The Bigger They Are, The Harder They Fall

4/7/2014

Rising from the sheets late on the Saturday seemed to be a theme for all our foreign teacher colleagues.  Dehydrated, mouth parched, Nikki and I met Birgitte and headed for the number 5 bus.  Our aim, A-One Shoes, a new plaza built especially for shoes and the sales of soled things.  On arrival, we jumped off the bus a short stroll away.  On closing in, the enormous metal and glass vessel of a building loomed into view.  It half resembled a craft from Star Wars and further looked like the cast of a huge uncompleted cruise liner.  In all actuality it was abandoned, uncompleted and required many further touches.  A ghost shopping village lay next door, a long lost empty and discarded neighbour.  Disappointed we wandered back to a bus stop, not before seeing a man on a motorbike hit a car.  The biker, without helmet and inadequate clothing for such a vehicle flew over the bonnet, landed out of view, a flip flop landing feet from us.  Bits of bike shattered outwards, the sound of plastic and metal meeting unintentionally joined with screeching tyres.  The air filled with burning rubber and tension.  Out dived the driver, his first reaction was to light a cigarette.  Nikki, Birgitte and I hesitantly looked at each other, our first instincts to help met with a conversation based on logic.  In eyesight nearby, there was half a dozen policemen, the driver had a phone out and we knew not enough Mandarin to assist.  The motor bike driver appeared to be sat up, no visible head injury and just a trailing leg that looked knackered, possibly broken.  The driver of the car’s full attention was now on his own vehicle.  The nearby policemen never left their shaded posts.  We walked away.  No other cars stopped, life carried on.

In the evening food was had a restaurant on road in Liaoxia.  Liam, Esben, Bryony, Nikki and I tucked into the several dishes we ordered with gusto.  Becky and Birgitte did not join us as their parents had arrived for a few days.  James stayed in, with a stomach problem requiring numerous uses of the squat-hole Chinese toilets.  Whilst James had no pleasure, the quality of food from this restaurant gave great contentment.  As the gannets circled the central plates, remains became less and less.  An egg dish resembling omelette was so good, it was re-ordered.  The egg and tomato dish; the creamy egg noodles with pork; a gingery spicy beef dish and some bread all vanished sharply.  So did my seat.  Without warning, I was upended.  The plastic legs gave way and many passers-by stopped to look at the giant westerner sat on a half broken chair in shock.  An older lady at the restaurant, likely the owner’s grandma came over and started laughing.  Thankfully I was not injured!  It was funny though.  A new chair followed.  Everyone bid farewell after food around 9pm.  Esben, Nikki and I reconvened at midnight and headed to Snow Bar, where John (the bar owner, he is Chinese and his name is very hard to understand in Mandarin!) welcomed us.  Esben and I tucked into a tower of beer for 48RMB.  Nikki was offered a free Samurai Juice by the owner John.  The Brazil versus Chile game was projected onto the outside wall of Tesco’s.  During the time there I tried some meat and a really amazing aubergine cooked chockfull of spices.  After full time, and as the game entered extra time, I was left all alone.  James had later joined us briefly but felt unwell and scattered with Esben and Nikki homeward bound.  I remained, drinking my way through th best part of the second beer tower.  I witnessed an off-duty policeman go to his car, change and drive away – whilst heavily drunk.  Drink driving here is very obvious.  After the penalty shoot-out, the bar area emptied of the 20 or so souls, and so did the car park.  I then bid farewell to my namesake and owner of the pavement mounted outdoor drinking establishment.

Walking back would have been uneventful normally, a few scurrying rats and the odd sleeping local on benches here or there.  However, I witnessed  a 30 metre section of power cable glowing bright red.  Within seconds two local men stopped alongside me, in awe of what we could see.  The wire casing ignited.  Plastic dripped around us.  A local policeman (sober) turned up.  He just watched.  Nothing was done.  Then another policeman arrived.  He just watched too.  Eventually the wire burst into life, fire and molten plastic reigning down from 3 metres above several cars and alongside an empty looking built up area.  The policemen were joined by at least 5 more contemporaries as the first car window started to kindle.  The policeman became full of action and eventually advised me and the locals to go away.  So off I went, home and in bed for 3am-ish.

