help them be confident.  Some classes are hectic, eventful and sometimes students are preoccupied, over-worked and the classes may have fell out of my control before I’ve stepped through the door.  Sometimes, I have to accept, I can only do my best, lead and let the students follow.  Today, I have been harried by students in the afternoon periods.  703 and 701 delivered tremendously and two Cadbury’s Miniature Heroes were given to the winning teams in class 701.  The remaining students and each student within class 703 had just one small chocolate.  All seemed appreciated and the thank yous came thick and fast.  I did not expect a pen with a little note in return.  The little gift is wonderful.  The best gifts though are ones where you see how quickly students have changed in a short space of time.  Apprehension replaced by eagerness.  Worry replaced by confidence.  Indifference swiped away and interest in place of it.  Industry triumphs over idleness.  For no matter how hard I think teaching is, learning a second language is just as hard, if not harder.  My students must learn English, whereas I choose to learn Chinese.  Without choice, necessity demands on your soul and mind in ways I cannot understand.  There were no repercussions for not learning German at Reddish Vale High School for me.  Here, if a student doesn’t learn English, their highy contended places in High Schools are waved away.  Entrance exams are a key to a different world.  I’ll let others debate the use of English to the Chinese whilst I embrace an overall fantastic day at school.  What I like about Dao Mingf Foreign Language school, is that this school emphasises the need to speak English – and not just quote, copy and paste text or memorise a paragraph.  An effort is made to make the language tactile and useful in everyday life.  There isn’t a push to become a robot, or precision memorisation apparatuses.  The skill of memorising is there, but not as badly pushed as some state schools.  The school has the objective to provide a foundation for students in the future.

 

Globally English is the most used language by number of countries and regions it is spoken in.  Spanish, Portuguese, French and German are widely spoken but to less lands [even if English spread due to our dark colonial past/often English is the second language of countries that speak Spanish, Portuguese etc].  Mandarin is much more limited in its global reach although the most spoken language on Earth.  Most employers look for bilingual speakers in terms of jobs flitting between different territories.  In the entertainment business, English speaking bands tour the globe with ease and English movies are common in most countries [even if subtitles are affixed].  Science has been globally communicated in English forms, especially common units.  As sad as it is, English speakers (for example, in the United States) earn more money than non-English speakers.  It can increase your standard of living.  Also, as demonstrated by many students today, it can arm you with weapons of cheekiness.  Cheekiness is a good quality, when deployed skillfully.

 

Why did I enjoy being taught?

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Shèng dàn kuài lè [MERRY CHRISTMAS] 圣诞快乐

19^th December 2015

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Shèng dàn kuài lè圣诞快乐.  Merry Christmas to each and every one of you, whether religious or not religious.  Let’s embrace each other culures and wish for a fantastic festive season.  Whether you are here, there or everywhere, enjoy this season and be jolly.  Stay sensible – and if not, have a drink or two too many (if you choose to do so).

Nadolig Llawen i chi

Feliz Navidad

愉快な

Lystig jul

Рождеством Христовым

Vrolijke Kerstmis

Natal feliz!

Joyeux noël!

Fröhliches Weihnachten!

عيد ميلاد مجيد

শুভ বড়দিন

Nollick Ghennal as Blein Vie Noa

Танд зул сарын баярын болон шинэ жилийн мэндийг хүргэе

Kirismas wacan & Iyo sanad cusub oo fiican

كریسمس مبارک

Buon Natale e felice anno nuovo

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

“Definition of the week: TV set—the box in which they buried Morecambe and Wise.”

22^nd December 2015

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

The week of Christmas began with classes 802 and 804.  Class 804 were wonderful as always and yet more Cadbury’s Heroes were handed out as a tiny gift.  The four tubs are came to an end that afternoon.  Classes 803 and 801 will completed the afternoon and there should have been just about be enough chocolates left to treat the wee devils individually but we fell one shy – so I improvised an awarded a star student something better, a larger chocolate bar.

 

Yesterday I was at my desk, with the best of the Morecambe and Wise Christmas Show playing in the background.  Des O’Connor, was in this one particular sketch and the comedy duo of Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise are in splendid form with a combination of satire, observational, ad lib humour, spontaneous variety and musical comedy second to none.

Ernie, “Where’s mine?

Eric, “Pardon?”

Ernie, “Where’s mine?”

Eric, “Just turned 50 and you’ve forgotten?”

Christmas for me should always feature Morecambe and Wise.  From 1969 until 1980 (skipping 1974) the shows were always broadcast on Christmas Day – and I’m certain that every year since they have been repeated, losing so little affection and charm.  Many years I would watch this on television with grandparents, with my immediate family, with friends and so on.  I don’t need an excuse.  Sitting watching Morecambe and Wise with your Mum, Dad, Nana, Grandfather or Gran is something everyone should experience – a feeling of total security and warmth.  Some topical features and stars of the days featured may be out-dated but for me this only accentuates the value of comedy greatness living on.  You recognise the news reporters, TV stars, actors and musicians as being huge commanders of the stage.  Alongside Morecambe and Wise there is a great respect of their guests and this is infectious.  It beats watching naff commercials featuring stars of the day selling you any old tat.

 

Sunday night Murray’s F.C. lost 5-3 in a close game, after going in at the break with no goals for either side.  With a fantastic beef sirloin streaks, rice, egg and mushroom meal  [niúnǎnFàn 牛腩饭] in my belly from lunchtime, the cycle ride to Binjiang (to play) was great.  Afterwards, after 2 hours of football [we stopped for only ten minutes at half time], the ride back was strenuous and almost backbreaking.  Murray’s Irish Bar held a fantastic barbecue for the football team on Saturday night, with copious amount of slaughtered beef and lamb on the menu.  A great pre-Christmas get together.  Too many Strand Ales were drank amongst shots after shots.  Whilst writing an article called Cases Against Having An Ayi yesterday I was a tad head weary and worn.  Want to know the content of the Ayi debate?  It’ll be published in January.  In the meantime HubHao have listed my latest ventures in writing online.  There’s a Badass of Chinese History in Yue Fei.  Eddy’s article on ten pin bowling gives me a mention after we had a game across the road from my apartments in Houjie’s Wanda Plaza.  I argue against learning Chinese (even though I find learning Chinese amazing).  Here’s my archive of articles to have a gander at in your free time.  They have a backlog of pieces sat in waiting to be published.  Echo’s article on a street devout to décor is worthy of a read, as is the Ecologist’s view on hanging gardens.

 

Due to last night being busy with school work I opted for the same beef brisket, rice, egg and mushroom meal [niúnǎnFàn 牛腩饭] alongside some crispy fried wonton [zháyúntūn 炸云吞].  And today I am battling stage 2 Man Flu, headaches, aching joints, dizziness, fatigue and a sore throat.

 

In national news here, people are still being searched for at the tragic landslide, at the city of Shenzhen, just south of me.  The aerial footage would look worse if it wasn’t for the smog.  The scale of the disaster and nature’s power is overwhelming.  I hope few people fell victim to the landslide.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Made From Manchester

22^nd December 2015

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

I wasn’t going to write anything more.  I was going to sit back, read the Manchester Evening News and other online media sources before waking up properly with some class lesson reviews.   Flicking through the links of the M.E.N. online, I came across an article about Callum Ballantine passing away.  Through charity work and his (and assistance from his best friend Samir Kamani) fashion line “Made in Manchester” has spread love about our city and given the Teenage Cancer Trust, and in turn the valuable support.  The shirts sell at £10 each and make an ideal Crimbo present for those struggling for ideas.  There are many popular music options, red and blue too – as well as things inspired by Manchester’s roots.

 

#RIPCallumBallantine #MadefromManchester.  #WeWearPink #OneofOurOwn

 

http://www.madefrommanchester.com/

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Merry Christmas. 圣诞快乐 (Shèngdàn kuàilè)

25^th December 2015

Merry Christmas. 

圣诞快乐

(Shèngdàn kuàilè)

Watch a video here

 

Sunshine on Christmas Eve!

26^th December 2015

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Christmas Eve spent in the U.K. was often just an average day.  Maybe I’d be working, maybe there’d be some last minute shopping, and often there’d be some form of queues – but it shopping or traffic.  Or there’d be travelling, with Chris Rea playing a festive ditty.  As a youngster there’d be excitement, eagerly anticipating Lego, or dreaming of Ghostbusters, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or many other latest must-have action figures.  There would be the added bonus of divorced parents, meaning two possible Christmas meals or at worst, staggered gifts to be received and chances to see multiple Christmas trees and décor across the two split extended families’ relatives.  There are many fond memories out there to hide away the three Christmases spent vomiting from that pesky winter noro-virus.  Once I keeled over midway between my Dad’s and Mum’s.  Christmas lunch was returned to Earth.

 

In 2015, I had one of the merriest Christmas Eve days of my life.  I don’t often use the word jolliest as it doesn’t strike me as a very jovial or jocund words.  Yesterday was fluently buoyant – a crest of a wave of joy.  The day started at the beginning, as it often does.  Sliding along the highly humid corridors to the lift, I swiped “MCFC, okay” onto the damp wall tiles.  The lift bell pinged to mark its arrival.  In I went and down it went.  I skipped out the door, excited by the sunshine in the sky.

 

On entering the gates of school, clouds starting to sweep over and a little mist rolled around the school buildings.  Hints of spitting rain followed.  Miss Jiang stood anxiously by the middle section of the school complex.  Her apparent unease at the heavens unfolding.  I calmly looked up and told her, “it’ll pass.”  Miss Jiang said they would delay the start until by fifteen minutes.  As I went to Albin and Anna’s office, I could see from the window that stage readying was under way.  Three giant boards covered in Christmas wrap sat proudly centre stage.  Speakers and wiring soon followed.

 

To quote Santa Claus – The Movie “the light of happiness in a friend’s eye” was seen many a time over the last few days.  The show with Asger, Albin, Anna and Tess went smoothly, we did our rendition of Jingle Bells, dived off stage, dished out candies and swapped glad tidings with grade 5/6 and everyone else that stopped me.  Many a happy photograph was taken.  After which I ran home, showered and headed back for jolly Christmas lessons with 601 class and 602 class.  Lunch followed and I grabbed three gingerbread house sets for the teachers to share.

For the afternoon, the former leader of the English teachers at Dao Ming Foreign Language School came by our school.  Miss Jiang had pre-agreed for me to hop to Bright’s new school.  So, Bright, his driver and I made the short journey to Nancheng.  Bright now works at the catchilly titled and off the tongue东莞市南城阳光第七小学.  The school’s title in English would be something like Dongguan City 17th Sunshine Primary School.  That’s right, there are 16 others and one more is opening soon this year.  Dongguan (东莞) Shi (市Market or City) Nánchéng (南城south town) Qu YángGuāng (阳光sunshine) diqi (第七17th) Xiǎo Xué (小学primary school) is a mouthful coming from Chapel Street Primary School, a school in Manchester not using the locality of Levenshulme or city name in the moniker.  In some ways it isn’t too dissimilar to Man City’s new crest dropping the M.C.F.C. and flipping to just using Manchester City without identifying it as a football club.  Anyway, I digress… At the school, Bright and I created a short play (10 minutes) long about a 100-year old Santa Claus coming from Manchester to China to deliver gifts to the school students.  It ended in We Wish You A Merry Christmas and a Challenge Anneka (where is she now?) style run from classroom to classroom amongst the 840-student filled school.  Some sweat later, over a couple of teas, Bright and I caught up.  I do hope one day he gets accepted to be a professor at university.  He’s taking a break from it now.  Third time lucky.  As a thank you the school gifted me a paper cutting (chuāng huā 窗花 – “window flower” the school is famous nationally for this; they usually decorate windows).  They are usually reserved for foreign visitors and government officials.  Chang’e (嫦娥) – a moon goddess – is depicted on my cutting. So, armed with that I returned to LiaoXia, then joined my fellow English teachers, domestic and foreign for food and games at Wanda Plaza.  Christmas Eve was great fun.

Oh and in the evening it rained.  I don’t think the day actually saw any real weather sunshine, but at 24°C it was warm!

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

 

A very Mandarin Christmas

27^th December 2015

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Firstly, I hope you all had a very joyous and Merry Christmas.

 

Christmas Day should be an exciting day.  It should be filled with family, close friends, fun and happiness.  My Christmas Day was much more placid than previous years.  I’d already reserved myself to thinking it’d be bobbins.  My Christmas dinner consisted of beef and noodles with some fruit, before watching Mr Walrus at Brown Sugar Jar.  I’d been asked to write an article about the gig already and decided I’d go at the very last minute.  HubHao shall have the article sooner or later.  Undoubtedly a link shall follow in due course.  The way Christmas Day panned out, I wouldn’t change for the world.  As the last of my man flu dissipated, I felt very relaxed indeed.  A day without presents and gifts being received wasn’t all bad.  I’ve grown out of that and prefer to give gifts so much more.  Next Christmas will be spent with family and not in China!

 

This Christmas, I gave myself a challenge.  I signed up to something tough.  I completed enrolment to study and complete the HSK (Xīn Hànyǔ Shuǐpíng Kǎoshì 新汉语水平考试).  This is a Chinese Proficiency Test.  This is administered by the Hanban (汉办) – an abbreviation for the Chinese National Office for Teaching Chinese as a Foreign Language (NOTCFL).  I’ve registered for Hanban already.  I’ll aim for the HSK 1 & HSK 2 as both don’t require writing ability.  It could be a foundation to build upon.  With respects to purely an oral test, I could aim to complete HSKK 1-6 levels ( 汉语水平口语考).  My first test (HSK一级)  and second test (HSK二级 ) will be on 7/5/2016 and 12/6/2016 respectfully at东莞南方科技专修学院（网考）.  The main oral Mandarin test is at孔子学院远程教育中心网考（广州）on 21/5/16.  Until then I need to learn and besides online materials like Chinesepod.com, online dictionaries, personal tutoring (e.g. http://www.newconceptmandarin.com), pronounciation tools, cultural websites like ChineseWhisper.com and of course friends here.  Learning Chinese is not easy but I’m determined to feed off a mental challenge in Spring.  Time to immerse…

 

I need to download Radio Chinese Plus onto my phone; talk and sing to myself in Chinese (singing Little Apple/Teresa Teng/Wang Fei/Zhou Huajian); listen to those around me more; pay more attention to signage and announcements; watch some popular Chinese videos online; maybe pay more attention to the likes of Jackie Chan (Chéng Lóng/成龙) or another famous star; watch some Chinese tele and movies (Shower 洗澡, A World Without Thieves 天下无贼, Eat Drink, Man Woman 饮食男女, and To Live 活着. Good Chinese TV series include Home With Kids 家有儿女，Journey To The West 西游记 and Fen Dou 奋斗.).

 

Yesterday, a mostly lazy day, involved the watching of many movies including A Very Murray Christmas.  In the evening I ate a turkey sandwich at Irene’s Bar whilst watching Manchester City win 4-1 and unveil our new old modern classic crest.  I am just tucking myself in bed and judging by the news online the U.K. is far too wet.  Keep safe everybody!  And, whilst the U.K. floods, let’s look at cheery news:  A bicycle in a tree?

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Up in smoke

28^th December 2015

你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

School may have an idea now to who my replacement will be.   A piece of woof justice, if ever there was one.  As I typed that I just sneezed so powerfully, I could have ripped my diaphragm and groin muscles.  That bloomin’ ‘urt.  The projectiles dispersed thankfully into a tissue and not through my laptop’s screen.   I had a tissue handy because I’m at the exit stage of Man Flu.  Tissues are everywhere, on almost every student’s desk.  There are many colds, viruses, man flu cases etc flying around.  Handerkerchiefs?  Forget that.  Not here.  Not a chance.  When someone sneezes, it is as if Mount Etna herself has spewed volcanic matter over the immediate sky.  Any signs of sneezing should be given a wide pathway around the sneezer.  Otherwise, expect decoration of an unwelcome variety.

 

All this being said, we can’t keep throwing antibiotics around like toys, the superbugs are coming… as discovered in China recently.  Everytime I hear of a teacher with a cold, they soon seem to share photographs of intravenous drip-administered fluids and antibiotics on their WeChat moments (like a Facebook wall).  We can’t go on this way.  We need to build our own resistance and stop depending on drugs [they should be a last resort/used for the more vulnerable].

 

Other things that disgust me are smoking.  Almost every man smokes here in China.  Every boy seems to light up as they show they are now a man.  Very few women smoke, although you do see a few in western bars joining the filthy habit.  Each province in China has its own brand of tobacco.  I’m told there are around 900 brands nationally.  Some have names like 红双喜(Hóngshuāngxǐ or Red Double Happiness), 中华(Zhōnghuá/National smoke – the slogan is Love our Chungwa, or love our China – and 毛泽东Máo Zédōng smoked them, so they are immensely popular!), then there is 红塔山 (Hóngtǎshān/Red Pagoda Hill), brands named after Communist party buildings, Pandas, Pride, good cats, and YuXi has a theme park named after it!  It doesn’t matter what their names or packagaing is, on the mainland they all belong to China National Tobacco Corporation (中国国家烟草公司 Zhōngguó yāncǎo zǒng gōngsī).

 

I can’t see many people giving up smoking.  Every shop has at least 25 different brands.  Each street and almost all signage often has a brand advertising freely.  Non-smoking bars and restaurants often have signage saying not to do so, next to an ashtray.  The extremely lax enforcement of smoking laws here, taxi drivers sparking up enroute, school bus drivers chugging away in full view of students, teachers bunking off to toilets, P.E. teachers unreservedly lighting up in their ash-filled offices… the list goes on and on.  I often see Chinese footballers smoking as they play.  They have their hands free.  Why not?  I’ve seen basketball games pause every five minutes for a team talk/filthy fag break.

 

Cigarette packages globally often contain warning signs and symbols.  Some are devoid of anything other than the bare minimum.  In China, expect artwork, lavish symbols and bold bright colouring.  China has major health problems in most areas.  Smoking is one of them.  It won’t disappear any time soon.  At least four or five teachers I know that arrived started smoking again here.  In fact some of the guys at football only smoke here because it is so cheap.  2.5RMB (or 25 pence) a packet is common, with few being much more than this.  Unless, you want luxury or foreign brands illegally imported.

 

Who gets rich from the habit?  The government (7% of GDP comes from tobacco – but then someone may have to foot the health bill eventually), the tobacconists, the shops… Sung et al. estimated the economic costs of smoking in China in 2000 at US$5.0 billion (based on the exchange rate of 8.27RMB to US$1), of which US$1.7 billion were direct healthcare costs of smoking and $3.3 billion were indirect morbidity and mortality costs.  There is a relatively large amount of money to be made and lost in relation to the habit of chuffing one and other’s lives away.  That said, with air pollution [it is estimated to kill 4000 people a day here] being so bad in places, does it matter?  Sadly, 33% of young smokers are likely to meet an end prematurely – with disability numbers also expected to shoot upwards.  Whilst Chinese women (less than 1% of the population are believed to be smokers) have deceptively young looking skin, often many many have deceivingly old looking skin.  Although with the inventor of the e-Cig being a dual user of traditional and modern methods, what chance does anyone have of stubbing out this bad habit?

 

Smoking is a social custom in China.  I’ve been shunned for not accepting cigarettes.  It is a sign of respect and friendliness, but one refusal can end social interactions.  Here news reports have advised smoking as being good for you.  In 2009, the Chinese Ministry of Health issued a decision to totally ban smoking in all health administration offices and medical facilities by the year 2011.  No such enforcement is ever evident.  Concerns about how China is perceived by way of image may one day win over tough enforcement and end promotion of tobacco but until then, good luck in the smoke filled alleys, restaurants, taxis, bars and steeets here.   Whilst secondhand smoke is a major health concern, ability to enforce has not been brought about.  Some even claim it cures mouth ulcers, relieves schizophrenia and so on.  I guess if you have asthma then a dose of Ebola might cure you.

 

In 2011, 2011, State Administration of Radio, Film and Television, proclaimed that it will forbid “inappropriate smoking scenes” in movies and TV shows.  Few shows feature smoking.  Old movies, the kind watched by many, always seem to show long smoking action shots.  This bad habit won’t disappear like smoke in the wind.

 

再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

步步高昇 (bù bù gāoshēng): Onwards and upwards

9^th November 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

One of my students from V.I.P. class in grade 5 has made the city-wide final of the English Speaking Competition.  Daniel will appear in the final ten on November the 15^th at a hotel ballroom in front of hundreds of onlookers and many judges.  He had previously won the Houjie final and a qualifying round.  We tried to make a simple speech from my initial draft below about Dongguan Cuture.

Dongguan blends and mixes the many cultures and people of China.  All walks of life are thrown together into a wonderful tapestry of sports, music, morals, laws, customs and arts.People of various nationalities come from Australasia, Africa, the Americas, Europe and Asia to form a bright and vibrant city.  The people here learn from one another and further their knowledge by continually connecting together as one through celebration, ristuals and patterns of consumption.  The ways of life within Dongguan are simple yet complex.  Beliefs, values and symbols are respected from generation to generation as the city evolves.   Dongguan is built around many old villages, rivers and surrounding hills.  The landscape has transformed from farming to city lifestyles in a short space of time.  It is connected to the world and known for manufacturing.  The city is famous for dragon boat racing, lychee and lotus festivals amongst other things.  A blend of international and national influence is unique to this multicultural city.

 

Obviously the above is a tad difficult for even a naturalised English speaker or 11 year’s of age, let alone Daniel with his highly advanced second language skills.  So, Cherry (his class tutor) and I settled on the below speech (小学组 晁旭东 文化东莞):

“Hello, I am a robot.  I was made in Dongguan.  Now I want to tell you something about this city.  Let’s start with the fact that there are many libraries here.  Dongguan Library is made up of 36 branches of libraries that extend to every corner of the city.  People can borrow books from libraries at any time of day.  They may even enjoy digital reading at home.

Secondly, the city is famous for dragon boat racing, lion dancing and Cantonese opera.  In Dongguan, many students take English and cucurbit flute lessons. I can feel their happiness from those smiling faces.  I am lucky, because I have the chance to stand on this stage and show you the diverse culture of Dongguan.  Dear friends, in this unique and multicultural city, let’s learn and grow up together day by day! Thank you all!”

 

I really hope he does well.  He deserves to succeed.  I have helped a little but he has done all the hard work.  He has been very patient and one thing we often talk about is that his bike is too small.  If he wins it, he may get a voucher for a shop – and that’ll give him and his family the chance to buy him a new bike.

 

After my recent repairs to my bicycle and a puncture (yet again), I know what it is like to want to ride, but have limitations on being in the saddle.  On the subject of cycling, Hong Kong Velodrome at Tseung Kwan O, will host the third round of the 2015–16 UCI Track Cycling World Cup on January 16-17, 2016.  Tickets have been promptly purchased.  The other rounds are in New Zealand (at Cambridge) and Colombia.  Last weekend it kicked off at Cali’s Velódromo Alcides Nieto Patiño.  Cyclists such as Anna Meares, Laura Trott, Andrew Tennant [a Team Wiggins road rider], Katie Archibald, Elinor Barker, Ciara Horne, and Joanna Rowsell will mix it with more local-to-me regional cyclists (Hong Kong’s Chueng King Lok, Lee Wai Sze李慧詩 who carried H.K.’s flag at the London 2012 Olympics before going on to defeat Victoria Pendleton [now a horse riding jockey] in the semi-finals of a sprint event; China’s Zhong Tianshi, Guo Shuang 郭爽, and Gong Jinjie 宫金杰).  Looking at the local calendar of cycling events Japan [Izu, Shizuoka prefecture] is hosting some major events in Jnauary/February… tempting… it being an Olympic year in 2016, that could mean some big names stepping up…

 

Since I last wrote, I have been very busy.  Almost non-stop, with Halloween events, football (Murray’s FC has made a slight split to Murray’s FC Maine Road and Murray’s FC Aberystwyth in recent weeks), writing a novel and so on…  The local internet at school and in the apartment has been abysmal.  It has ruined my enjoyment of BBC Six music far too often!  The VPN (PandaPow) has been off more than on and barely gives speeds capable of viewing motion video.  Even images take aeons to load up!  As epochs of time slip away, I don’t feel the hunger to read news articles, let alone type anything onto a blog.  This is a shame because many interesting experiences, events and happenings fall by the wayside.

 

Friday, the 6^th of October, night marked the opening of 万达集团Wanda Group (Wàndá Jítuán)) Plaza in 厚街HòuJīe.  The large shopping centre (mall) surrounds a lake (complete with light show), traditional Chinese moon bridge, and mega-living area.  The company that runs and owns the plaza, also has a 20% share of La Liga side Atlético Madrid, which is incidentally the only football shirt I spotted being worn by a shopper at last night’s opening evening.  The shopping centre (mall, if you must) is massive, it is on a par with Manchester’s Arndale and even has food court areas, restaurants, a skittles alley [one of only two in our city], mini-KTV booths, a giant cinema (Wanda Cinemas), and an arcade.  A few games of air hockey were had before evacuating to the safety of the apartment.  It was far too busy.

 

On Saturday morning, I went to see Everest at the Wanda IMAX movie theatre (cinema, really) and thoroughly enjoy it.  It is odd how things occur in threes.  One of my dreams is to see (but not climb) Everest.  Only last week a friend and teacher, Dannie, told me how she stayed in Nepal for a month and how comparatively cheap it is to live there, and we punctually discussed the need for education following a recent earthquake in the region.  Then, last night my friend Javier at Murray’s F.C. mentioned how he is going to Nepal from the 22^nd of January to 20^th of February.  He then invited me to tag along, assuming I can get the necessary permits and equipment.  The game of football finished 9-1 to Murray’s FC and I added a groin injury to my swollen right thumb (kicked in the previous weekend); suspected  muscle/inguinal/or an unlikely femoral hernia (to which I am trying to recover slowly and surely; there is an obvious swollen bump, it comes and goes – but I had a hernia operation as a kid, and I’m sure it is just the same area; there are no other symptoms other than a dull ache); bruised big toe on the left (shedding 50% of the toenail); swollen nose, strained calf, jolted knee and shoulder bruising (from the recent run-in with two rickshaws on my bike).  A game tomorrow night is too soon for me, so I’ll manage the squad and try to defeat Cavera FC (a Brazilian outfit) in the 2015 Dongguan Foreigners’ League.  We lost 5-0 to another Brazilian team last week and lacked a goalkeeper, depth or a centreforward to handle the fixture.  For most it was their first game together.  Tahir (U.K.), Chris Farman (Hartlepool, U.K.), Saad (India), Oggy Tadic (Serbia), Alex Ortiz (Spain), Tim Mileson (Leeds, U.K.), John Burns (Nottingham, U.K.), Ben Collins (Reading, U.K.), Weng (Dongguan, China), and Javier Felones (Spain) look like they can be a good team for me to learn from and play with.  With extra depth to enter the fray Juan Diego Mejia (Colombia), Ben Cherry (Melbourne, Australia), Alberto (Italy) and possibly Lai (a Chinese goalkeeper) will provide options to build on.  The Murray’s FC squad has provided Murray’s FC (Aberystwyth) with a stronger pool of players, capable of winning this tournament.  Our second string can challenge for the top spot but need maxium victories from the three remaining fixtures.  Anything is possible.  Onwards and upwards…  步步高昇 (bù bù gāoshēng)

 

Yesterday morning, long before the invite to Nepal, I’d purchased not one but three pairs of insulated, waterproof walking boots.  One pair cost me 150RMB (£15) and soon included not one, but two extra dusty superfluous pairs.  The wife of the shopkeeper insisted because they hadn’t sold them in four years.  They have a student at school too.  Their shop is an outlet for numerous mid to high end outdoor-wear suppliers, in this case for Sorel boots.  These boots (Men’s SOREL™ Paxson Tall Waterproof Boot: “This new addition to the Paxson line combines rugged stitching with supple, nubuck leather and nylon upper and seam-sealed construction to create a boot that’s warm, breathable and fully waterproof.”) retail for £140.00 in the U.K.  They’re a Swiss design, made in China, which copies pretty much the norm for high end products.  Now, I just need to wear them in… should I choose the pair of size 50.5 or the two pairs of size 48.5 first?!

 

And now (or then if you read later than now), I sit at school, forty minutes from my first class of the day, class 802… and then 804… lunch… class 803… home and dry with class 801.  And relax.  Tomorrow, I have classes 605-608.  Wednesday’s classes are cancelled due to exams.  Thursday we have a primary school trip to Shenzhen’s Happy Valley (欢乐谷Huānlè Gŭ) before no classes on Friday (in a way) because middle school have their school trip that day.  I hope the water park is open at Happy Valley!  On Friday, I teach class 601 only – the subject shall be penpals.  This is an open lesson class for parents and other teachers to attend.  More details to follow.  I intend to use the free time to learn some Chinese this week.

 

Here’s an interesting read on how Dr Watson of Sherlock Holmes became known as Peanut in China.  I found this whilst looking for TV shows to help me improve of further learn Mandarin.  Ten shows I should watch are as follows:

1. 武媚娘传奇 The Empress of China [Youku: http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XODcxOTMzNDc2.html
   Hunan TV: http://www.hunantv.com/v/2/103460/index.html ]

2.步步惊心 Scarlet Heart [Youku: http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMzAyNDYzNjUy.html ]

3. iPartment 爱情公寓 [Season 4 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goQzSuBwBa4 (Eng subtitles)
   IQIYI: http://www.iqiyi.com/v_19rrgzy5ls.html?src=soku ]
4. The lady and the liar 千金女贼 [Viki: http://www.viki.com/tv/22845c-the-lady-the-liar ]
5. 我是歌手 I am a Singer [Hunan TV: http://www.hunantv.com/v/1/103887/index.html# ]
6. 最强大脑 The Brain [Youku: http://www.youku.com/show_page/id_za4969972631f11e4abda.html ]
7. 奔跑吧兄弟 Hurry Up, Brother [IQIYI: http://www.iqiyi.com/a_19rrhc0alp.html?vfm=2008_aldbd ]
8. 何以笙箫默 Silent Separation (My Sunshine) [IQIYI: http://www.iqiyi.com/a_19rrhc3wk1.html ]
9. 锦绣缘华丽冒险 Cruel Romance [Sohu: http://tv.sohu.com/s2014/jxyhlmx/ ]
10. 神雕侠侣 The Condor Heroes [QQ: http://v.qq.com/p/tv/zt/xsdxl/index.html /YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5Fw9LZG0ps (Eng subtitles)]

I’ll write again soon…

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Wàn shì kāi tóu nán (万事开头难): “All things are difficult before they are easy”.

13^th November 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Open lesson completed.  The initial part of the lesson with class 604 was fairly muted.  Students clearly had the sights of their parents in their worried collective minds.  After heating up the class by a technique I like to call “deicing a classroom by picking on the louder students.”  A small student, round-faced and with ears reminiscent of the Football Association Cup called James, cheeky and a self-confessed “I am a troublemaker” happened to make a few comments that had both students and parents giggling in delight.  He is witty.  A few other students discerned the response and instantly upped the ante.  Game on.  And it was some game, lasting 40 minutes with great input overall.  I fought the pokerfaces of the parents – and trust that victory was gained.  The first class of the day, 08:15, the day after a cany-fueled school trip to Shenzhen’s Happy Valley (欢乐谷 – Huānlè Gŭ).  The park has nine themed areas, of which, 8 were open yesterday (Spanish Square, Cartoon City, Mt. Adventure, Gold Mine Town, Shangri-La Woods, Sunshine Beach, Typhoon Bay, and Happy Times.  The Playa Maya Water Park was closed.  Some rides remained closed for repairs like the long winding Bullet Coaster.  Failure is mother of success (失败是成功之母 / Shībài shì chénggōng zhī mǔ).  I guess with summer season behind, and autumn flowing close to the short winter, now is the time to repair things.  Most rides have an upper height limit of 1.9m.  It was embarrassing being turned away from one ride infront of 200 queuing onlookers, and 40 or so ride riders.  I did score a personal victory by entering one ride not fit for giants but the spinning ride could easily be marketed with, “Dare you ride the anti-climax?”  Another Typhoon Bay twister ride should have had a height restriction.  I have brusing on both shoulders from the safety harness that lowers down onto you.  The log flume seats over twenty people per boat and is like riding a canal barge into the sea, off a waterfall before being sprayed by a firefighter’s hose.  Jolly good fun.  There was a rollercoaster I was allowed on, similar to Alton Tower’s Nemesis ride, where your legs dangle, it flips you upside down and twists, turns, swerves to heart’s content for a minute and a half.  It was bloomin’ good.  The restaurants on site were below average but opting for ice-cream proved fruitful.  Green tea and blueberry ice-creams on a delicious wafer base.  Throughout the theme park Halloween displays, shows and sculptures seemed to be almost everywhere.  Some far more gruesome than I have ever seen.  Overall the park is well landscaped, has variety, the usual stalls and colourful shows.  It didn’t appear to have any zoo animals or attractions that stank of animal cruelty.  It seemed very well ran and my school students enjoyed the thrills even if the teachers reacted as, “It is so boring.”  Maybe to raise their game, the theme park needs to do some market research and add proper thrills throughout the park, after clearly catering for younger riders.  I think if you’re used to western (U.K. and U.S.A. etc) style theme parks, you’ll be disappointed but if it is for the kids, this is a good place.  Anna and Albin joined me with Helen, Nicole and other teachers throughout the day.  Today, from our foreign language team Asger and Tess are at the theme park.  Sadly, it is raining.  That fine rain, that gets you soaked through!  I hope they have fun!

 

Following yesterday’s excursion I cycled to DongCheng’s Best football field (the rooftop of a local market, 蒗基湖综合市场), trained for nearly two hours with Murray’s FC before riding back and going to bed far too late.  44km of riding, for the third time this week…  this weekend our team travels to Zhuhai for a tournament.

 

Wàn shì kāi tóu nán (万事开头难):  “All things are difficult before they are easy”.  Chinese proverbs feature across the bredth and width of world cultures.  Many have translated well and often form everyday conversations.  Hǎo jiǔ bú jiàn (好久不见) is one such phrase, or “long time no see!”  Many have been mutated by time but stem from eastern origins, such as wúfēng bù qǐ làng (无风不起浪) – “There’s no waves without wind; there’s no smoke without fire.”

 

Some phrases are deep but appear comedic, like ài wū jí wū (爱屋及乌) – “Love me, love my dog.”  Some maxims look to taunt… jǐ jiā huān xǐ jǐ jiā chóu (几家欢喜几家愁) – “Some are happy, some have worries. Or one man’s disaster is another man’s delight.”

 

There are illustrative and informative phrases such as shū shì suí shí xié dài de huā yuan (书是随时携带的花园) – “A book is like a garden carried in the pocket.”  And of course proverbs to suit myself, huó dào lǎo, xué dào lǎo (活到老，学到老) – “A man is never too old to learn.”  Some apply to a bad lesson at school like bú huì chēng chuán guài hé wān (不会撑船怪河弯) – “a bad workman always blames his tools.”  That’s why today’s open class could have been better.

 
One great phrase to remember is rén wú qiān rì hǎo, huā wú bǎi rì hóng (人无千日好，花无百日红) – “There is no person that has 1000 good days in a row, and no flower that stays red for 100 days.”).  In the west it is better heard as, “All good things come to an end.”

 

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

〇〇七 (零零柒) líng líng qī [007]

13^th November 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

You Only Live Twice shown scenes of James Bond in Hong Kong; Tomorrow Never Dies featured a stealth ship in the South China Sea; The Man With the Golden Gun had a finale with Scaramanga on an island off the coast of China; Die Another Day pits the character swimming to the mainland whilst recent movie Skyfall (whilst heavily censored for the Chinese audiences) gives 007 a trip to Shanghai and Macau.  〇〇七 (零零柒) líng líng qī has been released today (under the name Spectre globally but here it is called 幽灵党- yōulíng dǎng [meaning ghost or spirit party, although 党 dǎng can mean political party too] in China) and audiences here are expected to see an uncensored 2.5 hours of Bond.  The local cinemas pretty much have blanket coverage in their IMAX (the local Wanda cinema东莞厚街万达影城is pretty much sold out) screens, 3D screens and VIP suites for this movie.  Not since Jurassic World has such clamour been seen in China for an English language movie.  Fast and the Furious 7, Transformers: Age of Extinction and other blockbuster records are expected to fall.  This last year has seen an explosion in exposure to western movies.  Special Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion is a little bit of a mouthful here in China and features too many controversial terms, often hidden from mass media.  Tonight, the odds for Bond sleeping with pretty much every woman that appears on screen (he’d probably have a go at Judy Dench’s M’s corpse given enough screen time), saying something sexist, passing on his name immediately, cliché after cliché but like Ian Fleming’s novels they grab your attention and simply entertain.  Don’t judge a book by said book’s cover and certainly don’t learn morals from within the subtext.  Like Israel and the continued conflict with the Gaza Strip, James Bond is a relic of the outdated aftereffects of World War II, something that needs peace and prosperity.

 

Fleming as a master wordsmith had an idea (influenced by experience), it grew, it became a cultural icon and a franchise.  Hats off to Blighty’s greatest cinematic export.  For me the iconic sound scores and menacing villains (even if very black and white) make the movie.  Either way…

〇〇七 (零零柒) líng líng qī will return…

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before

20^th November 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

After watching Spectre last week at the IMAX cinema, I can reflect and say it isn’t the best Bond movie but it is far from the worst Bond movie.  The opening theme tune isn’t the best but the classic style is growing on me.  Christoph Waltz was under-used and the backstory of Spectre filled in too hastily with a motive barely touching the surface.  There is a convoluted and sketchy link to Bond’s past – one I hate and would no doubt cause concern to his creator Ian Fleming.  That said the dialogue is raw and the opening scene is a rollercoaster ride with one of the longest single shot scenes in an action movie ever.  Former wrestler Dave Bautista is menacing but lifeless.  He never used his legendary Batista Bite / Beast Bite (Crossface/Scissored armbar combination) and in some ways met his end in the same means as Speilberg’s Jaws did.  Obviously a nod to a larger than life giant adversary previously featured in Bond flicks.  The movie ends oddly, for the first time with the lead villain being captured (a first in some senses, that one was captured before alleged execution in The Living Daylights; and Blofeld played hide and seek often earlier in the franchise).

 

The temperatures have been soaring lately, a staggering 33°C earlier this week.  By the weekend rain is expected and it should dip to 27°C.  The sunshine has been intense over the last week, superheating the top level classrooms and their flat rooftops.  Humidity has dropped and every now and then a cool breeze sweeps by in the evening.  Nights no longer require the air-conditioner.  The teachers here, and my co-worker Joy have been quoted as saying, “Winter is not coming.”  All rather anti-Game of Thrones.

 

Last weekend, I travelled to Zhūhǎi (珠海) with Murray’s FC for the 2^nd Guangdong Foreigners’ Football Tournament at the Zhuhai Stadium.  The city at the heart of the Chinese Riviera has fresh air sweeping over from the South China Sea (南海 Nánhǎi), and the Pearl River (珠江; Zhūjiāng) joining the sea.  Our tough group stage allowed us to progress with games against Barazucas FC (Shenzhen), Winners FC (Dongguan) and Soccerhub B (Zhuhai) to the quarter finals.  Intern China (Zhuhai) [their website has many jobs] were defeated eventually giving us a tough semi-final where we bowed out… or so we thought… and then we faced a third-placed play-off against Soccerhub B, losing eventually, despite giving it our all.  We scored only 5 goals, but conceded 11 in our 6 games.  The winning team, Macau FC won the 1^st Guangdong Foreigners’ Football Tournament held in Dongguan in summer and swept al aside here too.  In 2016, 港珠澳大橋will open.  That’s the whopping 50km Hong Kong-Zhuhai-Macau Bridge!  The longest part of the bridge itself will have 29.6 km (18.4 mi) span.  There are many smaller sections and tunnels.  The organisers of the Guangdong Foreigners’ Football Tournament are looking to create a pan-Pearl River Delta tournament to involve teams from Hong Kong, Guangdong, Macau and beyond.  Technically speaking Chinese Super League team Shanghai Shenhua’s once merged rival team started life in Zhuhai…

 

Our digs, 7 days inn ( 7tiān Liánsuǒ Jiǔdiàn Jítuán/ 7天连锁酒店集团 ), located in 拱北; Gǒngběi, booked by Eddy sat at the location of Gǒngběi Kǒuàn (the port to Macau).  I’m sure Eddy has the CEO Zhèng Nányàn on speed dial.  Every time Murray’s FC travels, we stay at these, despite them costing more than most local hotels.  The hotel was slap bang in the middle of an unhidden and totally shameless red-light district.  Knocks on the hotel door during the night and offers of companionship were obviously directed at our entire football team as we returned in drips and drabs throughout the evening, night and morning.  We’d had food (eventually) at The Factory (工厂酒吧 at 珠海市华发世纪城新世纪广场) and headed to the designated bar street area (酒吧街; Jiǔbājiē).  88, and 18 club…

 

At The Factory, the music got me straight away, I’d fainally found a place that played The Smiths in their collection.  I was instantly warmed to the barrel-seated, spit and sawdust look.  It stank of false factory features but gave a realistic chilled ambience in a heartbeat.  The owner, a Belgian, spoke with me later on… and apologised about delays in food.  There was around 8 football teams visiting… so demand was high.  Nevertheless the food was quality and even my Italian friend was full of praise for the delicious pizzas.  There was great service for drinks but orders for food were confused, and information crosswired.  The pool table (billiards) and football table, amongst a plethora of board games made for a good touch.  The beautifully fronted and diverse house band covered many artists, pleasingly Cherry Ghost had some airplay.  Would I visit again?  Next time I am there, yes.  There is a large outdoor riverside area with decking to escape the inner sounds of live music.  The toilets feature sliding doors and odd-shaped trough urinals.  Overall The Factory is industrial, modern and welcoming, with just a touch of sport and hints at national flags etc.  I like it.

 

On the return journey our driver passed along the coastal road with majestic views of the highly active (万 山群岛Wànshānqúndǎo) Wanshan Ten Thousand Islands Archipelago.  The view of one island Dawanshan Dao 大万山岛looks amazing, with a clearly visible temple.  The minibus passed by the Fisher Girl Statue (viewable from 情侣路; Qínglǚlù/Lovers’ Road) slapped in the brown waters of Xianglu Bay, flanked by crowds of tourists taking a plethora of selfies.  As her hands are held up to the sky, I can’t decide if the symbolism intended is one of welcoming or “not another selfie stick!”  We’d previously passed a large concrete looking ship-shaped restaurant, that was frankly an eyesore.  Deyuefang Seafood Restaurant (得月肪海鮮酒樓; Déyuèfáng Hǎixiān Jiǔlóu) is not on my to do list.

 

Zhūhǎi has some impressive buildings that are in their own league of world-class designs of architercture.  There’s examples of biomimicry in the RNJM Zhuhai Observation Tower.  The Zhuhai Opera House is simply a shell of pure grandeur.  It matches natural shells with the futuristic vision of Star Wars.  The completion date is due this year, so it should be open late next year.  For a dramatic animation click here.  OpenBuilding.com have some info too.  It is definitely an amazing building.  One place of interest passed on the road back was China’s first Japanese-styled open air hot spring, Imperial Yuwenquan Hot Springs, (In Doumen District, take bus 609), ☎ +86 756 5797128.  I’ve clearly noted the details for a reason.  That’d make a good place to go and relax.

 

At school this week, open lessons have continued across the grades, classes have been either testing or very-testing (the heat hasn’t helped) and overall school has been fun.  Letters to penpals have been started with my grade 6 students and shall soon be posted to friends/relatives in the U.K.  In the midweek, I played football again for Murray’s F.C.  Our team had gone 3-1 to pull back to 8-3 before finishing at 8-5.  Not a bad win, and a stern test for our squad against Dongguan Arsenal Reds F.C.  This weekend we have a game in Houjie against a team we have played back in June.  It promises to be a good match.

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

The Houjie Percussion Ensemble

23^rd November 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

My chest tightened, excitement swept over my nerve endings.  A cool enthusiasm took hold of me.  I was eager to run outside.  My general demeanor changed at just one sound.  I was animated and motivated to go outside.  Where others are agitated and indifferent, I bounce forward like Tigger from Winnie the Pooh.  I am a pluviophile.  I love the rain.  As it lashed down for the first time in many weeks, perhaps months, I walked outside with just a rounded hat for protection.  I felt the cooler air and damp across my legs, clad in only shorts.  A football shirt and socks would not defend me against the elements.  I sought no guard.  Shelter was far from my mind.  I miss good rain showers.  Saturday’s short storm of an hour or so brought with it cooler fresh air, sadly soon replaced by sticky humid vacuumous air.

 

In the afternoon, Eddy of HubHao magazine and Murray’s FC joined me to go shoe shopping.  Exccept we weren’t shoe shopping.  Frank, a photographer of Australian-Cantonese ancestry, joined us too.  We pretended to shop and gained further information about a Houjie shoe-shopping area for a magazine.  After which we went to play ten-pin bowling at Wanda Plaza.  It cost under 37.5RMB [25 arcade coins, at 1.5RMB per coin] for two of us to play one game.  That’s 18.75RMB each.  Bargain.  That said the bowling alley is stumpy.  The lanes are short, which I get… but they’re also narrow.  Eddy scored 134 to my 97.  I could not quite titrate how to bowl in such tight confines.  Plus, a lack of bowling shoes made for a slippery unbalanced pitch or two.  Speaking of pitches, later that day Murray’s FC played BoYi FC (Houjie) at FengTai Guan Shan Bi Shui (丰泰观山碧水) – there are fantastic rainforest showers on site.  Max scored two, creating one.  Eddy bagged a brace, also creating one.  Dalatin “Barry” assisted one goal for Alain Zurcher.  Both Alex and Sidhant Sharma set a goal up too.  The home team’s goalkeeper escaped with a few hand ball shouts and some dubious overhead kicking.  Thankfully nobody was injured from those wayward kicks of his.  Kungfu should have been his game.  Following the game a meal was had at Munchalot’s after using the number 12 bus, which zigzags back to Houjie sluggishly.  A combination of Indian and Mexican food was consumed alongside some ales before heading to Irene’s Bar for one drink… and then sleepily and sorely (the groin injury I have, seems to have returned) to bed – for well-earned rest.

 

Sunday afternoon, followed on from a sleepy lazy morning.  The p.m. was spent with Mr Hyper Hu (a student’s parent), his friends, some Sichuanese cuisine, báijiǔ (a vile rice wine/paint stripper) and some beers.  The evening was sleepy and very little happened other than some tentative attempts at lesson creation.  A week has passed since Daniel (a grade 5 student) came 9^th in Dongguan’s Oral English competition.  The school celebrated their highest ever finish.  Daniel had ranked number one in Houjie’s recent final, with Apple in grade 6 coming 2^nd overall.  There has also been fire safety tests, drills and classes in recent weeks.  Other students have been involved in local sports days.  Our attention is fast turning to the winter art festival and Christmas.  Soon after that the Spring Festival and my first semester end date – which I was told is January the 15^th by the school, yet my company advise Thurday the 31^st of December is the likely limit.  That makes more sense as the previous three semesters have only been 18 weeks long.  Sadly that is one week too late to fly back to the U.K.  These 36/52 weeks a year of working in the past two years are actually proving costly.  I’m keen to fill in at least half of the time off in Spring to sustain some funds.  The cost of living here, etc is not so bad but factoring in repayment to the Student Loan Company, the cost of a long 8 weeked summer holiday and flights etc, I’m not making any money… something I am not interested in but yet require to live.

 

Monday mornings aren’t always great for everyone, teachers and students alike seem to moan about manic Mondays and miserable mornings.  If Friday and Saturday are the party, Monday is the day left to tidy up after the mess.  I actually like Mondays, for me they have as much significance as every other day of the week.  You can begin afresh in any moment, not one that society deems the beginning.

 

Today’s classes in grade 8 have been mostly about Manchester and student’s hometowns.  What are the people like?  How long does it take you go to go to your hometown?  Some students gave their answers ranging from 4 hours by car to 20 hours by train and even as much as several days by car.  China is stupendously gargantuan.  I simply say if you drive 2 hours west of Manchester, you end up in the sea, and not far from swimming if you drive equally as long to the east.  I tell the students that many people can run from the northern tip of the U.K. to the southernmost and distally most points often, and it takes a few days.  A long train journey in the U.K. shouldn’t take more than 6 hours, but that is because British trains are comparatively slow.  In the minutes prior to class Adele’s 25 album [in massive contrast to Nightshade‘s gig last Friday night at the new Brown Sugar Jar venue – see one of their videos here] has had the odd airing much to the enjoyment of the many listening ears.  Inbetween classes I’ve whacked on Thomas Newman’s Spectre soundtrack.  Several tracks feature the Tambuco Percussion Ensemble fashioning a comforting buoyant ambience in the old headphones.

 

News has circulated that on Thursday a professor from some university nearby shall observe my period 3 class, class 601.  Tess, Asger, Albin, and Anna also have class observations throughout the week.  There is no mention of last year’s thanksgiving events being repeated [see previous blog:  All that and Play-Doh.].

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Why are you thankful?

26^th November 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Wèishénme nǐ xīn cún gǎnjī? 为什么你心存感激 (why are you thankful?)

I am thankful for my past (I wouldn’t change the parts I have played in it, not even the bad times).

 

Yesterday, middle school held a ceremony for Thanksgiving Day (which is actually today).  I was invited, alongside every teacher in our section of the school to attend.  Here we were praised, marched onto the running track and given a gift of flowers.  The students sang a song and did many actions to another song.  It was most touching.  Like many western culture occasions, Thanksgiving seems to have been emulated here in China.  Last year my foreign teacher colleagues and I were invited to a primary school meal and had to attend local school events.  This year my colleagues are teaching about the event in classes.  I’m avoiding it, partially because I’d already planned my classes and somewhat due to my lack of understanding of the occasion.  It features turkey, a street parade and everything jolly about family instances that I miss, but I won’t be adding more to my cluttered clash of chosen cultures captured on my calendar.  China may have copied valentine’s day, Halloween, etc but it doesn’t mean I have to.  No thank you.  The less religious events, the less commercial clutter the better.  But, for students, it is important they have an understanding of the world around them.  Everything is possible and with freedom to choose, everything should be open to the younger and new generations.  Turkeys are seldom found as menu items here.  If we in the west have to suffer turkey-themed meals for many days after Christmas and Thanksgiving, I’m sure the Chinese can blend some amazing leftover meals.  Look for the positives in any clash, even if it is a different Turkey being regarded by the world.

 

Last night, I concentrated on questions in Mandarin.  I really want and need to knuckle down to learn more.  I have been far too lazy and distracted of late.  After Tuesday’s 10-0 defeat for Murray’s FC Maine Road against Murray’s FC Aberystwyth, I need a rest and to recovery from my collection of niggling injuries.  Being 6-0 down at the break and coming on for the second half was a bad idea.  Now back to work…

 

·         Why – Wèishénme

Wèishénme nǐ jīntiān chídào?
Why are you late today?
为什么你今天迟到?

·         Where –Nálǐ or Nǎr

Nálǐ and nǎr have the same meaning.  Nálǐ is commonly used in Southern China and Taiwan, while nǎr is heard in northern China, including Beijing.

Nǐ zuówǎn qù nǎli?
Where did you go last night?
你昨晚去哪裡?

·         When – Shénme Shíhòu

Lǐ xiǎojie shénme shíhou huì dào?
When will Miss Li arrive?
李小姐什么时候会到?

·         Which – Nǎ

Nǎ yīge pí bāo bǐjiào hǎokàn?
Which purse looks better?
哪一个皮包比较好看?

·         Who – Shéi/shuí

Tā shì shuí?
Who is he?
他是谁?

·         How – Zěnme

Zhègè zì zěnme niàn?
How do you pronounce this character?
这个字怎么念?

·         How Many – Duōshǎo or Jǐ

Zhè jiàn yáng zhuāng duōshǎo qián?
How much is this dress?
这件洋装多少钱?

Yǒu jǐge rén huì lái?
How many people will come?
有几个人会来?

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

P.S. here is the latest HubHao article… “Our city is full of cyclists. Be they locals riding beaters trying to find a way to beat the rush hour jams to get to work or foreigners taking their mountain bikes into the park on a weekend. With so many bikes available, it’s hard to choose where to buy from. John Acton visited one of the oldest bike streets in Guangcheng.”

Thoughts

27^th November 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Is life a millpond?  Or is it a sea with tides and waves?  What is the wind and is it positive?  A drop in the ocean or plenty more fish worth tasting at the banquet table?  If the sea is turbulent, under threat and rising, are we doomed?  How many ships can navigate the ocean without a captain?  Are we the makers of our destiny and doom?  Life is beautiful and the world is full of optimistic light, yet do we cling to desperation and the past?  Times gone by, have befell, yet we hope for more of those times.  Ever wanted to escape but been too cowardly to know how to?  Changes are for the better, or are they?  When one hand wants something else, and the other is no longer joined to your’s, what do you do?  Am I like those before me?  Do I bury my head in the sand?  Pray and it’ll all go away?  Fight?  Argue?  End of the days, but beginning of the weeks?  I’m not who you think I am, I am what I am.  You must do things for you sometime and not for others.  If you regret something then maybe it was never right.  I have no regrets, do you?  Everything happens for a reason, why not choose the reason?  Not everyone will understand and nor do they have to.  There’s turbulence ahead.  A storm is coming.  Get on the boat and ride it out.  All will be, what will be.

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Wèishénme zǒnɡshì wǒ? [Why always me?] 为什么总是我？

27^th November 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

Wèishénme zǒnɡshì wǒ?  [Why always me?]

Subj. + 为什么 (wèishénme) + Predicate?

Nǐ wèishénme xué Zhōngwén? [Why do you study Chinese?]

Yīnwèi wǒ zài Zhōngguó gōngzuò. [Because I’m working in China]

Nǐ wèishénme bù hē kāfēi? [Why don’t you drink coffee?]

Yīnwèi kāfēi hěn kǔ. [Because coffee is bitter]

Tā wèishénme bù lái?  [Why isn’t he/she coming?]

Yīnwèi tā hěn máng.  [Because he/she is busy]

Nǐ zǎoshang wèishénme bú zài? [Why were you not here this morning?]

Yīnwèi wǒ chūqù jiàn péngyou le. [Because I was out meeting some friends.]

Zhèxiē wàiguórén wèishénme bù xǐhuan Zhōngguó? [Yīnwèi Zhōngguó rén tài duō.]

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Si Shi, Huh?

27^th November 2015

Shī Shì shí shī shǐ

Shíshì shīshì Shī Shì, shì shī, shì shí shí shī.
Shì shíshí shì shì shì shī.
Shí shí, shì shí shī shì shì.
Shì shí, shì Shī Shì shì shì.
Shì shì shì shí shī, shì shǐ shì, shǐ shì shí shī shìshì.
Shì shí shì shí shī shī, shì shíshì.
Shíshì shī, Shì shǐ shì shì shíshì.
Shíshì shì, Shì shǐ shì shí shì shí shī.
Shí shí, shǐ shí shì shí shī shī, shí shí shí shī shī.
Shì shì shì shì.

石室詩士施氏，嗜獅，誓食十獅。
氏時時適市視獅。
十時，適十獅適市。
是時，適施氏適市。
氏視是十獅，恃矢勢，使是十獅逝世。
氏拾是十獅屍，適石室。
石室濕，氏使侍拭石室。
石室拭，氏始試食是十獅。
食時，始識是十獅屍，實十石獅屍。
試釋是事。

In a stone den was a poet with the family name Shi, who was a lion addict, and had resolved to eat ten lions.  He often went to the market to look for lions.  At ten o’clock, ten lions had just arrived at the market.  At that time, Shi had just arrived at the market.  He saw those ten lions, and using his trusty arrows, caused the ten lions to die.  He brought the corpses of the ten lions to the stone den.  The stone den was damp. He asked his servants to wipe it.  After the stone den was wiped, he tried to eat those ten lions.  When he ate, he realized that these ten lions were in fact ten stone lion corpses.  Try to explain this matter.

 

This is similar to the above The Lion-Eating Poet in the Stone Den:

四是四，十是十，十四是十四，四十是四十。

sì shì sì, shí shì shí, shísì shì shísì, sìshí shì sìshí. (some northern dialects of Mandarin)

sì sì sì, sí sì sí, sísì sì sísì, sìsí sì sìsí. (some southern dialects of Mandarin)

Four is four, ten is ten, fourteen is fourteen, forty is forty.

A brief word from the Department for Common Sense

11^th October 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Now Japan has a job I want.  Well, not quite.  But, I’d love to have Tear Clearer on my C.V.  Ikemeso Danshi will call by with someone handsome and wipe away your tears.  Japan has a high number of odd professions, like the sad necessity of cleaning up after the death of lonesome senior citizens.  The difference from Chinese to Japanese luxury culture is measured in light years.  That said, many luxuries are obscene.

 

On Thursday, October the 8^th 2015, after seven days spent away from the work, I was gently eased into work with zero classes.  Middle school operated a Thursday timetable (and on a Friday, a Friday timetable) in line with popular common sense thinking.  On Saturday, they’ll be a Wednesday timetable.  I guess the extra day needs something.  Primary school opted to go bizarre slotting in a Wednesday timetable on a Thursday, a Thursday timetable on a Friday and Saturday was to be filled in by Friday’s classes.  For me, this is a task.  Friday (or Friday in middle school, but Thursday in primary school) meant I had four class clashes (timetable clashes, not students at war).  Such was the way of the two schools not talking to each other, I couldn’t get the classes moved to Thursday and had to have a day without teaching.  I did spend it constructively observing Albin, Anna and Tess’s classes… as well as creating a Halloween collage for display on the school noticeboards.  Although, I did manage to teach all the right classes, but not necessarily in the right order on the Saturday.  “Rodney, you plonker!”

 

The week of holiday, golden week in China, was spent on the whole relaxing.  Fóshān (it means Buddha Mountain, 佛山) is an area of around 7 million inhabitants, amongst five districts.  Chánchéng sits in the centre and houses Foshan Ancestral Temple (佛山祖庙: Fóshān Zǔmiào).  The temple was originally built in 1078 (Song dynasty) and rebuilt in 1372 (Ming dynasty).  In 1949, as China became the People’s Republic of China, the local government listed the building and museum as one of its main cultural relics.  The site is small and features the Wanfu Terrace, Jinxiang Pool, Front Hall, Main Hall and Qingzheng Pavilion.  In amongst it all, I was lucky to witness a Lion Dance, Kung Fu fighting, and read about the kung Fu legends Wong Fei Hong and Ip Man in the Memorial Hall.  All for 16RMB entrance.  Bargain!

 

Due to impending bad weather, a trip to a park out of town was ill-advised – as was mountain hiking and wildlife spotting.  Zhōngshān gōngyuán (中山公园) sat alongside the murky Fenjiang River offered refuge.  With some pretty area, old scenery and grim looking zoo areas sat amongst a poor looking funfair, it is safe to say there isn’t much to go to this park for.  Unless you like noise.  Funfair noises.  Mobile-KTV karaoke song machine noises.  Instrumental bands playing out of tune instrument noises.  Screaming children.  Noises, nises, everywhere.   With my headache returning, I left the park feeling totally unimpressed.  Maybe it was that 10RMB 4D cinema inexperience.  The 4/5/6/7/8D cinema should have had vibrating seats.  They were broken.  It should have 3D vision.  The glasses were scratched.  It should have had mist and ice.  Broken.  These cinema efforts are everywhere.  The graphics onscreen were comparable to a Commodore-64 game and they seemed to lag just as much as back when I had one.  In the 90’s.  This cinematic experience sits on a par with viewing Jaws 3D for the first time, on a black and white television… with crackly speakers… whilst sat on a wonky seat… the kind of seat thatis so uncomfortable that you think you need to go to the bathroom but you don’t.  It wasn’t just a little bit crap, it was time I wish I had invested in something far more valuable, like counting leaves on a tree.

 

Beyond that, most of my time has been spent relaxing, reading and exploring the local area.  This includes today, the one day weekend that is Sunday the 11^th of October, the 284th day of the year.  Today, is International Day of the Girl Child.  If you are or were a girl, well done.  If you are or were a girl in China, very well done!

 

In my week off, I noticed much more people taking shameless selfies of themselves.  Everywhere.  Whether scenic or dull, the selfie sticks and camera phones rolled relentlessly.  I wonder if sometimes time is now measured in a new format, like the ability to take Selfies Per Hour or Selfie Free Durations per day.  If each selfie image averages 1.4MB in size, and China has a third of its population [the full population is strong at 1,401,586,600] taking selfish snaps, say a round ten times a week for a year… then who the hell has a hard-drive that big [1.020,355 exabytes] sat around.  I’d imagine the good people sat at the Department for Common Sense have just that hard-drive, but use it purely for copying illegal downloads of recent movies.

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

21°C, sleeping bags and jumpers: Winter is coming.

14^th October 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

On Monday morning it was my pleasure (or was it a displeasure) to welcome students to school at the unholy hour of 7 o’clock.  Having gone to sleep just after midnight, following a terrific 6-3 win in football against a 9-5 victory over Red Lions F.C. by Murray’s F.C. in a late kick-off.  My body was tired and my mind was surprisingly well-rested considering the ride to and from Marcelo’s (15 minutes away or 7km through the busy streets of Houjie) sandwiched around nearly two hours of football at Soccerworld Dongguan.

 

The students mostly arrived to school in their winter uniforms and sweater, jumpers, jackets and anything to wrap up in.  The air temperature dropped from the low-thirties to around 21°C on Friday, continuing until Monday night.  The Tuesday shot up to 25°C with today (Wednesday 14^th October 2015) being far higher and more humid.  One unlucky student turned up to school in his summer shorts (tartan style maroon shorts with a white short-sleeved shirt).  The principal of our school, Mr Wang, made him change into his winter uniform.  There and then, outside the school gate, he and his grandmother wrestled his clothes onto him.  Students passed by but did not mock his choice of Spider-Man boxershorts, they opted to avoid eye contact with him, his grandmother or the onlooking principal.  A knowing feeling of “it could have been me” swept around menacingly.  The principal does not suffer fools gladly, and one minor misdemeanour can quickly escalate to a grand malfeasance worthy of the most ultimate public humiliation and chastisement.  Very rarely does the same mistake or crime occur in Mr Wang’s multi-eyed domain of control.  He was born to be a headmaster.

 

Monday’s classes from class 802 and 804 were cancelled.  In the afternoon you could feel the pre-exam tension in both classes 803 and 801.  The atmosphere was there to be cut.  I tried and it seemed both classes responded well.  For Tuesday classes 608, 607, 606 and 605 flew by.  I don’t know what it is with Grade 6, but they are so switched on and ready for battle.  Every class is greeted with calls of “let me try” and “I can do it.”  Now they have added, “We are lions, we are confident.”  I kind of like this, because now they all want to be alpha-lions.  At lunchtime Anna, Albin and I attended the Grade Six Oral English Competition in which Big Dan claimed the top prize.  Big Dan is actually named after my closest and best friend Dan back in the U.K.  Notably Big Dan is actually comparative to Little John in the size to name stakes.  He’s a smart kid, and made everyone laugh with his family speech, “My father is fat but he can run fast.”  To which, one teacher, Apple asked me if I can run fast because I am fat.  Hmmm.  Not one for the Christmas card list.  Asger and Tess did not attend, but then I believe every teacher has been called upon to judge each and every grade causing competition fatigue to set in… that and it is at lunch time depriving you of proper rest!  I believe on Thurday there is another competition that requires judges…

 

The evening was spent playing football for Murray’s F.C. in a thumping 10-1 victory.  At half time it was 2-0 and wholesale changes were made, sweeping aside Sociali FC (The Italians of Dongguan).  Annoyingly I had a fantastic shot saved and scraped off the woodwork.  I don’t shoot too often because I hate going to far forward, to run so far back but I thought I put a nice strike in.  Not that it matters because our squad, our team put in a good shift throughout the game.  A match report can be found here, on our newly createds Murray’s FC Pitchero website (the company that supports teams like Hyde F.C., Maine Road F.C. and Chelmsford City).  If it is good enough for Salford City, it is good enough for Murray’s F.C.

 

Following yet another not-so-fantastic night’s sleep I was looking forward to a day in the office helping my foreign teacher team.  However, grade 6’s exam day moved from today to tomorrow.  As such some of my classes moved to today.  It should have been all of my classes but the Chinese class teacher and the Maths class teacher fought to retain their afternoon classes.  This now means tomorrow I am class free and on Friday will return to action with the four classes of grade 7.  Whilst I was walking past a classroom, I noticed a teacher sound asleep in a sleeping bag whilst it is around 26°C this afternoon.  If I did that, it would be like boiling rice in a bag.  I’d explode and never be seen again.  The teachers do keep stressing I should wrap up warm and avoid a cold.  Winter is coming.  They all have squeaky bottoms.  Right now, I am looking for bean bags, props and ideas for Hallowe’en classes which shall commence next Thursday (22^nd October) onwards.  Our foreign teacher team will look to create a Hallowe’en area with props, games and activities as well as classes themed to this popular yet spooky western tradition.

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

MCFC (Manchester Chinese Football Connections), okay.

21^st October 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

Manchester, God’s own city, is twinned with Wǔhàn [武汉] and has been since 1986 or 1996, dependent on your news source.  Around 2.7% of Manchester’s population is British-Chinese (Yīngguó Huáqiáo/英國華僑), and the city is well known for links with the big red country in the east.  Our Chinatown in Manchester is the third largest Chinatown on the European continent.  The bold archway (páifāng/牌樓) complete with dragons and phoenixes on Faulkner Street has stood proudly since 1987 and welcomes all to the subdistrict in the city centre.  Today, a day after meeting Queen Elizabeth II, President Xi Jinping (习近平/ Xí Jìnpíng) shall visit Manchester.  Manchester has long welcomed Chinese folk from the far east and has evolved a restaurant and food importation business both unique and prosperous within the boundaries of the city and beyond.  Takeaways, tea shops, cultural colleges, import companies and students followed the early days of laundries and restaurants.  M1 was boosted by relations with Hong Kong and freedom to move to the U.K. under the British Nationality Act 1948.  Arts centres and banks sit side by side alongside popular karaoke bars like – all aloft an old NATO funded Nuclear Fallout shelter!  A mural of a junk (chuán) sits across the side of a wall overlooking a large private car park.  Chinatown and Greater Manchester has influenced or given rise to many a talent, including actors such as Benedict Wong (Grow Your Own; 15 Storeys High; The Martian; Spooks and Dirty Pretty Things).  Hong Ying “Frank” Soo was the first British-Chinese footballer to play for England (from 1942-45) and was born down the road in Buxton and laid to rest in Cheadle, just outside Manchester.  He played football for Stoke City, Brentford, Leicester City, Luton Town and went on to manage over 12 teams including Norway and Scunthorpe Utd.  Andrew Ng, a massively respected Associate Professor at Stanford has family links to Manchester.

 

So, back to Manchester’s twin Wǔhàn [武汉]… I’m not sure I want to visit there for colonial buildings.  However, the ten mile long park sat on the famous/infamous Yangtze river looks pretty enough.  Huáng Hè Lóu (黄鹤楼; Yellow Crane Tower) looks impressive but I think there are places higher up the agenda than a trip to Manc’s twin city.  Unless, the city has a good Oasis tribute band…

 

So, on Sunday night I found myself the filling on a three-wheel motorbike/rickshaw sandwich.  I was cycled, the correct way, along a cycle lane (a rare find but most of Nancheng and Dongcheng has adequate cycle lanes), with a rickshaw heading towards me.  The cycle lane is just over a car width wide.  The rickshaw (or three wheeled motorised cart) filled 50% of the space leaving me ample room to stay my course on the right of the lane (they drive on the right here, so my path made sense).  As I neared the impending rickshaw, a second one appeared from behind, overtaking the one to my left.  I braked suddenly, without a reverse option and the two foot high kerb was unmountable.  The two metallic tri-wheeled trucks passed around my bike squashing me between them.  Both drivers looked at me in surprise.  What had I done wrong?!  I wasn’t the one heading against the flow of traffic.  I rarely use these cycle lanes, because a) they are like a car park usually and b) there are too many pedestrians leaping across to the island between the main road and the cycle lane.  The bus stops on this particular stretch, that evening were chock full of commuters and buses ebbing and flowing away at the limited free space.  The cycle lane seemed the safest option.  Even with a large, but jumpable trench just before my jinxed accident.  In the aftermath, I was helped by an onlooking family and given a lift home, eventually.  The police took away the motorised treble-wheeled rustbucket drivers and their chariots of doom.

 

After waking the next day, with some light bruising and a sore nose (it bled a lot at the accident), I went groggily for breakfast, opting for plenty of eggs.  I grabbed two bitter dark coffees from the only place open in the morning for such delights and hopped to school.  Here classes 801-804 occupied my time and kept any aches and pain at bay.  By the evening I felt exhausted but managed to accidentally tag along with someone for Korean food (delicious octopus with beef fried with spicy vegetables; Korean pasta of sorts; an array of starters; a seafood egg dish; Calamari squid rings and more).  Whilst unplanned the food was amazing!

 

Beyond that a good night’s sleep was needed and had.  The following day flew by, I always feel infected by the boldness and confidence of the Grade 6 classes.  Class 608, complete with a City fan (he’s been watching City since 2009 – aged 6 back then) and a bunch of characters always curious about something or other.  I blew their collective minds by informing them that Big Ben is actually called the Elizabeth Tower after our Queen and in fact the largest bell is named Big Ben.  Priceless.  Everything you have been taught has been lies.

 

By late afternoon the VIP class of Grade 5, comprising of 16 students, tore my day apart.  I tried teaching landmarks (Tower Bridge, the Tower of London, Blackpool Tower, Eiffel Tower etc) and used simple words we have previously covered.  As per usual the class splintered away, due to the outside location, with many distractions left right and centre and little space to claim as our own.  The entire playground, side areas and gardens had students and classes within them.  All classrooms were in use too.  Next week, I plan something spooky and Halloween related.  I seriously cannot see a route to getting this class into the swing of producing a school show.  I won’t give up… but may have to.

 

Following that, my body felt limber, relaxed, agile and comfortable.  So, I headed to play for Murray’s FC in a game against newly formed Winners HengLi FC (by an old player of ours called Sam) at Soccerworld.  My body was not ready.  Our team slammed a 4-0 lead away and eventually lost 8-5.  Many players picked up injuries and I tried to carry on but my left ankle, calf and thigh buckled.  I had a dead leg there.  On the right leg, my knee was burning.  Oh and my nose was swollen still.  My right eye stung from a slight bruising.  All in all, I needed to see a vet not play football.   There was a lesson learnt by many that evening.  Our other squad rocketed to a 12-2 win over a local Chinese team in the same evening.  After the game, I could barely hobble.  The same goes for today, and some students have noticed.  So, with their advice, I need to rest more… use tiger balm… and drink more hot water.  This is sound advice from the educated youngsters at our school.  I will listen to it.

And in other footballing news, Sūn Jìhǎi (孙继海) will be inducted into the English football hall of fame.  Officials in Manchester said the accolade for Sun Jihai has been arranged so President Xi can be present. The President will visit the City of Manchester Stadium during his visit Friday where he will watch a match between Manchester City Ladies and a team from China.  Sūn Jìhǎi was the first Chinese player to score a goal in the Premier League.  He was also a bloody nice guy all round, on and off the field.  His efforts this year, aged 38, helped newly promoted Chóngqìng Lìfān (重庆力帆) remain in the Chinese Super League (中超联赛/Zhōngguó Zúqiú Xiéhuì Chāojí Liánsài)).  He still plays football in China.  Beckham doesn’t.  Enough said.

 

 

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

CXXIV: Greetings from Manchester

5^th July 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do from Manchester,

 

Day 7 here in my homelands and Aunty Chris with Uncle Ed have been making me feel at home again.  The first night I arrived, I practically passed out and slept at Mum and Paul’s place.  I did see Astrid later on, but not for too long before seeing my brother Paul Jr (who hasn’t changed one iota).  Tuesday was a take-it-easy day at Mum’s, and Wednesday was a take-it-easy day at my Aunt’s followed by a trip to see Dad and my sister Christina.  My brother Shaun was away on work experience in Clitheroe.

 

On Thursday, Astrid and I went to see Minions at the cinema.  The film weren’t great.  I almost fell asleep.  As Astrid departed, I went shopping for a new shirt, shorts, a hat and a pair of walking shoe-sandal hybrids.  Somehow a Lego Ghostbusters car was purchased… luxury!

 

For Friday, I woke up late, visited Mum’s house againa and generally edged out the last jet lag dregs.  Yesterday, I had a trip to Aunty Sue’s Pink Party in Daisy Hill, Westhoughton.  My friend Kate Lui from college caught up with me here, and we nattered before departing after a few hours.  Astrid and I then went to watch Terminator Genisys, which wasn’t that great.  Aunty Sue’s Pink Party involved too many cakes being eaten and elderflower Pimm’s being tried.  I hope she raised lots of money for her chosen cancer charity.

 

Today, Uncle Ed, his sister Betty and my Aunty Chris went to a car boot sale at Holly Lane, very close to Manchester Airport.  I joined them, buying some cards and books to take back to China.  Later we’re off to The Flying Horse, a Hungry Horse owned gastropub next to Manchester Airport.

 

For the week ahead, I’m off to see Canadian comedian Glenn Wool at The Old Monkey in Manchester and from now until next weekend I have to decide what to do.  There’s the Manchester Aiport Festival next weekend; Rawtenstall fair; and so many other things.  Manchester City Women face Birmingham City on Sunday the 12^th.  I’ll be off to that.

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra from Manchester / Goodbye

The 125th Post

15^th July 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do from Manchester,

 

Over 102,000 words have been written on this blog in many shapes and forms.  I can’t wait for the movie adaptation.

 

Like the legendary Intercity 125, this post arrives and departs a little later than expected with very little by way of content other than people and things.

 

Aunty Chris and Uncle Ed are most hospitable as always.  My residence at their manor has been extended due to Dad offering the caravan in Morecambe to his neighbour.  That’s fine, there is always later on – and it means I can slow down and do bits rather than too much in one go.

 

Last Friday, was spent hiking up Lud’s Church, Gradbach and Danebridge way with Mum, Paul and Astrid.  On the Saturday, I went to see Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds, Johnny Marr and Black Rivers in Castlefield’s Summer In The City concert.  I managed to say a fleeting hello to cousin Carly and her fella Ste.  On the Sunday morning, Carly’s kid Bobby gave me a laugh on his Le Tour de Living Room 12.66km cycle ride.  After this I went out, City Women beat Birmingham City by a single goal in front of a record crowd of 2102.  In the evening I met Dad, Shaun and Christina for a catch up.

 

On Monday, I met my brother Paul and went to watch Cheadle Town’s game at Park Lane with Maine Road F.C.  The black and green home side beat the visitors 2-0.

 

In amongst all this, the idea of cycling from China to the U.K. has gone from being toyed with, to becoming a plan.  I think it’ll be done in memory of and as a challenge with some sponsorship aims, but nowt major.

 

This Friday I’m off with Kate Lui to Pembrokeshire and Swansea, then Saturday in Borth, Sunday and Monday in and around the Welsh Mountain Zoo.  Manor House and other places will be visited.  This is all part of her plan to buy Borth Animalarium.  A kind of fact finding mission with other such ideas to follow.  I just can’t wait to see Wales.  Cymru am byth!

 

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra from Manchester / Goodbye

 

#THESECONDCOMING

27^th August 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do / AlrightChuck,

I’m back in Dongguan (Liaoxia, Houjie) eating a Curly Wurly given to me by my super Aunty Christine Bradshaw. It is bloody hot here and jet lag shall make the coming days fun. I’ve unpacked my bags and 75% of it is gifts and things for school.  20% of the contents are two sized 14 shoes (football and lounging variety).  There are 8 chocolate bars, a bag of fruit salads/blackjacks and a bundle of Lovehearts in the fridge.  I stupidly forgot to buy a large bottle of vimto and have wasted the 30 kilogramme luggage allowance by only bringing 26 kilos of weirdness.  I don’t think I have ever gathered as many leaflets about places in Britain, classroom game resources and random pieces of Manchester (mostly Manchester City related) in any task of my life.  I meant to bring bite creams and sunblock… I have plenty, and know of many places to buy these thankfully!

 

On walking from the taxi-limo drop off at the Hyatt Hotel Houjie to my apartment, a few new things have been spotted.  The mega Wanda plaza nearby is all lit up and the roads look near enough complete near Liaoxia.  Next, and most importantly, the new coffee shop by me is called BIG SHOES COFFEE.  It will be good bumping into familiar faces Chris Farman, Bryony Macauley, 翁峰, Marcelo Gomes, and the list goes on… and on… so plenty of excuses for good teas and coffee.

 

I started to write the below recently… weeks ago recently…

Words have dried up, like the Ural Sea (now desert) in North-Western China/Kazakhstan/Russia, of late.  Fear not my fans (I had two emails asking if I’d given up the blog), I am back, full to the brim of new words and old words.  None of which have ever been invented by me.  There’s no plagiarism here, it is all freshly concocted codswollop of the least prime beef variety.  Words and writing for me, is something that demands passion otherwise it lacks bite, when the teeth are hidden and the message becomes sterile.  So, what’s occurred of late?  Journeys have been had to West Wales (Pembrokeshire twice, Aberystwyth and Colwyn Bay via Borth, Caernarfon and other outposts with many syllables), Cumbria (again of the western extremes), Cornwall and Gloucestershire.  The rail network has been utilised, as has the odd lift via Audi Quattro’s and tiny little town cars.  I don’t discriminate how to get somewhere.  If someone is driving, I’m a fairly well-behaved passenger.

 

In Cumbria, I scrambled mountains, travelled by a narrow gauge steam train and met my guardian twins.  I am officially a guardian father (it is like a Godfather but without the religion or the moniker of a movie franchise).  My best friend Dan and Vanessa introduced me to trainee human adults Damian and Alenxander.  They strike me as potential conquerors of dreams and yet-to-be-matured girls’ hearts.  Dan, Van, the twins, Fuzzy and Baggy (cats) made me most welcome, as always.  Dan is my hero, but don’t tell him!  I love my best friend to pieces, even if he is of the ginger variety.  Further proof I don’t discriminate…

 

For the first of three quick visits to Wales, a land I love, and a land that feels like my spiritual home (after the M11 area of Manchester), Kate drove us south west to Pembrokeshire, via The Beacons (due to a road blocked by a car accident).  We visited Anna Ryder-Richardson’s Manor House Wildlife Park, Borth Animalarium [subject to a possible bid by Kate’s consortium – to be confirmed], Caernarfon, and Colwyn Bay’s Welsh Mountain Zoo… and a stop at Pilau Palas (in Anglesey).  The weekend featured expensive food (by my standards) and a brief glimmer of past memories at Aberystwyth.  Many folk in Aber said, it has an elastic band effect, meaning the further you go from it, the quicker and harder it slams you back.  Several years away from my former university and ATFC-supporting town and several thousand miles away make me yearn to return again.  One day.  Not for now.

 

A quick jaunt back to Wales and Rhyl for a friendly football fixture featuring MCFC Academy (mostly 16 year old players) against semi-professional Rhyl FC ended in a 1-0 win for the hard-battling junior Citizens.  Shaun and Christina accompanied me for a pleasant night followed by a further good night the following night watching City Women FC cruise to a victory over Durham Ladies in the Continental League Cup.  Somewhere in amongst that I caught up with big bro’ Asa and his Mrs Steph down Cam (Gloucester) for about half a day before we surged off to Pembrokeshire.  We visited Pembroke Castle, the indoor swim complex (three times) and caught up.  Steph’s generous brother (supporter of Aston Villa) Neil and his family welcomed us to stay in their 8 berth holiday chalet in Bluestones.  I’d recommend a visit to this Centreparc’s-like village come Scandinavian holiday complex – but be warned, you may need to mortgage your house – and be careful of the risk of black eyes on the water slides (due to congestion and clumsy folk).

 

In the last week I have visited Nikki and her family in Cornwall.  A ska gig (Rudi’s Message), some Footgolf at St. Austell, some football at Illogan R.B.L., a game of rugby league, a kayak up the river Fowey, and some beach lounging at Portreath have made for the highlights of a relaxed week away.  Due to rain (prior to this I’ve seen two days of rain in the U.K.) the cinema was needed with Mission Impossible – Rogue Nation and Fantastic Four on the menu.  Neither are groundbreaking, both are entertaining but not dull.  There should be an annual cap on superhero movies going forward though.

 

And here I am, sat on a train typing, returning from Cornwall.  My advance ticket allowed me to travel Redruth to Tiverton Parkway.  I missed the stop and alighted at Taunton.  Here I was told, even being almost two hours early, I could get the 17:22 to Manchester (saving changes at Tamworth and Warrington Bank Quay).  The train conductor on Cross Country Trains said this is okay after discussion with the First Great Western Train Station Manager at Taunton.  For once, on the railways, a quality service has been had – and with the effect of the landslide stalling or cancelling trains in and out of Teignmouth/Dawlish due to a landslide.  Common sense action for proper service.  Well done them.  It is 18:17, my train at Tiverton isn’t due until 18:39 (officially) but is likely to be cancelled.  So, I may beat my expected arrival in Manchester at 23:19.  We shall see, if so, I’ll write later.   So for now, I’ll break from writing.

There ends my previously typed, unpublished junk.

I managed to get home early, by a staggering two hours in the end!!!

 

In the time I’ve been back I’ve enjoyed TV meals watching Marvelous (an ITV production, well worth a gander) with me mother and Paul; been to the Police Museum in Manchester; watched comedian Glenn Wool in a pub (he was performing, not just drinking); ate and drank too much; seen great art; been here, there and everywhere watching football and seeing friends or family.  I’ll miss them all, but here is where I want to work for now.  In the words of Arnold J. Rimmer in Red Dwarf, “Smoke me a kipper, I’ll be back for breakfast.”  In the meantime…

 

China, here we go again… #THESECONDCOMING

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra from Manchester / Goodbye

#THESECONDCOMING again

17^th September 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do / Alright Chuck,

 

Tuesday, the 1^st of September 2015 was the first official day of the academic year of Dao Ming Foreign Language School.  Naturally it started sweaty, in swelteringly humid hazey conditions.  And for me, around 7 o’clock in the morning.  Having gone to sleep at 6 o’clock in the evening and waking only for an hour or so at 1 o’clock in the morning, I was tired – and shrugging off jet lag.  Without a hearty breakfast in my belly, the day began.  My apetite has been severely affected since landing on Thursday.  I read up on jet lag and noted the effects wear off completely around the fifth to sixth day, with minor memory and diurnal rhythems completing balancing after 30 days.  So, every time I forget something I can blame British Summer Time.  Apparently going west to east is worst too.

 

On the Sunday prior, I whipped my timetable together slotting in eight grade six classes amongst eight grade seven classes and finishing with four grade eight classes.  That’s the twenty basic classes in.  VIP class followed far later with no mention of the previously taught Science teachers or PE teachers classes.  After carrying my new desk up five floors with some colleagues (Go team!), I settled my junk out in the various drawers and around the top.  Last year’s desk and contents had vanished in summer (losing me some games, pre-made materials and computer accessories).  I have since replaced almost everything.

 

The first day and second day was spent introducing myself to four new grade 6 classes, and re-introducing myself to four grade 7 classes (mostly comprised of previous grade 6 classes).  There are very few new students in the grades I teach.  I can quote Chris Cornell’s song “You Know My Name.”  Following three days of graft, I had Thursday to Saturday off, due to the Anti-Facism Victory over Japan Day – here it seems to have gone under many names.  This is to celebrate China and her allies victory in World War II.  There was a huge national parade in Beijing showcasing veterans, current weaponry and lots of speeches.  Oddly this event was only established last year!  [August 15 is the official V.J. Day for the U.K. but something that has been swept away, like V.E. Day to create the Armed Forces Day… that I could not tell you the date of, because it had no real meaning to me… until I looked it up:  The date of 27 June was chosen as it came the day after the anniversary of the first investiture of the Victoria Cross, in Hyde Park, London in 1857.]

 

Very little happened on the days off other than a game of football in HengLi.  The previous week had seen my first game back, away in ZhangMuTou (樟木头).  Our team drew 5-5 on the day, in blistering heat and humidity, before no showers (they’d locked them up!) and a meal at a local near-Mafia themed restaurant called Good Eats.  After a sweaty journey back, an early night was needed.  Instead I opted to swig ales at Murray’s Bar and got a late taxi back.  After HengLi we headed very sleepily to Winners Bar for food and a drink or two.  Unlike the previous game, a shower was provided, and a refreshingly good win it was.  We had lost 4-3 to a very good team from Hong Kong in stupendously painfully hot conditions.  With a sore throat, I completed around my third game of 80 minutes inside 8 days… despite a sore throat, headache and our team only having one substitute following Chris having mild sunstroke (a midweek 6-a-side rout of 26-3 being the other… one in which I scored for the first time in ages).  Sunblock was kindly provided in HengLi by Sam Grubb and I was very grateful!

 

After that there hasn’t been any more football played.  There was a fantastic end of season football evening with Fede’s magic Argentine barbecue (sounds like a cool band name) at Murray’s Irish Bar; the awards being announced by the compere with no hair (me); the draw of prizes and the presentation of the new kits to our-as-it-stands 35-member strong squad.  I had far too many Caipirinhas (Brazil’s national cocktail) that night and had to sleep on Eddy’s sofa.  Sam also slept on the sofa, but don’t worry it is a massive L-shaped sofa.  The breakfast at Alan’s café was much needed the next morning.  Weng, Max, Eddy, Alain [Player of the Year 2015], Werner, Marcelo all picked up awards – as did I [Sportsman of the Year 2015].

 

I had planned to write something for the blog last Sunday… but one I was hungover, and two my password wouldn’t reset, so I locked myself out.  I have lots to write of the last 19 days or so, lots barely covered… and soon it shall be.

 

My experience of teaching in China inside two years has varied.  There is such diversity in teaching, student and even parental ability to encourage learning and the furthering of one’s self.  Development here is pushed and highly affected by social stigmas.  Parents do not want to lose face and there is a massive emphasis of keeping up with the Joneses.  I often read so many bad experiences of teachers here in China, and conversely I hear s many good things too.  I have very little to add to the negative camp.  I think schools have inevitably bowed to face with respect to hiring foreign teachers.  It is a positive thing, but one that should be utilised more respectfully and sparingly.  They need to be seen as providing the authentic touch that a langage school requires.  If you flip the coin to the other side, I can imagine Mandarin teachers in situ in U.K. schools would offer an insight both culturally and in teaching techniques.  Respect breeds respect and a good teacher can build confidence in a student’s ability to learn via genuine native language speakers or examples.  They can also relax to a degree and learn at a pace that suits the student.  I’ve noticed that classes develop as if part of a communal team, far easier here than in the U.K.  I suspect that Chaos Theory and education in China are massively linked.  I’ve noticed black Americans, hispanic Americans, anyone who looks remotely Asian and speaks fantastic English are frowned upon by some schools – and have seen friends ejected from schools to this end.

 

Private schools can either be incredibally hands on or massively hands off.  There are always summer camp and winter camp invites.  I have experienced a summer teaching and the emphasis switched from academic to entertainer very easily.  Busy parents need a babysitter.  That said, the usage of English as a second language can ony reinforce educating those at these camps.  Summer camp experience, especially in varied grades (kindergarten through to college level teaching) certainly racks up the job invites… which in my case is negative because I am happily contracted.  With respects to students in private schools, they’ll always appear sharper due to the opportunities presented to them.  There are those who have, and those who have little, like most societies.  However, I find the Chinese work damn hard to push young kids into as many extra-curricular or study classes as financially possible, often at the high expense of the whole family unit.  If they’re a male, it helps.  I think the elite schools and classes adapt and create newer, fresher activities and study topics thus always keeping the elite of the elite going forward.

So, tomorrow I’ll write more, about home comforts, money, school and being back etc

Vimto in China?  That is a question.  So is this?  Why do I want something from home in China?  Why do I want home comforts?  Why can’t I adapt and simply do as the local’s do?

Wrong Vimto.  Vimto was going to hit China!  Import a 1000 cases…

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra from Manchester / Goodbye

ACTON POWER & THE IRON GODDESS OF TEA

21^st September 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

I said I’d write, and writing I am.  Here we go again.  No more massive breaks from my spewed words.  Written and annoted diarrhea will plummet all over your screen and run down your monitor, all over your keyboard like an explosion at a jam factory (explosions in Chinese factories never happen, wink-wink-nod-nod).

 

This last Wednesday Mr Sun, of class 703, told me a student, Lucy, had invited me to her birthday party with her class that very evening.  I dutifully and curiously accepted the request.  So, around 7.45pm I tottered into school, and was promptly dragged into the large classroom (converted from the old gym, a year previous).  Here Lucy sat me with her friends and we talked, then I went around the tables.  Mr Sun told me I must sing a song for the class, I said I only knew “Happy Birthday” to which he asked me to sing both verses.  I then realised the second verse is the one about god blessing your birthday or something similar.  There was no way I could sing anything hinting at religion or creationists, out of my own beliefs and China’s strict religion rules.

 

After Lucy’s mother and brother Jack had presented a huge multi-layered colourful cake, Mr Sun grabbed me up.  I said in the U.K. we only have one or two birthday songs, I sang a tiny section of the Congratulations and Celebrations made famous by the infamous Sir Cliff Richards.  I explained to the students that the words were so difficult and promptly conducted the simpler Happy Birthday.  On the second attempt I managed to get the students to sing “happy birthday dear Lucy”, rather than repeating the other line!  Following this I taught the art that is hip, hip hooray.  Then the class went dark, candles were lit and a Chinese song was sang.   My Good Brother (我的好兄弟) is very famous here and tells of friends sticking together in less than happy times.

 

This weekend flew by, partially written off by a walk up Guan Yin Shan (a mountain) with a massive granite Buddha on top.  Guan Yin is Chinese for the Goddess of Mercy.  The park is famous globally and draws massive crowds.  The walk up the mountain does not.  Most opt for elongated golf-buggy buses.  The climb up does not give any mercy to your knees.  It can be stupendously steep.  Along the route, partially being reconstructed on my visit, there are many things to see, Ostriches, Emus and Vultures in grim enclosures… sculptures of various historical pieces and the view, upwards, seemingly endlessly upwards.  Then you reach the top, the gift shops and Guan Yin square.  Here sits the 33 metre high Goddess of Mercy and various statues, religious relics and a fantastic ornamental oriental diorama.