Sunday, up in good time, Nikki and I jumped on bus number 5 to Shuilian Mountain Park.  This time not to scale the peaks, more to wander around the reservoir and nearby butterfly house.  The butterfly house’s gardens happened to have many butterflies fluttering by.  The buildings housed galleries, bird displays and even a lonely ferret.  Many tarantulas, scorpions and lizards happened to have minimal enclosure security – meaning any local could open the enclosure, prod and tease the animals into a perfect photography pose – and then leave them be.  We decided to skip going on a boat in the baking heat, headed back via the number 10 bus (and I say via, via Dongguan, due to a minor clerical error on our part) and then the number L1 bus.  A massive 5RMB added to the expected 4RMB journey.  Surprisingly, that evening we were shattered by the extra distance journey through inner-city Dongguan and back.

Monday for me, meant Cherry class, Banana class and Peach class in K2 (aged 4-5).  Lychee class (K1, aged 3-4) slotted in there for good effect.  The day flew by, and seemed to have a cohesion to it, that has been lacking in my magical kindergarten teaching experience to date.  In the evening, Esben, departing Houjie the following morning, acquired beverages of the alcoholic variety for James, Liam, Nikki and I – at the top of Houjie International’s rotating restaurant.  Esben is game over.

The Rickshaw Man

8/7/2014

Classic title time.

Tuesday came, a return to the market for food in the evening and classes as functional as can be expected from kindergarten kids hyper on anything stronger than water.  Wednesday drifted in, a meal at Boton Restaurant in the centre of Houjie followed a short rickshaw ride.  Cod and steak, with noodles and scallops coated in cheese made for a very western themed meal.  The quiz at Irene’s Bar that evening was very well orchestrated by Bryony and Becky.  Varied questions of tough and easy made for good fun.  A team was formed with Birgitte (to mark her final night in Houjie) with Nikki, James, Liam and I.  Birgitte’s parents and their two friends from Norway also appended to our team.  Victory was had, and thankfully not too many Disney questions – as anticipated.  Well done to the quizmasters, for taking flak, handing back wit and banter – and for a fun quiz.  Marcus, Irene’s other half, gave his thanks and a mild applause followed.  Many moons agao, Marcus said he admired that our group of foreign teachers don’t just drink at Irene’s Bar every night, and explore so many other places locally – and further afield.  I think this makes that particular foreign bar much more welcoming.  CHAMPIONS.

Thursday, a nightmare day at school, one late class (Apple, N1 level, aged 2-3) was cancelled without anyone telling me.  In the school there are many teachers, only Yuki, Kitty and Winnie have enough confidence to speak with me – and I suspect they’re the only few who speak English fluently enough.  Not that I am allowed to use any pigeon-Chinese to try and help, one of the big rules for foreign teachers is “Only speak English.”  The earlier classes followed very little cohesion due to unruly and excitable children.  When a class is interrupted by a delivery of plates, knife and forks with a cuddly banana by a local children’s centre promoter it doesn’t bode well for the day ahead.  That and the teacher, who was observing, leant through a window nattering with two passing teachers.  Strewth, how can I win with these rules reminiscent of playing at Old Trafford?

Friday arrived, the day surpassed previous days for levels of chaos.  Firstly, Kitty and Winnie had deserved days off at the seaside.  Secondly, it being Friday, the kids are understandably bouncing off the walls excited by the freedom of the weekend ahead.  Firstly, Apple Class tested my wits, but only for 10 minutes, as two new teachers were introduced to them.  Afterwards classes passed with only two headbutts to the leg and one punch to the testicles.  Talk about putting yourself in the line of fire.

To mark the imminent departure of James and Liam, the terrible two joined Becky, Bryony, Nikki and I for food at Boton restaurant.  For around 615RMB, we all enjoyed drinks, at least 2 courses and a platter of sides to share.  Afterwards we caught a rickshaw to Irene’s Bar, after one drink Bryony went home and soon after, full on several rum and cokes, Nikki went home.  Both had to be in school for 2 hours on Saturday.  After which Liam, James, Becky and I plodded (by rickshaw) to Houjie’s Jiŭbā Jiē (bar street).  We entered the unbecomingly named Party Bar.  A few staff members wangled around, and we played the most popular dice game in the world (chuīniú – bluff or bullshit).  You should play it.  After a few games and during half-time of the Germany versus France game, we rolled over the road to the newly opened H.One Bar, a nightclub/cabaret style bar with a stage that rises up for the staged dancing, singing and other oddity interludes.  For the peculiarity of China, see http://www.chinasmack.com/ or http://www.chinahush.com/.

During the night I think all four of us were accosted for dancing in circles (like I never left kindergarten), “have a drink” with me, drink and talk… etc etc… oooh blue champagne… tastes of bubblegum.  Back massage in the toilet by the toilet attendant?  That is novel.  Ouch, and rough.  The night fizzled out with a drink in Iron Bar as James rolled home, sleeping in the taxi as he left, before Liam, Becky and I shared a rickshaw back soon after.  The two seater rickshaw gave rise to a form of gymnastics I like to call, inebriated.  And into bed for 5am.

Saturday, was surprisingly relaxed, Liam, James, Bryony, Nikki and I went for lunch – at Boton, three times in one week.  The 36°C heat combined with humidity made us all flee to indoors for shelter.  It was too hot for comfort.  Sweat should not roll in some places.  That evening Liam departed to the U.K. via Beijing for a few days.  The market was a stopping point for food with Nikki and Bryony followed by Snow Bar to watch the Argentina against Belgium game.  Nikki and Bryony mixed Samurai Juice (Blueberry based) with Morgan’s Spiced rum.  James arrived soon after, and departed at full time, for a late night McDonald’s (located around 2-3km away).  We bid farewell, James was to head to Shenzen, Beijing and then west Lancashire soon after.  Good luck to James at the University College of Dublin.  He won’t need it, the smart git.  And then there were three.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

10/7/2014

There is no doubt whatsoever, kindergarten is full of characters.  There are the odd shy and silent types that barely compete with others.  There has only been one wee tot who has cried so far.  Most are easy to be distracted.  Some don’t pay attention (full stop).  Each class has at least a couple super-contestants – likely to be very talkative.  The energetic wing of the class usually features one or two naughty brats.  Their attention is not available to you, no matter how much you endeavour.

Points to consider every day:

• Rules, rules, rules, repeat.  Stop.  Try again.  Reinforce.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.  Eyes on me, eyes on you.  Be quiet.  Listen to Teacher John.
• To control a class, you need the Chinese English Teachers or Class Teachers on hand.  Each class should be treated differently and best laid lesson plans will be destroyed with ease.  Children do that.  Never work with animals or children learning English and not entirely fluent on their native tongue.
• Songs, games, activities that are simple – and feature an eye-catching video always help.  Repeat if passion is shown by the students, bend the song to fit to game or roleplay activity.
• Flashcards have to be durable otherwise they will litter the classroom floor.  Forget paper.  Laminate, encase in plastic, entomb in steel – and you may still have flashcards after class.
• You must be clear with your instructions, don’t stop mid-flow and certainly use good body language – vivid and expressive – to win the students’ attention.  Without this, they will eat you alive.
• Keep it interesting.  You are competing with passing spiders, light shining on shiny things, teachers passing by, other students – the list goes on and on, and on… and on…
• Group competition is a great idea, if you can keep the groups separate.  Boys versus girls is easy, unless your class is massively imbalanced on the male to female ratio.  This is not unusual.
• Role play is great, but don’t lose the class with long examples.  Let a fair few people try.
• Sentence practicing is relatively easy, I say relative, it is like pissing into the wind on a freezing cold day with Siberian gusts and many loose branches flying by… but that is the easy part of the day.
• Never introduce more than 3-6 words, depending on the age range of the class.

Of course it is easy to stereotype kindergarten students, they are much more dynamic in their behaviours.  The monster yesterday, could be today’s angel and tomorrow’s disinterested student.  Chinese people work around 50 hours each week, often including Saturdays or Sundays – with overtime pay mostly unheard of.  Students seem to have it the same way.  Long weeks, long hours – and exhaustion mentally or physically common.  Teachers in China are very highly respected, often seen as the second parents to the children students, and their bond with the resident teachers is heartening and pleasant to see.  Respect on the whole follows as standard.  In spite of this, the foreign teacher is seen as a play thing.  And duly so, we work nowhere near as hard as our local contemporaries.

The Education Bureau of China finances state schools from kindergarten to high school.  The state education focal point is school discipline strictly.  State education is getting more advanced but conversely private schools, training centres, and company executives that need teachers are also evolving and improving drastically.  As such, parents and those with financial interest in education want to see results.  To improve your results means you must also evolve, adapt and improve your skills.

That said, nothing prepares you for being assaulted by a group of 6/7 children from K2 Banana Class.