 

For your troubles a cool drink is required.  I had four on the way up.  One more at the top was swigged, as dark clouds and an increasing chance of rain approached.  Rain never arrived thankfully.  With my imbibed drink, I bounced around and looked at the view, hazy and hidden amongst dusty air.  I was told the air would be fresher here near to Zhāngmùtou (樟木头).  It was not!  The three hour L4 bus journey from Nánchéng via the L1 from Houjie did not seem like it took forever but I wouldn’t head here on a bad day!  That said there was a few of the city flowers on the slopes.  The yùlánhuā is quite a pretty flower.

 

After a long walk up, a long walk down followed.  After a lengthy wait for a bus, with hunger in force (I hadn’t had breakfast or lunch) none arrived.  I walked as the day set, a long stroll trying to find another bus or bus stop for some time.  On passing one junction I spotted Acton Power.  My family name has been used in China, but I suspect as a spelling error… Yang Tōng Dòng Lì is written above it… I’m trying to work out what this means… something, something maybe through/open… driving force… I’ll find out soon!

 

For more information about the park, I looked at http://www.guanyinshan.com/ which gave me a little more of a background.  However, I noticed that information about the construction dates, wildlife and plants in the region to be very selective and a little sparse.

 

Zhāngmùtou happens to be my latest township to explore [18/32 townships] and get an understanding of, with a little bit of knowledge about it too.  It is massive though.  The area of this district town is 118km².  In perspective, Manchester’s central city district area is 44.65 sq mi (115.65 km²).  Manchester has a fairly dense population by comparison:  11,260/sq mi (4,349/km²).  Zhāngmùtou has 1,117.97/ km².  The district I am in has 3,478.43 people per square kilometre.  Some have 12,553.09 per square kilometre.  Yet all seem so built up by industry, sprawling often-empty towerblocks, construction sites and housing.  Wild green areas are uncommon, often punctured by farming and parkland is vast yet overcrowded.  If the people of China could see how empty Heaton Park is in Manchester on any given day, they’d welcome with open arms the peace and quiet – but maybe not the cold dull weather.  Or the dark characters tucked away in the shadowy bleak bushes.  Or any stray Oasis fans, lost from a concert many moons ago.  Or the bags of dog foul, shamelessly tied to trees.  Or Frank Gallagher’s inspirational body doubles.

 

In comparison Dongguan has 17,572.9 km² (6,784.9 sq mi) of surface area.  Greater Manchester has less than a tenth… at 1,276 km² (493 sq mi).  Here in Dongguan there is a heavier population of 2,500/km² (6,600/sq mi) [compared to Manc’s 2,105/km² (5,450/sq mi)] but in the dense central regions the population can easily be double the metro area statistics.  Dongguan, China’s 8^th biggest city is massive, and still growing, far above the last records of 7,271,300.  It is expected to surpass Wǔhàn and Tiānjīn to nuzzle alongside the neighbouring cities of Shēnzhèn and Guǎngzhōu.  Hong Kong may have one of the most populated densities in and around China, but from there on up to Guǎngzhōu there is little relief from the Pearl River’s ever-growing all-consuming urban-straggle.

 

But, what surprises me is that within all this mass of buildings, townships are built up of so many villages and communities… and somehow each area retains or has created its own unique characteristics.  Yes, the primary retail shopping areas have the same old, same old, but look beyond that and there are surprisingly distinctive areas of schools, gardens, pathways and business ventures.  Some are copy and paste but each has its own feel and ambience.  There is plenty of aspiration to the west, but every now-and-then someone bucks the trend.  A new venture pops out.  Liaoxia, in the shadow of Houjie’s new impending Wanda Plaza is blossoming with boutique cloth shops, shoe stores and a massive amount of coffee houses.  Too many, I feel.  When I arrived in February 2014, there was just one coffee shop:  Coffee 85.  Now there are many… Coffee 85 is surrounded by Tommyboy (I had an okay meal there recently), Panda Love coffee, Big Shoes coffee (their cappucino is adequate), a Taiwanese coffee place, two others I cannot read, a little coffee booth indoors, five outdoor vendors (some do very cheap teas), and Tea 86 (as wide as a door, really), presumeably the cousin of Coffee 85.  None open in the morning.  All open for the evenings and afternoons.  All do very good cups of jīn jú níng méng chá (kumquat lemon teas) and most do a variety of milky teas.

 

My top 5 teas (chá) are:

• In at number 5… A tea I quite like is Teh Terik, or locally known as lāchá (it is a pulled tea) from Malaysia and Singapore.  The flavour is strong mostly of black tea, condensed milk and evaporated milk.  It can be accompanied by cinnamon, ginger and other oddities, even coffee.
• At number 4, Xī Hú Lóng Jǐng chá is a powerfully strong tea with rich flavour, from the region of Hángzhōu (Zhèjiāng province).  I’m told Yǔqiánchá is better Lǜchá (green tea) but this is only available around April and May.
• In third place it is jīn jú níng méng chá (kumquat lemon tea) available cold, hot and beautifully interchangeable with other fruity additions.  This is fantastic for the immune system boost that tropical climes demand.  Black and green teas are switchable.  A perfect recipe sits below:

50ml kumquat juice (around 8-10 nine small kumquats are required); 1/2 small lemon (or lime);  1 tablespoon honey (sugar is okay; as is sweetener); 1 salty plum (optional, it will add a dry bitter twist);
4-5 kumquat rinds (you should have leftovers; again optional); 1 ½ teaspoons black or green tea; boiling water.  This’ll make 500mls of jīn jú níng méng chá (kumquat lemon tea).  Squeeze the juices from the kumquats and lemon (or lime), add the sweetener or honey (or sugar).  Put the above into a teapot.  Add the tea, pour in the boiling water.  Let it stew, let it stew, let it stew… then pour (use a filter if your teapot hasn’t got one).  Enjoy.

• At number two, all the way from Taiwan or Hong Kong or somewhere… zhēnzhū nǎichá (珍珠奶茶/Pearl Milk Tea) is available in a million flavours and forms.  Most feature tapioca.  Sometimes it is called bōbànǎichá (波霸奶茶) although bōbà can be slang for boobs or breasts.  Who doesn’t like curvy bubbly thingies?!
• At the top, in number one tea hails from the province of Ānxī, Ān xī Tiě (Iron) GuānYīn (Goddess) [铁观音].  It is a wūlóng chá (oolong tea) and when added to honey, it is so sweet, energising and aromatic.  Like my number four choice, Ān xī Tiě GuānYīn chá features on lists grandly entitled Ten Great Chinese Teas (中国十大名茶) and China’s Famous Teas (中国名茶) – both are based on current tea trends.

 

In looking up the exact name of the tea, I often enjoy it is remarkably similar to the mountain I last ascended.  Up this moutain, I was thinking how I’d love to see a tea producing area.  I appreciate the time and effort put into making a cup of tea possible.  The more I read about it, the more I appreciate it as not being a simple matter…

 

1. plucking tea leaves (cǎi qīng)
2. sun withering (shài qīng)
3. cooling (liàng qīng)
4. tossing (yáo qīng)
5. withering (wĕi diào)
6. fixation (shā qīng)
7. rolling (róu niǎn)
8. drying (hóng gān)
9. Possible roasting and scenting
10. Packaging
11. Delivery
12. Tea-making

 

Right, after all that I fancy a brew… not a Typhoo, PG Tips or Tetley’s teabag is in sight…

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Dàojiào, Guǎnchéng, Nánchéng, Dōngchéng, Hǔmén & Zhāngmùtou.

21^st September 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

So far I have explored several districts in and around Dongguan and more specifically Houjie.  Here in Houjie there are many things to see and do, go and eat (like the HJ International Rotating Restaurant, Munchalots, Irene’s Bar, etc).  Houjie boasts some odd titles:

“Town of Hygiene in China”, “Famous Town of Exhibitions in China”, “Town with the Strongest Education in Guangdong”, and a “Civilized Town of Dongguan City”.  There’s a sports park (体育馆), Fushengang (福神岗), Henggang Reservoir (横岗水库) and Dalingshan (大龄山).  More info on Houjie can be found here.

In the meantime, here are six local areas…

 

Area	best reached from Hòujiē Zhèn (厚街镇) by bus(es) (Houjie):	Reasons to visit/Places to eat or drink/Landmarks etc
道滘镇 Dàojiào Zhèn	沙田1路; 310路 to东莞市道滘镇西部干道旁 It is ~10km away.	The food festival around the Dragonboat Festival; the river scenery; local foods like Daojiao rice noodles, Daojiao glutinous rice dumplings, Daojiao meat balls, Daojiao porridge, Daojiao cakes and Daojiao egg pie. An old but useful link. A HereDG guide can be found here.
莞城街道 Guǎnchéng Jiēdào	The L1 bus pretty much ends that way.  L1: Guancheng (Keyuan Garden)–Humen (Weiyuan Barbette Field) (6:00－19:00) Main stops of the L1: Keyuan Garden, Guancheng Culture Square, Dongguan International Travel Service, Nancheng Walking Street, Houjie Furniture Market, Houjie Exhibition Center, New Humen Bus Station, Humen Apparel Market, Humen Square, Linzexu Park, Weiyuan Barbette Field, Naval Battle Museum The 201/217 can be taken changing onto the 6/48 at  Nánchéng bus station. Buses 3, 4, 7, 15, 16, 20, 28, 30, 31, 45, 46, 2A, C2, C4, L1(58), L2 (59), L3 (60), L5 pass close-by to Keyuan (which costs 5RMB to enter). It is ~15km away.	Ying’en Gate is very old; 21 Art Space museum is modern; fancy something Turkish, then get to Anatolia; there’s the main museum; an art museum; the grand Keyuan gardens and museum (可园博物馆, 东莞市莞城区可园路32号) – an amazing place (see here).  An old source of info.  A recent link for the government. District guide at HereDG.com
南城街道 Nánchéng Jiēdào	The L1 and 113 pass through here. Many other buses can be taken to and from Nánchéng bus station (东莞市南城汽车站, 南城区科技路袁屋边地段). It is ~6 to 10km away.	An old useful link.  The local government site.  The Yulan Theatre, Heritage Museum, Science and Technology Museum, public library and Children & Youth Palace are very much central features.  Brown Sugar Jar music bar have just moved there.  A great source of foreign food can be found in Corner’s Deli.  For speed nuts, Go Karting is close to the Walking Street.  The visa office is important too.  Soccerworld (索福德, 南城区体育路3号东莞体育馆) is located next to a basketball arena and the old football stadium. District guide at HereDG.com
东城街道 Dōngchéng Jiēdào	Take the L1 bus, change before TiYu Lu in Nancheng, swap for the C1 bus to DogCheng bus station: 东莞市莞长路牛山村. It is ~12 to 18km away.	An old link for Dongcheng.  Alan’s Café, Jay’s Deli, Corner’s Deli, Martin’s Bakery café, Murray’s Irish Bar, One For The Road, Roadhouse, Decathlon sports store (迪卡侬, 东城区火炼树鸿福东路560号), other massive western places like Wanda Plaza Vista and DynaCity, Turkish food at Nazar (东城区东纵路208号万达广场室外步行街(万达金街)1栋41号铺), Pal’s Bar, Subway, Papa John’s, Tangla, a charity shop called Treasures of Hope… etc There’s HuangQi to go climbing. HereDG.com and HubHao cover this area extensively.
虎门镇 Hǔmén Zhèn	The L1 bus ends at the Opium War Museum (鸦片战争博物馆, 东莞市虎门镇解放路88号).  Bus 222A路 and 201路空调 go into the town area. It is ~16km away.	Linked deeply to the Opium Wars of 1839-1842, the Sea Battle & Opium War Museum (shaped like something from Jurassic Park), Weiyuan (Bocca Tigris: Tiger gate) Fort (威远炮台), four other forts, the Tiger Gate Huge Bridge (Hǔmén Dàqiáo).  An old link to the town can be found here whilst HereDG have added something far more recent.
樟木头 Zhāngmùtou	The L4 bus ends at GuanYinShan. L4: Dongguan Central Bus Station—Guanyin Mountain Forest Park(6:10-20:20) Main stops: Dongguan Central Bus Station, Jinfeng Residential Garden, Hongyuan Industrial Park, Nancheng Hospital, Donghao Plaza, Donghu Residential Garden, Donghua Hospital, East Bus Station, Huangjiang East Station, Huangjiang Square, Baiguodong Industrial Park, Zhangmutou, Guanyin Mountain Forest Park. It is ~60km away.	Zhāngmùtou was somewhere I visited twice in the space of a month.  GuanYinShan Mountain Park has more information on http://www.guanyinshan.com/.  Western food can be found at the spacious and luxurious Good Eats.  An old link can be found here.

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodby

 

Relentless

26^th September 2015

The strain of the pain infused his teeth to grind without control.  His muffled screams bore into the soft pillow.  A whimper at first then an immense roar of discomfort.  The agony of a hurt so deep and relentless.  As his right leg cramped in smarting pain, his left leg joined the stinging sensation party.  The tenderness made his upper body contract without release.  His interncostal muscles tightened and oxygen appeared to refuse to travel within his blood.  For a few moments he thought he would pass out.  To lose consciousness.  To escape the hurt.  As he throbbed, his mind tried to regain control, to ease the tension within.  The severe spasms of his chest slowly eased.  The shooting sensations of pain withered to a dull ache.  He breathed deeper and slower.  His dizzying mind aimed and focused.  With every inhalation the episode of intercostal constraint shrunk.  His ribs felt looser, his breathing steadier.  His legs pounded and pulsated in various degrees of intensity.  His left side of the chest felt sprained.  All the while his legs tightened and constricted around his knee caps.  The chest stiffness and leg pains made him want to remain lay on his back.  The sofa beneath him soaked full of sweat.  Anxiety, worry, concern and a nervousness to move.  The previous debilitation was not something he wanted to repeat.

 

After four minutes, and what seemed like an eternity the leg muscles loosened but not without the odd jolt of thunderous pain.  The legs reminded him, he should fear their power.  With apprehension he twisted around slowly, occasionally writhing in agony.  How had this happened?  How could anything be so painful?  When could he move freely again?  Had he done too much?  His body has limits and he hadn’t listened to the limits.  After some time ice and a cold compress met his thighs, ribs and kness.  The coolness smoothening the affected areas in a way only a mother can comfort a crying child.  With limited stretches, he eventually turned his body, and lowered his feet to the ground, taking every motion with absolute care and attentiveness.  The bulge above his right knee relaxed, slackening to taut but not overly tense muscle.

 

Now it was time to recover.  From his knowledge of muscle recovery, he needed water.  He opened the fridge door to find a two litre bottle of cold water.  He opened the lid with ease.  A desperate want for water.  He upended the bottle and took two fast glugs before slowing the intake of the drench.  Instinct told him to down the bottle fast.  His mind battled against this taking only a little, but by bit.  After consuming half a litre, he looked in his kitchen cupboard.  He needed potassium and calcium.  No such joy.  Not one banana.  He ambled back to the fridge, all the while gaining confidence that the episode of multiple cramps was over.  Here in the fridge, one litre of milk stood.  He opened it carefully and took gentle swigs.

 

The next day, with the cramp in mind, he looked up stretches in a library to help alleviate the possibility of such a cramp bout.  He would incorporate them into his fitness regimen.  Armed with callisthenics such as the behind-the-head chest stretch, elbows-back exercise, chest stretch on a stability ball, chest-expansion stretch and the doorway chest stretch he would try to beat this type of cramp.  The prospect of visitors spying him raising his arms to shoulder height, keeping them straight and rigid before quickly spreading his arms outward as far as he could and then back to the starting position, did not bother him.  This exaggerated clap could be taken as a welcoming applause.  However, repetitions of up to ten stints may seem slightly silly to a new spectator.

 

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

This week I have used talking in the third person as a fun way to tell a story about your day.  Using him, her, his, hers, she, its, they, them, their, theirs and it can make a student think sharper and see the difference between the first (I, we, mine, our, ours, us)/second (you, your, yours) involves stopping, slowing down and thinking how to change the structure of a sentence.  Thow in possessive, objective and subjective cases and flip a few tenses over and it al is jolly good fun.  The students also correct each other and work as a team.  Next week, I’ll print out some of the new words I’ll teach and ask the students to make fun sentences that make sense but sound silly.

 

Tomorrow is the Mid Autumn Festival, 中秋節 (Zhōngqiū Jié).  It is held on the 15^th day of the 8^th lunar month to coincide with a full moon.  Amongst the moon gazing, stuffing the faces full of mooncakes (月饼; yuè bĭng) and drinking of cassia wines there are many stories being told and other traditions being observed.  Like many Chinese festivals families come together, and where not geographically possible then friends group as one.  There is a thanksgiving of sorts for the harvest of crops and praying for babies, a new husband or wife, self beauty, self longevity, or for a good future.  Folk tales revolve around the legend of Chang’e, the Moon Goddess of Immortality.  There are lanterns on poles, some with riddles (灯谜,dēng mí), the sky lanterns (tiān dēng 天燈).  The movie Raise the Red Lantern (大红灯笼高高挂; Dà Hóng Dēnglong Gāogāo Guà) amongst other favourites are being screened locally in squares and cinemas.  There is also another story Jade Rabbit Blasts Off to the Moon!

 

Local shops have copious amounts of pomelos (shaped like a moon), oranges (lunar shaped), grapes (mini moons), pears (here they are shaped like the moon – Nancy in 603 gave me one the other day and it was the best pear I have ever eaten) and other such fruits.  Dao Ming Foreign Language School gifted two tins of mooncakes to each teacher.  They often are made of pastry (lard/oils in the crust) and filled with a red bean, lotus seed paste and other ingredients.  Some taste sweet, others sour and sweet, others fatty and filling, whilst some are light and soft in texture.  There are even solid chocolate mooncakes out there (made by the Swiss).

 

In school this week the air temperatures has exceeded 36°C, and feeling around 44°C with the humidity factor.  The grade six classes 603-608 are all located on the fifth floor of the main primary school building.  The roof is flat.  The classes are ovens.  The teachers don’t seem to grasp that closing windows and turning on the air conditioner with fans spinning away will cool the room, after a while.  They instead find it too hot early on, open all the doors and windows wit said air conditioner pissing into the wind.  It hasn’t got a chance.  Not a possibility of wintriness or coolness to be felt.  The fans act against the air, wafting down hot blasts of heat into the drooping wiltering students.  Their patience tested by the heat and the teacher before them.  Two afternoon classes in particular, observed by Joanna and April from my company, tested my resolve but were great fun.  As I poured with water, and sapped the dregs of energy I had the classes on so much edge, one girl cried as her team lost and one boy on an opposition team became consumed by anger at his team losing.  The other five teams, especially the one that were victors seemed considerably happier.  The problem of balancing around 36+ students is there are varying abilities.  Apple, the girl you cried, has far higher confidence and vocabulary usage than all of the other students in the entire grade.  This week she’ll enter an English language competition with Daniel form grade 5 (who has by far one of the best vocabulary uses in the entire school and gets angry when he is told to drink hot water).  They both have to read words and pronounce them correctly for about one minute each.  The second part involves a speech about Dongguan (Apple has opted for a start with a song) and in particular the uniqueness of Dongguan.  Cherry, head of grade five teachers, drafted the speeches, I edited them and corrected a few points.  I did suggest Apple’s song is a little unusual but Cherry chose it – and will stick by it.  The last leg involves making speech using three words inside the space of thirty seconds.  So if the words are flabbergasted, mischievous and otorhinolaryngologist then the judges are merciless, just like my cramp on Wednesday night.  Class 704 on the ground floor gave me the intellectual equivalent of cramp.  Three of the smallest students are Gremlins reborn.

 

In local, national and international news, I didn’t even know that George Osbourne was here.  I guess that is down to the subject of human rights which leads me to my favourite quote of him, “”We raise human rights, but we do it in the context of talking about issues like economic development.”  So make money, not lives?  Other news on national TV has covered a called for death sentence for Panda poaching… and eating.  My favourite news spotted is this sickening love letter of a video.  Proper gander at that!  One of the regions, I want to visit, Xīnjiāng (新疆), is under deep news scrutiny and that could affect any travel plans that way!  George Osbourne went there too, hope he never upset anyone.  And now, how do I plan to waste my Saturday?  Well, I got up in reasonable time, lazed a little and later I will do summat…

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

Ideas, Turkish delights and more about… Tángxià, Shātián, Hénglì, Qiáotóu, Dàlǎng & Dōngkēng

28^th September 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,

 

idea

ʌɪˈdɪə/

noun

noun: idea; plural noun: ideas; noun: the idea

1. 1.

a thought or suggestion as to a possible course of action.

“recently, the idea of linking pay to performance has caught on”

synonyms:

plan, design, scheme, project, proposal, proposition, suggestion, recommendation, aim, intention, objective, object, purpose, end, goal, target “our idea is to open a new shop”

• a mental impression.

“our menu list will give you some idea of how interesting a low-fat diet can be”

synonyms:

concept, notion, conception, conceptualization, thought, image, mental picture, visualization, abstraction, perception; More hypothesis, postulation “the idea of death scares her”

• an opinion or belief.

“nineteenth-century ideas about drinking”

synonyms:

thought, theory, view, viewpoint, opinion, feeling, outlook, belief, judgement, conclusion “Elizabeth had other ideas on the subject”

1. 2.

the aim or purpose.

“I took a job with the idea of getting some money together”

synonyms:

purpose, point, aim, object, objective, goal, intention, end, end in view, design, reason, use, utility, sense, motive; More value, advantage “the idea of the letter was to get patients to protest”

1. 3.

Philosophy

(in Platonic thought) an eternally existing pattern of which individual things in any class are imperfect copies.

• (in Kantian thought) a concept of pure reason, not empirically based in experience.

Origin

 

late Middle English (in sense 3): via Latin from Greek idea ‘form, pattern’, from the base of idein ‘to see’.

 

• So, I have an idea.  An idea that I want to write.  To mix in with a hatful of ideas all dotted around, scribbled, some typed.  So, this will be an idea that shall develop over the week off from October the 1^st to 7^th.  I’ll try to escape from all around me and sit down and turn the idea into an end product.  I have ten works in progress that I want to fine tune.  The dream is there, the will is there and the strength to follow through on my ideas has long been there.  I am a lion.  That is something I tell my students, “You are lions.  Be confident.”  The pre-class pep talk either gives verve in heated conditions or floats by a few with potency leaving others saying they don’t understand it.
• Today, in class 804 they went wild and some beat their chests, they had awoken and wanted to go to battle with a tough English subject.  In class 802, it fell on them like a damp drop of rain.  I don’t think they were in the least bit interested from the off and the class was a struggle.  Their form teacher tells me they were sleepy all morning and massively controlled by three leaders of their teams to the absolute point of full restraint.  To get any emotion or response that day would be a major victory in a battle firmly marked as unwinnable.  A tad like Manchester City’s sorry showing this last weekend at White Hart Lane.  Fight to the end? #FloppedOverByTheEnd #TypicalCity. I still think we’ll come good… With 5 home games in Manchester and 1 away game at Old Trafford in the coming month of October, we should be aiming to more than bounce back!

 

• Sunday was spent at the pleasant KeYuan Gardens (after the L1 bus arrived there in good time) in Guǎnchéng before a wander to meet Jojo for Turkish tea… and Turkish coffee… before having… can you guess… Turkish lunch… and then a walk.  Back in China, Chinese China and not the Ottaman–infused Turkish China.  The day was swelteringly hot, remaining above 35°C for long periods of time.  In direct sunlight you probably could have cooked an egg on my shimmering head had it not been for the sunblock, sunhat and absence of an egg.  I opted for a climb up HuangQi settling for one peak I hadn’t visited before, not by choice, more by accident.  A left turn after a windy bendy snake-like path should have been a right turn.  Bus number 26 and then the L1 returned me to Houjie.

 

• I’m told today will be cooler.  It isn’t as humid but that said it is only 31°C with patchy clouds making good viewing for the blood moon-supermoon-eclipse (last seen in 1982 – I don’t remember it, I may not have been born, next visible in 2033) treble whammy of moons tonight.  I want to see the 7-8% increase in moon size appearance.  The scattered blue light from our Earth’s surface will allow the red light to shine on the moon for a while, it should appear grey, red or orange.  Either way a rusty crappy colour, inferior to blue.  The moon is grey-white-blue usually.  The moon should sit in front of the stars of the constellation Pisces.

 

After six key link page summaries of Dàojiào, Guǎnchéng, Nánchéng, Dōngchéng, Hǔmén & Zhāngmùtou… here are six more:

Area	best reached from Hòujiē Zhèn (厚街镇) by bus(es) (Houjie):	Reasons to visit/Places to eat or drink/Landmarks etc
东坑镇 Dōngkēng Zhèn	If you start from Dongguan Bus Station, take bus No. L3 get off at Fuzhu shan stop and transfer to bus No. 76 at Xingdu stop. If you start from Dongguan Nancheng Bus Station, take bus No. 16 to Dongguan East Bus Station and transfer to bus No. 76. If you start from Dongguan East Bus Station, take bus No. 76.	Dōngkēng is something of a cement magnet but for one day a year it becomes a huge water fight and most of the year it remains very much standard.  A good guide is located here.  The name of the town comes from the words east and puddle.  The town is also famed for Tangbu shuai, or sweet sticky rice balls.  Read about the water fight to end all battles in puddles at HubHao.
大朗镇 Dàlǎng Zhèn	Bus L4, which goes through downtown, can take you there, too. The journey time will be about two hours.	Dàlǎng could be anywhere, in any city.  The government website shows the usual city suburb skyline.  It is geographically sandwiched between the Shenzhen to Dongguan expressway and the Dongguan to Huizhou highway.  The Changping to Humen expressway adds extra weight to a place surrounded by buys roads.  The Tianyu Opera House and Yongzheng Lecture Hall add to a rich culture, famous also for wool and lychees.  HereDG added a guide.  This is a town famous for basketball too, the Shenzhen Leopards once lived here.  An older area called Dajing Tou Village is worthy of a gander.  Look up the Fu De Tang temple based in CaiBian.  There is mountain biking too.
桥头镇 Qiáotóu Zhèn	There are bus lines that go directly to Qiaotou from Dongguan main bus stations.  A taxi may cost 120RMB.	Qiáotóu has a really pretty lake.  It is named after the end of a bridge.  It is kind of like Bridgend in Wales (or loosely Pen-y-Bont) but not as crap.  Close to Huizhou and far from the centre of Dongguan, here you can find the central lake full of lotus or rape seed fields.  Between the crops it is just water and people tending to the needs of either plant.  There is a nice park and old stadium sat behind the lake beneath a hill with an octaganol podium stood on it.  Song Wuzhou or Song Wu Delta.  A good link can be found here and there.  Or via this hotel!
横沥镇 Hénglì Zhèn	From Dongguan East Bus Station you can take the 116. From Dongguan Wanjiang Bus Station take the K18, 70 or 76.	Hénglì means horizontal ditch.  Here you can drink at Winners Bar and have a kip in a ditch, carefully.  Expect to see cattle and the famous cattle markets.  The local football team is called HengLi Buffalos.  In late October to early November there is a cattle festival.  What a load of bull?  Xinbuzheng Street is a beautiful old street with many world styles of architecture.  There’s more info here and there.
沙田镇 Shātián Zhèn	Bus 217路空调; 沙田1路; go close.	Shātián sounds bad.  There isn’t much there to be fair.  A great rowing boat sculpture is out there, somewhere, unfound.  There is a port of sorts and plenty of construction.  Many things happen here, mostly on water.  Islands, rivers, inlets and lakes make up a huge district.  A useful link.
塘厦镇 Tángxià Zhèn		Tángxià is famous for international golf courses forming part of the world famous Mission Hills.  Footgolf (it opens to the public on October the 9th) is present alongside mountain biking and more.  The Dapingzhang Forest Park sits to the southwest.  In the centre the petite Lulu Bar is known as a place for for foreigners to frequent. For more info look here.

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye

The Mancunian’s Guide to The Galaxy

2^nd June 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello,

 

The foreign press have laid into mistranslations of recent movies such as Avengers: The Age of Ultron.  Let’s be fair English to Chinese is blooming hard.  Also, one translator, post surgery, was tasked with the work.  Liu Dayong did a job that left the Chinese audiences confused – but it has to be said?  Why does only one man do this sort of billion dollar job?  Why not have a team and some proof readers?  Mistranslated segments such as when Captain America said, “Even if you get killed, just walk it off!” have been changed into Chinese subtitles as, “If someone is trying to kill you, you should run away quickly.”  I mean that does change context massively.  It is worth noting that even the reported so-called news also has misquotes of quotes.  On one website the above film phrase has different words, “Run fast if someone tries to kill you.”  The beauty of two totally different languages and cultures means things do tend to get lost in translation.  The main thing is, it isn’t anything too important like USA-China relations or bilateral talks between Malaysia and China over the South China Seas…

 

In recent weeks, I have watched Tomorrowland and I, Frankenstein at the cinema.  Neither have been fantastic but the movie going experience here is amazing.  The pre-screening warnings and rules are starting to appear in China.  They look on the most parts, homemade, filmed in a dull basement, probably under the cinema.  At some stage this week, a look in at 末日崩塌 (this means “Doom collapse”) or San Andreas in English is required.  I’ve written about the beauties of going to the cinema here on HubHao – but would like to stress it has been edited (due to the cinema where a photo shoot was taken) having some issues with my tone of language use.  That is fine, after all I don’t want to alienate or upset anyone… especially ahead of going to see Jurassic World this month.

 

Over the weekend Murray’s FC played out an 11-5 win in roasting conditions at AcTel Tangxia F.C.’s massive football pitch.  The grass was actually too long but the game was a tough one in simmering 34°C heat and high humidity.  The game, an hour each way, with a ten minute break ended just in time for a windy violent storm to sweep through.  Afterwards, showering under a tap, positioned one metre from the ground over a trench in a homemade shower cubicle was challenging.  The cold water was a welcome treat in the warm airs of the evening.  After our team all converged on a 1500-seater cafeteria but opted to head into the town for something more delicious.  The wait within a local bar called Lulu’s was too long.  Hunger set in.  Two slider burgers and a few over-the-top burnt shrimps later and more than half of our squad bailed.  I’m not sure why Murray’s FC favour western-style food after a game.  Granted it tastes good, but with local cuisine you know the fodder is fast and always in great supply.  It is also significantly cheaper than western chow.  After hot-tailing it back to Houjie, a sleep was needed.  A late night viewing of the FA Cup Final at Irene’s Bar was not needed.  I’d correctly predicted it to be a one-sided affair earlier that day. 

 

On Sunday, good food – and a chance to write about Gigg Club and their array of Thai and Chinese curries – was had.  Monday meant all the teachers in primary school (up to grade 6, the highest age being 12 year olds) and students had the day off for Children’s Day.  Happy Children’s Day (儿童节快乐ér tóng jié kuài lè) could be heard many a time.  Meanwhile, in middle school I had my grade 8 classes, class 803 and 804.  803 have always been difficult but yesterday they were only half-difficult.  804 switched from being very good to just about good.  Both classes have dynamics that mean a quarter of the class try very hard, and to a degree don’t give the others in the class a chance to push on.  As such, the remaining students quieten up and make for a challenge.  On going round and checking with those I feel need a kick up the underside, I usually find they have capable and very good answers on the whole.  Confidence and time to deliver is something they lack.  I try, but in 40 minutes per one class every week, I’m not there enough to give them the impetus to deliver results.  Their form teachers are more than capable of this.  I suspect I was as bad during puberty, I just can’t remember if I tried too hard and suppressed others from trying… or switched off.  I guess I did a bit of both.  Who’d be a teacher?!

 

Now, I’m not allowed to discuss my contract with Worlda or mention numbers.  It is a sackable offence.  However, in the last two weeks I’ve had two summer job offers, two offers for work at a new company next semester and other part time job offers.  The thing is, I like to keep things simple.  I don’t want to work too many hours within my free time, and then I’d prefer to pursue my own interests or activities.  Within school, I like the rapport here.  It can feel one sided at times, what with the Chinese ability to do a fantastic poker face, but I have learnt, seeking feedback is for those considered as unprofessional!  With respects to self development, I look at the quality of my work one year ago and laugh.  I’m adding new dimensions, testing myself and analysing students’ responses to the material taught more frequently.  Yes, I could earn more at other schools, and I’d probably be just as happy, but I believe in loyalty and my loyalty is to pushing forward with what I have now.  Why not?  I think, come Spring festival, I’ll review my options, but for now I’m happy with my working life.  Staff like Jessie, Casey and Kimmie have made it a very pleasant place to work.  Dao Ming Foreign Language School and the staff within have always been welcoming.

 

Today, my mind has been totally switched to that moment of landing at Ringway (or Manchester International Airport) come the end of June.  I can’t wait, my bank balance will be hammered by summer but it’ll be worth it.  I have ideas and a list of things I wish to bring back.  Maybe the Mancunian temperatures would be a good starting point.  The rains here replicate Manchester very well already.  The sun inbetween is something else though.

 

Life’s road ahead may be bumpy, but I’ll have my worklife to settle me down.  It is 32°C here now.  Turn down the heat someone!

 

Want to read more about teaching?  A tad later than planned, the second teaching column is online at http://www.hubhao.com/author/john/ under the link Tips for the Classroom. Other bits shall follow at HubHao.

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Goodbye.

我来自 曼彻斯特 (Wǒ láizì Mànchèsītè) I’M FROM MANCHESTER.

8^th June 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello,

 

With the new contract signed, the Visa being applied for tomorrow, only 13 more working days, and only 3 grade 8 classes left (I finished class 803 earlier – who I am told shall miss my classes, but shown no real enthusiasm to the class we did), no more classes in grade 7… and exams only remaining… here are some of my Summer plans:

 

• Obviously, catch up with family and friends.
• Have an oven bottom sandwich with roast ham, pickles and cheese on the canal by Gran’s old apartment.  Think happy thoughts.
• See my best friend Dan, with his lady Vanessa and their bouncing criminal twins in the making.  I’m kidding, they look like future scientists/Manchester City centre forwards.
• Sell some of my old clutter and belongings.  I have too many things and not enough experiences in life.
• Cycle somewhere Lancastrian, Yorkshire-like and Cumbrian – as well as the Manchester medal factory that is the National Cycling Centre/velodrome.
• Watch some football, from pre-season friendlies to ladies football to the world’s greatest football club, Manchester City.  Maybe go and watch Maine Road F.C.
• Watch some comedy.
• See the Battle of Britain Memorial Flight and one of the Vulcan Bomber’s last flights.
• Swim in the sea!

 

List of things to bring back to China for teaching:

 

• magnetic teaching aids;
• giant snakes and ladders;
• good quality but cheap secondhand story books;
• simplistic videos or DVDs;
• more things to do with Manchester and the U.K. in general;
• prizes for games and competitions;
• extra and refreshed enthusiasm;
• wit and humour;

 

In the last hour a small to medium storm came and passed.  I was rather drenched on my return to school.  I looked soggy and rather rainswept on my return from a local corner shop.  Every time somebody comments on my love for the rain, I feel like replying “Oh, you think rain is your ally. But you merely adopted the rain; I was born in it, moulded by it. I didn’t see the sun until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but TOO HOT!”  To adapt the Bain quote from The Dark Knight Rises doesn’t take much skill.  Staying dry in monsoon rains does.

 

This weekend was spent in Shenzhen admiring the massive smelly durian fruits hanging from the trees.  If they fell, they’d kill you.  Nearby was some lychee trees with threat of 100RMB fines for each lychee taken.  I followed the rules.  They’re cheap enough in markets.  Beyond that many shield bugs, butterflies and kites were seen on this very sunny weekend that flew by.  That and the legendary single men and women part of the park (Lianhuashan park/Lotus Hill) where parents try to find their offspring partners.  I’d advise not standing still too long in the marriage market… [There’s also one in Shanghai]  You can read about their age, height, job, income, education, family values, Chinese zodiac sign, and personality – in Mandarin, Cantonese and occasionally English.

 

It is currently 32°C and I smell like a hamster cage.  If one of the teachers in my office could have an oven in here to heat his food, and a heater to up the air temperature to 45°C… and maybe a sauna style cooking pot, he would.  The good news is that next semester I shall change offices!

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Goodbye.

Post #CXIX: WITH THE FLOW OF FOOD

15^th June 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello,

 

Last Wednesday night meant watching a massive movie on its release.  Jurassic World is a beast of a movie. It grips you in its teeth and throws you around. The film is laden with humour compatible with the original movie (and translated well into Chinese for some proper belly laughs), a soundtrack new in structure yet with shades of the emotive John Williams score and fills in with some new stories. The Lost World: Jurassic Park and Jurassic Park III didn’t need to happen – and this is a fantastic continuation to my beloved Michael Crichton‘s novel adapted into what I can safely say was the biggest movie of my childhood [alongside Ghostbusters and Gremlins]. The characters are built up perfectly and it does not pretend to be something it is not. That was what 3D cinema was made for. And, when you have Crystal, Snowy and Angel almost crying and hiding from every scene with the rest of the Chinese audience, that makes for a good night out. If you don’t like dinosaurs or mild peril, then avoid this bloodcurdling beauty! It even references the novel, but I can’t say how as that would be a spoiler.

 

Having not played football for a week and a half, my legs felt a little Jurassic.  On Saturday, we had a game in FengTai Guan Shan Bi Shui (丰泰观山碧水) – oddly the English name is mistranslated into the more marketable name of Peninsula.  This mega-apartment and leisure site (there are tennis, basketball and other sports located in the area) hugs the shoreline of the Henggang Reservoir.  The pitch costs 200RMB an hour, so two hours split between two teams made for good news on the wallet.  Water, 2 crates of it, cost around 2RMB per bottle – whilst not cool, it was certainly refreshing in the 32°C heat, magnified by humidity.  Marcelo had picked Kaka and I up from outside Tescos (where a staff strike has rendered the supermarket practically closed… it is open but has no staff, except for security staff.  You cannot buy anything).  Chris, Mikkel and Andreas joined spectators Nikki, Snowy, Angel and Crystal in taxis to the venue.  Alain with Calum and Aron arrived together.  Weng, Max, and Alekaze arrived soon after without Danish.  Danish, Leonardo and a school teacher pulled out on the day.  Rogerio (Marcelo’s dad) and Marcelina (Marcelo’s wife) came to support us.  The game finished 14-4 to Murray’s FC against QiuQi FC despite us surrendering a 2-0 lead to go 2-2 inside 20 minutes.

 

After the game rainforest showers were very pleasing (in stark contrast to a previous away game in Tangxia, where half way up the wall taps were mounted and a communal bucket was needed to douse yourself in cold water).  The pitch itself only had around a foot of space from the sidelines to the fencing but it was certainly one of the better pitches I’ve played at here in Dongguan.

 

Afterwards we all headed to the bright lights of Houjie for Mexican—Indian food at Munchalot’s.  Ray has always been a great host.  The spread was served gradually.  Indian and Maxican food mixes really well.  Burritos, vegetable kebabs, chiminchangas, fillet empanizado, potato wedges, chicken tikka, naan bread, palak paneer, mutton rogan josh, and ten side caraffes (1.25L) of Budweiser beer were enjoyed by my football team and my invited P.E. teachers.  Not bad for 100RMB per head! [Well the beer was 550RMB on top for everyone]

 

After the food, we headed down to Irene’s Bar along Yue Fan Shan Street to celebrate his birthday.  They had a barbecue on earlier that day, and Revolution played some music later on.  After this point a few busy drinks at Irene’s meant a return to Munchalots – and an early night around 2am, because I was utterly exhausted.  The constant heat here, and anything that encourages dehydration gives rise to muscle fatigue.  Sunday was pretty much a lazy day watching Marvel’s Daredevil TV series and eating Taiwanese noodles in the evening.  An evening that crept up far too soon.

 

Now, I am in my office, and soon I’ll be in class 603, finishing their oral English exam papers.  This last week has seen the exams flying by.  Students like Howard in class 607 remind me of Tim Wonnacott (Bargain Hunt presenter) or chairman Tony Bates at Aberystwyth Town F.C. in Wales.  Other students like Lucy or Amy in the same class (607) have extensive vocabularies and can converse fluently without need for prompts.  The latter student is reading the entire collection of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes novels, in English.  Then there are students likes Tank and Tuby who are just mischievous, but not in a bad way.  Martin, in class 603, always wants to buy candy from me, even when I don’t have sweets with me.  I suspect he has learnt more English through conversation about sweet sales than via my classes.  I’ve had some students that I’d be dubious about their ability in the spoken oral exams – yet all have performed brilliantly.  Several students from the first semester who did not do well, have bettered themselves.  There has been no need so far, to prompt students or hint at answers.  The task in hand has been clear, and the end product clearer.

 

To end post 119:  119 is the emergency number in Afghanistan that belongs to police and interior ministry.  Other countries use it to report emergencies too.  119 is also the atomic number of the theoretical element Ununennium.  119 is the sum of five consecutive primes (17 + 19 + 23 + 29 + 31).   The next post shall be post 120.  120 inches is the height of a regulation hoop in the National Basketball Association of U.S.A.  China copy that height for their C.B.A. too, but their players are mostly far smaller in height.

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Goodbye.

With the flow of the dragon boats

19^th June 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello,

 

Will I cry?  Will I miss it?  Will I want to return?  What if… but… maybe… So many possibilities.  “This city is insane; Every possibility; Nothing’s left to chance; They’re throwing rocks and pavings stones; Who says it has to last?” Doves song N.Y.  Inside 12 days, I am going home for the first time since the 11^th of February 2014.  That’s 502 days away from the U.K.  1 year, 4 months, and 17 days.  71 weeks and 5 days.  12,048 hours.  722,880 minutes.  43,372,800 seconds.  In the grand scheme of the world, a blink of an eye.  In my lifetime, a fraction (4.2%) of the 11,931 days (32 years, 8 months) I’ll have spent on this planet.

 

For HubHao, I have been busy and remain busy doing several tasks (last night I went to Liaobu).  The most recent publication is about a sport (cough, cough, I mean drinking game – or do I?) called darts.  Click to visit the article.  The introduction goes something like this:

 

“Steel tip darts has always held a special place in many of the bars in Dongguan. The introduction of soft tip darts has seen the game start to reach new places and players. John Acton sat down to chat with some of the people who have helped make darts in Dongguan what it is today.”  You can also read it in Chinese here.

 

There’s also a review of Winners Bar in Hengli (which name means horizontal drain).  In English and in Chinese.  Other articles shall follow via this link.  I’m working on pieces involving extreme cycling, restaurants where the ground moves beneath your feet and places where golf has gone a little over the top.  I also reviewed a shopping street too, mainly focused on sportswear.  Have a good read.

 

Here comes the sun… Mr Sun has arrived.  It sounds like he shall take over the duties of Cherry next semester and he strikes me as closer to how Bright was in the first semester.  He spent the best part of Tuesday afternoon exchanging ideas and visions with me.  He hails from a school in Guangdong’s Huìzhōu (惠州) having originaly graduated from Nanjing Normal University.  He was born and raised in the province of Anhui (Eastern-China).  Naturally the conversation was steered away from the subject of earnings, into one more based on freetime, culture and drinking.  That and we talked about Yuè Fēi, loyalty and weaponry.  All in all, a standard random afternoon at school.  This week I have no classes, just seven exams in grade 6, of which the first class (603) was completed on Monday, with the lowest scores set at 88% and 77% of the class winging in at full marks, 100%.  Other than that, I spent Tuesday working on country profiles for new school signage and education posters.

 

Class 604’s exams were finished by Wednesday morning, complete with a student called Rex looking well and truly flu-ravished.  I thought the poor kid would keel over, he looked so dizzy and unsettled.  He soldiered through scoring 98%.  On the whole, 75% of his class scored top marks.  The lowest score being 80%.  In class 605, the lowest mark was 90%.  80% of the class scored maximum marks, although I had to stop Raymond turning his exam papers into an airplane – he is such a smart kid, he could answer everything with sentences based around, “I don’t like…” making sure the keyword fitter correctly before answering something more appropriate.  His nodding and sounds of hmmm can be a tad patronising but he’s a witty so-and-so.  Cindy was cheeky as ever and her friend Lucy told me the keyword I read isn’t there, even though it was.  She spent ages questioning it before falling out with me.  As she left the desk, she spotted it.  In that class Willow told me she was sad not because school would soon end, but she was saddened by so many exam papers.  James, in this class, was as humorous as ever – he is destined for a career in Chinese comedy.  For my money, he’d rival any worldwide gurning champion too.

 

After lunch class 606 stepped up to the plate.  69% of their class gained full marks.  One student set a low of 55% but I could not get him to speak, no matter how hard I tried.  The same kid spends all classes doodling pictures of guns.  This is a worrying craze for some students here in school – in the country with the tightest gun control, thankfully.  Aside from him, nobody scored below 90% in his class.  In class 606, Coine (who I often see with her sister near to my apartments) told me her life story in less than five minutes with some complex sentence structure examples befor Eric said he was afraid, but still managed to sail through the exam with flying colours.  Shortly after this class in class 607 completed their exams, with 82% of the students scoring the big 100%. Four of the six students who missed out on 100% scord 95%.