Walk, amble, march, saunter, stroll, stride, pace, toddle, totter, move, tread, pace and gait

14/7/2014

Today, July 14^th is St Stithian’s Show, in Stithians, Kernow (Cornwall), UK.  I hope the day is a massive success for all those involved, those visiting and the community locally and regionally.  Nikki and I wish we were there.

On the previous Sunday (July 6^th) we wandered around the Dongguan Botanical gardens where perhaps the biggest kite I have ever seen flew with relative ease.  I said to Nikki and Bryony that this giant dirty red kite shaped like a stingray would not take off.  It pretty much did instantly, the thermals good, and the kite-flyer clearly vastly experienced in smooth take offs.  The kite’s 100metre plus tail dragged along clumsily but up, up, up it went.  En route to the park in the 36°C sunshine the rusty bus number 5 stopped by Oxford Kingdom International school, oblivious to our location, whilst nattering away, it became clear many more eyes than usual were set upon us.  Words flung back at us like a wall of sound.  The driver thought we wanted to dive off at that stop.  “Bù, xièxiè” we shouted back – and off continued the tarnished old bus.

Monday through to Friday was largely uneventful.  School was 90% chaos with a smidgen of what the flip and two whole pounds of “holy mackerel Batman”.  Wednesday evening saw Irene’s Bar mix it up a little.  Marcus allowed us to draw numbers from a pint glass to designate which team we would sit upon.  Nikki, Bryony and Becky drew number 2.  I got number 3 and joined Axel (from Germany), a loud but fun Aussie lady, Cody from USA, a British lady who knows her Sir Christopher Wren facts well.  In the end our team won.  Surprisingly we did very well, considering we did not answer the biggest tea producing country in the world (China, but we put Sri Lanka) and coffee producer (Brazil, we put Columbia).  Still, we ended with a rendition of We Are The Champions by Queen.  Champions!  See my review of Irene’s Bar online now:  http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Attraction_Review-g297412-d6558560-Reviews-Irene_s_Bar-Dongguan_Guangdong.html

Earlier in the week we watched Transformers – Age of Extinction in the Xingx International Cinema – after a heavy meal in Pengs restaurant at the local Wanda Plaza.  The pasta dish was far too peppery, the chicken dish just right, and the curry was tasty.  I also had a lovely Tuna salad.  We ordered too much between us.  After a heavy meal, what better way than to watch a CGI-loaded dizzying film to keep you alert.  The film was actually very good and hearing the local Chinese audience purr at some of the action scenes was quite funny.  Every time a Chinese product appeared on screen, there was excitement in the auditorium.  Cheers too.  C’est bon is French for its good or something to that effect – here in China it is a leading brand of water.  Product placement present pretty much in every scene.  I won’t be buying a Chevrolet (they sponsor some tinpot team).  Guangzhou and Hong Kong featured in the film too.  Some landmarks were instantly recognised, others had to be looked up later – and disappointedly Hollywood had fibbed a few landscape scenes from northern China into Hong Kong scenes.  Boo on you!

This weekend passed with a trip to Guangzhou, starting on the Friday night.  A short coach journey to the big city was followed by a quick underground metro ride to our stop by the Baiyun Mountain Park.  A lengthy stroll, we should have got a taxi, progressed us to the gates of the Oriental Resort.  The entrance is a kind of a curved European design leading to a long snaking road into the heart of the resort.  At reception we presented our passports, paid the deposit (to include the 796RMB two night double room fee) and went to our rooms.  We then headed straight for the restaurant and had noodles, a spicy stuffed chilli pepper dish and some shredded pork that was very juicy.  We looked at the closing outdoor pool afterwards before heading to bed via our first bath since we arrived in China.

The next day, after a Chinese buffet breakfast and a swim in the outdoor pool, I made Nikki walk, amble, march, saunter, stroll, stride, pace, toddle, totter, move, tread, pace and gait a fair distance.  We walked from the hotel to the South Gate of the park (4km), jumped on a cable cart up the mountain side, had a wander around the top, ate some grub and then explored.  We started at a bird park, headed for Moxingling (the highest peak), fed Koi fish at Taohuajian, walked along the Yunshan North Road and departed the Baiyunshan (Cloud Mountain) West Gate before strolling back to the hotel (around 13km).  So in total about 17km (or 10.5 miles) – and plenty of mosquito bites, sweat rash and sore toes to show for it.