 

After Wednesday night’s shattering win for Murray’s F.C. Oranges against Murray’s F.C. Greens, and a slightly exhausting bikeride back, I drank two iced kumquat lemon teas, ate a small pot of ice cream and fell asleep.  I woke up tired, hungry and bizarrely with a sore eye.  On arriving at school, class 601 started their oral English exam papers but did not finish them all.  Class 602 followed after lunchtime, and unsurprisingly they scored high.  The lowest mark was 95%.  Only three students did not reach 100%.  91% got the full marks.  Miss Jiang, or Aaron (pronounced Erin) runs a tight ship in her classes.  The students are always hardworking and always attentative.  Despite the strictness she imposes upon them, they can also be wily and clever impudent little monkeys.  When asked to take my desk outside, Bob asked if I wanted to do the xam by the W.C to enjoy the fresh air.  I declined.  Johnny signed his paper by his class nickname of Monkey Boy.  He is the smallest student in grade six at 140cm, and is ever so slight.  He is 10-15cm below average height, and what he lacks in physique, he expands in vocal adeptness.  Roy, a lazy and fat kid (fat here is not insulting) advises at the weekends, “I sleep because I am fat.  I am lazy because I am fat.  I eat because I am fat.”  He beams joy with every answer.  China’s obsesity epidemic will not be beaten with that attitude.  Sat outside the classrooms in the steamy 32°C shade, alongside wilting, withering and waning plants, I wonder, who waters plants for those who go home in this migrant populated city?  That’s my life business plan, to run a plant nursery that simply minds your plants when you go back home or on holiday.

 

Today is Friday, next week I have six grade six classes and have to complete 11 student’s oral English exams.  Outside of that, Mikkel, Liane, Catherine, Andreas and I must sing “Uptown Girl” at an end of year show on our final working day.  Friday the 26^th will be emotional, but at least I know I’ll be back soon enough.  This weekend is an extra day long for the Dragon Boat Festival.  端午节快乐!  Duānwǔjié kuàilè!  Happy Dragon Boat Festival!

 

So, there’s a few plans in the pipeline:

SATURDAY 20TH JUNE 2015

Bus to Nancheng then bus 67 to Zhongtang [Machong (final stop)] to see Jiangnan’s Dragon boat parade and races from 10am to 2pm.  [Other buses:  L1 to 58 / 219 to 58A / 213 to 64 to 1 / 222A to 2 to 27.]

From here a taxi, minibus or bus to Wangniudan’s races (Liaoxia River, Dongguan) that run from 12pm-3pm before ending at the Daojiao Food Festival.  The bus or taxi back will be my last concern.

 

SUNDAY 21ST JUNE 2015

Somehow get to either Hengyong Village River in Zhongtang Town for 10am to 2pm or head to Dongjiang River Liaohe Section at Shipai Town for one of the two races.

That evening Murray’s F.C. face Dongguan Sheraton F.C. in what could be my last appearance until September.  I joined the club in July last year and we had a winter break during the spring festival for four weeks.  We have consistently had one to three games a week in 5, 7, 8 and 11-a-side games.  That to me, seems crazy.  The Chairman, Eddy, and his secretary are working on the appearance stats this weekend… I’d be curious how many games I’ve played since giving up football (in Norwich) [for the second time in my life, the first being after leaving Plymouth].

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Goodbye

 

That play what I wrote

23^rd June 2015

Here’s the completed and published HubHao articles so far…

ISSUE THREE:

Shoppers’ Guide To Wanjiang Sportswear Street

Badasses Of Chinese History – Hua Mulan

The myth behind the Disney movie China has one of the longest and most interesting histories in the world. From rebels who thought they were Jesus to beauties that…

Winners Bar – Bar Review

A winning blend of English authenticity The doors were opened wide by two ladies dressed in what appeared to be outfits like those worn by the Royal Guards outside of…

Going For The Bullseye

The growing popularity of Darts in Dongguan Steel tip darts has always held a special place in many of the bars in Dongguan. The introduction of soft tip darts has seen…

ISSUE TWO:

How To Survive Going To A Cinema

The cinema is a place of magic, emotions and white-knuckle rollercoaster rides. Often many battles are on-screen and increasingly as East meets West clashes engulf the…

Tips For The Classroom – Part Two

Often we can learn from trial and error, observing others, or good old fashioned teaching. There’s no right way or wrong way, we all develop our own style to learn,…

Atlantic Attraction at Brown Sugar Jar – Arts Review

The atmospheric intro quickly faded into a homely vibrant song. The kind a popular TV show could easily mould into a soundtrack. Before long lead singer Kevin, complete…

ISSUE ONE:

 

 

Badasses of Chinese History: Zhuge Liang

China has one of the longest and most interesting histories in the world. From rebels who thought they were Jesus to beauties that would put Helen of Troy to shame. Each…

Restaurant Review – Munchalots

I love food. Food experts probably scrutinize food far too deeply. I personally pick satisfaction above all else. In an effort to show you my writing and taste has some…

Tips for the Classroom – Part One

 

#122: Hanging like a shark in a net

23^rd June 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello,

 

The end of era; when Maine Road closed down for good; the last broadcast; the final furlong; the final chapter; the last act; the last leg; the ultimate week; the decisive semester; the conclusion of a story; the culmination of my learnings; a cessation and termination of a journey; the closure; an expiration to this story; the completion of undertakings; the grand finale; the week that winds-up the closing stages and brings all to a halt… thankfully, it is just an interruption, a hiatus before the next chapter of life.  As the doors of grade 9 swung shut, they graduated last night and the promotion of grade 8 (to the most senior students on site) happened, I slumped back and enjoyed the final hours of Monday’s holiday day.  My physical condition, battered, bruised and lethargic, with just enough spirit to get through a grey summer’s day, in the humid but cooler 28°C temperatures.  Milky tea and lemon teas have served me well this weekend.

 

On Friday night, sushi was required, that and a gentle but sleepy stroll after a week that felt just too long and inactive for my liking.  Saturday was met with an early rise.  I met Amy, a teacher from grade 9/grade 3 (at Dao Ming Foreign Language School), and we headed to Zhōngtáng (中堂 /middle hall) in the North West of Dongguan’s townships.  After taking the number 67 bus, we arrived and sought a taxi to get us the last few kilometres to Jiāngnáncun village for the Dragon Boat parade.  Despite local advertising, it turned out there was no such thing that day!  Two more taxi drivers and a local confirmed this so.  Amy’s old students at a school nearby verified it further.  Plan B was turned to…

 

A short ride on another bus, in the direction of Zhōngtáng bus station meant Amy had put us on the right bus, wrong direction.  I had questioned this earlier.  So, we boarded the same bus and headed away to Wàngniúdūn (望牛墩) via XiaLuCun, MaLiCun and LiaoXiaCun.  On arriving there was a brief wait before the Dragon Boat races began.  Almost as soon as they began Tina, Nikki, Daniel, Crystal and Chris arrived to join us.  Kim was going to join us but got lost in a taxi.  The taxi driver didn’t know the town, let alone the village.  The village did seem to have an unusual amount of dead chickens floating downstream…

 

After a fantastic hour or so of racing, and the best 5RMB lemon tea I have ever had, with seemingly unmeltable ice chunks, we departed for Daojiao (道滘) and the The 6th Daojiao Food Cultural Festival held at Jichuan Square on the river banks, and amongst the indoor arena.  Here many foods were sampled, drinks drank and a man who has dwarfism was watched dry-humping his colleague on the Hollywood Baby Too stage.  Some blueberry wine was purchased and eventually our band departed to Houjie.  From Houjie we proceeded to a village called Qiaotou, just south of the town centre.

 

At Qiaotou, we could see a neatly arranged barrier central in the central Qiaotou Square with tables set aside for judges.  Nothing seemed to be happending.  We were a little early.  So we waited.  Soon after it became apparent that the boxes stacked two metres high and as wide as long as high, were not bottles of water, as I suspected.  It was in fact a combination of fire crackers and bangers.  The square had four sets laid out in the middle and was cleared of any wandering toddlers and small children.  The police and local volunteers all went to several positions, each with a bag full of ordnance.  At which point, my phone rang, Edison, who teaches in this village, “Hello John, where are you?  Do you want to join in?”  Then I lost his words and the call ended.  Several loud fire crackers in close proximity having near-deafened all around me.  Edison called again, “Where are you?  I’m to the left of the square.”  I looked high and low and could ot see him.  Then, “I’m in red, waving.”  My eyes looked left.  Nothing.  I caught motion from the farthest corner of my eye.  He was to the right of the square (in a position, no-one could ever call left, due to the lay of the land and buildings tight to the square).  “Come and meet me.”  I said to the others I’d go and see what he was doing.  I scarpered to meet him not knowing what to expect.  Edison was parked in a place a Police Officer asked him to move from, he gestured to me in the car, “Come!  Quickly!”  I dived in not knowing what was happening – and more importantly where was Edison taking me?!

 

His four wheel drive car turned right, alongside the square, the square disappeared from view behind us.  It jolted down a bumpy road, alongside a food market and shopping area.  After a kilometre or so, Edison turned his offroad car left, up a bending road, into a chasm of alleyways and then right, over a bridge before parking a further kilometre away near a lake and basketball court.  This end of Qiaotou was not nearly as modern as the end with the Qiaotou Square.  Here buildings struck me as much more traditional and put together with less budget, whilst maintaining as much care as possible to practicalities such as waterproofing and doors before windows.  Air conditioning units hung sadly from walls.  Electical cables formed no order, strung from building to sorry looking building.  Bricks replaced concrete and rubble replaced tarmac.  The earth infrequently offering anything green within this area.  We hurried along to a gran looking village hall.  Here it was much more modern.  The village elders and chairman obviously knowing how to save their funds.  Here I met some of Edison’s family and friends.  Photos were taken and locals taken aback by my presence.  Edison said foreigners never enter this village, and have never had reason to.  There are no multinational production companies in Qiaotou village.  After pleasantries had been exchanged, a XXXXL red (the forbidden colour)  t-shirt was flung at me.  “Welcome to our team”, Edison informed me.  I could not say no, even if it meant wearing red.  I had my purple Manchester City shirt underneath to prevent red t-shirt to skin contact.

 

The team, one of seven in Qiaotou, was approximately 2500-strong, from toddlers to the near elderly.  The village’s most eldest people watched on from doorways and seats around the area.  Here everyone was given either a branch (to beat the clouds away from the dragons), a flag (the red or yellow colours of the village), a drum (noises to replicate the racing beats), or replica dragon boats (finely carved but festooned with neon lights giving a tacky visual making).  I was an amateur and newcomer.  I was given a branch.  We soon set off, joining the red tribe.  There were yellow, blue, green, orange, black and gold tribes around the large village streets.  The object was to snake around the village.  On meeting the other tribes, firecrackers were thrown at their feet to signify the battle of the racing boats.  The team that did not dance well with those who carried the dragon boats performing their moves, decided without hesitation by the opposing teams, had to turn around and snake another route.  The tradition, I was told, dated back four generations and was brought about due to the drying up of several village creaks and two men who raced, carrying large dragon boats, down a village street.

 

Over the years, tribalism has rocketed [pun intended] with each clan being rewarded at the central square for their final dance.  The central Qiaotou Square is where the judges convene and do their best Simon Cowel impressions.  The team of kinfolk from Qiaotou that wins, receives honours and a prize for their ‘hood of Qiaotou.  On asking Edison to translate my questions to many locals, it became apparent that this is a totally unique form of this festival nationally.  CCTV, the state television, were in attendance, exclusively offering live coverage of this one-off custom.

 

At the time, I felt wave after wave of euphoria and privilege to have been invited to such a matchless and rare occurance.  This happens annually but only for a few hours.  Through working for Worlda, I was posted to Dao Ming Foreign Language School, who sent me on a Thanksgiving Day task to Qiaotou’s state school.  Here I met Edison, who has friends involved in this event every year.  A set of links so finite that led to experiencing something so exceptional and spellbounding.  I felt joy, like never experienced for many years before, like a kid at Christmas, unwrapping a present, not suspecting that his parents have worked exceedingly hard to buy them that Lego set the kid dreamed he would never ever reach.  I was that kid once, thanks to my mum, I had that gift – and through her (and Dad’s) gift of life to me, I experienced that moment.  The moment has gone, but every now and then life throws something beautiful my way, wiping out the sight of dead chickens floating downstream…

 

Around 55km of travels later, after a cold beer at Irene’s Bar with Edison and his girlfriend, home was departed for… and desperately needed sleep.  The badly shot highlights of Saturday can be viewed here in video format. 

 

Sunday, was a gratifyingly lazy day followed by an intense 7-5 win in football for Murray’s FC against XiLu Hotel FC (West Lake Hotel).  It was our debut at their newly opened pitch.  The win almost killed me.  I raced onto a right wing ball, sprinted beyond the left back and spun a ball into the box.  My momentum carried me forward, unable to stop I hit a fence knee high (full on into my kneecaps), flipped over the fence into the black netting that prevents footballs being lost.  I went head over heels downwards, clattering against the wall, suspended in the net like a shark being fished for its fins.  It was equally as worrying.  For a moment I thought I’d hit my head, I hung dazed, as both teams’ players ran over.  A few moments, and helping hands lifted me up, still stunned and stupefied.  I stood up, assessed I had many scratches and two bruised knees before returning to play the final ten minutes.  I thought I was a goner.  I found out Aaron had graciously stopped the play despite being in a goalscoring opportunity.  That’s our team, through and through.  We work for each other.  Afterwards the opposition players kept asking me “Hao bu hao?” or “Hao ma?” to which I said I am fine, thanks.  What doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger.

 

I’ve just been told that a senior school member, Mr Yang has asked me to present certificates to my graduating students in grade 6.  The message should have reached me several weeks earlier.  It didn’t.  The ceremony is next Wednesday.  I am gutted that I will miss it.  Seven classes of grade 6 students (around 37 students a class) doesn’t go into 4 classes of grade 7.  I’ll have to say my goodbyes this week.  How typical that messages never reach me.  Sometimes I wonder of Cherry, my immediate supervisor here, doesn’t pass messages on purpose or shirks her responsibilities out of idleness.  She works damn hard as a teacher but I don’t think she can come to terms with being the link between school and the foreign teachers here.  Liane, today, advised me her apartment drawer is stuck and she cannot get into it, a job for the landlady, yet Cherry “can’t call her.”  I don’t know whether that means she is away, or she doesn’t have her number anymore or anything.  I love vagueness.

 

And today, we have further been practicing and murdering Uptown Girl by Billie Joel for the school show this Friday morning… Mikkel and I lack enthusiasm, Andreas is giving his all.  Catherine knows her stuff and Liane is very forthcoming with ideas.  But, the song means zip to me…  On the day, I’ll give my all.  Until then, I’ll just wake up and make up my mind.

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Goodbye

WELCOME TO MANCHESTER!

30^th June 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do from Manchester,

 

Thursday the 25^th of June 2015 was the penultimate day of term for me and the other foreign teachers here.  Mikkel and Andreas are off to Xiamen, Shanghai and Beijing from Monday 30^th June; Catherine and Liane are also backpacking around China from the Sunday, a day earlier.  Meanwhile Chris, Bryony, Cliadnha, Tina, Kim and Nikki remain teaching kindergarten until the 11^th of July.  School term beginning and end dates can vary locally, regionally or even within the same parent organisation – or local government state schools.  Exams are being taken left, right and centre within Dao Ming Foreign Language School and being overseen by external bodies to ensure cheating and malpractice cannot surface.

 

And on Thursday, I found myself sat in my school office writing a review of the school semester and my experiences for my company.  My mind was semi-blank on the subject, subdued by the lack of action in the classroom of late.  All but one class last week had been cancelled.  Class 602 played games and my final class was an absolute joy.  A few students had tears in their eyes, but on the whole they sent me off, happy and proud to have been part of their lives, even if just for a blink of the eye in time.  That evening I ate with Miss Jiang, Emma, Doris and Nancy in a Guangdong restaurant in the local area to our school.  I found out that Emma and Doris are both leaving school.  That’s a real shame, but I wish them well.  Our loss is someone else’s gain.  Doris is homesick whereas Emma has a job offer in Humen city with a larger school.

 

On Friday morning, we gathered on the school playground alongside the students of grades 1-6.  The primary school grades each sang a song.  Renditions of Do Re Mi (from the 1959 movie The Sound of Music) by grade two; hilarity and beauty in other songs like You Are My Sunshine (first recorded by Jimmie Davis and Charles Mitchel in 1939) to more modern numbers like Emilia’s 1998 number, I’m a big big girl in a big big world finally was rounded off by the teachers singing Sunshine After The Rain by Swedish group BWO (covered by Jolin Tsai under the title Ri Bu Luo Cai Yi Lin).  The finale was Mikkel, Liane, Catherine, Andreas and I performing Billie Joel’s Uptown Girl.  I think, considering the lack of passion for the song and practice finally paid off.  The team did very well overall and delivered the song with a degree of energy that received good reception by students and teachers alike.  Following this Andreas read a brief speech and the Principal handed us a gift bag with a porcelain style notebook, biro, business cardholder, USB-pens, and keyring all with the school’s logo on them.

 

For the morning, I signed autographs, had my photos taken with students and teachers, walked and danced, dictated with actions an English test (as guest teacher), helped students with homework, smiled more than I thought humanly possible and said my farewells.  It was emotional.  The seven classes in grade 6 cannot all return to grade 7, because there is only 4 possible classes.  I do hope to see the majority of the students return and wished every single one good luck, with hand written and personal messages too.  It killed my wrists writing for over 290 students – but that’s the level of respect I have for them.  They work damn hard and if one student takes a tiny amount of inspiration, bottles it for later, takes it with them, or uses it, then my job has been a good one.  The afternoon flowed by, and I slipped out the door quietly before further farewells to teachers.

 

On Saturday, the day passed far too soon, with great company and teary eyed goodbyes.  Hong Kong style food and wanderings emptied the day of time.  In the evening, tired, weary and still not packed I went to Irene’s Bar, said my farewells and drank some beers.  Michael, the careless-with-money shoe business man paid for everything.  Crazy!  He also had some sky blue light up shoes that just shouted, “Oi look!  I am rich!”  Anyway, after the ever hospitable Irene slammed a millipede’s worth of chicken legs on my plate and a shank of beef, I tried to sit back and relax.  It was pleasant to say goodbye to those leaving like Josefin, Catherine, Andreas, Liane, Liam and Mikkel.  Andrea, Chris, Kim, Nikki, Cliadhna, Peter and a few others will remain in the locality for next semester.  I hope to keep in reasonable touch with those who are leaving.  Kira, who left in spring had an article published recently and shared this, but it is in German…  So, exiting to Frank Sinatra’s rendition of New York, I went home to bed.

 

For Sunday, day 502 away from the U.K., I was up early, packed my rucksack and hand luggage.  I went out and had a breakfast before returning.  Catching a taxi-limo across the border from the Hyatt Garden Hotel in Houjie to Hong Kong International Airport cost 210RMB and was totally hassle-free.  Having tried the train, the walking route and other coach/bus options to cross the border, I can safely say the Trans Island Limo service offers value for money, comfort and is stress free.  They even do services from Houjie to Disneyland, downtown Hong Kong and generally anywhere within the region.  After arriving, I sat with a lovely roasted vegetable sandwich and we discussed world politics.  Not really, I ate it!  Watching aircraft land and depart is relaxing.  The busy airport that is Hong Kong definitely has air traffic.  The extremeness of one of the runways is very clear to see.  After stroking a police sniffer dog, I checked in my baggage and smoothly slipped through the customs gates.  I boarded my flight at 1830hrs and the flight departed shortly after at 1855.  Up into the sky.  Away from Hong Kong and southern China.  Due west.

 

In flight I enjoyed three movies.  Black Sea being the first.  I usually dislike movies with Jude Law but here he shows depth and range in his acting.  At first I questioned whether it was even him.  With co-stars as talented as David Threlfall, Tobias Menzies, and Michael Smiley – to name but a few, this film could have been lost at sea.  It is a dark but beautiful tale of dreams, shatterings of society and greed. Get on board.  Before watching that I accidentally selected Big Eyes, due to turbulence.  Christoph Waltz really is a disturbingly talented actor.  Amy Adams is beautiful and very good at drawing you into her charcter.  The movie is based on a real life story that is truly wonderful.  My first selection of the flights was Kingsman:  The Secret Service which was very witty indeed.  Aside from an early message on the first flight, “Is there a doctor or nurse onboard the plane?” the journey was uneventful.  There is only so much you can do strapped to a seat on a flying metal tube in the sky.  Thankfully the man who needed a doctor as the Etihad Airways aircraft departed Hong Kong wasn’t so serious and just needed oxygen and some tablets for his angina.  My journey involved a change at Abu Dhabi International Airport.  Almost drifting away to sleep, I boarded the plane, found my seat and promptly passed out.  I awoke once, a bearded middle-Eastern man to my left awoke me to pass me the inflight food.  I ate this and properly felt alive again.  I began chatting to the man, who hailed from Oman.  We talked about China, the U.K., his new place of study (Nottingham), the green forests of Ain Sahalnout, Salalah and many more subjects.  The last three hours of the flight… flew by.  Collecting my bags swiftly, passing through arrivals and being greeted by the waft of Gregg’s Bakery, I met Mum and Paul.  They were late, or as I found out, I was early!  We went for breakfast at The Milson Rhodes (Wetherspoon’s) in Didsbury before a short walk around a garden centre, a cup of green tea and then met my sister Astrid.  A combination of time slipping away, dizziness from jet lag later and I awoke at 6am.  I’m sat back, swigging a machine filtered coffee right now.  The Weetabix and fresh milk from within my bowl have long since disappeared.

 

I’ve been reading up news, local and international whilst trying to shake away the jetlag.  Notably I found out my former Aviva work colleague Vicky Aspinall and her posse aren’t backing down to fear.  I hope they enjoy their holiday.  One brutal and stupid act of terrorism will have a massive regional and international effect on people’s livelihoods in the affected area of Tunisia.  I wouldn’t say that I’d want to stay there in that situation, only you can decide such things at such times, but hats off to Vicky for staying there and trying to support the local economy.  Calm waters don’t make good sailors, but sailors who don’t shirk away from big waves often make great sailors in the sea journey of life.

 

And now I’m booking things, looking at things to do… I might skip Bakewell’s Baking festival.  Although the custard pie fight sounds fun.  I’ve booked tickets for £10 to see MCFC’s City Live.  City Live, at the G-Mex (or Manchester Central) will feature former Doves singers’ new band Black Rivers amongst new signings being unveiled, the Etihad Player of the Season award, the Nissan Goal of the Season, the LG EDS Player of the Season, the EA Sports Performance Index award, and the Vitality Fitness Award.  It seems a long time since City had a big club with a small club mentality… and a lifetime since half-hearted Thomas Cook Trophy games.

And now for another jet lag inspired nap…

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra from Manchester / Goodbye

Monkeys, mountains and a Mancunian

2^nd April 2015

From the moment of entry into the classroom, the mood changes.  The students embrace you.  They see you as something different.  You are foreign.  They know that.  You probably won’t understand their native tongue.  They use that to their advantage.  An advantage they don’t understand you can dispel over time.  The attitude of welcoming each class for the individuals within or the collective wits and humours makes the day fly by.  Today, class 602, who are surely the best class in school surprised me with a simple spoken English show that turned into a near Shakespearian rendition of the importance of washing your bag for school and how busy the cast’s weekend was.  In the previous week, a show based on recruiting a goalkeeper has produced an intimidating and menacing restoration piece of Reservoir Dogs.  I don’t know what Miss Jiang, the head of foreign lanaguages does to this class, but it works.  They think outside the box and are very amusing as a result.  Their sharp humour often makes me laugh.  Their English skills are equally fast – and not a single student lags behind.  They are for me a fantastic model class.

Classes of late have been far from dull.  Sometimes the material has been dull.  Try for example bringing to life the topics of charity, volunteering, rules or permission.  They can be hard to understand without examples – and to a degree, examples aren’t often relatable.  The significance of homelessness is denied here, even though many students have or will see homeless people on a near-regular basis.  The air quality is very good, according to many classes, so there is no need to plant hundreds of trees – whilst volunteering.  To quote the recent Spectre movie trailer, “You’re a kite dancing in a hurricane Mr. Bond.”

Over a month has passed since departing the beauties of Zhangjiajie in Hunan and return to basecamp in Guangdong.  Photos have been edited, memories are fresh.  The cool invigorating airs and bracing views seem like both a lifetime ago, yet only yesterday too.  My thirst to visit such a place again is unquenched.  The new interns, Mikkel (of Danish origin), Andreas (also a great Dane), Liane (from Bedfordshire) and Catherine (from up t’ Yorkshire way) are all planning to go to Zhangjiajie in May.  Whilst three days there may be expensive and not a great time period for such a place, it seems like this donkey wants that carrot.

Departing the great city of Beijing on the 21^st of February late at night (Air China CA1359.  1462.5RMB per seat. 2.5hours inflight) to arrive in Datong airport on the outskirts of Zhangjiajie was underwhelming.  The taxi journey, after being negotiated from 600RMB to 200RMB, was an experience and entire novel or video could not do justice towards.  On departing the airport the taxi driver gestured us to swap cabs around a few kilometres after entering the vehicle.  The second driver was a distant cousin of Finnish rally car driver Sébastien Loeb.  Or so it seemed.  Overtaking fast moving vehicles on hair-pin bends with oncoming headlights on double track roads is not my idea of fun.  I left handprints in the upholstery from squeezing hold for dear life.  I’m glad I did not need the toilet.  I would have deficated at some of the manoeuvres this driver span.  My heart raced from the first bend to the last roundabout 28 kilometres later.

On arriving at the hostel, check-in was simple.  Wulinyuan Zhongtian International Youth Hostel worked out at 345RMB for 5 nights.  Located midway up the catchily translated North to Zixia Taoist Temple Baofeng Road in Wulingyuan, it was pretty much as well located as anyone could ask for when wishing to explore…  Let’s be fair.  I’ve come to see the beauty of Zhangjiajie’s national park and the local scenic zones.  I haven’t come for luxury.  As hostels go it, it is basic – but that is all I want.  And I say basic loosely.  There’s an air conditioner with heating settings and a TV with cable.  That to me is luxury.  The bathroom featured a shower with very hot water and a wide mirrored sink.  That’s also a luxury.  The bed was double in width and longer than 1.8m.  For us giants, this is a luxury.  Extra blankets accompanied a thick duvet.  Luxury.  The room looked dated and could easily have passed as a budget hotel room but it was more than convenient.  For the price paid, it was very good value.  The WiFi was available and extremely reliable.

During Spring Festival it is considered the proverbial bottom end of winter in this region.  Two weeks ago snow fell.  The air felt mild – damp outside but not cold.  Inside the hostel entrance and the cafe bar style ground reception area, the air felt much cooler.  The host, Victor, explained food was limited at his hostel in the quiet season – and promptly directed anyone to local restaurants, food markets and local eating establishments.  Hunan has rich and spicy food, so a poor choice of places to eat is a rarity.  The location is perfect for many local and regional attractions.  A taxi from the airport is 140rmb but buses are far cheaper.  Ask the hostel for assistance.  The local bus station in Wulingyuan is around ten minutes walk away – with buses to the national park main entrance, the city and other local villages possible.  Victor was a fantastic host, in someways like a tour guide that can set you on your ways.  I will recommend this place ahead of all others.  I will also look to return one day.

What can you do near Wulinggyuan?

Well, the first stop was on a rainy day.  You need to be indoors.  The Huanglong Dong (Yellow Dragon cave; 黄龙洞) allowed just that.  At 103RMB (3RMB is for insurance) and 15RMB to see the stalagmite-stalactite labrynth was marvellous value.  This included a short boat ride and more than two hours of strolling.   After entering via the Huanglong Cave Ecology Square and an excellent set of grounds, the amble through one of Asia’s longest cavern and cave systems is demanded if you’re in the region.  The caves features huge neon lit dry caves, water-filled caves, stalactites, stalagmites, stone blossoms, stone curtains, stone branches, stone canals, stone pearls, and stone macrospores.  There’s certainly some stones to be seen.  There are thousands of stairs too making the stroll a little arduous – yet worthy of labour.

Once back on the surface many shops, stalls and eateries look for your money.  Amongst them are some fantastic local tastes – and not always spicy!

Victor, the hostel advisor, advised us that out of season the four day access cards for Zhangjiajie National Park had dropped in price to 139RMB.  With that bonus in mind, a walk from the hostel to the Wulingyuan gate of the Zhangjiajie National Park briskly flew by.  On buying your tickets, swiping your card and the park staff taking a thumb print, you then board a bus to Suoxiyu.  The short ride into a more central location of the park winds alongside a reservoir, lake and many streams.  Forestry thickens very soon and Karst rock mountains rise from the ground like giant tombstones.  For the first day a route was calculated along the Golden Whip Stream.  The route passed many paoints with elaborate names:  Jumping Fish Pool, Reunion Tree, Lovers From Afar, Zicao Pool, Turtles Peeking At The Stream, Candl Peak, Monkeys, Golden Whip Peak, Welcoming Rock, Southern Heavenly Gate, Picking Star Terrace, Huangshi Cun, Front Garden, and the Huangshi Pine.  The final exit point was Zhangjiajie Cun – a village featuring the main Zhangjiajie National Park Entrance.  Here a rapid Bus to Wulingyuan costing 10RMB returnsd you in less than forty minutes, complete with memories and a rejuvenated mind, body and soul.  The air quality in the vallies is some of the best experienced globally, let alone in China.  After a full day in the park, there was only one thing needed…

…to return into the park.  The route on the 24^th differed somewhat.  After arriving at Suoxiyu and following the previous day’s route, a detour after the Reunion Tree towards the Back Garden walk was had.  On observing monkeys pick pocket, snatch bags of nuts and generally stuff their cakeholes with….erm… cakes, a lengthy climb and thousands of footsteps required scaling.  Some lacked tread and were a tad slippery.  Others lacked consistency in height requiring a shuffle or a stretch.  All pointed upwards.  Each step becoming progressively higher until reaching the Back Garden.  Here many Karst mountains form the Enchanting terrace; the Heaven Pillar; the overcrowded and slow moving pathway that accompanies the Greatest Natural Bridge; before reaching a bus terminus at Shadaogou.  On hopping onto a smaller minibus to Tianzi mountain and winding around the roads, the end point is the Tianzi pavilion.  Here has crept in a McDonalds.  The feet carried on plodding and took a steep downwards pathway to see the Warrior Taming Horse, the Imperial Armchair and pass through the Southern Heavenly Gate, before passing the Echo Cliff and reaching the Monkey Garden bus stop.  That night’s extremely tasty and piquantous food cost 25.5RMB for one serving.  The fact it was served from a market barbecue onto a makeshift seating area in a ground floor of a building site made it all the more magical.

So with two days of service under the belt in Zhangjiajie National Park Entrance, Victor directed the following day’s course in a new direction.  A bus from Wulingyuan to the Zhangjiajie National Park Entrance allowed a fantastic potato based breakfast at that gate.  Hereon the strol banked east – and up.  Always up.  Passing the Yaoying Fortress after seeing some endangered species tablets made for a great photography moment.  This way was simple passing the Wuwei Pass, another Echo Valley and many points around the Yaozi Village including a hairily scarily crumbling and closed pathway – amongst the paths, bridges and ledges.  The names this way included Commenting Freely On A Dominant Position; simply Decent to Golden Whip Stream and the walk eventually led to being reunited by the Reunion Tree, complete with nearby greedy monkesy.  From here a ramble to Suoziyu and beyond gave rise to a ride on a short monorail.  At the far monorial station, I witnessed my second Giant Salamander – in a tiny glass tank (one step up from the one sat in a washing bowl witnessed by a restaurant yesterday).  The saunter back allowed the sights of the sites Herb Picking Old Man; Monkey King Keeping Guard and the Natural Garretts.  That evening demanded more energy and food cost around 76.5RMB each.  It was accompanied by a local beer, which tasted closer to water than bottled water has ever managed to achieve.

The 26^th day of February was to be the final holiday day.  The final day in Zhangjiajie.  The final day before returning to Houjie via Guangzhou.  Why take it easy?  A wander to Tianzi mountain, again stopping at the Tianzi pavilion and again avoiding McDonalds was called for.  This time the views were slightly clouded out.  The clods sitting beneth the views at the Emperor’s Throne, the Celestial Bridge, Cock Pecking and other such oddly named views.  The walk down was familiar but far more slippery owing to a fine rain, the sort that soaks you through and through.  On passing the Warrior Taming Horse; Imperial Armchair; Southern Heavenly Gate and Echo Cliff for the bus out, it was clear the disposable poncho sales ibn the area that day were booming.  Sadly, the disposal was less impressive, strewn and sometimes tied to trees, sometimes dumped by but not in a bin, sometimes littering the pathways.  Chinese tourism has boomed in recent years – and on the whole, even the Chinese folk will argue the effects can be messy and nothing to be proud of.  On this trip thankfully solace and solitude was found often.  However, mass smoking groups in non-smoking areas (the risk of forest fires), blazing phones banging out dizzingy dance numbers, and littering are a problem on the busier routes.

Zhangjiajie is one of the best places in the world I have ever visited.  Whilst most of the major pathways are set in stones, thus preventing erosion and furger damage, there are ample places to stride on lesser pathways.  The beaten track can be avoided with ease and sights can be seen with relative peace.  Each person values something differently and here you can find something for you.  Even if it posing with a plastic sculpture of a dragon from Avatar, or enjoying a cable cart ride through gargantuan Karst pikes, this park offers something for everyone.  No amount of words or photos can do it justice.

One hour and a half hours after leaving Zhangjiajie’s Datong airport, China Southern Airlines CZ3382 touched down at Guangzhou Baiyun Airport.  The 968RMB ticket and delays at getting a taxi to the 94RMB a night craphole that was the Super 8 Hotel Guangzhou Baiyun Airport Subway Station Inn took the gloss off an otherwise amazing exploration.

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Goodbye.

 

I’m delicious. Are you?

8^th April 2015

The first week of April seen a huge boom in vampire-like mosquito numbers.  Mosquito zapping rackets, sprays of chemicals like deet, anti-mosquito coils, strong-winded fans blowing swirling air, repellent stickers and more have been deployed, often of little effect.  The little bloodsucking bastard flies plod on, their seemingly endless feasts creating many an itch or bitemark on many brave souls, willing to walk, sit down or be exposed to the crowded evening skies.  I have nothing against the short-lived male mosquito, he happens to obey the five-a-day fruit campaign of western countries to a tee.  His bushy antennaes allow him chance to find a mate amongst a huge swarm around dusk.  There are plenty of swarms locally of late.

 

My mosquito sexism is actually pure hatred for the female of the species.  Her tube-like mouthpart (proboscis) wants to pierce us warm-blooded victims.  I wish she’d pierce off and bother Peirs Morgan or some other non-interesting infamous anti-celebrity.  Her saliva, the drooling winged bitch, causes irritation and sometimes carries vector-born diseases.  Global diseases like malaria, yellow fever, west nile virus and filariasis are the direct result of this girl group on a par with the Spice Girls or other equally talent free girl bands for repetitive irritation levels.  You’ll be left with a small or large wheal (histamines trying to fight off the protein left by the attacking insect).  I personally just want to squash them under a car wheel.

 

On inspecting a mosquito close up, they can be surprisingly colourful or patterned.  Often each opportunistic species sports a separate brand of colour-schemes.  Their body is alien in shape but surely inspirational in simplistic natural aviation design shapes.  Their crepuscular (dawn or dusk) feeding times means that every day you have the chance to see one here in Dongguan.  Every day, all year.  We also host other species such as the Asian tiger mosquito which pop out during the day to raid you for some sweeeeeeeet blood.

 

To public health officials the world over, knowing which species is where and what threat they offer is important.  I personally splat them on an equal basis.  Zero discrimination.  Dead.  But who is to blame for the spread of the mosquito and their 3,500 plus subspecies?  Man.  Sudden deforestation, loss of isolated habitats and even scientific studies have carried some nasty biters around the planet, surprisingly mostly by ship, train and aircraft.  Their simple lifecycle from egg, to larva to pupa is often unnoticed.  Once they mature into adults, the war begins.  This is where we humans also mess up royally again.  Most species lay eggs in stagnant water.  Man-made reservoirs, drainpipes, drains, buckets, storm drain channels… oh the list goes on and on… all play their part in incubating the scrounging, sponging species of spectacular survival.

 

Our most deadly foe has been around since the dawn of time and the battle against these freeloaders shall never end.  The world’s ecosystem depends on them for pollination and they are dependent on us for blood.  So, take up your arms and keep squatting…

 

Blowing hot and cold.

9^th April 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello,

 

Yawn!

 

Two days ago the nighttime temperature was close to 27°C, having hit 32°C in the daytime.  Then yesterday morning, temperatures plummeted to 16°C, with much last night rounding off at 15°C.  Today, it is a similar temperature.  The five day forecast shows very little difference.  This cold snap locally has seen a rush for sweaters, umbrellas, warm trousers and slipper sales.  The local hospitals, I imagine, are overwhelmed based on every other native teacher telling me, “I went to hospital last night.”  When I ask the teachrs why, they say headaches, sniffles and ailments back home in the U.K. frowned upon as barely ill.  Their complaints come across as weaknesses and minor complaints so trivial they necessitate no further treatment than a hot drink.  That said, most people here drink hot plain undiluted water anyway.

 

The drop in temperature has been welcomed by some.  The night of the 27°C temperature saw a poor night’s kip for me.  I don’t think I have woken so many times in a night for a good few months.  The temperature plunge and smattering of light rain showers has for now abated the growth of the mosquito population and bites per square centimetre ratio on my body.  The cool air last night allowed for a better night’s sleep.  That said, after a tough game of football for Murray’s F.C. in Binjiang (whilst we played a game simultaneously at the same time in Dongguan’s Soccerworld some 10km away) which resulted in double defeats and sore ankles didn’t comfort my own sleep.

 

As for my bed, raised only a foot or so off the floor, the bed here at the apartment is extra long.  It is extra wide.  The firmness of the mattress is a massive downfall.  The mattress is essentially a surface with a slight amount of carpet.  To wake up with a sore neck, paresthesia (whether tingling, tickling, pricking or another sensation) or stiff in the joints are not unusual morning phenomena.  Somewhere along the timelines of history, somebody said sleeping on a firm bed is good for the health.  Beds sat above ovens occurred long ago in northern China.  To my mind, every bed since has tried to replicate the feeling of porcelain experienced back then.  Students at schools often carry their bamboo matting and pillows into classrooms every day of the week for their lunchtime naps.  Firm beds may be proven by scientists or so called experts to be good for spinal support or heavy muscle support, but the bits inbetween should not ache or have reduced circulation.

 

What is obvious, and to anyone going from a softer western to a hard as nails Chinese style bed, is that they aren’t easy to get used to.  It’s like swapping a nice-as-pie well-mannered and genteel footballer like John Charles for footballing hardman Andy Morrison.  You will notice the difference.  Or you can just have immense nights of slumber often interjected by the idiosyncratic inferior night of sleep, followed by a discontented blog interval.

 

I’m off for a nap.

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Goodbye.

“I said words they mean nothing, so you can’t stop me”

6 seconds ago

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello,

 

The title comes from Words by defunct Manchester band Doves.

 

Who’s been reading this blog?  Well it is hard to tell, but no less than 60 hits a week have been recorded in the last year and with a peak high of 212 unique views, that can’t be bad a for a diary-cum-family-and-friend message wall.  Response wise I’ve had emails from ex-colleagues at Aviva Insurance in the U.K.; emails from fellow Brits embarking on that first step to teaching in China or beyond the Great Wall; there’s been messages from Chinese residents welcoming me to China (even a year after arriving, this is very much the norm); the blog has reached South Africans, Canadians and Australians.  Whilst I don’t expect this to be regular, I do find is mesmerising and furthers my desire to write.  Picturing that first novel on the shelf is central to my biggest ambition. 

 

The blog posts are thinning like the hair on my head.  You’d be a fool to assume that my passion for writing has slumped.  Far from it.  This last few weeks has seen me churn out several works.  This month alone has seen production of five pieces for the new magazine and website of HubHao.

 

• My first requested task was advice for teachers.  Several titles were suggested and my students in class 602 seemed to have won it with Teaching with Tofu.  It does have a little tinge of homage to Jonathan Last’s excellent memoir Teaching With Chopsticks (TEFL from the frontline) which I’m hoping he won’t mind.  [That reminds me, did I ever review that book on Amazon?!]  [808 words clocked]  The title of ther regular article has been decided by the Editorial Team and may have changed since.  I also had to submit my blurb and a few other bits to accompany it.  Hopefully my photo won’t scare off readers.
• The second duty involved eating.  And a review.  So, Munchalots in Houjie, the western-style Indian-Mexican restaurant bar faced the pen.  Some words blended and landed on paper.  [804 words clocked]
• I thought that was that.  A few failed attempts to make numerous concerts followed.  Eddy from Murray’s F.C. and Editor of HubHao (he previously was an Editor at Here Dongguan) asked me to review Brown Sugar Jar and – two birds with one stone – the band Atlantic Attraction, on tour from the Netherlands who happened to be playing at said venue.  So I did.  Essentially two tasks in one. [461 + 449 words clocked]
• I noticed Eddy was running around like a blue-arsed fluttering insect for the magazine’s maiden edition so offered my skillz [innit, blood!] or assistance.  With that I found myself learning about Zhūgě Liàng for a website only article (ergo my fifth undertaking).  Eddy wanted 1000-1500 words.  I penned 1955 words.  His job is Editor.  He has a job on.  Zhūgě Liàng and the stories around him are actually very fascinating.

So, here is the one off unedited version, ahead of publication in HubHao and to my smaller but far from undervalued audience.  If only one person reads it, then I have a victory.

 

Badasses of Chinese History: Zhūgě Liàng (诸葛亮)

Zhūgě Liàng is recognised as one of the most accomplished strategists of Chinese history.  He is often likened to another and much more ancient Chinese tactician and writer of The Art of War, Sun Tzu.

 

From the years 181 to 234, Zhūgě Liàng walked our fair Earth.  Back then it wasn’t such a fair place to live.  Like Bruce Wayne in popular graphic novel fiction, Zhūgě Liàng was an orphan.  Instead of Gotham City, Yangdu, Langya Commandery (7^th century BCE to 7^th century CE word for province) made up his fatherland.  Uncle Zhūgě Xuan was his Alfred the butler.  His uncle led him and his siblings to Jing Province before Wòlóng (Crouching Dragon) Gāng became his new nest.  They farmed.  They studied.  Early on, they led a simple life for the best part of a decade.  His sisters married.  His brothers worked alongside him.  Simple.

 

Life rarely remains simple, in times of conflict.  Liú Bèi, the warlord (and an aspirational figure), came knocking.  Three visits later and he gained a man to his cause.  Zhūgě Liàng was now in the ranks, mainly in a diplomatic capacity.  His Longzhong Plan (隆中對) essentially founded a basecamp in the south with flanking manoeuvres to the north on the cards.  Previous tacticians showed signs of jealousy and were promptly swept aside.  Liú Bèi was a “like a fish that has found water.”

 

By the year 208 (Han Dynasty), Liu Cong sat down the Jing Province to the powerful forces of Cáo Cāo (fresh from unifying northern China).  Liú Bèi caught wind of this.  His now aggrandised forces had warriors, tacticians and civilians hand-in-hand.  At Changban (south of present day Jingmen, Hubei) battle enraged, on the road to Hànkǒu (then Xiakou).  Liú Bèi sent politician Lǔ Sù and Zhūgě Liàng to Jiāngdong.  It was here that Zhōu Yú, general of Sūn Quán, after perceiving weaknesses in Cáo Cāo’s forces, joined a coalition with Liú Bèi.

 

Jealousy can either consume or spur on certain people.  The famed story Borrowing Arrows with Thatched Boats 草船借箭 is one of interest.  Zhōu Yú when asked about fighting the opposition on the river suggested bows and arrows as a good combat tool.  Not expecting this to be feasible, he said the assessment was fine but impractical due to a shortage of arrows.  He suggested Zhūgě Liàng make 100,000 arrows within ten days.  The suggested timeframe to Zhūgě Liàng seemed quizzical and the need for readiness demanded a shorter target.  So he advised, “I only need three days.”  Zhōu Yú thought that his new acquaintance was taking the biscuit and mocking him.  Zhūgě Liàng declared he would accept punishment by death if he could not complete the task.  A guarantee was signed at a great banquet.  Three days passed.  Convention was not used.  Lǔ Sù and Zhūgě Liàng contrived a plan.  They catered 300 men between 20 small boats.  Each boat was disguised in dark cloth.  Along the boats’ ports and starboards straw characters lined up.  Three days passed and not a single arrow was made.

 

On the second day Lǔ Sù and Zhūgě Liàng set sail on the boats with their men.  In thick fog they finally reached the Wei camp.  Under the shroud they beat drums and lined their boats out horizontally.  Three hundred men on their decks, outnumbered, outflanked by better weaponry, in a perilous position.  Fearless shouts bore from the boats.  The calamitous sounds reaching the Wei camps beyond the shoreline.  Cáo Cāo ordered arrows to be dispatched into the thick fog.  Sure enough over 10,000 bowmen released their projectiles.  The arrows flew silently through the fog and embedded upon the straw figures on the many boats’ port sides.  Zhūgě Liàng ordered the ships to turn around 180 degrees.  This they did.  The starboard sides lined with the straw figures received further arrows from Cáo Cāo’s firing bowmen.  A collective thank you was shouted back by Zhūgě Liàng’s men as they set sail on the river’s strong current, complete with their new arsenal.  More than 100,000 arrows were removed.  Zhōu Yú was astounded and conceded, “Zhūgě Liàng had god-like foresight and an ingenious strategy. I am no match for him.”  Zhūgě Liàng had studied the terrain, geography and weather conditions vigorously.  He knew three days was possible.