That evening food was greatly appreciated in the restaurant.  After that we watched the supermoon whilst swimming in the outdoor pool.  Moonlit, bats flying overhead and a fine steam mist rising off the water.  There will also be another supermoon on August 10 and a third on September 9 in most parts of the world.  Give it a look!

Any given Sunday bloody Sunday

21/7/14

[written yesterday (20/7/14) ,posted today]

Last Sunday we spent wandering the streets of Guangzhou, shopping is the term most people use.  I use wandering.  For when I shop with Nikki, I lead her off the shop-fronted straights and into the twisted alcove terraces of the shabby ginnels (one for you Asa) or alleyways.  Here you find real China – the animals enjoying their last breaths before the blade arrives; the piles, like mounds of rice, of medicine strong in stench and colours reminiscent of 1970’s English curtains; the ground is littered with by-products of the makeshift assembly workshops lining the close propinquity-based doorways and windows; cats and kittens clamber across canopies and rooftops.  Real China gives you perspective, culturally we in the west are so different, yet the same.  There is much more community here.

Families work long and hard to provide for each other.  Retirement is but a dream or a myth to most.  The old sacrifice time, health and freedom for the young often.  It is evident some companies, state-ran areas, private schools and the odd rich person pay into pension scheme equivalents, but for most it is out of reach.  Most working life starts on leaving school, assuming the person attended school, until near death.  5am is a good time to get up – and midnight is habitually the time to hit the sack.  Anyone working 9-5 shifts is lucky, this is something seen as rare, and retained for Westerners, who have yet to adapt.  Working days vary everywhere, and to any observations are generalised but very close to the absolute precision of actuality.  There is almost always a breakfast at work or school; a lunchtime break; an afternoon snack and regularly an evening meal.  The evening meal is rare in kindergarten or lower grades at primary/junior schools, the younger ones aren’t expected to be up so late – however, being out at night in Houjie, the wee ones always appear to be out!  When do they sleep?

I have, since arriving here, asked many Chinese people, “What do you do in your free time?”  To which the standard response has been, “sleep.”  On asking the question in different forms, the answer either remains the same, or “What free time?”  Some families enjoy long summer trips to their home provinces, but only on account they have saved enough during the school year in order to do so.  Even then, most will work part time or travel locally to earn their bread and butter (or rice and noodles).

This week at kindergarten, I have had some good days, some manic moments and overall reasons to be cheerful.  The last day was quite sweet, lessons were cancelled and sweets/candy was devoured in a way that local dentists will not lose trade for years to come.  Cakes, chocolate and seaweed accompanied.  That and milk-based drinks too vile to be consumed by a sane adult.  The kindergarten kids ate with zest, passion visible by their sugary grins.  I started that day in Apple, N1, the youngest class, essentially babies (aged 2-3).  We played games outside in the kindergarten park (where UK health and safety would have condemned the slide and swings long ago), danced and smiled lots.  Afterwards, Strawberry class (K2, aged 4-5) had a party, looked at photographs of the year gone by and we generally played – and had merriment.  Lunchtime slipped in after Lychee class (K1, aged 3-4) where we started a short class of songs, played with Duplo (chunky Lego) and other plastic based construction toys.

In the afternoon, I joined Cherry class (K2) for a further party, had umpteen sweets forced upon me, and an apple, and a banana… and then the Aunty (a domestic who helps prepare foods, clean up after the wee brats etc) forced me to eat massive purple grapes that tasted like gooseberries.  Life can be so abrasive at times.  From here I went to Banana class (K2).  Banana class are 90% misbehaving and 8% uninterested; the 2% venom.  One kid is pure evil, he even looks like a notorious wartime leader of a state in Europe that recently won some world cup in sport I am familiar with.  He can be nice to talk with, but if you talk to other kids, protect the groin, protect the face.  Brace for impact.  By 4.15pm it was all over, 4 weeks of discordant, blaring, raucous, jangly, pleasant, enjoyable, amiable, cheeriness all over.

That is, until next week, assignment number three arrives.  On Monday, I start my second kindergarten position.  This time, for the same group of schools, at Oxford Kingdom Flying Kindergarten.  I have no idea where the word flying comes from.  I can only assume that the pilots of China Southern Airlines all passed through the ranks of Oxford Kingdom Flying Kindergarten.  That or I am to teach parrots.  My latest role involves a class of K1 students (with one K3 student slotted in for good measure) aged roughly 3-4 years old.  I have 10 classes totalling 30 minutes each, alongside other interaction, outdoor play, and morning exercises.  This role lasts 5 weeks (less the week beginning 4^th of August).