 

Later in the year 208, a monumental win for the Sūn Quán/Liú Bèi partnership occurred (giving influence to the 2008 film release of Red Cliff directed by John Woo – and countless books, like Romance of the Three Kingdoms as well as scores of nationally significant verses).  Cáo Cāo scattered with his tail between his legs to Yèchéng.  His family would later return to the fray…

 

As a result of hard graft Zhūgě Liàng became Military Advisor General of the Household.  Whilst a mouthful, it was a significant promotion.  Lingling (now Yǒngzhōu) was one of his ‘hoods he was tasked with governing, alongside Guìyáng and Chángshā.  His tax schemes helped fund the military.  Liú Bèi in the meanwhile had taken over the Yi Province – and eventually founding the Shu Han state by the year 221.  Zhūgě Liàng came to the fore.  He was soon appointed Military Advisor General.  The boss.

 

In the previous year, the proverbial hit the fan.  Cáo Pī, heir of Cáo Cāo, had declared himself Emperor, ending the Han Dynasty – and founding the Wei state.  He waged wars versus the states of Shu Han and Eastern Wu.  Liú Bèi declined a similar imperial title before our man Zhūgě Liàng used his persuasive powers.  Zhūgě Liàng succeeded Zhang Fei as Director of Retainers after his death and also shouldered the task of Imperial Secretariat.  Liú Bèi went on an attempted conquest north, failing, he was beaten back in the year 222 to Fèngjié xiàn (then known as Yong’an – and long before any Three Gorges Dam).  At the Battle of Yiling and Xiaoting, the Wu beat the Shu Han.  Liú Bèi died in 223 leaving Líu Shàn as the second Emperor of the Shu Han.  Zhūgě Liàng acted as a father and was awarded yet another title, the Marquis of Wu.  Soon enough, all state affairs were handed to him.

 

The state of Eastern Wu had become rebellious and Zhūgě Liàng sent envoys to make peace.  His diplomacy spared wars on many occasions.  The reign of Emperor Líu Shàn and his able partner Zhūgě Liàng focused on regaining territory lost following the fall of the Han dynasty.  They could not risk pushing on against the state of Wei without guaranteeing their stomping ground capital Chéngdū remained untouched by infighting.

 

How many times can you capture and release an enemy?  The year 225 is one that Zhūgě Liàng allegedly caught the dissident alliance leader Mèng Huò for the first of seven times.  Seven supposed releases followed.  That’s the historical equivalent of The Joker being captured and set loose to terrorise Gotham, episode after episode.  Fans of the early Batman materials will know that such things can and do happen.  Many leading academics including Zhang Hualan and Miao Yue laugh this off.  To some, an embellished story is just as good as any old fiction.  An old adage springs to mind:  “Don’t believe what you hear and don’t believe half of what you see.”

 

Mèng Huò ultimately swore an oath to govern his people and uphold the southern frontier of the Shu state.  The advance to the north was now conceivable for Zhūgě Liàng.  The thing with the north, in most northern hemisphere countries that is, is that the people are usually hardier.  They often survive harsh winters, lack of farm lands and other such challenges.  History, novels, movies and television warns you, if you go north, you do so at your own peril (that’s why I avoid the Scottish highlands).  So, by the year 228 after years of prearrangements, Zhūgě Liàng led his troops on a march to the Wei state.

 

Five campaigns would follow.  All but one would fail.  Local strategies and gains were made, although of little value (the impecunious Wudu and Yinping prefectures).  Zhūgě Liàng’s greatest victory was the recruitment of a Wei military officer, Jiāng Wéi.  His Shu army remarkably managed to retain around 95% of its military numbers after each defeat.

 

Ask many a Chinese person about the name Zhūgě Liàng and the response will be one tantamount to strategy and intelligence.  They may even tell you what a giant of a man he was.  Reports say he was around 195cm tall (or 8尺forearm lengths).  Like his reported size, the stories and tales around Zhūgě Liàng are big and powerful.  Luó Guànzhōng’s Romance of the Three Kingdoms has propagated an already fanned flame.  Legends, myths and history have gradually blurred into the man nicknamed Crouching Dragon into something near-immortal.

 

On checking my local bookshops, Thirty-Six Stratagems, and Mastering the Art of War, both penned by Zhūgě Liàng stand firmly on the shelves in several prints.  There’s also an abundance of material online.  Shrines are out there too:  the Temple of the Marquis of Wu in Chengdu, and the Temple of the Marquis of Wu in Baidicheng.  One things for sure, his works have inspired bilateral thinking.  The Empty Fort Strategy was an example of his reverse thinking and luring an opponent into the belief a careless leader would not use chance to gain ground.  Sīmǎ Yì’s armies fell for this trick through arrogance and has since been referred to as leaving one’s house doors unlocked (擺空城計).  Entry into the deceptively vacant city of Xicheng (where Zhūgě Liàng’s troops posed as civilians and all flags or banners were discarded with; even the city’s four gates remained open) would have drawn Sīmǎ Yì’s forces into an open ambush.  Sīmǎ Yì’s ordered his armies to retreat in case of being set up.

 

In the cooler air of the year 231’s spring, times had to change.  As flowers sprang up on the famous Mount Qi (祁山; the mountainous regions near to Longnan, Gansu), much blood was spilled at the Battle of Mount Qi.  Zhūgě Liàng’s death wasn’t to be at the hand of a sword.  It came three years later, owing to illness and stresses.  He fell on Shaanxi’s Wuzhang Plains, aged 54.  He had aimed to fall twelve years later but a ritual to do so, failed – it was interrupted by his inrushing military general Wèi Yán.  On his wishes Jiǎng Wǎn and Fèi Yī succeeded his brilliantly imposing strategic mind.  His final death title was awarded:  Loyal and Martial Marquis by Emperor Líu Shàn.  According to legend his burial tomb was at Dìngjūn Shān.

 

Zhūgě Liàng’s legacy included 24 military strategy volumes, three sons (one killed in action; one adopted but died early on), four grandchildren (one again killed in action) and long after a Hong Kong based model claiming to be a model (see Marie Zhuge Ziqi 諸葛梓岐).  A primitive landmine was invented; a wheelbarrow-based weapon sprang up; an aerial signalling lantern entered the realm of warfare and a kind of semi-automatic crossbow appeared – again this is debated amongst academics, but all agree it fired with more venom and farther than predecessors.  The Yufu Shore of the Yangtze River by Baidicheng (Chongqing) is the site of the Stone Sentinel Maze.  Whether this was a diversion or a scaremongering tactic remains to be seen.  The rival leader Lù Xùn legged it and conceded he could not defeat such a judicious adversary.

 

Next time you eat deep-fried mántóu – a popular Chinese dessert served with sweetened condensed milk – remember you’re eating the Barbarian’s head, as invented by non-other than Zhūgě Liàng.  You don’t have to throw 49 barbarian heads into a river though.  Times have changed.

 

 

For further reading:

“Zhuge Liang, Three Kingdoms Period”. TravelChinaGuide.com. Retrieved 2015/04/10. Walter Ta Huang (1967). Seven times freed. New York: Vantage Press. OCLC 2237071.

Zhuge Liang; Liu Ji; Thomas Cleary (1989). Mastering the art of war. Boston: Shambhala Publications. ISBN 978-0-87773-513-7. OCLC 19814956.

Luo Guanzhong, Three Kingdoms: A Historical Novel: Volume IV, translated by Moss Roberts. page 1889. Foreign Languages Press. Tenth Printing 2007. First Edition 1995. Beijing, China 1995. ISBN 978-7-119-00590-4.

“Zhuge Liang – Kong Ming, The Original Hidden Dragon”. JadeDragon.com. Retrieved 2015/04/10.

Walter Ta Huang (1967). Seven times freed. New York: Vantage Press. OCLC 2237071.

Zhuge Liang style-name Kongming A history of Zhuge Liang and his writings. Including a guide to historic sites in China connected with Zhuge Liang.  Retrieved 2015/04/10.

Works by Zhuge Liang at Project Gutenberg.  Retrieved 2015/04/10.

Works by or about Zhuge Liang at Internet Archive.  Retrieved 2015/04/10.

Empty Fort Strategy at Cultural China. Retrieved 2015/04/10.

 

Tomorrow, in Dongcheng’s One For The Road it is the HubHao launch party.  It looks pretty good!

APRIL 18 (SAT)
ONE FOR THE ROAD
Dongguan Hubhao Launch Party
5pm-11pm: Games for the kids, a free BBQ starting at 6:30, and live performances throughout the event. Culminating in the official launch of the Dongguan Hubhao magazine website, app, and monthly magazine. Gift bags for the first 200 register, lucky draw with over 20 prizes ranging from spa days, dinners, trips to Sanya, to a prize of his/hers iWatches.

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Goodbye.

Written yesterday…

26/4/2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello,

 

One week has passed since the launch of HubHao.  In that week Hubhao.com failed.  The internet uploads of many an article fell on a sword.  The webmasters and extra staff recruited to repair the website aim to get it uploaded within the next few days.  The re-packed, relaunched and complete website will be online for my 32^nd-and-a-half birthday this Tuesday.  Last week’s launch party involved drinks and a massive barbecue buffet amonsgt other things.

 

Between now and the next physical magazine release, and massive web update, I need to collect my 600RMB first month’s remuneration and await the same for three articles to appear next month – plus hopefully one more article on cinema survival, and maybe mosquitoes.

 

In a week where class 602 and 601 appear to have gone all West Side Story on each other and other classes seem to be lunatics, pre-midterm exam tension has clearly arose.  The fate of a thousand students’ collective ears being bashed by angry parents at anything less than 100% passes rests on the coming week or so.  On Monday of the following week I have one class, 603 (who are several classes behind their counterparts in classes 601/602 and 604-607).  Grade 7 and 8 have exams on Monday and Tuesday.  I have zipped-doo-dah to do and no preparations as such.  On Wednesday grades 6 to 9 all go on a school trip.  I’ve been asked to go.  I will.  Where it is to, is anyone’s guess.  The teachers have all mentioned zoos, nature parks, museums and hiking.  Liam, a teacher at the International School nearby went to a museum in the nearby DaLingShan National Park.  The park celebrates the resistance against Japanese occupation – and is heavily anti-Japanese.  His students come from South Korea, Taiwan – and Japan.  Whoever organised that, did so without thought!  Our trip is probably going to be to the moon at this rate.

 

Yesterday, I was asked why we didn’t as a foreign language teacher team, do Easter activities.  I tried explaining that last year my grade 7 and 8 students made it very uncomfortable with so many questions as to why – and religion is not something we can teach.  So, I abandoned the plan.  Plus, Easter fell four weeks into the start of the semester, which from an organisation point of view is too soon – and I had no commitment to prize funding or resources from the teacher in charge of liaison between my team and the school, so struggled to get anywhere.  So, to compromise I’m going to organise a school sports day, western-style.  Expect sack races, three-legged races, beanbags between knees, planking, wheelbarrow races, egg and spoon races, target practice, archery, pea-shooting, danceathon, a blind-folded maze, hoopla, spin-the-kid penalties etc.  The Dao Ming Fantastic Fun Day will be… erm… fun and erm… fantastic.

 

This week has seen me miss football, the pub quiz at Irene’s Bar and pretty much everything inbetween, including Mikkel’s birthday meal and drinks.  Today, I feel dizzy and my nerves are on end.  I don’t know whether it is illness or the heat.  It comes and goes, but is worse in the evening.  It kind of feels like anxiety with a slight headache and a bucketful of muscle aches.  Sometimes it pays to rest to fight another day.

 

Last Sunday, after going to sleep around 5.30am and waking up at 10.30am, I had an unperturbed day of video watching and then bizarrely went to the cinema to see a film I didn’t want to see, with three of Nikki’s colleagues Snowy, Crystal and Angel (their collective age average is 20, yet they still welcome me).  Kim, bailed and a few others bailed at the very last minute.  I only went to give them the cinema card to get them cheap tickets.  Inexplicably, I ended up watching Fast & the Furious 7 in 3D.  My initial thoughts on the film were very low, extremely derogatory and belittling.  The fact that Jason Statham was in it, and the hype surrounding the death of the main star Paul Walker didn’t help.  I’m highly critical of movies and media hype.  That said my deprecating nature swept aside, the story was simple, the action scenes like a rollercoaster and the lack of acting appreciated.  The finale of the movie was actually very sweet, if not a little drawn out.  I can appreciate the slushiness and mawkishness and it drew me in.  Behind the 3D glasses a tear formed for the buddies that drove away on separate journeys did resonate.  I miss my friends and family back home.  That said, if I leave here, I’ll miss my new friends.

 

And with that schmaltziness, I need to decide this week whether to return to Blighty for good, or go on a Summer holiday to the U.K. for a month or so – and return; or opt for something new… Thailand?  Cambodia?  Japan?  South America?  I need to be crystal clear on the next move… and I’m not so good at decisions.  Or am I?!

 

More importantly, I need to jump back on the saddle.  Two weeks ago I had my fourth puncture in as many weeks.  The old therapeutic rupture machine needs to be ridden.  My psychiatrist is my bike.  It is my escape, my ease of pressure, my vessel to self evaluation and discovery.  It sits upset down awaiting either a new tyre or new innertube.  Tomorrow, it rides, it rides all day.  A week is too long to not ride, two weeks is practically unheard of (the spring festival break was four weeks without riding and that damn near killed me).

 

And this week I formatted my laptop because Word and Powerpoint kept freezing the system.  So, with this week and new battery it’ll determine if a new system is required… or not.  I do worry the laptop has passed the shelf life, but time will tell.  Locally, HP and Dell laptops are hard to find.  Acer, Lenovo, Asus and many other Chinese brands sit out there – and all have bad reviews.  I need a workhorse and each laptop I have seen has 2GB-4GB of RAM, mine has 6GB – so I won’t take a step back.  Some lack VGA ports and have no DVD drives.  I think finding genuine versions of Windows, etc is an issue.  I need to get back to the U.K. and make a life decision and a laptop decision.  Oh well, no pressure.

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Goodbye.

After Sun Jihai

27/4/2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello,

 

[Written in December, I think, but thought lost, only to be recovered from my laptop yesterday]

 

One chilly afternoon after a bike ride, I sat down to read a book, with my bicycle stood beside me.  After maybe twenty minutes or so later, I became aware of a man sat next to me.  The man introduced himself as Zhang Wěi Tāo (family name always precedes common names).  Tāo means wave and Wěi means big or great.  Disappointingly, though he wasn’t born by the sea.  He said is friends called him Tāo.  Tāo talked about himself a little and then asked me why I wear such a light colour of blue.  He said he rarely sees this colour.  I explained the colour was sky blue, like the sky above our heads, and was very common in Manchester, with the reasoning.  Tāo asked, “Why do you support Manchester City?”  I could have said, “I just do” and left it at that.  But, being a passionate City fanatic, I gave him a run down.  I explained about Our City, why I’m a blue, defining moments, City legends, highs, lows and more lows… he still seemed keen to listen.  I expanded about favourite players, derby day, other rivalries, away day trips… Tāo explained he knew of Sūn Jìhǎi playing in England; Li Tie (once of Everton, now assistant manager of Guǎngzhōu Héngdà Táobǎo); another Evertonian player Zhèng Zhì (who still plays at Guǎngzhōu Héngdà Táobǎo); and Dǒng Fāngzhuō (who I’d never heard of until searching online – he played for Manchester U****d, once).  He said Chinese players rarely travel, they’d miss their families too much!  Impressed by Tāo’s English ability, he asked for more…

 

Next I told of managers, the Premier League years, being Champions, the Football league, the Champions League… “Please tell me more.”  He listened with an intensity and interest level I have never experienced.  I ran great goals past him, cup runs, the FA Cup, friendlies, folklore, famous fans, families at football, great friends at games, talked about terracing, seating, Maine Road and the Etihad.  Tāo told me how he sometimes plays football with his students but they have no goals.  They have to use jumpers.  I smiled.  That is proper football!

 

Tāo asked, “Do you miss going to games?”  “Yes, very much.”  He could see I was somewhere else now, my mind wandering away, so he asked, “Do City value the community?”  I smiled, and explained City In The Community, school programmes, groups and supporter clubs in and beyond Manchester, City Giving, City and their representation at home and abroad, in World Cups and the like.  He then talked of his football memorabilia and his own experiences of football – and barely knowing who 曼城 Màn chéng (Manchester City) was and where we’re from.  His football memorabilia, was tucked in his wallet, transpired to be one simple ticket from a game between Brazil and Argentina, held in China.  He had saved up for many months to go to this game.  He talked with utmost fervency about the game.  I stole in, explained that three of the players who played that game, Demichelis, Agüero, and Zabaleta play for City.  I glossed over Robinho’s short stay at City.  “I keep the ticket.  One day I will go to Brazil and watch the same game.”

 

I looked at my watch (a City one of course) and noted we’d been chatting for one hour.  I decided I had to get back, wished him well at his cousin’s wedding and happy new year (the purpose of his gargantuan trip).  Tāo said he was an English teacher in Nánjīng and he’d offer me a job if ever I visited.  I said, maybe one day, just maybe, but not today.  Today, I am happy.  As I had a t-shirt (it is quite cold cycling at times in the recent 10°C to 21°C temperatures) underneath my football t-shirt, I gave him my football t-shirt (although large) as a gift.  I told him to use it as a goalpost next time he plays football back home.  Tāo said he thinks no matter what, City will win the league, “for your fans are so passionate and speak so clear with love for your club.  I won’t support your team but I will wish them luck.  Tell all your friends and people at the football, in China you have our best wishes.”

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Goodbye

One.

8 Feb 2015

One year has passed.  You’re not forgotten, far from it.  You’re no longer a memory, but a spirit inside us all.  Where you lived, we will live, where you watch, we will be watched.  How can we move on from having you in our lives?  We can’t.  We live with you always in our lives, always and forever.  Some feelings are meant to pass, love for you is not one of them.  I miss you Gran.  We all do.  Keep shining on, and we’ll do our best to be better.  The sky is not a limit, just a place you can watch from.  I promise to have an oven-bottom with smoked ham and salad followed by an egg custard, alongside a warm milky tea on my return to the UK.  I’ll look at the views of Lancashire and beyond, the beyond you so encouraged me to explore.

Thank you for the memories – and thank you for life, support and encouragement.

This blog will go on… in your memory, and for my memories.

Back to school with personal reflections of Qīngdǎo

3^rd March 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello,

Xīn nián kuàilè (Happy New Year)

 

With a sudden clobber, life returned to normality, or the closest form of familiarity and routine that my awareness allows.  Monday morning featured frantic timetable changes, a school opening ceremony for Dao Ming Foreign Language School and heaps of sitting around.  The waiting game.  Anticipation is not something I enjoy.  I have eagerness and hope by the abundance, coupled with keenness and positive expectancy.  What I lack is the ability to switch off the negativity button.  The negation of such a skill may be natural, but like a dedicated cyclist who falls off their bicycle, I want to get back on sooner rather than later.  I do not enjoy waiting.  I dread that first moment of class after any lengthy break.

 

First up for Monday, class 803, situated on the 5^th storey of the Middle School building at the north-western axis of school, hidden away.  My office sits in the 1^st storey ground floor, once again occupied by Mr Wan Hei Fae (Chinese Teacher), Mr Yang Wenbo (Maths Teacher), a plethora of mosquitoes and I.  The flights of stairs upwards are gruelling and punishing usually, but after this Spring break I feel more than prepared.  On entering class, expectation of me was high.  Excitement dampened down, as the toll of new homework and class demands arose.  Whilst I don’t set homework, this was their second class of the day and the students already had a duo of homework sheets for mathematics.  The usual sneaky attempts to complete said task went noticed and extinguished with just a glance.  Each student knowingly in the wrong hid their work away.  The class plundered on like a freight train gaining momento before a crescendo of point scoring using a board resembling a dartboard and some Velcro balls.  One team had five marks so they got five throws to determine their points, whilst other teams had two to four marks.  On the colourfull Velcro board lay points from 5 to 100.  Team one scored 10 points from 2 throws, team two’s five attempts gave them 30 points, team three converted their 3 throws into 70 points holding off team four’s four throws and 10 points.  The game went down a treat.  Time to think of new ideas and then deploy more things to look forward to.  Later in class 804, the game was also a success.

 

On Sunday, I spent hours with teachers essentially creating my class timetable – and in an odd state of coincidence, we’ve collectively recreated last semester’s timetable, give or take a few minor changes.  So classes 601-607 get one lesson each.  701 to 704 all get two lessons.  801-804 get one lesson apiece.  VIP classes, the teachers’ classes and a few other matters have yet to be arranged.  For this week I have a standard nineteen periods lasting 40 minutes each.  Although, due to an extended flag-raising and school opening ceremony, class 603 fell by the wayside.

 

A month away from Houjie seems like a lifetime in some respects.  In others, the memories are as fresh as yesterday evening’s cooling drizzle.  Leaving Houjie on the 31^st of January, by way of a 300RMB taxi from the Sheraton Hotel to Shenzhen Airport (Terminal 3, domestic departures), was to leave 12°C relative warmth and coolness.  This week, the temperature lows have been 16°C and highs of 24°C.  After departing the taxi and passing through security, where the female security officer tickled my feet in the body search, Costa Coffee’s cappuccino and panini was had.  Flight Shandong Airlines SC4682 (costing 951.5RMB a seat) departed and three hours later landed in Qingdao.  The inflight apple peel snack wrappers dropped into a bin as a further 300RMB taxi (Qingdao Liuting International Airport is 22km away from the hostel) was boarded (it being late at night and no buses were to be seen).  On arrival in crisp, cool, icy winter air (-4°C) check in was completed at the Qingdao Huayang Youth Hostel for 360RMB per person over 4 nights.  Hostels opposite majot hotels like Holiday Inn, are easy to find.  The tower block is No.2, Xuzhou Road.  Looking from the Holiday Inn, across the road, it was certainly easy to locate.  Getting beyond the security gate required a call to the hospitable proprietor.  On arrival you’re made to feel at home.

 

The hostel features a very personal touch.  It doesn’t have a restaurant inside, but it does have a shared use kitchen.  You could even have meals cooked by the owner.  There is no end of welcoming.  A tennis court can be used, wi-fi is strong enough to listen to BBC Manchester’s football coverage online, there’s a washing machine, a fan, proper water-piped central heating, and a good strong shower.  The shared lounge features board games, a book exchange, cosy sofas and much more.  Location wise, it is right by the bus routes for many areas nearby.  The hostel is a short stroll to the Olympic Sailing Center (1.7km), Zhongshan Park (3.2 km) and as such very close to the city centre, seafront and many regional attractions.

 

The first full day, and first day of February was spent walking the coastline.  The skyline of Qingdao is exceptional, modern skyscrapers interlope with western style buildings many years old from Germanic, Russian, and other occupied or shared histories.  Amongst them new, old and occasionally communist style Chinese buildings spring up.  The beaches are clean, although at this time of year pockets of ice could be found littering them!  The walk south from the hostel involved views of the majestic Olympic Sailing Bay, an old naval base now museum, Xiao Qingdao Island (well worth the ¥15 entrance fee), views inwards of the oddly placed St. Michael’s Cathedral (Tiānzhǔjiàotáng), and the concrete pier Zhànqiáo (you can see this on bottles of Tsingtao Beer in the logo).  The pier pavilion houses a sadly dull aquarium and tourist stall area, making the 5RMB entrance questionable at best.  The evening’s 12” pizza meal (137.5RMB per head), alongside mash, garlic bread and calamari ended a thoroughly relaxing jaunt.  A bus back costing 1RMB saved the flats of the feel for another day.

 

Beginning the 2^nd day where you left off is easy, diving onto the number 316 bus, alighting at the pier sets you back 1RMB.  The coast can be followed around further bus does end at a naval base, effectively forcing you to turn around.  Here the number 217 bus can get you to Xinhaoshan Park (Signal Hill) and for a further 13RMB you gain entry, after a few steep steps.  The rotating teashop within the old German signalling station is dated, but the view is fantastic.  Whilst the smell of vending machine coffee and strawberry teas wafts by, the seats on the outer rim look out on fantastic scenery.  The grounds are worth an eyeball, lofty pathways take you past fountains, many Jays flutter by or forage along the pathways, and the views are again very good.  From here, boarding the 217 bus allows you to visit the market areas surrounding the Qīngdǎo Píjiǔchǎng (Tsingdao Brewery).  In this area you can eat chealy and drink even cheaper.  Sweet potato fried, egg wraps surrounded by shredded vegtables and various western influenced drinks are plentiful.  Beer is sold by weight, rather than by the bottle. 500g, or half a litre is served to you from a plastic bag. 

 

Bus 104 from nearby the nearby Hong Kong Middle Road costs 3RMB.  The journey to Láo Shān highlights how big a city Qingdao is and how big it shall be one day.  The journey takes around one hour.  The Qingdao Laoshan National Park entrance demands you enter it by bus.  The ticket is ¥130 (Tàiqīng Gōng/The Temple of Supreme Purity is a further ¥20).  There are many walks through the beautiful mountain scenery featuring caves, ancient gates, ridges, valleys and temples.  The granite landforms are spectacular set against the backdrop of the sea.  The cypress trees, other flora and natural landscaping make for a wonderful scene.  Some places are meant to be hiked.  This is one such gem.  The view from the Taiping Lion’s Rock of the fishing villages below providing a spectacle.  Coaches protect the park from far too many cars entering it, and as such you can be ferried from the feet of many mountain climbs easily to further valley hiking areas.  The air temperature does drop drastically with sea mist.  Endure the cold, see far more.

 

Departing Qīngdǎo, as my Grandad once did in the mid 1940’s, I hoped it isn’t another 70 years or so before an Acton sets foot there again.  The taxi on return was metred, the driver did stop half way for a toilet break, but 83RMB seemed like great and fair value for money.  The taxi even included onboard computer games.  I set a highscore on Crazy Golf.  Hainan Airlines HU7253 departed ontime, landing only and hour and a half later.  At 1006.5RMB per ticket it was expensive but saved on the 13 hour train journey time, in a period where tickets were unavailable.  After a slightly longer than necessary walk from the airport bus drop off point, check in was completed for 630RMB per person (for 7 nights) at the Hash International Youth Hostel.  Now drugs in China, are massively frowned upon.  If the drugs don’t kill you, the death penalty will.  So, to stay at a hostel sporting a leaf of a banned tetrahydrocannabinol narcotic seemed odd.  The room featured no windows, a very hot radiator and had many places to bang your head, I doubt consuming drugs would help your stay.  After a lavish western style burger slider meal and yoghurts totalling 154RMB for one person, you’d have thought I was on drugs.  The freezing conditions outside in the days to come would be testing…

“Ahhhhhh…. ahhhhhhhhhh….. We come from the land of the ice and snow…”

6^th March 2015

Hā’ěrbīn has many variations written in the romanized style, Harbin, Haerbin, Ha’rbin.  The city sprung up on the banks of the Songhua River as a byproduct of railway engineers maintaining the famous Trans-Siberian Railway living in the few villages of the 19^th century locality.  Oddly the name哈尔滨translates as a place for drying fishing nets.  The city has since been hugely influenced by White Russian émigrés, Estonians, Lithuanians, Polish, Germans, Jewish, Ukranians, Tatars and may other immigrations of history.  The Japanese invasion of 1931 gave rise to the presence of Kempeitai, the birth of the infamous Unit 731 (the museum is located at Qīnhuárìjūnde 731 Bùduìyízhǐ)  and many other atrocities.  Thankfully, few reminders are present.  The city is a hive of life and activity.  In more recents Harbin has persisted to progress.  Industry has thrived, winter sport games have been held frequently and the world famous ice and snow festivals can be found on Sun Island (太阳岛; Tàiyángdǎo), Zhaolin Park (Zhàolíngōngyuán) and at the Ice and Snow World (冰雪大世界).

 

For just 10RMB, Jílèsì (极乐寺; The Temple of Heavenly Bliss) can be explored.  The large and mostly active – even in extreme cold – temple houses some amazing structures and sculptures.  During February flakes of snow gave it an eery winter atmosphere.  There is a subway station nearby to Dōngdàzhíjiē and a much more eery fairground closed for winter scattered around remains of old Russian churches.  After visiting there 59RMB at Hans restaurant (金汉斯啤酒烤肉), a Germanic themed joint seemed good value, and included large beers.  Sadly, the Bavarian ditties on the television sang by hairy men accompanied by large breasted ladies does take away any element of relaxation.  In some ways the videos looked like an Englishman’s stereotypical view of Germany, shattering the real culture of such a modern wonderful country with just one set of lederhosen.  February the 7^th also seen some snow flurries, so the restaurant served as good respite from the elements.

 

The food also ended my tortuous taste sensation, having purchased a cheesecake earlier.  Why was the cheesecake 28RMB?  What was the lady in the bakery continually asking me?  It was durian fruit!!!!  Durian fruit, for those unknown to it, smells like the worst body odour you have ever smelt, a sewer full of rotten detritus, decaying corpses, and pretty much every bad smell you have ever experienced all at the same time.  The first taste is like licking a sweaty armpit.  The second taste is gloriously over-sweet and sour, yet delightful.  The tastes thereafter are like tasting the best unsweetened custard you’ll ever be blessed to try.  Sadly, the after taste resembles the first taste and it can make you want to urinate far too much.  As a raw fruit, you always smell it, before you see the spiky mega-melon.  Just be warned, it is better as a food component than a raw fruit.  That is an entirely more unpleasant story.

 

Haws, Hāěrbīnhóngcháng (Smoked sausage), Chuàn’ér (meats on a stick), Russian breads and Chūnbǐng (Spring rolls) could be found frequently in the city.  Dōngfāngjiǎoziwáng (Oriental Dumpling King) demanded two visits.  It was cheap (48RMB one time/60RMB the second time) and delicious, located just below the cobbled pedestrian streets of Zhōngyāngdàjiē (中央大街;middle central big street).  The long old road runs from Jingwei Jie to Stalin Park at the river and is completely surrounded by an old quarter of European style buildings.  Plaques adorn each interesting building reading of their illustrious pasts, whether they are Baroque, Byzantine, Jewish, French or more recent.

 

Staying at Hash International Youth Hostel meant one thing.  Unlike most restaurants or bars, where cool air seeps in through busy ever-swinging doors, the hostel was a veritable heat trap.  The rooms are spacious, simple, and effective.  The reception has plenty of information, in English, Chinese and a little Russian.  The location is spot on for exploration.  A bus (many choices, 88, 64, and 94 pass most of the central and river areas with the former bus crossing over and being close to the snow world, Polarland and tiger park) from the road behind the hostel can be taken easily.  There is a well-priced bar and the surrounding neighbourhood features restaurants, and a huge western style shopping mall (200 metres away, with food in the basement floor and top floor).  A good bathroom with a very good shower.  Outside on the main road it was easy to get a taxi, the city seems to be thriving on short-distance taxi journeys.  The hostel promoted my trips and excursions but it is possible to do them yourself for far less, and with fewer time limits.  The downside to the hostel was the room had no window, poor ventilation as such and the food menu ends very early.

 

The river Songhua freezes for a large fraction of winter.  At which time, the horse rides, sleds, dog sledges, ice-buggies, ice-tanks, skis, sliding devices and ice-zorbs pop onto the river.  The word play to the Chinese becomes a requisite demand rather than an option.  The riverbank from the town side looks towards the Sun Island with the large railway bridge to your right.  On foot, the distance over the frozen river must be close to one kilometre.  The gondolier/cable-cart is a quick chilly option to pass over it and admire the sunkissed icy tundra below.  However, the foot option is the most exciting, if not testing.  Protecting the body from bitter glacial disdainful breezes is a necessity.  -22°C and windchill factor are not great friends to hang around with.  Having experienced frostbite in my nose on a return journey across the ice, I can vouch for that!

 

One evening, Tatoc (established 1901 complete with original interior and furnishings), a Russian restaurant was tried and at 87RMB per person the food is okay, however the cool air chilled the food far too fast.  The Borsch was excellent.  Throughout the stay in Harbin, Costa Coffee (there are several branches) was an essential calling point for breakfasts and coffees.  One day an American former Policeman/UN Peacekeeper strolled in, talking rather overzealously about his teaching experiences and subsequent exiled state in Harbin.  Americans as expats can either be so loud they are annoying or so passionate it will inspire and excite you, or in this guy’s case, a teller of tall tales.  Anything is possible, but surely not everything?!

 

On the 8^th day of February, one bus ride in heavy traffic later, a pair of new gloves purchased (and ripped within an hour), the third crossing of the frozen river heading to the northbank and a short stumble by Russia World (it may have been called that, it resembled Jurassic Park but full of Russian cultural exhibits, dancers, sculptures, Russian handsome men and beautiful ladies.  It looked awfully tacky) the destination of the Sun Island International Snow Sculpture Art Fair was reached.  230RMB was given to the kiosk staff, entry was gained.  My new gloves were replaced by my old gloves.  The air temperature during that day was floating between -18°C and -22°C (Most nights in Harbin it dropped to -32°C).  The park was amazing with scultures ranging from Charles Darwin, William Shakespeare, Minions, animals, Disney characters to landmarks and famous cultural scenes.  Afterwards a taxi back cost 120RMB to travel the short distance back.  The cold weather being too much to brave the river crossing under the cover of darkness – and a convenient lack of buses.

 

The Sun Island International Snow Sculpture Art Fair (太阳岛国际雪雕艺术博览会; Tàiyángdǎo guójì xuědiāoyìshù bólǎnhuì) makes up one of the three main components of the Harbin International Ice and Snow Sculpture Festival.  One of the other two chunks is the huge area that is the Ice and Snow World (冰雪大世界; bīngxuě dàshìjiè), again in the northbank of the river, but west of Sun Island by around 2km.  The smaller Ice Festival, Zhaolin Park (冰雪游园会, 兆麟公园; Bīngxuě yóuyuánhuì, Zhàolíngōngyuán) is located in the centre of the city on the southern bank.  The smaller park is fantastic to see smaller sculptures, lanterns and is set in a rather quaint park.  ¥200 entry does seem a little much in comparison to the bigger parks, but when you’re exploring and enjoying it, why not?!  The larger park costs 300RMB and requires much more time than one evening.  There is a disappointing indoor ice and dance show with a cast of Russians – I personally was annoyed to have queued up for that.  Outside there are hundreds of scultures, many slides, ski slopes, bars and cafes amongst an utopia of frozen creativity.  The number 88 bus stops by the park gate and cost 1RMB from the city to get there.  Afterwards you just don’t want to leave!  For 130RMB you can enter Polarland, an indoor polar wildlife park towards Sun Island.  If you like seeing squashed in Polar bears, Beluga whales and sad looking Artic foxes then this the place.  Chinese zoos and wildlife parks lack animal welfare and are sadly so far backwards, I can never see myself going to visit such a place out of curiousity ever again.

 

For a relaxed final day, a wander to St. Sophia Cathedral (圣索非亚教堂; Shèngsuǒfēiyàjiàotáng) seemed to do the trick.  I’m not massively into churches and strongly not of the religious irk.  However, a stand alone chuch, cathedral, synagogue, mosque etc stood amongst other buildings does strike at the heart.  Be it defiance or strength of beliefs, I respect how religions hold their own sometimes in societies not indoctrinated to such worships.  As Orthodox churches go, it was quite interesting, costing just ¥20.  The slightly ran down interior houses the Harbin Museum of Architecture, in essence a collection of old photographs of bygone days.  Later that evening the cold, following an hour riding an ice-sled (made from old school seats) demanded the sampling of a local specialities, hot sausages on sticks.  With respect to the hot Coca-Cola… give that one a wide berth.  I’d imagine that is the reason old sailors drank urine on long journeys… it was that or hot Coca-Cola.

 

On the next freezing morning, the 100RMB taxi departed very early, drove along almost empty roads before reaching the airport.  The catchily coded flight 3U8859 departed and in just over an hour landed at Mǎnzhōulǐ, Inner Mongolia.

“Wǒ ài Mǎnzhōulǐ”

March 6^th 2015

Mǎnzhōulǐ isn’t particularly exciting, it isn’t dull, it isn’t very plain and it isn’t very bold.  This is a city that lives in shadows and is far more functional than attractive.  Getting deep and far on the plains of Inner Mongolia in Winter is nigh on impossible, and practically a request to commit suicide.  The night temperatures are far too extreme with −40°C not unheard of.  The daily mean average temperature for the period of time from the 11^th to the 14^th was a relatively warm -20°C.  No snow happened throughout this timeframe.  Oddly, as the airplane neared landing after flying from Harbin’s covered snowscape all the way north over mountains, hills and fields of snow, a few kilometres prior to landing and the snow covered surfaced ended abruptly.  A vast frozen lake, Hūlún Hú, sat just south of the city (and was viewed from the aircraft), but for this journey remained off target to explore.  The extreme cold switches off nature in this region, few animals would be seen.  The lake being surrounded by plains meant few trees and little mountainous habitats.

 

After a shared taxi (100RMB) with two other travellers, check in was completed.  The Super 9 Hotel (249RMB/person for 3 nights) staff are friendly, helpful, and their communication is great.  The winter ice sculpture festival was brilliant to explore (even if it had closed and was left derelict – with the song “Wǒ ài Mǎnzhōulǐ” on loop).  The local food is great (37.5RMB at a local restaurant/75RMB at a cafe/87.5RMB at an Italian style pizza place) and it is very easy to avoid fast food (there are three KFCs, a pizza hut and McDonald’s, for the latter you must go to the northern part of the town and the large Wanda Plaza).  Buses are cheap but there’s only ten routes so getting lost is quite hard.  The Russian doll plaza, and border museum (the museum was closed to non-Chinese people but the entrance features a steam train and airplane as well as great views) are north of the town, near to a mausoleum on the aiport road.  There is a stadium and what appears to be an opera house upon high too.  There are many local parks and sculptures scattered throughout the city are worth a wander.  Stray camels and donkeys aren’t unusual.    The visit was during Chinese New Year (Spring Festival) meaning Manzhouli was practically a ghost city.  Very few Russians were present and the many stores and shops that sell to the visiting Russians remained closed.  As did most restaurants, street-markets and hotels.  The main squares with full of hawkers flogging fireworks and Chinese New year related paraphernalia.  The city is full of taxi drivers eager to cash in on foreigners and a 70RMB return taxi journey to the airport soon became 70RMB each and then 200RMB as the taxi driver and other taxi drivers became confrontational.  That sort of thing leaves a bitter taste.  The durian fruit of people.  Like most people who know of the city, I think it is only worth passing through, not staying.  Manzhouli has charm, a style unlike any other area in China or Russia, but with extreme winters, I couldn’t live there.  On Valentine’s Day flight HU7116 (Hainan Airlines) departed Manzhouli soon after, destination:  Beijing.  Flight time:  2.5 hours.

“The New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old.” *

22^nd March 2015

“To survive a war, you gotta become war.” John James Rambo.  The doors of our carrier opened out wide.  Chris and I took the first wave of impacts to our chests.  Luckily neither of us was injured.  In scenes resembling the D-Day landings of Saving Private Ryan we alighted the bus, seeking shelter from incoming jets, mortar fire, aerial assaults and full blown frontal attacks.  The enemy had sighted our party of seven westerners and two Chinese translators (fānyì).  Unarmed we quickly sought munitions.  One ammo store wanted 80RMB for something resembling a weapon from Men In Black.  We could not negotaiate so fled as we took further hits to our torsos.  Face shots rained through the bushes from our left as we ducked along the still cars flooding the road.  The apocalypse had began.

 

A blue cannon gun was purchased, charged with ammunition and my co-fighters Chris (Hartlepoole where they hung a monkey), Josefine (Denmark), Nikki (Cornwall), Liane (Bedfordshire, U.K.), Tina (Russia), Cliadhna (Ireland) flanked by our translation squadron Crystal and Selina set off along the roadside.  The battle of Dongkeng (东坑) was well and truly under way.  The Water Splashing Festival and Labour Selling Festival takes places annually and if your body is entirely covered in water, it is said to bring you a year of luck.  That is until you get the water bill.  Along the long stretches of road, hundreds of businesses, from powertool sellers to restaurants to hairdressers all stock water pistols, waterbombs, buckets, balloons, inflatable hammers, ponchos, and allow refills for your gun at 1RMB a go.  Some give out free water.  Some assist you and bring bottles to top your weaponry up.

 

From alighting the number 76 bus from Dongcheng bus station prematurely due to gridlocked traffic to the main square of Dongkeng, wave after wave of gangs assaulted to yells and shouts of “lǎowài” (old outsider or foreigner).  Every so often one or two gangs would surround us holding their hands in the air to signal to others, we fell under their protection.  The onslaught would abate briefly until we advised we had been split from our group and needed to reconnect soon after.  Our experience lasted over two hours.  Nine of us set out, eight returned.  Josefine became lost and due to wet phones and the risk of further damage, calls were not an easy option.  Even in waterproof pouch my passport and phone, alongside some money was swamped.  Standing underneath people’s apartments to make calls wasn’t an option.

 

Zài jiàn

 

*We_shall_fight_on_the_beaches excerpt.

 

The year of the goat emerges

22^nd March 2015

Běijīng (北京, north capital) is huge.  Second to only Shanghai in the People’s Republic of China by way of population.  On Valentine’s day the flight from Manzhouli followed an experience 200RMB taxi to the aiport.  Prior to that further exploration of the area had been done.  Now the capital of the most populated country in the world was under my feet.  The digs was to be the value for money Beijing Feelinn Hostel costing 525RMB for 7 nights.  The location in the hutongs is right within reach of The Forbidden City.  The hostel featured a standard bar and restaurant in the reception area with plenty of advice for tours, walks, places to see.  The rooms were warm and simple with a little wallmounted television.  The bathroom was so tiny that legroom wasn’t possible whilst enthroned on the western toilet.  A short walk from two subway stations and inner city bus routes would bring you to this hostel.  Nearby plenty of restaurants, snack markets and shops open late nearby and its side street location ensures no traffic noises interupt your shut eye.  As city centre locations go, this was perfect. The shower practically over ther toilet wasn’t great but needs must.

 

On the smoggy afternoon of the 15^th of February, the surprisingly quiet Forbidden City became the destination for exploration.  At 40rmb for the entrance ticket, and a further 40rmb for a foreign language headset represented good value.  Many words can be said for the experience but for this day no words shall be written.  Some places have to be experienced for yourself.

 

Mùtiányù was the next destination.  For 260RMB a return coach journey, lunch and entrance to a large section of the Great Wall was an absolute bargain.  Prior to arriving in China, every image of media, TV, movies and aerial shots shows how long it is.  Until you see it, it cannot be comprehended.  When looking in two directions, seeing ramparts, turrets and fortified walls jut in and out of mountain ranges and straddle ridges as far as the eye can see.  This section dates as far back as the mid-6th century during the Northern Qi.  In the distance at Jiànkòu you can see the esceptionally steep watch tower known as “The Eagle Flies Facing Upward” (鹰飞倒仰 / 鷹飛倒仰).  The walk to the wall took over 4000 steps and umpteen pints of sweat.  A set of stairs one shop worker carried up 4 crates of water and 24 bottles of Coca Cola.  I struggled.  He breezed it.  The wall, the feeling of freedom, the cool breeze on the skin, the sunlight in your eyes gave the feeling of magic to the Great Wall.  A truly wonderful wonder of the world.  Beyond the wall on both flanks lie streams far below in thick forestry.  After a murky day in Běijīng here was inventiveness, abandon and candour that a city setting will never ever provide.  The main area of 2.2km can be walked, some of the ruined sections had to be accessed by passing a sign that said, “do not pass.”  It had to be done.  The wild and unrestored sections are as deeply interesting as the perfect 7-8.5 metres high sections spanning 4 to 5 metres.

 

That evening’s pub quiz at The BookWorm in Běijīng where I met a fellow City fan and our team won a bottle of wine could not compete with the emotions experienced at The Great Wall.  The following days would teater on spiritual at places such as the Lama Temple; exceitment and pride of seeing British medal winners engraved on the walls at the Olympic Park; seeing the nationalism at the flag closing ceremony in Tiān’ānmén (天安門) square with the Gate of Heavenly Peace as the backdrop; exploring the temple fairs; resting in Costa coffee; eating in the side streets of Guǐjiē (where Bĕijīng kăoyā – Beijing duck – had to be sampled); enjoying the light displays of the Performing Arts Centre; walking through snowfall at the Temple of Heaven (Tiāntán) whilst admiring the traditional ceremonial shows (in toal around 70RMB well spent); and so much more.  With the last day a perusual of Xiùshuǐjiē (beautiful water street; or Silk Street!) demanded a 100RMB Indian food meal.

 

For the 18^th – of the eve of Chinese New year – Hòuhǎi lake was the destination.  Liam joined with half a dozen hostel stayers and we convened at several bars around the lake, particularly over an ancient bridge.  Liam had with him a guy called Chris who lives and works in Běijīng.  He advised that this was the place to see fireworks, around the Silver Ingot Bridge.  Intially we disbelieved this as display after display went off in every direction many kilometres away but none within our purlieu.  Soon after box after box of firework was laid down, one after the pther, firecrackers were alight at your feet, bangers were here and there, many flashes and bangs happened here, there and everywhere.  You couldn’t just watch these dangerous and yet beautiful explosives go off, you were part of it.  Held hostage by no way out.  Every path spelt danger.  The Police assisted local and expatriate patrons alike with lighting the rockets, the pyrotechnics, varied volatile materials that produce so many colours.  After many an hour the fireworks died down dramataically and soon enough cleaners cleaned up the mountainous piles of debris and detritus.  The year of the Goat emerged long before.