In other news…

The recent Supertyphoon Rammasun (Siamese for Thunder God) brought cooling winds/breezes to our local area.  Nothing more thankfully.  The local media has covered the deaths and destruction it brought to some of our province (eastern area), Guangxi and Hainan Island.

In the week, we came 2^nd in the quiz at Irene’s Pub.  We joined a team and missed the first round.  Our punctuality problem stemmed from a late meal at Boton restaurant on Bar Street in Houjie, some distance from our area of Liaoxia.  Our local magazine for foreigners, Here Dongguan, has published a guide to our fair town of Houjie.  Go visit it at:  http://heredg.com/2014/07/town-guide-houjie/ I didn’t know Houjie translates roughly as Thick Street.

On August the 2^nd, we may visit Zhuhai to see The GAC Trumpchi Zhuhai International Lovers Tandem Cycling Race.  Well we couldn’t see the Tour De France in Yorkshire!

So, our week off, we aim for either Zhangjiajie or Guilin.  Guilin is about 538km (334 miles) away by road, roughly the same distance as Manchester to Redruth (Cornwall).  Zhāngjiājiè is just a tad further north in Hunan Province.  Both look stunning, however, Zhāngjiājiè is much harder to get to.  We may have to fly CAN or SZX to KWL (around 1 hour) or go by train (around 9-10 hours) from Guangzhou.  Buses are not an option at 17 hours or so!

Then late August sees the 6th China International Animation Copyright Fair.  It is a kind of  cartoon carnival, cosplay competition and performance event.

Today, we ate at a lovely restaurant.  I say we, I mean Becky, Nikki and I.  Bryony bailed on us yesterday, flying back to the UK via Thailand.  Bryony will be back in around 5 weeks.  Becky flees midweek to the UK via Beijing.

In closing, Happy Birthday to Alexander the Great and Claudio Reyna, Macedonian king.

Semester One: The official summary (by Nikki)

24/7/14

From February 2014 to July 2014, I taught English at the Oxford Kingdom International Kindergarten in Houjie, Dongguan. I taught 4 classes comprising of 64 students; 2 K3 (giraffe and elephant class); 1 K1 (Zebra class); and a baby class. For baby class I had a book called ‘Tiny talk’ to teach. This book just had simple words and sentences to teach, like lunchtime, bedtime, family, weather and much more. For K1 and K3 there were many different English lessons including, audio visual, reading, craft, conversation, song and phonics. For audio visual, phonics and conversation I was given books and DVD’s to follow and use in lessons, which helped a lot!

Students in my all my classes behaved very well, sometimes they would get very excited over the activities I use in class, and all want to try. Baby class enjoyed learning songs with actions, so after teaching the vocab I would play a few videos. Towards the end of the semester the children would ask me to play certain songs, and could sing the songs without the videos. K1 were hard to control to begin with, but after a month or so myself and the Chinese/English teacher worked together as a team, and controlled the children. Some children in K1 were quiet to begin with, but by the end of the semester they were talking a lot more in English. One of my K1’s, Sunny  who is very smart, would always ask ‘What’s this?’, to different objects, which is an excellent way to learn, and others picked up on this question and asked me as well. Both of my K3 classes were very smart and learnt words and sentences very quickly. There were always a few children in giraffe class that would not be listening, so I always made sure to get them to join in with activities at the front of class, so I could check on them. Children in both K3 classes would regularly talk to me in English asking questions about me, and using the vocab learnt in lessons.

The school has looked after me from the beginning, and I get along with all of the staff. All of the teachers have been super, assisting me when I need it. Sofia has always been a great, and she will often ask me for ideas for displays at the front of school, which I also help make. I really enjoy teaching at the school and look forward to next semester.

Semester One: The official licensed summary (by John)

24/7/14

Dao Ming Foreign Language School (Houjie, Dongguan):

• A slightly dated but very pleasant cramped school with many classrooms and not enough grounds.
• The teachers and management are very welcoming, there is an ethos of try harder and you can succeed.  Belief is engrained on the school’s fabric.

Job role:

• To assist with the teaching of oral English practice by way of lessons involving games, activities, computer-aided Powerpoint presentations.
• To liaise with the school hierarchy and foreign teacher team in order to formulate different, fun, engaging and varied measures of teaching oral English.
• To improve the English of my fellow teachers and the P.E. staff.