The Curious Incident of the Dog in Běihǎi

6/1/2015

Forget standing in a line.  Why congregate in a formation of structure?  Spread out.  Dot the odd scooter in for fun.  Hide a three-wheeled rickshaw in for good measures.  Make it a challenge.  We all line up behind a police officer, armed with a whistle.  A stray female lurches forward but is beaten back by a blast of sound.  The Policeman’s whistle is something you feel.  Impatience is defeated, bodies flicker forwards and back ready to charge.  Nobody can go.  Eyes are left on the adjacent traffic lights.  Eyes look forward at the little red man.  When will he go?  He stands firm.  Traffic spins from all angles, left, right and centre.  Eventually our time will come.

Without warning the red man is replaced by a jolly skipping green man.  The feet are moving forward.  Rickshaws and moped rev and zip across every possible angle.  The crowd surge forward from each opposing side.  From above, a bird’s eye view could be reminiscent of battle scenes from Braveheart, or Lord of The Rings.  Eventaully the first wave of scooters and rickshaws meet in the middle, foot passengers converge further and eventually everyone vies for inches of space.  Space to the left, space to the right, it all remains scarce.  The whistling law enforcement officers at either end of the melee look on.  The commotion has to end.  With confusion, each soul edges through, the free-for-all tactics and tussles die down.  A skirmish has been avoided as each destination is reached.  The struggle to cross the manic road is over.  Not a word has been spoken by any user.  A silent battle of Xiàngqí (Chinese Chequers) has been won by all.  There are no casualties.

Aside from crossing roads in Běihǎi, some sun was soaked up, albeit passively.  The city of Běihǎi is one of the world’s fastest growing cities.  To be there, is to understand why.  In all directions loiters construction after construction after, you guessed it, construction.  On a bike ride south and east of the city, the apparent reclamation of massive belts of the Fengjia river floodplains into desert-like plains of aridness could be seen as far as the eye could see, and beyond.  Alongside this a new road structure meanders the coastline, often slicing through areas of beauty like a knife through butter.  The smaller streams of Xiacun have disappeared, buried and now running underground.  Haijing Dàjiē banks south as the main construction site of a road banks north.  Here you pay to enter the obviously named Beihai Mangrove Ecological Tourism Natural Nature Reserve (it seems every sign had a different name for this place).  Mudskippers, Horseshoe Crabs, Fiddler Crabs and other such strange crabs could be seen with ease.

Other means of transport taken on the excursion included buses (for a massive 1.5¥ and 2¥ per journey) and the obligatory taxi journey resembling something found at a funfair.  One such journey by bus arrived us at the old street of town.  After the 1876 Sino-British Treaty of Yantai, several Western nations (including the U.K.) set up consulates, hospitals, churches, schools, and maritime customs in Běihǎi.  There is a heavily damaged and aging western style area.  The remains of old buildings are mostly inhabited but under severe attrition.  The area could easily feature in a remake of Oliver Twist, or equally a more modern western story.  These colonial buildings are often being repaired but the vast majority shall, without quick protection, rot away.  Not too far from here is a poor man’s Sea Life Centre.  The Underwater World was in all honesty, a little bit shit.  There is apparently a better place called Oceanorama, which was poorly advertised locally.

At the western end of Haijing Dàjiē, the Guantouling National Forest Park rises up above the sea and city coating the headland in perfect layers of green foliage.  The number 6 bus ended here, in an uninviting looking carpark.  A few steps to the left and around a scooter park and perfect golden sand wrapped around your toes.  The 26°C heat helping to add a touch of summer to winter in this humid subtropical climatic region.  The first sunburn of the year was encountered.  That, and many different wedding photos being stumbled upon.  Here was a photographers’ paradise, with great swathing beaches and crumbling rock-pools to aim the viewfinder towards.

So from arriving into a sleepy Běihǎi on New Year’s Eve at 11pm to departing around 8pm yesterday, a quick refreshing winter break was had.  Today, in Houjie it is 22°C and sunny but it feels mild.

Christmas in Houjie

Christmas Eve marked the final 5 classes relating to Christmas.  The problem of using the same material for 5 classes, is that, when you have back-to-back classes in can tear you apart mentally and tire you very fast.  As the fatigue sapped energy, the students’ competitive spirit and happy responses abated any feelings of nausea.  I found that for every class, I could twist and vary the structure enough to squeeze a little extra out of it.  The cookies and sweets (candy) given out as presents or prizes helped things.

In the evening our collective foreign group scattered for Dongcheng to eat western food.  Kira (from Germany) and Micaela (from Sweden) celebrate Christmas with their family more so on Christmas Eve.  The bus journey involved a stop at a petrol station for the drover to refuel our chariot.  Half the bus alighted and then lighted.  Smoking in a petrol station isn’t just wrong, it is damn stupid.  Without creating our own version of the Christmas caper Die Hard, we departed again.  On switching buses from the L1 to the C1, we diverted our journey to the bus depot to drop off the driver’s cash.  After the added ten minutes, we arrived and all legged it to the English themed bar One For the Road.  The bar is excellent with a fine range of western and eastern foods.  The interior and exterior could be any public house in the U.K.  On arrival, Jason, the owner of the establishment, advised it would be 45 minutes before the kitchens reopened as it was so busy.  We all agreed to have a few drinks and bide out that time.  Hunger could wait after the longer than usual bus journeys.  Sadly, after one hour, Jason apologised.  The kitchen would not reopen, he handed us a 100RMB voucher each as way of apology.  By which time, Rossi had arrived.  So Rossi and I tottled up the road as an advanced scout group.  Roadhouse, American owned, had spaces at the inn.  Everyone arrived, we had some luxury grub and drank BrewDog IPA, all the way from Dundee.  Santa called by the bar, gave us all a free hat, spoke something merry with an Australian twang before departing for what I’d assume was a busy night ahead and behind.

On Christmas Day, a grim smoggy white skied Christmas, I arose, eventually.  To Irene’s Bar I departed.  Here I helped prepare food alongside Icy, Irene, Marcus Nikki, and Kira.  It was most relaxing.  Over time, more folk turned up and the game of Scattergories was played, often with a competitive edge tantamount to aggression.  Lunch was fantastic and many a drink was wassailed.  Family was clearly missed by all expats and emotions seemed penned back by many.  Christmas truly is a time for families to come together.  The experience was a testing one but thankfully Marcus and Irene were very welcoming and accommodating.  Thank you!

Boxing Day meant a return to school.  The scheduled Arts Festval moved to the following Tuesday.  A threat of rain that never came being good cause to shuffle the date backwards.

For Saturday evening, Snowy and Crystal from Nikki’s school joined Kira, Micaela, Emily, Nikki and I for food at One For The Road.  The 100RMB vouchers being put to good use.

On Sunday, Rossi and I met to go bike shopping.  His assistance helped me to purchase new wheels.  We ate lunch in a Hongkongnese restaurant instructing a recipe for a Sichuan style spicy dish or two.  Later than evening Rossi insisted I joined him and his friends for lamb.  So, we had a leg and some ribs of a lamb on a spit.  It was delicious.  I cycled back, well aware that the evening air had cooled to around 8°C with a slight cool breeze in tow.

Aside from the Art Festival, more shall follow later on this… most of this week, yesterday, was a simple day, rounding off the oral English exams for grade 6 and typing up the necessary results.  With only 3 students (all off ill) from 275 exams remaining, the lowest percentage has been 68% and the highest 100%.  The overall average is 99%.  Considering the tasks are a little harder than the previous year’s missions, this is far from bad.  I personally think it is too easy but the teachers all agree it is much harder than a standard grade 6 paper and closer to that of a grade 7 oral exam paper.

By the end of the day my textbooks were handed back, my staples and pens removed from my draws, and a few quiet goodbyes were said.  I’ll be back…

Notes:

The word rickshaw originates from the Japanese word jinrikisha (人力車, 人 jin = human, 力 riki = power or force, 車 sha = vehicle), which literally means “human-powered vehicle”.

Post #95: The Arts Festival

6/1/2015

One thing Chinese schools do well is confidence boosting school shows.  They happen at the end of each semester, sandwiched between in lesser forms on a frequent basis.  Students here get chances to shine, be seen for their talents and often receive a wide audience.  Most parents arrive in their hundreds and often bring close family members.  On stage the student will face an audience of thousands.  Do the students shy away?  No, they get on with the job in hand.  They embrace the challenge.  I personally hate to stand in front of big rooms full of people and detest the idea of standing before a crowd, yet deep down, I do crave an audience a little, just an insignificant amount, enough to take the chances presented before me.  With a team, I think everyone had more confidence in their collective effort than my lack of art skills.  It did feel like I was the deadweight being pulled along…

 

Image:  The middle one is a teacher.

 

For many a week, and many an hour, Kira, Joe, Micaela and I had been rehearsing a Disney Medley of songs accompanied by simple actions.  After many shy showings to the principal, Miss Jiang and the other school directors, we were as ready as could be.

 

Image:  An adaptation of The Star Money or The Star Talers (or Die Sterntaler) by The Brothers Grimm (or Die Brüder Grimm), Jacob (1785–1863) and Wilhelm Grimm (1786–1859).

 

The DaoMing Foreign Language School 5^th Technology & Art Festival had been moved to the 30^th of December 2014.  The weather was fantastic, sunny warm and not a spot of air movement.  Sunburn was a possibility.  The entire school’s students, parents and teachers alike sought shade under umbrellas, school newspapers and other improvised visors.  The theme tune for the occasion rumbled over several speakers.  Performers on the day dotted close to stage, behind stage in grade 3’s classrooms, now converted to dressing rooms.  Our foreign teacher contingent stood close to stage in anticipation of the acts ahead.  The principal, the president of the Oxford Education Group and other parties made speeches.  Students gave messages of aspiration, hope and a great future ahead.  Then the principal gathered leaders of the local education authority with him, hit a button and blew up the school.  It was loud, ear-shattering, BANG!  Smoke lifted up the walls of the school exterior, colours blended in like an advert for a leading high definition T.V. company, and a cloud formed high above.  A formation of helium balloons drifted overhead, released seconds earlier by the students.  Music billowed out, a second stream of fireworks discarded left, right and centre.

 

Image:  Mr Wan Hei Fae, a Chinese teacher from my office, leads his school choir.  A dance teacher dances infront, because behind the choir would serve no use to anyone.

 

After a few fabulous acts, some a little strange, including Kung Fu, dancing and singing, up we stepped.  It is safe to say, after seeing so many well-tailored costumes, so many refined songs and so many choreographed dances that we were Vanarama Football Conference to the student’s UEFA Champions League.  It was all a bit of fun, and it felt fun, just about!  Any nerves disappeared as I tried to fathom out the functioning and non-functioning of the microphone, it went on and off frequently early on, and later on.  The five minutes or so, seemed too short, yet in practice they seemed too long.  It is funny how the mind experiences the same thing in varying ways.

 

Image:  The executives, directors and special guests.

 

Afterwards, we could observe the remaining performances (some were very eye-opening, asn I suspect totally unacceptable in the U.K.) and relax.  It truly felt a privilege to be involved with, to witness and to enjoy such a wonderful day.  I’d also like to have it on record that more sky blue has started to appear recently.  I think the battle against all things red is gaining momentum.  The blue and white colour scheme is invading…

Mysterious Murder In Snowy Cream.

14/1/15

Walking back from a well-known British named supermarket (Lègòu or Tèyìgòu) in soggy conditions isn’t the best way to spend an afternoon.  The walk back to my digs usually takes 15 minutes.  Not today, today curiosity and a relaxed demeanour controlled the amble back.  The routes that can be taken differ in very little difference.  The main route is down Liaoxia Dàdào (main street/avenue), turning right at Cǎiyún xīlù (West Road) and arriving after 250metres on the left side.  However, a massive block (as the Americans would say) of apartments and very small shops is sited in the square kilometre block between my apartment and Lègòu.

 

I’ve often wandered these meandering streets, alleyways, ginnels and passages full of inquisitiveness, nosing in on every nook and cranny like an old-fashioned headmaster wanting to know each and everything.  To the locals, they don’t regard me as prying (I hope), but you see the counter-curiosity darting back from their eyes.  The rarity of a westerner breaching these off-the-beaten-track trails adds to the novelty factor of my presence.  As I marvel at the diversity of life and living, I feel calm and a guest, welcomed not by open arms but received without concern.

 

Amongst this block, there is one small road called Liaoxia Cūnlù (village road).  It runs dōng běi (north east) to xī nán (south west), parallel to Cǎiyún xīlù.  Hetian Police Station lies at the most southern point alongside a public square.  Houjiezhen Liaoxia Community Elderly Activity Centre is next door.  A very old looking gate sits inside a shabby wall.  The dilapidated area around it, suggests a renovation is long overdue.  Across the road is a pavilion in the traditional style surrounding a basketball court and public toilets.  Beyond this is a huge excavation, as much as 25% of this entire area has been rebuilt since I arrived in February of last year.  Buildings have risen from 5-storeys to 8-storeys and beyond.  Alleyways and open space has been reduced.

 

Lex Luthor: “Miss Teschmacher, when I was six years old my father said to me…”
Miss Teschmacher: ““Get out. “”
Lex Luthor: “Ha ha. Before that. He said, “Son, stocks may rise and fall, utilities and transportation systems may collapse. People are no damn good, but they will always need land and they’ll pay through the nose to get it! Remember,” my father said…”

 

Amid the micro-factories sit shop after shop, wholesale, retail, internet based or not.  The vast majority sell handbags and footwear with local, global and possibly even Mars as their customer targets.  Often here, fake merchandise mingles with the real deal.  Branded sports companies and high street high end brands are victims to this crime of selling for survival.

 

Regionally, there is an attempt to shed the “Made In China” label.  Businesses often favour using “Made in PRC.”  The endeavour supposedly discards the perception of meagre quality goods, purely by a lost in translation method.  Here on these alleyways, and inside the rooms off them, it is easy to spot glue, staples and other simplistic crimping tools forming items such as jewellery, watches, shoes, accessories, handbags, earphones and other such small articles.  What doesn’t fit the street-side micro-factory standards, is discarded ready for the elderly patrols of road hand-sweepers.

 

Last Wednesday football resumed after a winter break.  We lost against a well-organised Chinese team who loved to call offside for anything everything.  When you play on a half-pitch width with no linesmen, how can you play the offside trap?  Not to worry.  Win some, lose some.  With only one substitute available and no goalkeeper, it was a good test of fitness.  The second game we played fell on Sunday, a 6-3 victory over Italians FC, with Werner Wertz netting 4, Erick Dreyer bagging a tap-in and Alain finding the goal.

 

On Friday, Emily, Kira, Joe, Micaela and I joined the school Principal, Cherry, Regina, and Sherilyn for lunch.  The previous evening we presented a thank you cake to the English teachers and shared thank you messages all round.  It was a very touching experience.

 

During Saturday evening Irene’s Bar laid on a steak sandwiches, it was rude not to go.  Coupled with the previous night’s farewell dinner at Munchalot’s (Ray’s Indian/Mexican restaurant) it was far too much western food in a small space of time.  That and the tequila, Jaeger, etc…

 

In this last few days, fellow foreign teachers Emily, Joe, Kira and Micaela have departed.  Bryony is leaving her school digs to live with a teacher called May.  Kim is settled in kindergarten’s accommodation but now starting to look at more private digs, without a curfew.  Liam is remaining at Oxford Kingdom International School in Tingshan for next semester.

 

Did you know the UK-filmed movie The Full Monty translates as Six Naked Pigs in Mandarin?

Knocked Up (Seth Rogan) became One Night Big Belly.

As Good As It Gets (Jack Nicholson) became Mr Cat Poop.

Junior (Danny DeVito and Arnie) became Son Of Devil.

Leon became The Hitman Is Not As Cold As He Thought.

Sixth Sense (Bruce Willis) kind of had a spolier.  It became He’s A Ghost!

The Shawshank Redemption became Excitement 1995.

Fargo somehow became Mysterious Murder In Snowy Cream.

Nixon (Sir Antony Hopkins) became Big Liar.

Risky Business (Tom Cruise) became Just Send Him To University Unqualified.

G.I. Jane (Demi Moore) says a fair bit about gender inequality as it became Satan Female Soldier.

Twister became Run! Run! Cloud-zilla!

Pretty Woman somehow ended up as I Will Marry a Prostitute to Save Money.

Boogie Nights evolved into His Great Device Makes Him Famous.

Lost in Translation (Bill Murray) became Mi Shi Dong Jing (or Lost In Tokyo) essentially living up to the English title’s meaning…

 

Tonight, I head to play football again.

 

Zài jiàn.

#97: Is Winter over? Not yet…

16/1/2015

“She turned to the sunlight
And shook her yellow head,
And whispered to her neighbor:
“Winter is dead.”
AA Milne quote from a poem Daffodowndilly.

Image:  The planned Spring Festival holiday involves around 10000Km of travelling, amonst the 4 weeks away.

Image:  Police raids shake down pavement hogging noisy speaker blasting mobile phone stores, causing scuffles and tension – and traffic jams from nearby crowds enchanted by the activities.

Image: One from sometime ago, a Thanksgiving Day evening meal for all the English teachers in primary (so not middle school).

 

Strange Loves (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Teaching)

January 23^rd 2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello,

 

On January the 24^th 2014 (it’ll be a year tomorrow, but I write today), I signed off from Aviva, departing on an air of uncertainty (either the future or the bus journey from Aviva’s Broadland Business Park site to Norwich City centre, you can decide).

It has been almost a year on, since arriving in China.  This week I have been preparing for an impromptu schooling experience.  Next week, I shall teach at Dàlǐngshān (大岭山) Lianping Primary School.  That’ll be the fifth school I’ll have taught at in a year (Admittedly I taught at one school for one day; and two kindergartens for around a month).  Dà (大) is big.  Lǐng (岭) is something akin to range or mountain range.  Shān (山) is mountain.  This satellite town is clustered with industries including some international names like Toyota, Fuji Xerox etc.  Snake soup, Roast Goose and Hakka Dog Meat feature often on the menu, so I have to be a tad careful as to what I shall eat.  On the entertainment front the Cultural Square has frequent events and themes as per an old guarantee set about to highlight local talent.  Anyway, my role at the school involves ten days of teaching.  There shall be 4 classes a day split between grades 4, 5 and 6.  The material shall focus on:

Day One:  Class rules, self-introduction, greeting words, western manners, (interrupting someone, asking permission, saying sorry, making requests, appreciate parents and teachers), help students with pronunciations, group activities.  Monkey protection to be discussed in brief.

Day Two:  Review previous day, functional English- traveling in English, asking ways, seeing a doctor, ordering foods, talking on the phone, shopping.  Group practice (students pretend to be patients and doctors, shoppers and sellers).  Elephant and Rhino protection to be discussed in brief.

Day Three:  Read some small articles or biographies, make a short speech, talk about your idols (sport starts, movie stars etc.), describe someone you love (Mum, Dad, teacher, best friend), talk about your dream, what are you going to do in the future, why, play some games, test students’ vocabularies.  Wildlife protection to be discussed in brief.

Day Four:  Famous places, scenery spots, foods, talk about your favourite place to travel, make a travel plan, how much is your budget, how can you make that money.  How to protect our environment, pollutions in China, how to be a good citizen.  Wildlife protection to be discussed in depth.

Day Five:  Describe Chinese new year in English, traditions, eating dumplings, making new year wishes, wearing new clothes, lucky red colour, lucky money, fireworks, family dinners, visiting relatives and friends.  Chinese animal zodiac protection to be discussed in brief.

In total 90 PowerPoint slides have been prepared, games and supportive material sit side by side.  I think I am prepared and have a good plan, but until that first class, I have no idea of the student ability and depth of ability for each class of 40 students.  So, by Monday evening after that first day, plans may twist, change, resolve, modify, trade, switch, alter and vary drastically from the base strategy and design currently to hand.  That’s the beauty of creation, you either repair, adapt or destroy the plan – and nothing should be simply the same as the initial idea or proposal.  Best laid plans…

This week has involved a trip to the cinema to see Kung Fu Hustle in 3D.  With Stephen Chow as the lead role and director, this film could not fail. Shaolin Soccer is still the better flick for me, but in 3D this film is pretty darn good. Eva Huáng Shèngyī doesn’t speak in this film but her words are loud and clear as do the full ensemble of this Hong Kong cinema epic deep-rooted with Chinese stars and references. In some ways the action comedy martial arts film is a spaghetti-western Neo-noir epic. The music is captivating and the choreography engrossing, bringing you into a comic reflection of 1930’s Shanghai. Liáng Xiǎolóng as The Beast may have made his name in the Bruceploitation that followed the death of Bruce Lee, but in this film he is a worthy adversary of any good guy. I have no idea why a 3D release has been shown in China and Hong Kong, around 11 years after the original release… kerching (I expect it will head west soon: http://variety.com/…/kung-fu-hustle-to-be-re-released-in-3…/ )  The best thing about this cinema trip was Kimmie, Nikki, Liam and I were the only people in the cinema.

Last weekend Murray’s FC with only 8 players beat Italians FC 5-2 [ERICK, MARCELO, ROGERO, WERNER, (all from Brazil), TIM (New Zealand), MAX (Nigeria), ALAIN (Sheffield) & I played] and in midweek we lost 7-5 [MAX, MARCELO, DANISH (India), ROSSI (China), ERLIN (China), ANDREW (South Africa), BARRY (Nigeria) and I] to a very good Brazilian side.  In the five games I managed, we won three.  A 60% winning rate isn’t bad and amongst the games, the last two made me proud to play football with such a hard-working team.  With that, due to teaching and the travel plans of Spring Festival, I’ll hang up the boots for a few weeks/maybe just over a month!

More shall follow on the travel plans…

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Goodbye.

 

#99:  Xīn nián kuàilè

30/1/2015

Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello,

 

Chūnyùn grows ever closer, it sits around the corner, waiting to pounce.  If you blink, you won’t miss it, it’ll go on for some time.  My only real comparison from experience was cramming on a train from the University of Aberystwyth (Wales) to Shrewsbury or following a visit to Wembley with Manchester City.  Passenger journeys here however shall far exceed the national population.  Two billion plus journeys.  I’ll start counting and it’ll take more than two years to get to two billion…  Students, migrant workers, locals, commuters, everybody, all moving at once.   If we all jump at once, will it cause the ground to shake?

 

Businesses here will halt, many have already drawn their shutters.  Families, friends, distant friends, people without friends, prisoners and so on… for people here, this is the most important period of the year.  Community and togetherness are brushed aside, now is the time for family.

 

Chūnyùn, is essentially a race for life, if you don’t get the train, coach, or air tickets, you’ll be stranded.  As migrations go, it is more impressive than witnessing an undersea, unexplained mass sponge migration.  Kick off this year is set for around the 4th of February but signs are already showing of the impending stampede.  Houjie has no train station.  It does have a ticket booth and having passed it earlier on this week twice, the queues stretched 500 strong.  It was as if One Direction had arrived in town, but the screaming teenagers had been replaced by people as old as alleged victims of Cliff Richard.

 

Soon enough, tickets available on sale 61 days prior to national residents (or 21 days prior to journey if you’re a foreigner), will be in hand.  That is, assuming you have your Identity Card or passport to hand, the relevant train number and an idea of whether you want first class sitting/sleeping (hard or soft bed), second class sitting/sleeping (hard or soft bed), or to stand for journeys longer in distance than anything I care to imagine.

The average person may take more than their bodyweight by way of bags, suitcases, foods, gifts, snacks for the journey, etc.  At each station, or coach terminus, all must be scanned under an X-Ray machine, sniffed by the odd sniffer dog and sometimes inspected by hand.

 

The Ministry of Railways, the coach companies and to a lesser extent air travel are The Fat Controller.  Thomas and friends are everybody else within the realms of Zhōnghuá Rénmín Gònghéguó (People’s Republic of China).  Railway travel is cheap, far cheaper than air travel.  Coaches can also be very cheap.  Easing travel and queue times seems to be a nightmare for all involved.  So the extra few days of being able to buy tickets (it used to be 21 days in advance for all passengers) filled every train to major and lesser cities.  Teachers at my school panicked and cancelled classes in order to book journeys sooner.  Some journeys depart at early or late uncomfortable hours.  The main thing is, they’re going home.  To climb a mountain’s summit you must put in the effort that the scramble requires.

 

I haven’t experienced the joys of Nián Jié (Chinese New Year/農曆新年) or the cāidēngmí (lantern festival/猜燈謎) 15 days later yet [March the 5th this year].  The entire Spring Festival promises to be very interesting.

 

I’ve read reports that say around 80% of people from Běijīng (meaning Northern Capital), Shànghǎi (the name means above the sea), Guǎngzhōu, and Shēnzhèn (the name means deep drains: 深圳) will migrate with one aim:  to get home for Chúxī (除夕).  The equivalent to Chinese New Year’s Eve, which involves families congregating for a huge reunion dinner, named as Nian Ye Fan/Evening of the Passing.

 

I still can’t get how populated or how big China is.  This link shows a list of cities.

 

So with this intended last post of the lunar year…  Xīn nián kuàilè (Happy New Year)

 

Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Goodbye.

“Why worry? Each of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back.”

4/11/2014

Nín hǎo (if you’re old) / Nǐ hǎo (to everyone else),

 

“Why worry? Each of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back.”  There’s something strange in this neighbourhood.

 

This morning after receiving a confusing message from Cherry about a timetable change for primary school, I was accosted by several female members of class 701.  It turns out, I was late.  Late for what?  Late for a changed class from 14:50-15:30hrs that somehow was changed to 09:00 to 09:40hrs.  Honestly, a slight morsel of communication in middle school would fashion a substantial and constructive difference.  Instead a half-sleepy teacher rushed up the stairs, laptop in hand, and eventually woke up after 5 minutes of a frantic and condensed class.  40 minutes of substance into 30 minutes seldom slinks into status.  Afterwards, I double checked the new two day temporary timetable.  It shall heavily impact classes tomorrow, essentially pulling them forward by an hour or so.  The reason for the mass upheaval of studies is to allow students to have their health check.  One conducted at various stations around the school grounds by a team of scary looking health professionals.  Nurses wear pink, presumably, they washed colours with their whites.  Doctors wear white, and get to smoke like troopers on the school grounds, barking orders to conduct strange looking muscle movement assessments.

 

In the two weeks since I last wrote those words that I last wrote, Eric Morecambe’s had his legs stolen, the Dachau gate has gone walkabouts, a space mission went up and down rather fast, and more locally I deflected a moped bike with four people on board.  It has been a strange period indeed.  Pull up a chair, gather round the campfire and let me tell you more…

 

The most upsetting thing, in a week or so of strangeness, for our clan of foreign teachers has been the denial of entry to P.R. China to our colleague Becky.  She went to Hong Kong knowing that an application for a visa would result in a 7, 14 or 30 day extension at best.  Sadly, the at worst scenario occurred.  Here ended her teaching experience in Houjie, only one week after her and Bryony’s housewarming party!  Last Friday, Bryony asked Nikki and I to call by the kindergarten office.  A plan of action soon fell into place, in amongst a dozen or so teachers and senior staff drawing up their own ideas but not showing or revealing them until much later on.  After a commotion it was determined someone who have to take Becky’s luggage and final salary to Hong Kong.  Only Nikki and I had the relevant multi-entry visa to allow for this.  So, after signing for her wages, as my responsibility (no pressure!) and agreeing to drop Becky’s luggage, we went to Bryony’s (and formerly Becky’s) apartment, packed her things, ate and then went to Irene’s Bar.  All of this fell on Hallowe’en and at the end of a very hectic and tiring week.  Being physically tired, mentally fatigued and emotionally drained during a sub-tropical autumn spell is not good.  Yesterday, we all gathered in a coffee shop and group video-called Becky via Skype to say goodbye and wish her a pleasant journey back (she flew this morning).

I had previously said goodbye to Becky in Hong Kong, having taken a stroll for pizza and a coffee with her, passing the protest site in Wan Chai and taking the Star Ferry just to get some sea air.

Back to Sunday, and with this day, most of us helped carry Bryony (now detached from her contract at the apartment) and Bryony’s belongings to school accommodation (where she’ll share an apartment with Joe).  On the way over, I crossed between cars, waited at the halfway markings, looked left, a motorbike-scooter was 100 metres away tucked behind a car, looked right, could cross after a car passed me in 5…4… 3… 2… 1.  I stepped forward.  Whallop.  The bike had hit me.  The wheel was on my foot and four people fell off it.  Hard bloody luck.  The handlebars caught my waist area.  Shocked as I was, I looked at the two adults and two teenagers gathering themselves at the floor, scowled and walked away.  Thankfully, I was not injured and not too annoyed.

 

On Tuesday the task of setting up the outdoor Hallowe’en area started.  Originally we had been told, “make it ready for Thursday morning.”  That changed to Wednesday morning late on Tuesday.  What with it being my 32^nd birthday, I thought after the Mandarin class we’d go for food.  Prior to Mandarin class was a manic rush to mark out the Hallowe’en area and convey to Micaela, Kira, Joe and Emily of my plans for said grotto.  Whilst the day started brightly, an autumnal glow of sunshine reflecting off everything in sight soon faded away to greyer skies.  Classes passed with pleasure, two classes, 703 (fast becoming my favourites, something I don’t usually agree with) and 701 performing the traditional birthday song very well.  The school flag raising ceremony conductor even led class 703.  During the day I forgot my aches from the previous night’s football (a massive 10-1 defeat to Murray’s F.C. Smoggies to a Brazilian team featuring the brilliantly skilled Mateus; our other team Murray’s F.C. Owls beat Italiano F.C. to keep our collective unbeaten record against their teams).

 

That evening our foreign teacher clan went to Al Pozo’s Italian Kitchen on Houjie Dadao.  Here I had gorgonzola gnocchi and a Bombay pizza, followed by a complimentary dessert and several house spirits.  I enjoyed it, despite feeling like I wanted to sleep all day.

 

Wednesday arrived, we worked our socks off, and cobbled together the Hallowe’en area.  Particular credit to Emily for her artwork and Kira for assisting throughout.  Micaela and Joe worked hard too.  During that day, my classes had all been cancelled to allow me to assist with our four games (Pin the bone on the skeleton; witches’ hat hoopla; a ten pin bowling alley; and a blindfold game where the aim is to pop a balloon within the shape of a pumpkin.  Over the three days, the students enjoyed the games, gave great cheer and the feedback from the teachers matched this.  It may have been fastened together and bodged a fair bit, but it worked well.  All the foreign teachers felt shattered from manning the posts for the three days.  My respite coming in the form of 7 classes I had to attend on the Thursday and Friday.  Even so, I sweated a fair bit, was bitten a lot by mosquitoes and students alike, and felt like a zombie afterwards,

 

Irene’s Bar on Friday was fantastic, even if I arrived late and departed soon after.  Marcus and Irene had decorated the place to resemble a haunted grunge bar.  Black-curtain-clad walls lined with spooks and spectres topped off with freaky looking effigies and fantastic make-up special effects for the staff (it looked professional and wouldn’t have been ill-fitting on the cast of The Walking Dead).  Local school students, children, adults alike from the neighbouring area lifted the curtain entrance flap up and gazed in wonder at a brilliant display.  Fair play to those who helped create this horrifying wonder.

 

The week before Friday morning I’ve been teaching the P.E. Teachers words useful for their coaching of basketball.  Slam dunk is one phrase they really wanted to learn.  I’m not sure the basketball teams here have a player who can jump half the height of a basketball net.  Still, at least when they do, they’ll know the correct locution for the instance.  Mr Hu and the other P.E. teachers, joined most of us foreign teachers for food at Liaoxia Market and drinks at Snow Bar.  In an evening, where he chatted up Becky, little did I know he’d call me the night after Becky was denied her visa, and cry about how much he wanted to get to know her and how much the opportunity for love had been missed by Mr Hu.  This sounds crazy enough, but for the detail that his English is not so good and my Chinese far poorer.  Thankfully, Shirley, was on the other end of the phone too, so acted as fānyì (translator).

 

Last night’s football game against Fred F.C. (another all-Brazilian outfit) ended in a 7-5 defeat.  Their Messi-aged-40-lookalike proving to be a handful bagging most of their goals from long range.  Afterwards, I, like the team felt, deflated – but on reflection that we competed against a team heavily graded as being superior to our own.  We were without our star keeper Eduardo (a Brazilian) and Ken stepped into goal, and gave his all, but alas it was not to be.  Afterwards, I agreed to teach English to another Brazilian (Rogerio, who is Marcelo’s uncle) from next week.  I’m sure with this many Brazilian expats in Dongguan, the area is technically and enclave of Brazil – and with many contracts locally going to the production of the Rio 2018 Olympics, they should just raise their flag and call it a good old fashioned invasion, and not a peaceful one, I demand samba music and street parties galore.  Unless of course a street party contravenes regional laws and could be mistaken for a protest.  Did you know in China it is only legal to protest against Japan?  I didn’t, I’m not even sure this is true, it sounds like an urban myth.

 

Temperature-wise and weather wise, Autumn has arrived, the high today is 25°C.  Tomorrow’s high is 28°C.  The lows are pretty much 19°C all week.  The air feels cooler and humidty has dropped off.  The air is a little fresher but I’ve yet to feel anything tantamount to cold.

 

Here Dongguan send a weekly email with a brief weather forecast.  Last week it read as follows:

 

Under the dominance of anticyclone aloft, the weather will be generally fine over the region in the next couple of days. 

From the Dongguan Meteorological Bureau:

Friday, October 31: Mainly fine, 23-30°C (73-86°F)

Saturday, November 1: Mainly fine, 24-31°C (75-88°F)

Sunday, November 2: Mainly cloudy, chance of showers, 22-30°C (72-86°F)

Monday, November 3: Mainly cloudy, chance of showers, 21-27°C (70-81°F)

 

Well, there won’t be any snowmen around these parts for a long while.

Zài jiàn.

Remembrance Day 2014: The Lost of a not so great war.

10/11/14

Their voices can no longer be heard, their words no longer spoken.  The souls have carried away lives that never were lived.  They had an hour, a minute and a day, so little time when a month or year was needed to live long and happy.  They stood for pride, for their country, their friends, their family.  Some were conflicted, some battled hard, others deserted, many of whom suffered before, during and after.  You cannot experience anything someone else can feel, not precisely.  Fight or flight.  The battles, conflicts and wars of yesteryear gave rise to needless deaths.  Some heroic and many tragic.  Some deserters survived and changed names, some faced gaol, a bullet or other such tragic ends.  The Shot at Dawn Memorial is a British Monument (National Memorial Arboretum, Alrewas, Staffordshire).  306 soldiers faced this in The Great War.  Of them 25 Canadians, 22 Irishmen, and 5 New Zealanders.  3000 had been ordered to be executed.  The unfair trials of cowardice and the stigma that surrounds this remains a stain on history, a blot that should not be swept away or looked upon in shame.  Embrace it, and remember, attitudes and times were different in darker and more desperate days.  The firing squads also suffered the emotional pain of executing their own when fighting the enemy. Those shot for such offences deserve pardon, in a way that does not insult those who died honourably on the battlefield.  Nobody truly wants a war or battle.  You fight for freedom or belief when words cannot fix something.  But to be shot for fear, when some lied to enter the battlefield is wrong.

Whatever your belief, I think it is too late for the lost voices.

Remembrance Day 2014: “Though dead he still liveth (雖死猶生)”

1 day ago

For Tuesday night, following Mandarin class, I finally sat down and watched Dawn of the Planet of The Apes.  It was very good indeed and full of geeky links to all the predecessor films and T.V. series.  In some ways it was a temporary escape from everything around me.  Beyond that a tough game of football was had on Wednesday with victory over a local Chinese outfit, containing a lad who is prolific at scoring goals and has a mean right foot – it broke Marcelo’s fingers with a shot recently.  We triumphed 15-10, with a comfortable ten goal lead until the final 15 minutes, when we can safely say, no substitutes or energy assisted the opposition.  Thursday and Friday petered by, a restlessness ahead of the following week’s midterm exams crept in, lowering the usually happy mood of the classrooms.  On Thursday evening I met Jonlin and Sofia from the Summer kindergarten I worked at.  We talked schools, Becky’s sad departure, the variety of foods locally and other such small talk that assists one with relaxing.  All this was over a delicious, yet spicy hotpot.  For Friday night and Saturday, I designed my powerpoint presentations and class lesson plans.  A cycle ride, many spicy dishes for lunch with teacher Shirley and another teacher I don’t know their name filled up a very lazy day.

Sunday resembled Saturday, save for going to have pizza with Liam and enquire about how to repair and clean my laptop.  I met another teacher from Liam’s school, Cherry (Cherry Number 2 – is her username on wechat, honestly there are so many girls her called Cherry, Coco, Yoyo, etc), she is tiny.  This is very common here, most people are small but every now and then, someone more petite than tiny is introduced to me.  It does make me self-conscious about my stature, even if still confident!  China really can resemble the Land Of The Giants at times.  Bizarrely, there are some really tall Chinese folk, just few and far between.

So, today, three successful classes have passed, one on key vocabulary moulded around the African Hunting Dog and one class based on Hotel vocabulary.  A student said today he has learned so much about UK culture, Manchester and football from me today.  For this, I am content.  But, I don’t want to rest on any Laurel and Hardy’s.  It is easy to spot a badger in a zebra convention held at a zebra crossing.  You must strive to be better, always.  Always, better.

Tonight, I play football for Murray’s FC Smoggies, which is something I have enjoyed in freedom because of others in the years that have passed by.

Today is sandwiched between Remembrance Sunday and Remembrance Day, something I value ahead of my own birthday and Christmas or any other holiday.  In China few people understand the significance ofthe 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month.  Tomorrow, I have no class at this time, so I shall find a quiet area and pay my respects.

I found some interesting material on the forgotten army of World War One.  BBC’s Dan Snow didn’t have to deliver it to me either.  The Chinese Labour Corp are little known.  Britain and France both recruited soldiers from China.  140,000 Chinese soldiers experienced the language barrier without the aid of google, Bing or other such search engines, without MP3s, or Rosetta Stone (aside from a profit making language course, look this name up).  China declared war upon Germany on the 14^th August 1917.  Prior to this the soldiers serving were not allowed to fight, purely to assist with logistics and all round labour.  Most of the Chinese who served travelled the long way round, via the Pacific and Canada… then the Atlantic.  The three month journey favouring safer passages than the horn of Africa and eastern Europe.  They even repatriated later on via the same routes.  Many hundreds of students accompanied the 40,000 troops under French control and 100,000 under British control.  Unlike modern days, back then the Chinese could only be identified by a personal reference number, not a name.  It was estimated around 5000 or so remained in France.  Following the conclusion of the war, the British government sent a bronze War Medal to every member of the CLC.  The medal was identical save for material to the silver British War Medal.  Very few soldiers saw combat yet 2000 souls perished during and after the battles.  Spanish Flu claimed the majority of these men in an alien land.  There are several distinct tombs and burial sites in Belgium, Northern France and the U.K, each engraved with Chinese characters guarded by two stone lions, gifts from China.

“Faithful unto death (至死忠誠)”

“A good reputation endures forever (流芳百世)”

“A noble duty bravely done (勇往直前)”

“Though dead he still liveth (雖死猶生)”

Who’d be a teacher?

12/11/14

Happy World Pneumonia Day!  [and in case I don’t get to write tomorrow, enjoy World Kindness Day]

 

Today, is considered cold by the locals.  It is 20°C now with highs of 25-26°C and lows of 16-17°C expected most of the week.  It is damp, drizzly fine rain (the kind that soaks you right through).  Whilst others don jumpers, sweaters and jackets, I bask in the cooler air.  It is always shorts weather.  Autumn is considerably cooler and there is little to no humidity.

 

Here I stand, against the flow of traffic, free from the usual 9-5 rigmarole of regimented retirement aiming British cultural work life.  On departing Blighty, a mixture of excitement, sense of a new opportunity and a nervousness or apprehension about not knowing what awaits filled my already cluttered mind.  Here I sit, stand and wander, 275 days after leaving my native lands.  How do I feel?  49 days of this year remain, I need to make my mind up.

 

With respect to the occupation, a profession revered highly here, I still feel more highs than lows.  The ups outweigh the downs.  Each class, each student, individual in their responses, often swayed by the passions or lack of passions by others.  I totally understand attention needs amusement.  There is more pressure than a Bayern Munich goalkeeper having to save a last minute penalty from Sergio Leonel “Kun” Agüero Del Castillo to deny Manchester City a victory (I can pray for such moments).  Each day is different.  Some days I feel I have achieved much, others not so much.  One class can make you feel like an asset, another like a snag in the school hierarchy.  You can be the most positive, passionate, prepared and determined teacher with all the transferable skills in your arsenal but one or two class hijackers can change anything.

 

Class 704 are in this respect, kitted up with every possible form of I.E.D. or anti-tank bazooka.  They don’t intentionally want to bring you down.  They aren’t feral naturally.  They just happen to have a pocket of eight to ten boys hell-bent on swabbing the decks with you.  It isn’t that they aren’t bright, their grades are above average.  They are too active, too determined to be heard above the rest.  As such the forbearing girls and the more imperturbable boys get no voice.  So, as the bad boys demanded games, more games and only games in my last class yesterday, I held back.  No games.  Just words, just sentences, just repetition, just repetition, just recurrence, replication, reiteration, reappearance, reverberation, repeat, repeat, repeat…  Did it work?  Not really.  I even had to rig the scoring system to quieten the boys.  I removed the prospect of lollipops as a reward.  The golden goose was there and then the golden goose was not.  I hope that the next class is far better.  It is vocabulary tied to many games and activities.  I’d love to show them how well class 703 perform alongside them.  703 are saintly, angelic, beatific, and virtuous.

 

This morning I’ve taught class 604 and 605.  605 are very noisy but easy to control due to their heavily competitive nature.  They are also quite witty.  There is however one boy who likes to dictate the pace of the class and answer every question.  He is far brighter than his age – and even two of his peers who have a Western parent in their family.  The local word is hùnxuè’ér, which means half-blood or half-breed.  It is a term I’d expect to find in Harry Potter, propaganda from hard-line fractions of Israel and all-in-all not something I’d expect to be heard in the 21^st century.  In a very traditional society, mixed races are rare to be seen, unless you hang out with foreigners – and then they are still few and far between.

 

That said, am I model pupil at Mandarin classes?  No.  I turn up Tuesday at 6pm, tired.  Barely able to think and after having class 704 a matter of a few hours before, with headache and drowsiness to hand.  Even my throat was sore.  And then Wednesday night, I play football so don’t even turn up.  I do have a plan of action to learn Chinese, I’m working on it.  I need to be confident, fast flowing and speak street talk, not textbook.  Until then textbook, multimedia and one to one conversational exchange is the way forward.

 

Below is some text I created from our simple lessons.  I am trying to recite this without error.

 

Nǐhǎo, nǐhǎo ma?  Wǒ hěn hǎo.  Wǒ jiào John.  Wǒ xìng Acton-Brown.  Nǐ jiào shénme míngzi?  Nǐde diànhuà hàomǎ shì duōshǎo?  Wǒ sānshíèr suì.  Nǐ duōshǎo suì?  Nǐ huìbúhuì shuō zhōngwén?  Wǒ xǐhuān tīzúqiú.  Wǒ shì Màn Chéng mí.  Wǒ xǐhuān tīngyīnyuè.  Wǒ xǐhuān kànshū.  Wǒ xǐhuān kàndiànyǐn.  Wǒ xǐhuān lǚxíng.  Wǒ zuìxǐhuān de huódòng shì tīzúqiú.  Nǐ yǒu shénme àihào？Nǐzuìxǐhuān zuò shénme? 

Fēicháng xièxie

 

Hello, how are you?  I’m fine.  My name is John.  My surname is Acton-Brown.  What’s your name?  What’s your phone number?  I am 32 year’s old.  How old are you?  Do you speak Chinese?  I like playing football.  I’m a fan of Manchester City.  I like listening to music.  I like reading.  I like watching movies.  I like travelling.  My favourite activity is playing football.  What are your hobbies?  What do you like doing best? 

Thank you very much.

 

For further, and frank, reading on teaching abroad, I recommend Teaching With Chopsticks (TEFL from the frontline) by Jonathan Last (ISBN: 9781780690353).

Zài jiàn.

#87: I am more homesick than I care to admit

17/11/14

The smell of drains doesn’t just waft through the air today.  It pierces the air, penetrating all around like a cloak of dark rancid twice-rotten flowers.  If flowers make for pleasantry then this stab of air marks tragedy.  The tide of a thousand homes, an old and battered sewerage system coupled with no doubt the carcass of a decaying rodent or two lay impugn.  Today, air-fresheners, odour eaters, friendly flowery fragrances or a breeze of fresh air are poor weapons against this whiff.  Any feeling of unease is exasperated.  Stomachs clench, each breath of air tense, the head dizzy with intoxication of vile odours.

And he can see no reasons, ‘Cause there are no reasons.  What reason do you need to be shown?  Tell me why?  I don’t like Mondays.  This is probably the first Monday where the morning has undergone as an arduous task for me.  Perhaps I am perturbed by the news I am centred upon in a rumour (one which is laughable, but nevertheless flattering that someone can spend time creating such nonsensical fiction and then furthermore spreading the slander thereafter); perhaps it is a slight groin strain and ankle injury from Saturday’s 6-2 win over FC Italiano by Murray’s F.C. (which I like to think of as my best game for Murray’s to date – having lasted the full two hours playing time; and ran around for the ten minute break too); perhaps it is my indecision over, “what next?”  (Should I renew the contract?  Look elsewhere in China?  Try to travel?  Look at another country?  Settle down here?  Return to Blighty? Etc); perhaps I am more homesick than I care to admit (missing my parents, siblings and not so close friends); perhaps I did not sleep so well?  (The air conditioner makes it too cold, the room feels stuffy with no air movement and it is too loud to open the window – plus the mosquito numbers are high, my legs having been fed on in a dozen very itchy locations); perhaps I am mentally fatigued?  (I need a break, but then so does the vast majority of China!)

So three classes today have gone by, 603 was okay – mostly amazed how I can wear just a T-shirt in 20°C heat.  The high today is 25°C, the low 13°C at night.  The lack of humidity certainly makes for a much more British-like climate.  If I could wear shorts to school, I would.  That would seriously bemuse my students in their woollen jumpers, gloves, hats and padded jackets.  I explained Manchester’s high temperature was 11°C today – cries of “Game over” rang around the classroom.  “Game over” is kind of a gentrified euphemism for death here.  I explained even at that temperature I’d happily wear shorts.  “You are crazy!”  Straight to the point.

Class 803 did their utmost to maximise the trading of TF Boys postcards and play Chinese Chequers in their notepads.  Honestly, TF Boys are nothing short of shit.  Yet, these little pubescent types attract each and every girl – and most boys with their whiny singing, prancing around like unfinished dancers and pouting.  Yes, I am clearly not a teenager and have no desire for pop music or the worst kind of manufactured type, current Chinese climatic communist-clicked kiddy creations.  They’re too nice and lack character.  Anyway 803 are quiet at the best of times, and today they reverted to type, lacked focus and generally left me standing at the front trying and failing miserably.  I told them at the end I was not happy and I may have to go away and sulk.  They understood.  Resumption of trading TF Boys cards followed immediately.

Class 804 have Ann sat at the front.  She is a childhood genius and will happily interrupt every aspect of the class to ask her own, sometimes unrelated, questions.  If the scenario falls outside of the concrete box painted by textbooks then it can be a little time-consuming but she does ask some good questions.  If anarchy happens this way, I’d point the finger firmly her way.  Her partner in crime is a giddy, but clearly learning off her lad.  His name is Taobao, after a major Chinese online retailer.  He is now equally committed to questioning everything.  I like their passion.  Their team comprises of a block of ten students, who never do homework in my class, listen attentively and always want to answer first – and win everything, even if chance games make the balance of classroom power harder to control.  One game I use frequently involves choosing a new vocabulary word from a MS Powerpoint (other presentation software is available) screen and simply making a sentence.  On completion of a correct sentence the word disappears revealing 2 points, 1 point, 2 points for another team or their team loses 2 points.  I like this game because it breaks down boundaries, the smarter students can lose points.  Other teams can conspire and use their own tactical knowledge to win.  Camaraderie and collaboration fall hand in hand.  Today, team 2 were racing away with points prior to the review game, and then team 3 gave help to team 1 – a last minute victory.

As I was waffling on with the above, a momentary pause was had, as I sprinted alongside 500 or so Middle School students to the playground/running track.  The wailing fire alarm test reminiscent of World War II air raid sirens shattered any notion of hearing for a few minutes.  Alongside this every student held their faces like I did a big smelly fart.  I guess to prevent fumes or gases etc entering their craw and gullet.

Tonight, I resume playing football for Murray’s F.C.  After last night’s near relaxation of watching Interstellar at Xingx International Cinema for 25RMB, tonight will be more physically enduring.  The cinema experience last night involved the usual amount of nattering on phones, a crèche formed at the front of the screen with a half dozen toddlers going for all intense purposes, ape-shit bonkers.  I’d recommend the film greatly, but don’t watch it in a noisy Chinese Cinema!  The cinema here reminds me of Spike Milligan’s poem:

On the Ning Nang Nong
Where the Cows go Bong!
and the monkeys all say BOO!
There’s a Nong Nang Ning
Where the trees go Ping!
And the tea pots jibber jabber joo.
On the Nong Ning Nang
All the mice go Clang
And you just can’t catch ’em when they do!
So its Ning Nang Nong
Cows go Bong!
Nong Nang Ning
Trees go ping
Nong Ning Nang
The mice go Clang
What a noisy place to belong
is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!!

17.11.1999:

Today marks a date I remember well, a date I lost my best friend in life.  It has been 15 years and I remember it like yesterday, I wanted the world to swell up at the time and swallow me whole.  It was as far from pleasure in losing him, my closest companion, my dearest acquaintance and comrade on many walks across many fields of time.  I knew it would come.  I’d felt loss before for my Nana – it was long and painful for her, and painful for our family to experience but I was still young and still trying to understand cancers and disease and the effect on those around you.  Throughout that tough time, my one hope and saviour and support was him, the ever reliable.  Without him, I can’t have imagined an alternative.  He was the rock I could talk to, could cuddle and feel life, coursing through my veins.  He was pure, harmless and never ever judged me, or if he did he kept it to himself.  My Dad called me that day and told me he was going to the RSPCA in Eccles and would return without him.  Inside I was hollow, empty, devoid but glad for him, glad he would not have to suffer any longer.  Right now, I want to cry, such is my love and yearn for the moments we had together.  To quote Dr Seuss, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”  I like to think out there the spirit of Pup is alive and kicking.  My lost family and I can walk with Pup one day.  I miss you my friend.

Feeling bugged

18/11/2014

“Keep warm or you’ll catch the flu” came the message at school today.  Almost denying that typical influenza is transmitted through the air by coughs or sneezes, creating an aerosol containing the virus.  Nasal secretions and contact with contaminated surfaces also cause flu.  It is worth noting in this school for over 1950 students, each bathroom does not come with soap.  Cold water is the only tool for washing your hands.  This is something reflected in the vast majority of public water closet facilities and something western establishments go for the opposite approach: soap.  As clean as hand gel is, and as clean as you want to be, germs always find a way.  Yesterday, I started off with a mildly sore throat, ended with a bothersome cough.  By the time kip arrived, I had a temperature, some mild fever and a groggy, gooey, fluid nose.  Couple with my narrow left nostril, this was painful and almost acidic in its burning nature.  Following last night’s football (Murray’s FC Smoggies lost 7-1 to FC Italiano – a side we have dominated for months, I saved a penalty having played in goal for the second half, where we found ourself 6-0 down – without an subs and a totally mismatched starting 5); I also had a puncture on my bike and ahd to mend it, cycle back bit by bit, pumping up the tyre every 5km or so), I had the usual aches and pains – this time augmented by this viral cold or flu.  This morning’s headache has assuaged slightly, without aid of Paracetamol, for I have ran out of said aid.  Ibuprofin is numerous but not advisable on the basis Dengue Fever etc symptoms can worsen and cause liver damage by using such a remedy.

So, today, I have weakness and fatigue, the general discomforts, a trickling nose and chills.  I’m confident that whatever it is shall pass within a day or so.  I just need rest and good food.

After a nap this morning in my office, rudely awoken by a foreign teacher meeting and two litres of orange squash, I am looking forward to a lunchtime nap.  Every sinew of me demands energy, energy I haven’t got.  The meeting was a chore, a laboured and arduous task.  Emily, Joe, Cherry, Micaela and I contrived to talk about this week’s school trips.  Cherry made known to me that a Communication Outing has been pencilled in for a trip to another school, here I must deliver a lecture on cultural differences.  Shall I hold back or be fair?  I never hold back.  Parents will also be attending various classes next week as part of the Open Days.  I’m hoping I have some good classes then!  The best news was the news that Christmas Day, all us foreigners can have the day off.  China is rapidly accepting western holidays, be they for promotion purposes in the many shops or simply an excuse to dine, like next week’s Thanksgiving Dinner for the teachers.  We also have to arrange a song and/or dance for the Art Festival in mid-late December…

And now, class 703 fast approaches, at 1120 my four in a row class schedule starts (separated by lunch).  If I make it through today’s four grade 7 classes, I can beat the world.

I think this was a Tommy Cooper gag:  A Post Office employee in Bournemouth is retiring after 41 years without using any of her sick days.  Friends describe her as “dedicated”.  Co-workers remember her as, “That daft bat who kept giving me the flu.”

“My dear doctor, I’m surprised to hear you say that I am coughing very badly, because I have been practising all night.” John Philpot Curran

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. “

27/11/14

Yes, the title is a Sir Winston Churchill quote.

Day eight of working with man-flu, which I acknowledge is totally incomparable to influenza or the Ebola Virus, or other such serious strains of disease.  I can only convey my thoughts on my experiences.  The students on Tuesday last week were angelic, even my nightmare class 704 performed brilliantly and calmly.  I don’t know whether they subdued due to my croaky voice or because I selected half of the naughty boys earlier on.  Their form teacher, Sharon, was equally shocked by their change in moods.  I doubt feigning illness in the next class shall be of any benefit.

 

Class 703 began last Tuesday’s teaching with a spirit and sympathy tantamount to being the idyllic class that every teacher strives to get on day one.  After class several students gave me sweets (candy).  One student gave me a flower and another a little post it note, which she would not explain.  I asked the passing teacher Cherry Lee what was on the note.  The post it note translates as, “I want to be more intelligent than a tortoise – ha ha.”  If some moments in life are just meant to perk you up, these are those said moments.

 

Middle school teacher Sharon later asked me to import Nutrilon baby milk powder from the UK or the Netherlands for her teacher friend Cherry Lee.  This is a common request by teachers – and highlights how hard it is to find good quality milk powder or milk in this country.  I could not find any regulations until I returned through customs, later in the week, at one of Hong Kong and China’s border-crossing.  It turns out taking anything above 1.5KG is a criminal offence.  So, I won’t be taking big orders in future.

 

Last Tuesday after lunch, I had the option to cancel one class but decided to plough on through.  Class 702 started the ball rolling and it was fun, if not very hard to speak.  Class 701 followed, we played some games.  One student said aloud, “This game is boring.”  At the end of the round of games, he was begging to play the game again.  The trick with games is to make them interesting, simple and to teach language and words via their means.  You can’t play the same games too often and you cannot play too many games.  Students learn, they adapt, they are very much like the Velociraptors in Jurassic Park, don’t trust them for too long.  They will capture you and eat you alive.

 

After class 704 ended that day, I felt mentally exultant that I had completed the day’s teaching.  I returned back to my lair after school, kicked back and watched Homeland’s latest two episodes.  I decided going to learn Mandarin at the class was too strenuous a task.  I was half way through my second episode of Homeland when absolute nausea kicked in.  I slept from around 6.30pm until 8am the following day, waking only to eat bacon, egg and tomato on bread around 9pm.

 

Last Wednesday I somehow cruised through the day, and eventually cruised home, going to bed early once again and finding the next day arriving sooner than imagined.

On Thursday, I awoke feeling brighter, the prospect of a day without classes and a school trip to the theme park in Changlu was a great motivator.  In the morning grades 4, 6, 7 through to 9 and numerous teachers assembled on the playground-cum-running track-cum-parade square-cum-queuing zone.  Here we were divided into coaches.  I was placed into class 602 alongside several grade 7 students too numerous to have their own coach.  The coach set off promptly as arrived at 8.30am – we were told to arrive for 7.30am.  Our journey stopped after 15 minutes.  It transpired that students were sitting three abreast on seats for two over several rows.  As the convoy of 20 or so coaches whistled by, one stopped to collect our excess five students.  The maths teacher from my office, Mr Yang Wenbo, was fuming.  He isn’t the happiest man at the best of times, but his anger resulted in fierce stares and much more angry tones than usual.  I would never like to upset him.  Later that day, he smiled for a photo.  I almost keeled over in shock at his smile.

Our journey circumnavigated the River Pearl crossing the massive Hǔmén Dàqiáo (Tiger Gate Huge Bridge) with magnificent views of the river below and the Weiyuan Fort (now housing the totally biased Opium War Museum).  Onwards the road hugged a railway line for some time.  The line rising like a long straight ridge high above our already raised roadway.  Super high-speed intercity trains bulleted past with passengers unable to focus on the nearby landscapes along their fast journeys.  The coach journey featured a comedy war film involving many Chinese children humiliating their Japanese oppressors.  It was like Home Alone meets Saving Private Ryan.

 

On arrival at the Changlu Farm theme park, it appeared to me, to be the busiest theme park I have ever seen.  At least two hundred empty coaches sat outside waiting to occupied once again.  Huge groups of school students from kindergarten to college ages.  It looked too busy to resemble being comfortable.  After being given a swipe card with 100RMB credit to go and “play” (the Chinese-English word for having fun and doing what you want), I legged it with a group of students to play a kind of game involving a cannon firing solid globes at moving targets.  Sadly, the sight on the weaponry had been worn down to the point of inoperable décor by many a visitor.  I still hit the target a few times more than my students.  Boom.

Seconds passed before I fired a few arrows at the archery and then wandered to the dodgems/bumper cars… and hereon I moved from group of students to group of students.  All keen to have me as company for a few minutes and take photos of their fun day out.

 

I met some of my cool grade 8 students queuing for the biggest rollercoaster.  I queued up alongside them for the better part of 30 minutes only to be told the height limit is 180cm.  Not to worry, I wandered off, found teachers Cherry, Regina, Mr Wan Hei Fae, Emily and a few other teachers.  Here I beat the two males teachers –and four other Chinese students – at go-karting over five laps.  Then lunch arrived, we ate in a banquet hall.  The dòufu (tofu) was very good but the rest of the food was mass-produced and barely palatable.  Even my fellow native teachers winced at the lack of flavour.

 

Teachers Emma and Doris commandeered me to go on a ghost ship, which was okay, but by U.K. standards not scary in the least.  For the entire 200 metre walk around the dark, the biggest grade 8 student clung to the back of my jacket for dear life.  He grade 6 peers were too scared to notice.  The Chinese have a learned fear of everything occult and dislike tombstones very much so.  Death is not something that features in television shows or movies, unless they are fighting the Japanese.

 

A ride on a water-based tricycle around a lake, a wander around the park and a quick stroll around the zoo followed.  The sorry looking zoo, looked very well designed but lacked space for enclosures and had some odd combinations.  Wolf and Sheep read the sign, very much in the same way of the Chinese cartoon The Pleasant Goat and Big Bad Wolf.  Sure enough two big sheep stood upright with Wolves snoozing overhead, prey and predators in total disharmony and close proximity.  Beyond this enclosure the Tigers (possibly Tigons and Liger hybrids) mixed in with their natural wild counterparts the Lions… and… some wild boar.  The most chilled out of the inhabitants in an enclosure only described as a theatre stage with three tiers and a moat, complete with audience seating.  On the whole the zoo, as expected, was grim.  Only the Red Pandas looked reasonably happy.  For the sake of the elephant enclosed in a tony paddock resembling a tennis court, at least it had the luxury of passing away a few months back.

 

The fun of the theme park, like many in the U.K., ends with an exit via the gift shop option.  The other options, never visible, nor known to any living soul.  Unlike U.K. theme parks, this park had a massive emphasis on buying food from each province of China, as well as a smattering of the usual tacky gifts and novelty items.  Here was an arcade, where any remaining credit on your entry swipe card became converted to tokens.  I had a fair stack of tokens, so I gave them to my students to enjoy the claw-grabbing machines and other such opportunities to win prizes.  Soon after, on finding our coach in the gargantuan coach and car park, we boarded and returned – slowly – rush hour traffic combined with heavy roadworks by the Hǔmén Dàqiáo (Tiger Gate Huge Bridge) allowed several, now tired, students to get some shut eye.  One student prevented me from moving by using my right side as a pillow.  The cheek!

Friday came and went.  Classes in grade 7 were all cancelled due to parent’s day.  This is like parent’s evening in the U.K., only during the day – and students get to go home once their parent has been spoken with by a teacher.  I taught my P.E. and Science teachers and then tried to rest, whilst preparing the next week’s work.  Having flu does not inspire, as I would soon find out.

On the Saturday, I headed to Hong Kong with every intention of exploring new places.  I did.  I made an effort to visit the Mong Kok, North Point, Wan Chai and Central protest sites.  The emotions I felt here were incomparable to anywhere else I have ever visited.  The passion, the cause, the artwork, the belief, the fury, the anger, the worry, the message and the need never to give in was clear to all.  The Hong Kong democracy debate is certainly very interesting.  People in China now very little as to what is going on there; people in Hong Kong don’t want to have less freedom.  Back in 1984, China agreed to govern Hong Kong under the principle of one country, two systems, where the city and surrounding areas would enjoy a high degree of autonomy, except in foreign and defence affairs for 50 years.  The Chinese government had previously promised direct elections for a new chief executive by 2017.  So in 2014, anger arose when China’s top brass committee ruled that voters will only have a choice from a list of two or three candidates selected by a nominating committee on the mainland.  The scale of the protests is hard to fathom until you reach the ground.  The Wan Chai and Central/Admiralty site is up there with a Glastonbury campsite.  Littered with tents, art installations, a gym, a running track, a café, homework and study areas, lecture areas and other well-thought conveniences.  It is polite too.  Everywhere you look there are apologies for any inconveniences caused to commuters.  The people are welcoming and engage in conversation, they all smack of Mark Thomas without the swearing.

The Saturday evening (and Sunday early hours) was spent in the company of the Hong Kong Manchester City Supporters Club.  As always they were welcoming and this time made me sign up and in return they gave me two scarves in a place where a scarf has no function.

Sunday, involved a wander and some uncharacteristic shopping.  I hate shopping.  It must have been the flu telling me to keep busy.  Monday swiftly plonked itself on the radar.  I finished my lecture for the following day’s cultural exchange activity at another school.  Monday, my muscles really ached.  I clambered five flights of stairs to class 603 only to be told the class was cancelled due to a Chinese class being observed.  I plodded down slowly and without enthusiasm.  After a small lunch, my appetite long lost and subdued, I had class 803 and 804.  The former being a nightmare.  The latter being the absolute opposite.  It was the first time I felt I did not care how good or bad the job was.  The flu seemed to be coming on stronger.  So, in a sensible rush of blood to the head, I decided I was fit enough to play football at 9pm that evening.  Murray’s F.C. Smoggies faced Murray’s F.C. Owls.  Our team. Smoggies, only had 6 players compared to our revitalised opposition.  Many new players had moved into their unit, mainly Max, Brian, and two fellow Nigerians.  This caused some upset the week prior, so we received Rossi in return with Nicolas and Rogerio.  None of whom could get on with the Nigerian contingent.  Kenmicel, Eddy, and I made up the remainder of the six players.  We were pretty well matched, despite me sweating and drinking epic amounts of fluid and feeling utterly abysmal.  My logic was to sweat it out.  Beat the flu by working hard.  In theory it may have worked, in practice, it felt worse.  Our game was the first draw in the Dongguan Foreigners’ Football League after 17 games played by all of the teams to date.  Forfar five, East Fife five would have been a good scoreline to read out had our teams changed names.  The opposition Owls looked rattled and upset afterwards, and yes, Max and his Nigerian comrades were having a right go at Olli (Israel), Terence (Hong Kong) and Marcelo (Brazil).  The team spirit in that unit is low.

 

The Owls have a form sheet of:  LLLWLD.  4 points.  Massive goal difference against.

Smoggies form is WWLLLD in the league.  7 points.  Actually, the worst goal difference against in the league.

 

Although, following an altercation with the very polite referees by Fred F.C. it looks like the league will lose another team.  The all-Brazilian teams are very sore losers, but thankfully for them, they only struggle against each other – and the referees!

 

So, I returned back, a lift by car off Rogerio saving my efforts.  I collected my bike from Marcelo’s who lives nearby, headed for Pizza, went home and slept.  I woke up weighted down, with a building sat on my head and dizzy.  I have learnt here, in China, and punctiliously at this school, how not to worry.  The Tuesday meant I had the presentation at Lakeview Middle School in Houjie, in front of 100-200 English teachers, each autochthonous of China.  I was told a week prior to this the talk or lecture would be in at least two weeks.  That changed suddenly, with me finding out the exact date on the previous Thursday evening.  Soon after that, I asked many questions, and received fewer answers.  I was told it would be one hour long, followed by thirty minutes questions.  So, Thursday and Friday night I prepared this talk, and Monday I completed the task, refining it on Tuesday morning.  As I boarded the school bus, Cherry cheerily conveyed that the presentation will be one and a half hours followed by thirty minutes interrogation.  Thankfully, on arrival, I was still not nervous.  Until I entered the room.  The lecture theatre was very modern, with at least 400 seats.  The lectern and desk at the front as broad as a bus.  The powerpoint screen double the usual standard classroom standard.  No pressure.  I set up the laptop, stood by a tall upright airconditioner and let the cool air slide down my shoulders.  The room started to fill.

 

Teachers, like students, head for the back rows initially, and fill forward.  Nobody wants to be asked a question or made an example of.  On the whole, Chinese people have bad eyesight and require glasses.  So, by going backwards they make the task of reading harder.  Some teachers even brought students.  So, the room’s English ability ranged markedly.  I began after an introduction by the hostess, Miss Liu.  I stopped the presentation midway through for ten minutes break, toilet and water opportunities.  In this break, I was commandeered by a local journalist who asked me many questions.  The second string of my presentation lecture, padded out well, showing off a few games and ideas I use to capture student imagination and creativity.  I could only see three or four from at least 120 teachers sleeping.  Most looked interested and smiling.  Some did wear the usual poker face of no emotion.  I felt overall I did okay.  Not great, not bad.  Afterwards every single teacher had photos with me.  This lasted far longer than the questions and answers.  Since the lecture many teachers have added me to QQ (a Chinese message and contact system) and asked me numerous questions.  It was a tough but enjoyable experience.  I felt drained physically before it, during it, but afterwards I felt slightly more energetic.

 

Yesterday’s grade 6 classes passed well, a new game, called who am I   The game is based on riddles and clues worked well.  In the evening, a large group of us foreign teachers went to Al Pozo’s Italian Kitchen to celebrate Emily’s birthday.  Liam and I had a good catch up, and I met a new colleague from my company Worlda assigned to Liam’s school (Oxford Kingdom International School).

 

The last two days have involved intense sweating, accompanied by the added warm spell of weather (today’s highs are 28°C/82.4°F) and massive muscle discomfort.  But today, I have flu in my head still and mostly my muscles.  Otherwise the coughing has abated, the snotty runny nose (why do we have feet than smell and noses that run?) has dwindled away, and my eyes feel less dry.  The classes today seemed to drag.  Happy Thanksgiving has been the message from many students, some making flowers and some giving lollipops.  I return the Happy Thanksgiving message and occasionally explain, when prompted, why we don’t have such a day in the U.K.  This evening our teachers are all going to a Happy Thanksgiving meal – following on from the Happy Thanksgiving teacher exchange to other schools – which nobody knows much about.  Still, we might find out afterwards!

 

This week I need to make a decision.  Here are the options, I must decide on by no later than next week:

1. My company have offered me a 6 or 12 month contract.  The latter has slightly better pay.  Both involve a pay rise of more than 10%.  If I choose the 12 months, I’d fly back to the U.K. and catch up with family and friends for at least 2 weeks in February.  If I choose the former, I’d travel around China in Summer, return to the U.K. and then decide the next step.  The school really want me to stay, and yesterday, despite feeling utterly bobbins and having little confidence (I’ll explain why later) they said how much they want “the best foreign leader we have met” to stay.  Better than Obama and Cameron.
2.  I travel and work short-term contracts, which are often unstable and not the best way to relax, enjoy yourself or further yourself career-wise.  Not my favourite choice, for I don’t want a career anymore, I want to live!
3. I return to the U.K. and look for a job, which in all probability, I won’t enjoy.
4. I look for a new job, opportunity or company willing to throw money at me in order to remain located here, there or anywhere.
5. Other.

Is 2 years or 18 months too long to be away from the nest?
Zai jian.

The Bigger They Are, The Harder They Fall

4/7/2014

Rising from the sheets late on the Saturday seemed to be a theme for all our foreign teacher colleagues.  Dehydrated, mouth parched, Nikki and I met Birgitte and headed for the number 5 bus.  Our aim, A-One Shoes, a new plaza built especially for shoes and the sales of soled things.  On arrival, we jumped off the bus a short stroll away.  On closing in, the enormous metal and glass vessel of a building loomed into view.  It half resembled a craft from Star Wars and further looked like the cast of a huge uncompleted cruise liner.  In all actuality it was abandoned, uncompleted and required many further touches.  A ghost shopping village lay next door, a long lost empty and discarded neighbour.  Disappointed we wandered back to a bus stop, not before seeing a man on a motorbike hit a car.  The biker, without helmet and inadequate clothing for such a vehicle flew over the bonnet, landed out of view, a flip flop landing feet from us.  Bits of bike shattered outwards, the sound of plastic and metal meeting unintentionally joined with screeching tyres.  The air filled with burning rubber and tension.  Out dived the driver, his first reaction was to light a cigarette.  Nikki, Birgitte and I hesitantly looked at each other, our first instincts to help met with a conversation based on logic.  In eyesight nearby, there was half a dozen policemen, the driver had a phone out and we knew not enough Mandarin to assist.  The motor bike driver appeared to be sat up, no visible head injury and just a trailing leg that looked knackered, possibly broken.  The driver of the car’s full attention was now on his own vehicle.  The nearby policemen never left their shaded posts.  We walked away.  No other cars stopped, life carried on.

In the evening food was had a restaurant on road in Liaoxia.  Liam, Esben, Bryony, Nikki and I tucked into the several dishes we ordered with gusto.  Becky and Birgitte did not join us as their parents had arrived for a few days.  James stayed in, with a stomach problem requiring numerous uses of the squat-hole Chinese toilets.  Whilst James had no pleasure, the quality of food from this restaurant gave great contentment.  As the gannets circled the central plates, remains became less and less.  An egg dish resembling omelette was so good, it was re-ordered.  The egg and tomato dish; the creamy egg noodles with pork; a gingery spicy beef dish and some bread all vanished sharply.  So did my seat.  Without warning, I was upended.  The plastic legs gave way and many passers-by stopped to look at the giant westerner sat on a half broken chair in shock.  An older lady at the restaurant, likely the owner’s grandma came over and started laughing.  Thankfully I was not injured!  It was funny though.  A new chair followed.  Everyone bid farewell after food around 9pm.  Esben, Nikki and I reconvened at midnight and headed to Snow Bar, where John (the bar owner, he is Chinese and his name is very hard to understand in Mandarin!) welcomed us.  Esben and I tucked into a tower of beer for 48RMB.  Nikki was offered a free Samurai Juice by the owner John.  The Brazil versus Chile game was projected onto the outside wall of Tesco’s.  During the time there I tried some meat and a really amazing aubergine cooked chockfull of spices.  After full time, and as the game entered extra time, I was left all alone.  James had later joined us briefly but felt unwell and scattered with Esben and Nikki homeward bound.  I remained, drinking my way through th best part of the second beer tower.  I witnessed an off-duty policeman go to his car, change and drive away – whilst heavily drunk.  Drink driving here is very obvious.  After the penalty shoot-out, the bar area emptied of the 20 or so souls, and so did the car park.  I then bid farewell to my namesake and owner of the pavement mounted outdoor drinking establishment.

Walking back would have been uneventful normally, a few scurrying rats and the odd sleeping local on benches here or there.  However, I witnessed  a 30 metre section of power cable glowing bright red.  Within seconds two local men stopped alongside me, in awe of what we could see.  The wire casing ignited.  Plastic dripped around us.  A local policeman (sober) turned up.  He just watched.  Nothing was done.  Then another policeman arrived.  He just watched too.  Eventually the wire burst into life, fire and molten plastic reigning down from 3 metres above several cars and alongside an empty looking built up area.  The policemen were joined by at least 5 more contemporaries as the first car window started to kindle.  The policeman became full of action and eventually advised me and the locals to go away.  So off I went, home and in bed for 3am-ish.

Sunday, up in good time, Nikki and I jumped on bus number 5 to Shuilian Mountain Park.  This time not to scale the peaks, more to wander around the reservoir and nearby butterfly house.  The butterfly house’s gardens happened to have many butterflies fluttering by.  The buildings housed galleries, bird displays and even a lonely ferret.  Many tarantulas, scorpions and lizards happened to have minimal enclosure security – meaning any local could open the enclosure, prod and tease the animals into a perfect photography pose – and then leave them be.  We decided to skip going on a boat in the baking heat, headed back via the number 10 bus (and I say via, via Dongguan, due to a minor clerical error on our part) and then the number L1 bus.  A massive 5RMB added to the expected 4RMB journey.  Surprisingly, that evening we were shattered by the extra distance journey through inner-city Dongguan and back.

Monday for me, meant Cherry class, Banana class and Peach class in K2 (aged 4-5).  Lychee class (K1, aged 3-4) slotted in there for good effect.  The day flew by, and seemed to have a cohesion to it, that has been lacking in my magical kindergarten teaching experience to date.  In the evening, Esben, departing Houjie the following morning, acquired beverages of the alcoholic variety for James, Liam, Nikki and I – at the top of Houjie International’s rotating restaurant.  Esben is game over.

The Rickshaw Man

8/7/2014

Classic title time.

Tuesday came, a return to the market for food in the evening and classes as functional as can be expected from kindergarten kids hyper on anything stronger than water.  Wednesday drifted in, a meal at Boton Restaurant in the centre of Houjie followed a short rickshaw ride.  Cod and steak, with noodles and scallops coated in cheese made for a very western themed meal.  The quiz at Irene’s Bar that evening was very well orchestrated by Bryony and Becky.  Varied questions of tough and easy made for good fun.  A team was formed with Birgitte (to mark her final night in Houjie) with Nikki, James, Liam and I.  Birgitte’s parents and their two friends from Norway also appended to our team.  Victory was had, and thankfully not too many Disney questions – as anticipated.  Well done to the quizmasters, for taking flak, handing back wit and banter – and for a fun quiz.  Marcus, Irene’s other half, gave his thanks and a mild applause followed.  Many moons agao, Marcus said he admired that our group of foreign teachers don’t just drink at Irene’s Bar every night, and explore so many other places locally – and further afield.  I think this makes that particular foreign bar much more welcoming.  CHAMPIONS.

Thursday, a nightmare day at school, one late class (Apple, N1 level, aged 2-3) was cancelled without anyone telling me.  In the school there are many teachers, only Yuki, Kitty and Winnie have enough confidence to speak with me – and I suspect they’re the only few who speak English fluently enough.  Not that I am allowed to use any pigeon-Chinese to try and help, one of the big rules for foreign teachers is “Only speak English.”  The earlier classes followed very little cohesion due to unruly and excitable children.  When a class is interrupted by a delivery of plates, knife and forks with a cuddly banana by a local children’s centre promoter it doesn’t bode well for the day ahead.  That and the teacher, who was observing, leant through a window nattering with two passing teachers.  Strewth, how can I win with these rules reminiscent of playing at Old Trafford?

Friday arrived, the day surpassed previous days for levels of chaos.  Firstly, Kitty and Winnie had deserved days off at the seaside.  Secondly, it being Friday, the kids are understandably bouncing off the walls excited by the freedom of the weekend ahead.  Firstly, Apple Class tested my wits, but only for 10 minutes, as two new teachers were introduced to them.  Afterwards classes passed with only two headbutts to the leg and one punch to the testicles.  Talk about putting yourself in the line of fire.

To mark the imminent departure of James and Liam, the terrible two joined Becky, Bryony, Nikki and I for food at Boton restaurant.  For around 615RMB, we all enjoyed drinks, at least 2 courses and a platter of sides to share.  Afterwards we caught a rickshaw to Irene’s Bar, after one drink Bryony went home and soon after, full on several rum and cokes, Nikki went home.  Both had to be in school for 2 hours on Saturday.  After which Liam, James, Becky and I plodded (by rickshaw) to Houjie’s Jiŭbā Jiē (bar street).  We entered the unbecomingly named Party Bar.  A few staff members wangled around, and we played the most popular dice game in the world (chuīniú – bluff or bullshit).  You should play it.  After a few games and during half-time of the Germany versus France game, we rolled over the road to the newly opened H.One Bar, a nightclub/cabaret style bar with a stage that rises up for the staged dancing, singing and other oddity interludes.  For the peculiarity of China, see http://www.chinasmack.com/ or http://www.chinahush.com/.

During the night I think all four of us were accosted for dancing in circles (like I never left kindergarten), “have a drink” with me, drink and talk… etc etc… oooh blue champagne… tastes of bubblegum.  Back massage in the toilet by the toilet attendant?  That is novel.  Ouch, and rough.  The night fizzled out with a drink in Iron Bar as James rolled home, sleeping in the taxi as he left, before Liam, Becky and I shared a rickshaw back soon after.  The two seater rickshaw gave rise to a form of gymnastics I like to call, inebriated.  And into bed for 5am.

Saturday, was surprisingly relaxed, Liam, James, Bryony, Nikki and I went for lunch – at Boton, three times in one week.  The 36°C heat combined with humidity made us all flee to indoors for shelter.  It was too hot for comfort.  Sweat should not roll in some places.  That evening Liam departed to the U.K. via Beijing for a few days.  The market was a stopping point for food with Nikki and Bryony followed by Snow Bar to watch the Argentina against Belgium game.  Nikki and Bryony mixed Samurai Juice (Blueberry based) with Morgan’s Spiced rum.  James arrived soon after, and departed at full time, for a late night McDonald’s (located around 2-3km away).  We bid farewell, James was to head to Shenzen, Beijing and then west Lancashire soon after.  Good luck to James at the University College of Dublin.  He won’t need it, the smart git.  And then there were three.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

10/7/2014

There is no doubt whatsoever, kindergarten is full of characters.  There are the odd shy and silent types that barely compete with others.  There has only been one wee tot who has cried so far.  Most are easy to be distracted.  Some don’t pay attention (full stop).  Each class has at least a couple super-contestants – likely to be very talkative.  The energetic wing of the class usually features one or two naughty brats.  Their attention is not available to you, no matter how much you endeavour.

Points to consider every day:

• Rules, rules, rules, repeat.  Stop.  Try again.  Reinforce.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.  Eyes on me, eyes on you.  Be quiet.  Listen to Teacher John.
• To control a class, you need the Chinese English Teachers or Class Teachers on hand.  Each class should be treated differently and best laid lesson plans will be destroyed with ease.  Children do that.  Never work with animals or children learning English and not entirely fluent on their native tongue.
• Songs, games, activities that are simple – and feature an eye-catching video always help.  Repeat if passion is shown by the students, bend the song to fit to game or roleplay activity.
• Flashcards have to be durable otherwise they will litter the classroom floor.  Forget paper.  Laminate, encase in plastic, entomb in steel – and you may still have flashcards after class.
• You must be clear with your instructions, don’t stop mid-flow and certainly use good body language – vivid and expressive – to win the students’ attention.  Without this, they will eat you alive.
• Keep it interesting.  You are competing with passing spiders, light shining on shiny things, teachers passing by, other students – the list goes on and on, and on… and on…
• Group competition is a great idea, if you can keep the groups separate.  Boys versus girls is easy, unless your class is massively imbalanced on the male to female ratio.  This is not unusual.
• Role play is great, but don’t lose the class with long examples.  Let a fair few people try.
• Sentence practicing is relatively easy, I say relative, it is like pissing into the wind on a freezing cold day with Siberian gusts and many loose branches flying by… but that is the easy part of the day.
• Never introduce more than 3-6 words, depending on the age range of the class.

Of course it is easy to stereotype kindergarten students, they are much more dynamic in their behaviours.  The monster yesterday, could be today’s angel and tomorrow’s disinterested student.  Chinese people work around 50 hours each week, often including Saturdays or Sundays – with overtime pay mostly unheard of.  Students seem to have it the same way.  Long weeks, long hours – and exhaustion mentally or physically common.  Teachers in China are very highly respected, often seen as the second parents to the children students, and their bond with the resident teachers is heartening and pleasant to see.  Respect on the whole follows as standard.  In spite of this, the foreign teacher is seen as a play thing.  And duly so, we work nowhere near as hard as our local contemporaries.

The Education Bureau of China finances state schools from kindergarten to high school.  The state education focal point is school discipline strictly.  State education is getting more advanced but conversely private schools, training centres, and company executives that need teachers are also evolving and improving drastically.  As such, parents and those with financial interest in education want to see results.  To improve your results means you must also evolve, adapt and improve your skills.

That said, nothing prepares you for being assaulted by a group of 6/7 children from K2 Banana Class.

Walk, amble, march, saunter, stroll, stride, pace, toddle, totter, move, tread, pace and gait

14/7/2014

Today, July 14^th is St Stithian’s Show, in Stithians, Kernow (Cornwall), UK.  I hope the day is a massive success for all those involved, those visiting and the community locally and regionally.  Nikki and I wish we were there.

On the previous Sunday (July 6^th) we wandered around the Dongguan Botanical gardens where perhaps the biggest kite I have ever seen flew with relative ease.  I said to Nikki and Bryony that this giant dirty red kite shaped like a stingray would not take off.  It pretty much did instantly, the thermals good, and the kite-flyer clearly vastly experienced in smooth take offs.  The kite’s 100metre plus tail dragged along clumsily but up, up, up it went.  En route to the park in the 36°C sunshine the rusty bus number 5 stopped by Oxford Kingdom International school, oblivious to our location, whilst nattering away, it became clear many more eyes than usual were set upon us.  Words flung back at us like a wall of sound.  The driver thought we wanted to dive off at that stop.  “Bù, xièxiè” we shouted back – and off continued the tarnished old bus.

Monday through to Friday was largely uneventful.  School was 90% chaos with a smidgen of what the flip and two whole pounds of “holy mackerel Batman”.  Wednesday evening saw Irene’s Bar mix it up a little.  Marcus allowed us to draw numbers from a pint glass to designate which team we would sit upon.  Nikki, Bryony and Becky drew number 2.  I got number 3 and joined Axel (from Germany), a loud but fun Aussie lady, Cody from USA, a British lady who knows her Sir Christopher Wren facts well.  In the end our team won.  Surprisingly we did very well, considering we did not answer the biggest tea producing country in the world (China, but we put Sri Lanka) and coffee producer (Brazil, we put Columbia).  Still, we ended with a rendition of We Are The Champions by Queen.  Champions!  See my review of Irene’s Bar online now:  http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Attraction_Review-g297412-d6558560-Reviews-Irene_s_Bar-Dongguan_Guangdong.html

Earlier in the week we watched Transformers – Age of Extinction in the Xingx International Cinema – after a heavy meal in Pengs restaurant at the local Wanda Plaza.  The pasta dish was far too peppery, the chicken dish just right, and the curry was tasty.  I also had a lovely Tuna salad.  We ordered too much between us.  After a heavy meal, what better way than to watch a CGI-loaded dizzying film to keep you alert.  The film was actually very good and hearing the local Chinese audience purr at some of the action scenes was quite funny.  Every time a Chinese product appeared on screen, there was excitement in the auditorium.  Cheers too.  C’est bon is French for its good or something to that effect – here in China it is a leading brand of water.  Product placement present pretty much in every scene.  I won’t be buying a Chevrolet (they sponsor some tinpot team).  Guangzhou and Hong Kong featured in the film too.  Some landmarks were instantly recognised, others had to be looked up later – and disappointedly Hollywood had fibbed a few landscape scenes from northern China into Hong Kong scenes.  Boo on you!

This weekend passed with a trip to Guangzhou, starting on the Friday night.  A short coach journey to the big city was followed by a quick underground metro ride to our stop by the Baiyun Mountain Park.  A lengthy stroll, we should have got a taxi, progressed us to the gates of the Oriental Resort.  The entrance is a kind of a curved European design leading to a long snaking road into the heart of the resort.  At reception we presented our passports, paid the deposit (to include the 796RMB two night double room fee) and went to our rooms.  We then headed straight for the restaurant and had noodles, a spicy stuffed chilli pepper dish and some shredded pork that was very juicy.  We looked at the closing outdoor pool afterwards before heading to bed via our first bath since we arrived in China.

The next day, after a Chinese buffet breakfast and a swim in the outdoor pool, I made Nikki walk, amble, march, saunter, stroll, stride, pace, toddle, totter, move, tread, pace and gait a fair distance.  We walked from the hotel to the South Gate of the park (4km), jumped on a cable cart up the mountain side, had a wander around the top, ate some grub and then explored.  We started at a bird park, headed for Moxingling (the highest peak), fed Koi fish at Taohuajian, walked along the Yunshan North Road and departed the Baiyunshan (Cloud Mountain) West Gate before strolling back to the hotel (around 13km).  So in total about 17km (or 10.5 miles) – and plenty of mosquito bites, sweat rash and sore toes to show for it.

That evening food was greatly appreciated in the restaurant.  After that we watched the supermoon whilst swimming in the outdoor pool.  Moonlit, bats flying overhead and a fine steam mist rising off the water.  There will also be another supermoon on August 10 and a third on September 9 in most parts of the world.  Give it a look!

Any given Sunday bloody Sunday

21/7/14

[written yesterday (20/7/14) ,posted today]

Last Sunday we spent wandering the streets of Guangzhou, shopping is the term most people use.  I use wandering.  For when I shop with Nikki, I lead her off the shop-fronted straights and into the twisted alcove terraces of the shabby ginnels (one for you Asa) or alleyways.  Here you find real China – the animals enjoying their last breaths before the blade arrives; the piles, like mounds of rice, of medicine strong in stench and colours reminiscent of 1970’s English curtains; the ground is littered with by-products of the makeshift assembly workshops lining the close propinquity-based doorways and windows; cats and kittens clamber across canopies and rooftops.  Real China gives you perspective, culturally we in the west are so different, yet the same.  There is much more community here.

Families work long and hard to provide for each other.  Retirement is but a dream or a myth to most.  The old sacrifice time, health and freedom for the young often.  It is evident some companies, state-ran areas, private schools and the odd rich person pay into pension scheme equivalents, but for most it is out of reach.  Most working life starts on leaving school, assuming the person attended school, until near death.  5am is a good time to get up – and midnight is habitually the time to hit the sack.  Anyone working 9-5 shifts is lucky, this is something seen as rare, and retained for Westerners, who have yet to adapt.  Working days vary everywhere, and to any observations are generalised but very close to the absolute precision of actuality.  There is almost always a breakfast at work or school; a lunchtime break; an afternoon snack and regularly an evening meal.  The evening meal is rare in kindergarten or lower grades at primary/junior schools, the younger ones aren’t expected to be up so late – however, being out at night in Houjie, the wee ones always appear to be out!  When do they sleep?

I have, since arriving here, asked many Chinese people, “What do you do in your free time?”  To which the standard response has been, “sleep.”  On asking the question in different forms, the answer either remains the same, or “What free time?”  Some families enjoy long summer trips to their home provinces, but only on account they have saved enough during the school year in order to do so.  Even then, most will work part time or travel locally to earn their bread and butter (or rice and noodles).

This week at kindergarten, I have had some good days, some manic moments and overall reasons to be cheerful.  The last day was quite sweet, lessons were cancelled and sweets/candy was devoured in a way that local dentists will not lose trade for years to come.  Cakes, chocolate and seaweed accompanied.  That and milk-based drinks too vile to be consumed by a sane adult.  The kindergarten kids ate with zest, passion visible by their sugary grins.  I started that day in Apple, N1, the youngest class, essentially babies (aged 2-3).  We played games outside in the kindergarten park (where UK health and safety would have condemned the slide and swings long ago), danced and smiled lots.  Afterwards, Strawberry class (K2, aged 4-5) had a party, looked at photographs of the year gone by and we generally played – and had merriment.  Lunchtime slipped in after Lychee class (K1, aged 3-4) where we started a short class of songs, played with Duplo (chunky Lego) and other plastic based construction toys.

In the afternoon, I joined Cherry class (K2) for a further party, had umpteen sweets forced upon me, and an apple, and a banana… and then the Aunty (a domestic who helps prepare foods, clean up after the wee brats etc) forced me to eat massive purple grapes that tasted like gooseberries.  Life can be so abrasive at times.  From here I went to Banana class (K2).  Banana class are 90% misbehaving and 8% uninterested; the 2% venom.  One kid is pure evil, he even looks like a notorious wartime leader of a state in Europe that recently won some world cup in sport I am familiar with.  He can be nice to talk with, but if you talk to other kids, protect the groin, protect the face.  Brace for impact.  By 4.15pm it was all over, 4 weeks of discordant, blaring, raucous, jangly, pleasant, enjoyable, amiable, cheeriness all over.

That is, until next week, assignment number three arrives.  On Monday, I start my second kindergarten position.  This time, for the same group of schools, at Oxford Kingdom Flying Kindergarten.  I have no idea where the word flying comes from.  I can only assume that the pilots of China Southern Airlines all passed through the ranks of Oxford Kingdom Flying Kindergarten.  That or I am to teach parrots.  My latest role involves a class of K1 students (with one K3 student slotted in for good measure) aged roughly 3-4 years old.  I have 10 classes totalling 30 minutes each, alongside other interaction, outdoor play, and morning exercises.  This role lasts 5 weeks (less the week beginning 4^th of August).