Classes:  701-704 (Grade 7) and 801-803 (Grade 8).  5^th Grade VIP.  7^th/8^th Grade VIP.

Students’ behaviour:

• This varied drastically between the age groups and classes.  80% of each class seemed to be engaged on the whole.  Several students in Grade 8 seemed to act up to get the attention of others; or simply down to their hormones.  That said, some lessons the same students would be the polar opposite and show absolute enthusiasm for the topic in hand.
• Class 702 were as near perfect a class as anyone could wish for.  They had leaders within, who encouraged their fellow students often.  Their behaviour was exemplary.
• Class 704 were great fun, and whilst their ability seemed a tad lower than the rest, they gathered strength and belief as the semester went on.
• Class 701 always seemed to be a challenge, for the last class of Friday.  At least three students in this class could not be engaged and regular interruptions by their form teacher were needed – however, on the early day in the week, this class was very well behaved.
• Grade 8 classes on the whole had many stand out students – and much more discipline.  The subjects were on the whole harder by a degree, but the desire to learn more seemed to up a notch too.
• VIP Classes varied.  Grade 5 had far too many student changes initially and not enough classes in a row (competitions, rain, etc cancelled a few classes).  After the first 4 weeks or so, no Chinese English Teacher attended, causing problems with controlling around 16 students.  Grade 7 and 8 was challenging but on the whole rewarding.

Overall, I like it.  I want to do the best job possible and continuously improve.  I feel I owe it to everyone I work with, for and those I teach.

The Changjiang River waves behind drive the waves ahead.

28^th July 2014.

Nín hǎo (if you’re old) / Nǐ hǎo (to everyone else).

Last night we arrived back, shattered from a weekend in Shenzhen.

Saturday, Nikki, had us onboard a pedal boat (designed for our shorter legged far eastern cousins) racing around an island looking at birds.  That and turtles.  And Chinese people taking photographs of the foreigners on their lake.  Lychee Park is stunningly arranged, a large boating lake, moon bridges, expansive green fields and tree-lined pathways.  Flowers, water lilies, frog filled ponds, beehive displays, dancing by young and old alike.  China might be riddled with development, overbuilding, habitat loss for wildlife, but here stands tranquillity.  Beyond the fencing and outer hedgerows sits a bustling City.  Inside, you’d hardly know it.

Here you may whip the camera out at this juncture, gaze at this, observe that, people spot, what a magnificent refuge for life’s need to unwind.  All the green colours and flowers bleed into one kaleidoscope offering no yearning to flee the open space.  Step on in, stay.  There is nothing middling here.

In the evening we walked an endless walk around for food before settling on the sight of our previous evening’s repast.  On the Friday night, I settled for barbecued sausages with peppers and thin sliced pork, resembling soft bacon with courgette.  This was topped off with Potato Tornado (spud on a stick) with spices.  DongMen BuXingJie (DongMen ZhongLu) has some amazing places to eat.  Here you can find fantastic food hidden away up here and there; grab something as a gift; walk and see the shops.  Big names, lesser brands, local and knock off sit side by side.  Bargain, barter and beware.  This was a great place to wander, but like all busy places, it pays to keep an eye on everything you hold dear.

On Sunday, we checked out, headed to the central bus and train station area.  Our bags were to sit in a locker for 20 RMB whilst we explored more of the city.  Hopping onto the Metro transit underground subway system is easy, and it was.  Lianhuashan Park was reached by arriving at The Children’s Palace station.  Here a patisserie can be found amongst all the restaurants and cold drink cafes.  The main building from the Metro station has 4 levels.  The top being the footpath into the park.  Outside you can cross a forecourt to admire the impressive Children’s Palace architecture, think modern European style meets Chinese modern.  Intricate and convoluted in shape and gallant in size.  The Children’s Palace hosts an attention-grabbing science museum, 4D cinema and starlight exhibition to name but a few contents.  It’s for kids.

The park, Lianhuashun, has big green fields surround a verdant hillock with the best land-based views of the Cityscape below.  Hong Kong rises in the distance.  In the park there can be found some impressive sculptures and statues.  The landscaped style of the park convenes well for kiteflyers, runners and walkers alike.  We exited the park at Lianhua North Station.  Lianhua West Station was also an option but the path never led that way.  That’s life.