In other news…

The recent Supertyphoon Rammasun (Siamese for Thunder God) brought cooling winds/breezes to our local area.  Nothing more thankfully.  The local media has covered the deaths and destruction it brought to some of our province (eastern area), Guangxi and Hainan Island.

 

In the week, we came 2^nd in the quiz at Irene’s Pub.  We joined a team and missed the first round.  Our punctuality problem stemmed from a late meal at Boton restaurant on Bar Street in Houjie, some distance from our area of Liaoxia.  Our local magazine for foreigners, Here Dongguan, has published a guide to our fair town of Houjie.  Go visit it at:  http://heredg.com/2014/07/town-guide-houjie/ I didn’t know Houjie translates roughly as Thick Street.

On August the 2^nd, we may visit Zhuhai to see The GAC Trumpchi Zhuhai International Lovers Tandem Cycling Race.  Well we couldn’t see the Tour De France in Yorkshire!

So, our week off, we aim for either Zhangjiajie or Guilin.  Guilin is about 538km (334 miles) away by road, roughly the same distance as Manchester to Redruth (Cornwall).  Zhāngjiājiè is just a tad further north in Hunan Province.  Both look stunning, however, Zhāngjiājiè is much harder to get to.  We may have to fly CAN or SZX to KWL (around 1 hour) or go by train (around 9-10 hours) from Guangzhou.  Buses are not an option at 17 hours or so!

Then late August sees the 6th China International Animation Copyright Fair.  It is a kind of  cartoon carnival, cosplay competition and performance event.

Today, we ate at a lovely restaurant.  I say we, I mean Becky, Nikki and I.  Bryony bailed on us yesterday, flying back to the UK via Thailand.  Bryony will be back in around 5 weeks.  Becky flees midweek to the UK via Beijing.

In closing, Happy Birthday to Alexander the Great and Claudio Reyna, Macedonian king.

Semester One: The official summary (by Nikki)

24/7/14

From February 2014 to July 2014, I taught English at the Oxford Kingdom International Kindergarten in Houjie, Dongguan. I taught 4 classes comprising of 64 students; 2 K3 (giraffe and elephant class); 1 K1 (Zebra class); and a baby class. For baby class I had a book called ‘Tiny talk’ to teach. This book just had simple words and sentences to teach, like lunchtime, bedtime, family, weather and much more. For K1 and K3 there were many different English lessons including, audio visual, reading, craft, conversation, song and phonics. For audio visual, phonics and conversation I was given books and DVD’s to follow and use in lessons, which helped a lot!

Students in my all my classes behaved very well, sometimes they would get very excited over the activities I use in class, and all want to try. Baby class enjoyed learning songs with actions, so after teaching the vocab I would play a few videos. Towards the end of the semester the children would ask me to play certain songs, and could sing the songs without the videos. K1 were hard to control to begin with, but after a month or so myself and the Chinese/English teacher worked together as a team, and controlled the children. Some children in K1 were quiet to begin with, but by the end of the semester they were talking a lot more in English. One of my K1’s, Sunny  who is very smart, would always ask ‘What’s this?’, to different objects, which is an excellent way to learn, and others picked up on this question and asked me as well. Both of my K3 classes were very smart and learnt words and sentences very quickly. There were always a few children in giraffe class that would not be listening, so I always made sure to get them to join in with activities at the front of class, so I could check on them. Children in both K3 classes would regularly talk to me in English asking questions about me, and using the vocab learnt in lessons.

The school has looked after me from the beginning, and I get along with all of the staff. All of the teachers have been super, assisting me when I need it. Sofia has always been a great, and she will often ask me for ideas for displays at the front of school, which I also help make. I really enjoy teaching at the school and look forward to next semester.

Semester One: The official licensed summary (by John)

24/7/14

Dao Ming Foreign Language School (Houjie, Dongguan):

• A slightly dated but very pleasant cramped school with many classrooms and not enough grounds.
• The teachers and management are very welcoming, there is an ethos of try harder and you can succeed.  Belief is engrained on the school’s fabric.

 

Job role:

• To assist with the teaching of oral English practice by way of lessons involving games, activities, computer-aided Powerpoint presentations.
• To liaise with the school hierarchy and foreign teacher team in order to formulate different, fun, engaging and varied measures of teaching oral English.
• To improve the English of my fellow teachers and the P.E. staff.

 

Classes:  701-704 (Grade 7) and 801-803 (Grade 8).  5^th Grade VIP.  7^th/8^th Grade VIP.

 

Students’ behaviour:

• This varied drastically between the age groups and classes.  80% of each class seemed to be engaged on the whole.  Several students in Grade 8 seemed to act up to get the attention of others; or simply down to their hormones.  That said, some lessons the same students would be the polar opposite and show absolute enthusiasm for the topic in hand.
• Class 702 were as near perfect a class as anyone could wish for.  They had leaders within, who encouraged their fellow students often.  Their behaviour was exemplary.
• Class 704 were great fun, and whilst their ability seemed a tad lower than the rest, they gathered strength and belief as the semester went on.
• Class 701 always seemed to be a challenge, for the last class of Friday.  At least three students in this class could not be engaged and regular interruptions by their form teacher were needed – however, on the early day in the week, this class was very well behaved.
• Grade 8 classes on the whole had many stand out students – and much more discipline.  The subjects were on the whole harder by a degree, but the desire to learn more seemed to up a notch too.
• VIP Classes varied.  Grade 5 had far too many student changes initially and not enough classes in a row (competitions, rain, etc cancelled a few classes).  After the first 4 weeks or so, no Chinese English Teacher attended, causing problems with controlling around 16 students.  Grade 7 and 8 was challenging but on the whole rewarding.

 

Overall, I like it.  I want to do the best job possible and continuously improve.  I feel I owe it to everyone I work with, for and those I teach.

The Changjiang River waves behind drive the waves ahead.

28^th July 2014.

Nín hǎo (if you’re old) / Nǐ hǎo (to everyone else).

Last night we arrived back, shattered from a weekend in Shenzhen.

Saturday, Nikki, had us onboard a pedal boat (designed for our shorter legged far eastern cousins) racing around an island looking at birds.  That and turtles.  And Chinese people taking photographs of the foreigners on their lake.  Lychee Park is stunningly arranged, a large boating lake, moon bridges, expansive green fields and tree-lined pathways.  Flowers, water lilies, frog filled ponds, beehive displays, dancing by young and old alike.  China might be riddled with development, overbuilding, habitat loss for wildlife, but here stands tranquillity.  Beyond the fencing and outer hedgerows sits a bustling City.  Inside, you’d hardly know it.

 

Here you may whip the camera out at this juncture, gaze at this, observe that, people spot, what a magnificent refuge for life’s need to unwind.  All the green colours and flowers bleed into one kaleidoscope offering no yearning to flee the open space.  Step on in, stay.  There is nothing middling here.

In the evening we walked an endless walk around for food before settling on the sight of our previous evening’s repast.  On the Friday night, I settled for barbecued sausages with peppers and thin sliced pork, resembling soft bacon with courgette.  This was topped off with Potato Tornado (spud on a stick) with spices.  DongMen BuXingJie (DongMen ZhongLu) has some amazing places to eat.  Here you can find fantastic food hidden away up here and there; grab something as a gift; walk and see the shops.  Big names, lesser brands, local and knock off sit side by side.  Bargain, barter and beware.  This was a great place to wander, but like all busy places, it pays to keep an eye on everything you hold dear.

 

On Sunday, we checked out, headed to the central bus and train station area.  Our bags were to sit in a locker for 20 RMB whilst we explored more of the city.  Hopping onto the Metro transit underground subway system is easy, and it was.  Lianhuashan Park was reached by arriving at The Children’s Palace station.  Here a patisserie can be found amongst all the restaurants and cold drink cafes.  The main building from the Metro station has 4 levels.  The top being the footpath into the park.  Outside you can cross a forecourt to admire the impressive Children’s Palace architecture, think modern European style meets Chinese modern.  Intricate and convoluted in shape and gallant in size.  The Children’s Palace hosts an attention-grabbing science museum, 4D cinema and starlight exhibition to name but a few contents.  It’s for kids.

The park, Lianhuashun, has big green fields surround a verdant hillock with the best land-based views of the Cityscape below.  Hong Kong rises in the distance.  In the park there can be found some impressive sculptures and statues.  The landscaped style of the park convenes well for kiteflyers, runners and walkers alike.  We exited the park at Lianhua North Station.  Lianhua West Station was also an option but the path never led that way.  That’s life.

 

Last week, a week that hit 37°C, I started at Flying Kingdom Kindergarten, Houjie.  I expected to have a class of six students, one K3 level and five K1 level.  I boarded the school bus without legroom and fitted with seat lap-belts that could not fit around me.  On board was Winnie, from the Oxford Kingdom and one other teacher I recognised but knew not her name.  Four students boarded, of which it would later transpire only two were destined for my class.

Within ten minutes I arrivedat the huge five storey building of the kindergarten.  The main edifice is accompanied by an outdoor Astroturf play area (complete with a closed climbing frame, a closed sandpit and a closed paddling pool).

On entering the building, a familiar face (name unknown to date) shown me to my classroom.  In here, it was explained that a cover teacher would be present until the afternoon to assist me.  My first student, Justin, was on the bus with me.  He hails from Nikki’s Oxford International Kindergarten and is of Taiwanese or Tibetan pedigree, depending on who you ask.  He looks five or six years old.  His English skills are far more advanced than most in Grade 3 of Dao Ming Foreign Language School.  He is four years old.  He can converse near fluently.  The second student off the bus is a mini-Chinese early day’s Liam Gallagher lookalike.  He even has his attitude.  Tommy is funny, nevertheless I have since learned, has no attention span whatsoever.

 

Soon after Beautiful (her English name) and Doris (I have known only two other people/creatures named Doris in my life… my sister Astrid’s hamster and a teacher at Dao Ming Foreign Language School.  That particular teacher told her friend I’d work for them as a Sales Representative, even though I never agreed a thing.  Lost in translation.)  Beautiful is a chirpy little girl, bubbling away with words I do not understand and always full of smiles.  The same can be said for Doris, although Doris gets giddy far too easy and half-laughs, half-screeches.  My class is Tommy, Justin, Doris and Beautiful.  No more students are expected.  The other students in the summer school bring the total pupils to a whopping 16.  There were initially four classes, but since then, the other three classes have merged.  My class, the K1s, is an elite four students, also, the only students with English classes.  Although I am presently contracted to teach all week, I have 11 (eleven) thirty minute classes (story, performance, song, conversation, craft and phonics forming the core of the English oral topics).

The first day was mostly introductions:  “I am Teacher John.” / “What’s your name?” / “My name is…” / “How are you?” etc…  In the afternoon, Jonlin, arrived from mid to North China (roughly 21 hours away by train).  Jonlin is tiny.  Of all the teachers and staff here, only one is tall, and very leggy for that matter.  On the whole, I am a giant to everyone here, teachers and students alike.  The other teachers and the school Aunty (who cooks and cleans) are very accommodating.  Everyone welcomes me.  The language may be a barrier, but the bodily actions and gestures are international.  The school is large, five storeys, the lower storey has 7 classrooms, an area set out as a castle, an area for spacehoppers and a few other nooks and crannies.  Beyond the ground level is the offices, a medical room, an arts room, a small science room, a western toilet and an area full of fictitious fishing pools, shops and a hospital.  The next floor up has more than a dozen classrooms.  Floor four is a massive building length dance area with a music room adjoined.  The top floor is derelict, incomplete, unfinished, lacking content – dormant and waiting for a purpose.  Each classroom, including my own has a sleep area, like a mini-loft within the room, set high above the student’s eyeline, on a par with my own head-height.  Below that a raised stage, where should I dance, I will wallop my head.  The rest of the room is the standard shelf, table, chairs found in generally most schools globally, although in minuscule sizes.

 

The week progressed in various forms of game, craft and conversation basics.  Justin’s ability outshines the rest, and sometimes it is hard to balance the gap between him and his peers.  At lunchtime, the whole school (all sixteen students) convene in one classroom around 4 desks.  The teachers hang back around the rims of the room.  At the head of the room sits a trolley with the lunch.  Here is where a metal bowl and spoon becomes handy.  After the learners tuck in, teachers can fill their metal bowls.  Soon after eating, the students and teachers retire to the in-class sleeping quarters.  I head out for a walk – as sleeping forty winks is not my thing, not for two hours!  The two hours break is a good time to plan lessons, read or do some shopping in Houjie town centre.  A cold lemon and kumquat tea is always on the agenda.

Monday night, we had pizza at Jerry’s Wow with Becky for her last meal in Houjie before departing the following morning to the UK via Beijing.  Cue Arnie voice, “She’ll be back…” in around 5 weeks.

Wednesday night marked the first quiz Nikki and I entered without other foreign teachers.  We drafted in two regulars to our team and came second overall by a two point margin.  Too many twos.

 

This week gone, we tried a spot of badminton in the wind, and some football tennis (which gives the locals something to look at in bemusement).

Tomorrow is day 169 away from the U.K.  Is it getting easier or harder?  I haven’t thought too much about this.  I miss family, football and friends greatly – but I really love being here.  More to follow… The blog has hit over 40,000 words.  Mostly gibberish.  Gibberish certainly boosts the statistics.  Gibberish is good.

Bài bài la (bye bye – commonly used in Taiwan and locally).

Honk Kong & How to avoid huge ships

4 May 2014

The title is in homage to this link.

Wednesday, as always, means Irene’s Pub Quiz.  With impeccable discipline driven on by Becky (the foreign teacher equivalent of Alex Ferguson) we romped to victory.  There was no real choice, Becky would have killed us should we have been first loser or below.  It is the taking part that counts?  Not with Becky.  3 wins in 5 attempts isn’t too bad though.  As Thursday was a national holiday we could drink our winnings, the vodka tasted vile so we allowed James and Liam to do as they please with the liquid sentence of duress.

For the national holiday, Nikki and I hopped on a CTS coach from the Sheraton Hotel (Houjie) to the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region of the People’s Republic of China.  For the national holiday (Labour Day, May 1^st) we were allowed Friday and Saturday off work, meaning Sunday we would have to return to the grindstone (and a latent sluggish six day week).  So, with our bags packed with dreams, toothbrushes and mosquito-repellent the coach tore down the highways of China towards Shenzen and the border crossing.  The journey took around three hours, of which half was spent at the border crossings.  Note the plural.  The first section, China stamp you out, check your visa and then you hop on another CTS coach for less than two minutes.  Here you take note of the next bus stop you need to seek.  You fill in an arrival card for Hong Kong, show your passport, get a little print-out advising when you must leave Hong Kong, oddly mine said by no later than October 28^th 2014 (my birthday!).  After this, you leg it to te next bus stop and the world changes.  Not massively, but enough to notice.

Hong Kong, being an ex-British colony, drive on the left.  There is order.  Traffic lights work.  Traffic stops at them.  There is a significant amount of street cleanliness, better than Blighty too!  Rare double decker buses patrol the streets for lost souls at every turn.  The roads follow clear and easy formats, bilingual signage adorns everything.  Europe and the Western world meets the East.  Guangzhou was big, Dongguan and Shenzen a multidirectional sprawl of urbanisation, and Hong Kong, well, massive.  Proper massive, like the old Maine Road floodlights.

The colossal roads and bridges open onto Kowloon island, looking out at Hong Kong island with ceaseless towering towers looming and soaring skyscrapers climbing the mountain sides like stalagmites creeping from a great lake to the heavens.  The lush peaks lined with dense foliage splintered repeatedly by lumps of leviathan Lego.  Sometimes, just sometimes, you look at a human creation and gaze in absolute wonder.  Hong Kong is one of those amazing wonders, a panorama of artificial textile over a topography twisted by time.

After departing the coach at Wan Chai, we exchanged our Chinese RMB (Monopoly money) for Hong Kong Dollars (special edition Monopoly money).  The Harbourview hotel was easy to locate and check-in was uncomplicated.  The room had a spectacular view of the strait between Hong Kong island and Kowloon island.  Soon after our feet began to pound the pavements, level and smooth, established and clean around the local vicinity.  Nikki and I decided upon a Turkey burger and a Canton Pulled Pork burger respectively, both filling our bellies with great ease.  Exhaustion and the overwhelming nature of H.K. (as the locals refer to it) led to the need to get some much needed shut eye.

Friday arrived, and waking up with a dramatic vista of the city once named after a fragrant harbour.  Numerous Black Eared Kites glide effortlessly on thermals overhead, amongst the skyscrapers and over the sea channels.  Egrets wander the seashore as ships sail serenely by.  Nikki and I head to a Swiss bakery, wander to the Hong Kong Park to see the aviary and explore the Tai Chi gardens.  Here beauty and relaxation surround you, grip you by the arm and drag you away from the city.  The very large aviary with a pathway raised above the trees envelopes your senses whilst many birds make their varied sounds, beneath water flows and fish swim.  Outside the enclosure Yellow Crested Cockatoos (introduced species) perch, flight and battle for their patch of sky.  In 1941, the then Hong Kong Governor Sir Mark Aitchison Young freed the Government House’s bird collection just before yielding Hong Kong to Japanese invaders.  They have bred a fair bit since.  After the serenity of the park, the bafflement of a two hour queue for the eight minute journey up to The Peak made for a polar experience.  The old engine house and equipment being from Bradford, Manchester (think Eastlands, Etihad Campus way) came as a pleasant surprise.  The ride up, with too much anticipation time, was worthy of the wait.  Up flew the train, at angles akin to that of the Harrier jumpjet.

The view at the top of the Pearl of the Orient is the impressive.  As far as the eye can see, islands, mountains, littered with buildings, tower after tower for businesses and accommodation, a patchwork of humanity.  Each building with many different diverse shapes, curved, straight, triangles, coated in seemingly impossible amounts of plastics, wood, metals and concrete or rock.

The Peak circular walk (around 2 miles) was pleasant enough, plenty of views of the city below, the islands afar and the many straits beleaguered with ships and ferries.  Birds flew by, insects roamed in numbers and mosquitoes attacked with rancour.  We stopped to talk to a local Chinese man who shown us his amazing images of juvenile mantises.  He helped us snap some!  Soon after we stumbled on some beautiful leaf and stick insects, I say stumbled, I mean spotted.  The wander ended with some wonderful frozen yogurt at about £10 for two cornets (H.K. is not cheap in any sense).  That evening, we met up with Chris, one of Nikki’s bootcamp mates from back in Essex.  Chris is in I.T. and has been sent to work in H.K. for a few weeks.  There are worse offices, globally.

After the Star Ferry crossed the strait, with magnificent views all around, we made a pilgrimage to the Avenue of Stars (Hong Kong movie and TV stars), took a snap of Bruce Lee’s statue and drank Asahi (Japanese lager) at a local bar.  At this stage it was agreed we would seek steak, on the suggestion of Chris.  On the way back we watched the breathtaking light show that is the Symphony of Lights (H.K. must have a big electric bill), set against awful music.  So, steak we sought and La Taverna (since 1969 located in H.K., ran by some Italians) was average – at best.  And overpriced.  Then we wandered around the hustling, bustling markets before stopping at a Spanish themed bar until 3am, where a taxi ride through the tunnel was required (the ferries stopping at 0130hrs).

Chris failed to mention that it was his birthday that day!  So, shēngrì kuàilè Chris!

Saturday, Nikki and I arose from our slumber late on.  We decided to meet Chris for breakfast (around lunchtime) before going our separate ways (Chris was off to Macau to jump off the world’s biggest bungee jump and we had to get a coach back mid-afternoon.  We hopped on an old H.K. tram, explored some more of the city areas before catching the coach back over the border to the hooters of Houjie.

Today is Sunday and we were both working.  I am shattered!

曼城 Màn chéng (Manchester City) / Yīng Chāo (Premier League) / Guàn jūn (Champion)

13/5/2014 lunchtime.

1. 曼城 Màn chéng (Manchester City) / Yīng Chāo (Premier League) / Guàn jūn (Champion)
2. A six day working week is normal for many Chinese teachers.  I can substantiate to you that working one additional day was far from natural.  Firstly, Thursday is my busy day, and with that I have 6 periods, so Sunday’s classes mimicked that of the Thursday.  Class 704, in effect, having one more class than the remainder of grade 7.  On top of this brutal Sunday school, I had to host one extra class for the Chinese middle school teachers of English.  The subject being a comparison of U.K. and Chinese culture.  Needless to say, a log could not have developed a better style of sleeping than I did that night.  Nikki looked equally shattered.
3. Up dashed Monday morning, the customary 40 minute flag- hoisting ritual.  Three grade 8 lessons later and an early night.  The subsequent day and the haze of a three-day weekend (not quite on a weekend) lifted.  VIP class for grade 5 fell at the hurdle due to a writing competition.  It seems warnings of cancelled classes never arrive before the class starts.
4. Wednesday morning waltzed in, cancelling an English lesson for the P.E. teachers who had to oversee an interschool basketball game.  Hereon, the day progressed progressively with some progressing progress.  We came second in the pub quiz at Irene’s Bar.
5. During what seemed like an elongated week, nothing is better than to have two Thursday class schedules.  VIP class for grade 5 again was cancelled, this time an art competition, held outdoors pulled the plug.  Then it rained, just to ensure it could not be completed.  In the evening grade 7 and 8’s VIP class was a flashy affair.  The monsoon outside developing into a tropical storm.  Most of my class hiding their faces as soon as minute long rumble shook the roof.
6. Friday stuttered along like a McVities advert for a cold loving aquatic-feeding bird.  The evening comprised of food at the market, mainly shāo kǎo (barbecue).  That evening Nikki and I retired to the apartment, shattered but awake enough to watch the remake of Oldboy.  Pretty light watching before bedtime.  I prefer the original.
7. Saturday, Esben and I went to the bike shop to swap my pedals around and generally confuse the staff within Giant’s local branch.  The lady behind the counter wanted a photograph with me, being a giant in Giant.  Esben photo-bombed it (for the elderly out there, Photobombing is the act of purposely putting oneself into the view of a photograph when not invited to).  We then popped to our favourite DVD store, exchanged numbers with some of the staff, spoke limited English to some schoolgirls who kept following us around.  Their giggling and screeching altering a staff member to tell us, “they want to try English with you.”  This is not an unusual request or occurrence, it is pretty much the norm.  Anyway, the TV series Dexter is now on the to do list/pile of things for a rainy evening/day.
8. The evening started at the shìchǎng (market), proceeded to Anchor Bar and then Blue Orleans bar.  Blue Orleans is ran by Luther, a loveable Chicago ex-pat who teaches English too.  He is closing his bar today.  The lack of business, the lack of customers, the lack of regulars giving him rise to sell up, start a language school near Shanghai with his wife.  Good on him, I wish him all the best with his healthier venture.  Somehow, I did manage to get around 40 mosquito bites on my arms and face that evening, not good.
9. Sunday, a write off of a day if ever there was one, we ate, watched bad movies (Four Lions & Con Air) and avoided the monsoon enveloping our lives.  The whole of our foreign teacher circle came over and shared their smelly feet, damp jacket aromas and fridge contents.  I count Liam as eating 87.4% of all crisps we have ever purchased in China.  Esben and I braved the rain, headed to the market, made a bulk purchase of chǎo miàn (fried noodles) and Jiǎozi (dumplings) alongside some Bǐng (flat pancakes) and jī (chicken).  Jīròu means muscle and after walking back in that heavy rain, my muscles strained and one whole pot of chǎo miàn and Jiǎozi entered my belly.  I was bloomin’ ‘ungry.  After everybody had departed Ian Cheesman and The Goat popped on the internet radio, GDTV’s coverage of City v WHU was firmly switched to on – and the game was enjoyed.  Champions of England, once again.  The Premier League is a marathon not a sprint.  We didn’t limp over the line, we deserved to tear the finishing line.  I spotted my mate Nick, Nat, Dean and Frank on the telebox coverage.  Ed, who flies from Mallorca every game was clearly visible too.  To see everyone at the fulltime whistle fill the green pitch in blue, just shows what football means to Our City.  Forget the finances, the sponsorship, the lack of English players – Manchester simply welcomes all, and discards nationality, we’re people after all.  The future is bright for City and the massive Etihad Campus will bring us forward.
10. Monday, or Champion Hangover day, as it should be known, felt tiring.  Two lessons with a projector seemed steady, I asked the teacher in class 801 why the students are so reserved at speaking out in front of their peers, “they’re too concerned by their face; you’re doing a good job.  Don’t worry.”  I don’t worry, I just strive for better, and class 801 speak so well in groups or when I go around checking them individually.  The final class being with a broken projector meant use of the old fashioned chalk and duster on the chalkboard.  It didn’t go smooth, but a roughly filed sharp spike is better than an atom bomb.
11. Today is Tuesday, it is very humid.  All foreigners here are sweating moisture in amounts comparable to the contents of a bucket.  I was going to observe Esben but he has no lessons.  The teachers have taken away his lessons for Open Lessons (parents may observe).  This is odd because Liam, James and Birgitte all have Open Lessons.  Instead I have my three classes and have observed a class taught by James.  I may observe one or two of the other classes later.  Tonight is Mandarin class and Blue Orleans closes, for good.  I don’t think I’ll go to Blue Orleans.

The Walking Puddle of Houjie

13/5/2014 1545hrs.

Until today I did not believe air could be so humid.  Yes, you see humid tropical rainforests on television, people so sweaty their proverbial bits of dropped off, but now I believe the U.K. has the finest air in the world.  The sweat is pouring off my body like the collective Horseshoe Falls, American Falls and Bridal Veil Falls.  [Nikki’s Mum and Dad should know their name]  Outside classes on the open-plan corridors students are sliding, taking risks up and down every slippery staircase to sanctuary.  The walls are damp.  Paper softens with every sap of soggy air that passes over.  The thermometre reads as 30°C, it feels warmer.

My back is clammy, my brow soaked.  My legs restricted by the dampened trousers encasing them.  Soggy pockets hold my increasingly sodden passport entombed in a waterproof wallet.  My arms are sticky and rest on the desk, sticking occasionally and gasping for fresh air.  Every breath taken brings with it heavy air, not choking but heaving and testing the boundaries of my breathing.  My core temperature has risen, ice or a pool of crisp fresh water would be my Elysium.  I desire coolness, the air conditioner and ceiling fan battle heat, losing.  Nausea is my blanket, my stomach coated with water, unable to take more.  My concentration in Esben’s class I observe drops, I see this from the students’ view.  Tired.  Too hot.  Why bother?

Rain comes in short swathes, a storm is wanted, a quick blast of cooler air, break the humidity, this clamminess is a tortuous unwanted moisture.  The forecast is the same for many a day.  Why isn’t there a demand for English teaching in Antarctica?

Singing In The Rain II (*with script*)

3 days ago

Barely a day passes without the questions, “do you have children?” or “will you have children?”  The Chinese are a vastly curious folk and no level of personal question is kept secret.  “How much do you earn?” is easy to defend, because contractually, and to the letter of the local laws, we are not allowed to discuss.  This is because a Chinese teacher will work harder than us, longer than us and earn less than us.  Some teachers work all week, some have one day off, some have the odd weekend off.  Invariably, they habitually work relentlessly.

On Wednesday, I asked the question, “How many days of continuous high humidity do you usually get?”  The response from a younger, much more petite Chinese teacher was, “Until a big storm.  This could be three or four days.  What will you do after China?”  For every question I ask, a finer further probing query arises.  The cultural difference of displaying uncertainty as to that next step clearly fascinates the Chinese teachers, but they accept nonetheless.

The Chinese rarely move occupation or change employers in comparison with us British.  They may move school or college, have a company taken over or be laid off and enter a similar company as a result – or their business may scrape by, but people rarely change jobs.  Even when a baby comes along, the little blighter is popped out, homeschooled for as little as possible and packaged off to kindergarten to learn in great detail.  Forget reception and nursery, kids start school in their first year of life.

Whilst most adolescents in China are surprised by my number of siblings, to mention cousins, uncles, aunts and their jaws hit the deck.  The recent revolution from a one child policy is apparent.  After school you see many younger children (up to 8 years old) alongside their babyish siblings.  Bumps on local women indicate winter was cold, maybe as low as 10°C.  This bodes well for kindergartens but maybe not so well for a population spike.

“When a man and a woman exercise together, they have a baby.  How?”  This is the second occasion and similar phraseology utilised to ask that all important question.  The standard response has always and will always be, ask your class teacher.  Each class has a dedicated teacher, there for most subjects or pottering around when I half-inch their desks.

Last night, “Team Floppy Birthday” in honour of Liam’s 19^th birthday won the pub quiz, we had been 2^nd or 3^rd until the last round, but we crept across the concluding line comparable to commendable Champions.  Prior to that I almost cycled over a dozen chickens in the mean backstreets of Houjie.

Today, like yesterday, has been incredibly hot, a furnace of a day.  Around 14:45hrs a light shower passed over, a few distant rumbles of thunder and all the students holding their hands out to the light rain, welcoming the coolness of every drop.  It did look rather bizarre.

My students refer to me as Teacher John or Teacher, never sir or miss.  Today, a dozen or so of my students had the opportunity to watch the foreign teacher’s enforced audition (yes, we had no choice) for the Children’s Day Show on 30^th May 2014.  To date, we have had 6 rehearsals (without props and effects), but alongside good old Gene Kelly (perhaps the greatest name for a football stand ever).  I give to you the “Singing In The Rain II (or That Play What We Tried To Write)” script.

Singing In The Rain II

(That Play What We Tried To Write)

Act 1:

The scene is a building site.

LIAM:  “I’m working 9 to 5…” [starts humming]

ESBEN:  “I’m so happy, oh so happy…” [hums and dances, with a power stapler in his hand]

BREE:  “I’m happy because I don’t have to watch The Lion King.” [whilst using a trowel to apply make-up on ESBEN]

LIAM:  “To me.” [Liam throws James something)

JAMES:  “To you.”

LIAM:  “To me.” [Liam throws James something)

JAMES:  “To you.”

[Enter] JOHN:  “Good morning workers.”  [John walks towards James] “What is your name?”

LIAM:  “Don’t tell him your name James!”

(a phone rings) SOUND EFFECT: NOKIA RINGTONE

[ESBEN answers a giant phone] “HELLO… I’M BUILDING AT A SCHOOL… I CAN’T HEAR YOU…. GOODBYE”

JOHN:  “James, have you fed the parrot?”

JAMES walks over to a parrot in a cage, the parrot is stuffed.

JAMES:  “Yes, but he hasn’t eaten.”

JOHN:  “Let me have a quick look at him.”  [the parrot is examined, hit across the side of something] “This parrot is dead!”

JAMES:  “He’s not dead.  He’s just having a sleep.”

JOHN:  “He very much is dead!”

JAMES:  “”You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! Norwegian Blues stun easily.”

As this happens… the argument fades away… LIAM lifts up a plank of wood, walks by JAMES, turns and hits JAMES on the head.  He then turns another way hitting ESBEN’s head before passing BREE who ducks to avoid being hit.  LIAM then ponders, realises he forgot something heads back hitting ESBEN’s and JAMES’s head again.  BREE dives out of the away with a big reluctant smile, “Phew!”

JOHN walks on reaches into his pocket, pulls out a paper bag, opens it, pulls out an imaginary ball, shows the audience, throws it in the air, catches it.  BREE looks at this in envy, tries to copy it, throws a ball in the air nothing lands.  JOHN snatches the bag back and catches the imaginary ball.

JAMES:  “What do you think of the show so far?”

LIAM:  “Rubbish!”

BREE:  “Today is sunny, I hope it doesn’t rain…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Act 2:

[Music starts to play:  Singing in the Rain, by …]

Duration	Actions	Lyrics	Flashcard
0:00	Singer emerges from door, holding hand out checking for rain.  FALL GUY watches.  Singer opens umbrella.	Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo…	UMBRELLA
0:17	FALL GUY:  look of confusion; eyes follow the singing/dancing person & the runner by covering their head.	I’m singing in the rain Just singing in the rain What a glorious feelin’ I’m happy again	HAPPY
0:34	Singer with umbrella spins around a fixed object, lamppost?	I’m laughing at clouds So dark up above The sun’s in my heart And I’m ready for love	HEART
0:46   *0:55	Singer throws umbrella and does not catch it.   *water from a drainpipe onto FALL GUY.	Let the stormy clouds chase Everyone from the place Come on with the rain I’ve a smile on my face	SMILE
0:58         *1:11	Singer folds up umbrella, skips side to side. FALL GUY moves to right about 1 metre. *water from another drainpipe onto FALL GUY, who takes off hat, scratches head.	I walk down the lane With a happy refrain Just singin’, Singin’ in the rain	SINGING
1:15   *1:25	Singer dances forwards and backwards.  FALL GUY walks side to side following singer’s movements.   *Bucket of water thrown onto FALL GUY.	Dancin’ in the rain Dee-ah dee-ah dee-ah Dee-ah dee-ah dee-ah *I’m happy again! I’m singin’ and dancin’ in the rain! I’m dancin’ and singin’ in the rain…	DANCING
1:33   *1:39	Singer pushes a canopy hung up above.  The canopy empties water onto the FALL GUY.	I’m singin’ and dancin’ in the rain! I’m dancin’ and singin’ in the rain…
	MUSICAL PIECE. FALL GUY, “I’m wet through!” protests to the singer. FALL GUY snatches the umbrella, singer shrugs shoulders, walks away. FALL GUY tells the audience, “I’m wet through!” FALL GUY soaks himself… in / by ???
			I’m singin’ and dancin’ in the rain! I’m dancin’ and singin’ in the rain… Why is each new task A trifle to do? Because I am living A life full of you.

The BBC TV recreation featured Ernie exactly copying Gene Kelly’s dance routine, on a set which exactly copied the set used in the movie, and Eric performed the role of the policeman. The difference from the original was that in the Morecambe and Wise version, there is no water, except for some downpours onto Eric’s head (through a drain, or dumped out of a window, etc.).   John Robert Acton-Brown’s recreation was written hastily, mostly copied and edited in homage to the original – not for profit, but to introduce others to Morecambe and Wise.

“Our hands may be active, but our consciences are at rest.”

7 seconds ago

Today’s title comes from The Churchill Centre.  Not even remotely Chinese in origin, but it does make good bedtime reading.

Thursday evening passed by without eventualities worthy of note.  The lack of local internet access at school and home proving costly to the process of doing lesson plans and materials for the following week.

Friday could have easily passed as an audition into a boiling underworld, a cauldron of a netherworld, the road to perdition, or an inferno within the abyss.  Houjie had a power-cut of biblical proportions, which someone did not affect our apartment blocks, but everywhere else was not spared.  In hindsight I am exaggerating but in reality it was brutal agony.  Firstly, all foreign teachers were asked to turn up at 07:30hrs for photographs with Grade 6 students.  This eventually started by 08:15hrs, as is the way locally.  After a few random snaps, it was apparent the power would not return to the town (and school) anytime soon.  Goodbye powerpoint.  Secondly, water coolers and ceiling fans depend wholeheartedly on a constant supply of electricity.  Some local shops had generators, but not many.  Dehumidifiers dotted around the school’s larger buildings resembled colossal paperweights.  By the time 10:20hrs arrived, I had observed a lesson by Birgitte by means of chalk and chalkboard.  My class started ten minutes later.  704 are a very good class but you could see the heat draining their eyes, their many pleads of teach outside (in the raw sunshine) falling on my deaf ears.  We soldiered onwards; it was enjoyable and seemed to allow them to speak a great deal.  My back had drained and my stomach full of water warmed by the thermal nature of the air.  Class 703 arrived and the teacher from this form elected to cancel my class and just practice reading.  Her protest of “They won’t listen, they are too warm” being enough for my agreement.  “Go and rest, cool down” she told me, the moving mere of Manchester.  So, I went to observe a class by Liam and further repeat the dehydrate/rehydrate cycle. Lunchtime staggered in, a storm blasted through, I was utterly drenched, but relieved of too much heat.  The air heavier with humidity but far more welcoming than the intensity of the morning high temperature.  I ran back to empty the freezer in our apartment of a pot of luxury strawberry ice cream.  Nikki lay there is the air conditioned room basking.  Her neighbouring kindergarten where Briony works had been sending students home, having roasted the wee ones right through.

The afternoon rain faded within the hour, classes resumed, powerless, class 702 embraced my impromptu activities well but their polar opposite class 701 had burned out long ago.  Interest was not present, respect was distant and concentration so titrated it could easily have passed as a homeopathic lesson.  The afternoons on Friday start early and end at the usual 16:40hrs.  The storm began again after I impulsively observed Liam’s final class of the day.  His grade one students have buckets of enthusiasm, and whilst sweating like athletes after a full day’s training, the little blighters were still bouncing off the walls.  Straight after class, the heavens opened up, the downpour flooding the lower pathways of the school enough to merit tiptoed walkways between buildings.  I met Liam and Birgitte at their office.  Soon after James arrived.  We wandered up the building to the penultimate floor of five levels.  We looked across the vista at the low cloud, heavy deluge, lightning strikes and listened to the cracks, claps and din of thunder.  The inundation of rain dizzying the senses by the sheer magnitude of the cloudburst.  Every now and then a strike of lightning would crest a building nearby and the rumble would seem dangerously close.  Having seen a hasty lightning probe zap from above our roof over the courtyard below onto a neighbouring school building we scattered to the sanctuary of the office again.  Birgitte advised the teachers had moved desks because the lights above sparked around the time the building was struck.  Monsoon season is never boring.

In the evening, Liam, James, Birgitte, Esben and I ate at a steak house (which did not sell steak).  Nikki was out with her kindergarten staff for a meal at the posh Hyatt Garden Hotel and then KTV that evening.  I chose chicken in tomato sauce, on a bed of rice.  Out came chicken, in a white sauce on a bed of spaghetti.  Nobody seemed to get what they ordered.  We politely ate up, paid and vanished.  The food was so insipid and so trivial that it merited a pizza practically straight after.  The pizza shop (one we have not tried before), being of very good quality and orange juice was only 1¥.  The workers there even chucked an additional drink in gratis for everyone!

Soon after we retired to Irene’s Bar to drink the Champions of the Pub Quiz vodka bottle and other various drinks.  Much later Nikki joined us, alongside Briony, Becky and teachers from Briony’s school (with such exotic names as Yukky).  The intentions of an early night scampered, Nikki and I went home around midnight; Esben retired much earlier; and the rest of the clan went to Pink Lady for further licentiousness.

And then one Saturday morning, a bus took Birgitte, Briony, Becky, Nikki and I to Guangzhou.  The weekend involved a trip to the dark ages (I mean zoo), a meal in the evening at Perry’s Bar and overnight accommodation at Lazy Gaga’s.  Some of the zoo was okay, some was awful.  Saturday night, Sunday morning (Esben’s birthday) was spent playing Poohhead card game with Chairman Mao Zedong style playing cards.  Sunday, the monsoon swept through Guangzhou limiting tourist opportunities outdoors to visiting shopping streets, playing hide and seek in the city, and exploring many shopping malls/centres/precincts.  Esben, back with his beard, received a “I love beards” waterbottle from our group.

I started work today at 07:00hrs, not bad for someone who hates the morning almost as much as sweetcorn.  After reverberation, replication, recurrence, reappearance, repetition, and reiteration of the phrase “Good Morning,” I was released to relax at 07:40hrs.  The 07:55hrs flag raising ceremony appeared to be rained off.  Take two arrive twenty minutes later, as did the rain.  The initial marching with flag was okay, then the first attempt at raising the flag failed, the flag floundering as it was not fastened up correctly.  The national anthem being cut short on the parade ground, and soon after the ceremony became defunct.  Next door, Nikki’s nursery played over the loudspeaker a tune to make all westerners laugh, “Ole, Ole, Ole, we are the Champs… we are the Champs…”  Well it is a World Cup year I suppose.

MCFC, HKFC Citibank International Soccer Sevens Champions.

7 seconds ago

Anyone of the group of ten from Brandon Barker, Charlie Albinson, Pablo Maffeo, Kean Bryan, Thierry Ambrose, Ashley Smith-Brown, James Horsfield, Angelino, Nathaniel Oseni and Denzeil Boadu will give Manuel Pelligrini something to look at and hopefully a selection headache.  In 32-35C heat, with the sun overhead, City looked as professional as ever.  The famous sky blue kits and the two away variants being worn with pride for each battle.

Throughout the tournament the Hong Kong Manchester City Supporters belted out chants and did the odd Poznan.  They clapped the opposition and cheered equally for very goal.  Typical City fans.

On Sunday, City U-18’s fought out a hard victory over Hong Kong U-23’s.  Their opposition had won 2 and drawn one (against Newcastle Utd 0-0) of their group games.  The 3-1 win in the quarter finals, seeing a Thierry Ambrose double and a Kean Bryan wondershot.

City earned a semi-final meeting with Sunderland (who came 2^nd in their group behind Kitchee) and the Black Cats seemed stronger in the air and much bigger in build.  City patiently got the ball onto the deck, worked it around before Pablo Maffeo drew City level.  His half pitch sprint and dive onto Jason Wilcox acted as a prime example of the team’s belief in their gaffer.  The entire squad soon piled on.  Sudden death extra time arrived, meaning four against four football.  City shed their keeper, looked to gain and retain possession.  Angelino popped on his gloves, passed the ball patiently with the other three blues before rifling a shot hard into the onion bag.  City followed Kitchee’s tactics in an earlier game of fielding an outfielder player and working the ball around towards the net.  Angelino’s superb strike being one of confidence and a worthy winner.

The group stages on Saturday gave light to City’s spirit in the squad.  City never looked like losing to Singapore Cricket Club (a 4-0 romp), Rangers (a well battled 1-1 draw) or a very well organised (and undefeated in 2013) BC Rangers (drew 2-2).  The final results in the group meant City topped the league closely followed by Rangers.  BC Rangers also finished the group on 5 points but goal difference sent them to the minor competition.

The final was a match up between Group C winners City and Group B winners Kitchee.  Hong Kong’s dominant club and won the 2013/14 First Division.  City’s age difference, the build difference and overall underdog appearance against a side more acclimatised to the weather conditions on the back of their successful season did not stifle the young Citizens.  City battled valiantly and earned the win.  Sadly, I could not stay for the final as I had to catch the last bus to Houjie (China) at 1900hrs.  Well done to the lads, the highlights on TV looked great!  Here is a team who can battle form behind, fight to the end and refuse to be beaten.  Champions.

Indiana John & The Rickshaw Ride of Houjie

9 seconds ago

Monday, May the 19^th’s classes last week seemed improved upon previous Monday classes.  Class 801 actually talked a lot when required, 802 delivered their required demonstration and 803, as always allowed for banter and hard work.  Not a bad day.  Tuesday rolled up and a solitary lesson with class 703 flew by without a great deal of fuss or commotion.  Sometimes classes feel smooth.  The students engaged, the work flowed.

Just when you want to go riding or running, Wednesday threw a torrent of rain at us.  The probability of rain increases as time draws closer to 16:00hrs.  The evening we celebrated Bryony’s 23^rd birthday with a slap-up meal at the market followed by the pub quiz (we came 2^nd) at Irene’s Bar.  The competitive teams often shout cheat, despite all phones being firmly away and it being obvious their teams are using their phones!  Some of the ex-pats here are a tad bitter towards other foreigners, this strikes me as very odd.  They are nice as pie face to face, but in their clicks, they can be right (excuse the Mancunian) “knobheads”.

Thursday, dragged by, rain and heat does that.  Oh and the six classes.  At lunch Liam, James, Esben and I went for pizza in town.  Esben and I returned via rickshaw, and survived.  My VIP class with the grade 5 students resembled and outtake from Gremlins.  A video of the rickshaw ride is here.

Friday, a lunchtime audition for our show on Children’s Day passed well, probably the best we have performed as a group.  Although I had to explain to Esben to duck from the plank or place his hands over his head and let the plank strike against his hands to create a loud slap.  His forehead having a little abrasion for his troubles.  Liam and James behaved too, this is rare in any rehearsals.  I’ll put it down to the heat and exhaustion.  Birgitte is professional.  I am not very confident in my performing skills (or lack of).  I need to perfect the Eric Morecambe paper-bag trick.   I was more annoyed it cut my class for 702 into half a class.

Nikki and I spent Friday evening on a bus to Hong Kong, queuing for very little time at the cross-border passport points.  The coach from the Sheraton Hotel in Houjie changed to a luxury people carrier for 5, due to lack of customers.  I for one was not complaining, top quality air conditioning and comfy leather seats beat a coach journey.  We checked into the Ovolo Hotel in Aberdeen (easy to get to from Wan Chai/Hong Kong central) and enjoyed the free minibar (two Tsing Tao beers, several soft drinks and a snack pack).

On Saturday morning, Nikki and I swept through the breakfast buffet like a plague of locusts.  After which we headed to Hong Kong Football Club for the football.  In the afternoon we explored Mongkok after taking the Star Ferry across from Central.  Soon after we wandered every market in the area (well it seemed that way), soaked up the views and bright lights.  Three polo shirts (for school), experience bargaining for a laptop fan (with built in light), a City towel, a traditional fan, an embroidered picture and a few random other bits later we finally had food (Mexican in Wan Chai) before heading off to dreamland.

On Sunday, Nikki went off exploring whilst I topped up my sunburn in Hong Kong Football Club.  We headed back very late on and went bed soon after.  Shattered.  Sunburnt.