Last week, a week that hit 37°C, I started at Flying Kingdom Kindergarten, Houjie.  I expected to have a class of six students, one K3 level and five K1 level.  I boarded the school bus without legroom and fitted with seat lap-belts that could not fit around me.  On board was Winnie, from the Oxford Kingdom and one other teacher I recognised but knew not her name.  Four students boarded, of which it would later transpire only two were destined for my class.

Within ten minutes I arrivedat the huge five storey building of the kindergarten.  The main edifice is accompanied by an outdoor Astroturf play area (complete with a closed climbing frame, a closed sandpit and a closed paddling pool).

On entering the building, a familiar face (name unknown to date) shown me to my classroom.  In here, it was explained that a cover teacher would be present until the afternoon to assist me.  My first student, Justin, was on the bus with me.  He hails from Nikki’s Oxford International Kindergarten and is of Taiwanese or Tibetan pedigree, depending on who you ask.  He looks five or six years old.  His English skills are far more advanced than most in Grade 3 of Dao Ming Foreign Language School.  He is four years old.  He can converse near fluently.  The second student off the bus is a mini-Chinese early day’s Liam Gallagher lookalike.  He even has his attitude.  Tommy is funny, nevertheless I have since learned, has no attention span whatsoever.

Soon after Beautiful (her English name) and Doris (I have known only two other people/creatures named Doris in my life… my sister Astrid’s hamster and a teacher at Dao Ming Foreign Language School.  That particular teacher told her friend I’d work for them as a Sales Representative, even though I never agreed a thing.  Lost in translation.)  Beautiful is a chirpy little girl, bubbling away with words I do not understand and always full of smiles.  The same can be said for Doris, although Doris gets giddy far too easy and half-laughs, half-screeches.  My class is Tommy, Justin, Doris and Beautiful.  No more students are expected.  The other students in the summer school bring the total pupils to a whopping 16.  There were initially four classes, but since then, the other three classes have merged.  My class, the K1s, is an elite four students, also, the only students with English classes.  Although I am presently contracted to teach all week, I have 11 (eleven) thirty minute classes (story, performance, song, conversation, craft and phonics forming the core of the English oral topics).

The first day was mostly introductions:  “I am Teacher John.” / “What’s your name?” / “My name is…” / “How are you?” etc…  In the afternoon, Jonlin, arrived from mid to North China (roughly 21 hours away by train).  Jonlin is tiny.  Of all the teachers and staff here, only one is tall, and very leggy for that matter.  On the whole, I am a giant to everyone here, teachers and students alike.  The other teachers and the school Aunty (who cooks and cleans) are very accommodating.  Everyone welcomes me.  The language may be a barrier, but the bodily actions and gestures are international.  The school is large, five storeys, the lower storey has 7 classrooms, an area set out as a castle, an area for spacehoppers and a few other nooks and crannies.  Beyond the ground level is the offices, a medical room, an arts room, a small science room, a western toilet and an area full of fictitious fishing pools, shops and a hospital.  The next floor up has more than a dozen classrooms.  Floor four is a massive building length dance area with a music room adjoined.  The top floor is derelict, incomplete, unfinished, lacking content – dormant and waiting for a purpose.  Each classroom, including my own has a sleep area, like a mini-loft within the room, set high above the student’s eyeline, on a par with my own head-height.  Below that a raised stage, where should I dance, I will wallop my head.  The rest of the room is the standard shelf, table, chairs found in generally most schools globally, although in minuscule sizes.

The week progressed in various forms of game, craft and conversation basics.  Justin’s ability outshines the rest, and sometimes it is hard to balance the gap between him and his peers.  At lunchtime, the whole school (all sixteen students) convene in one classroom around 4 desks.  The teachers hang back around the rims of the room.  At the head of the room sits a trolley with the lunch.  Here is where a metal bowl and spoon becomes handy.  After the learners tuck in, teachers can fill their metal bowls.  Soon after eating, the students and teachers retire to the in-class sleeping quarters.  I head out for a walk – as sleeping forty winks is not my thing, not for two hours!  The two hours break is a good time to plan lessons, read or do some shopping in Houjie town centre.  A cold lemon and kumquat tea is always on the agenda.

Monday night, we had pizza at Jerry’s Wow with Becky for her last meal in Houjie before departing the following morning to the UK via Beijing.  Cue Arnie voice, “She’ll be back…” in around 5 weeks.

Wednesday night marked the first quiz Nikki and I entered without other foreign teachers.  We drafted in two regulars to our team and came second overall by a two point margin.  Too many twos.

This week gone, we tried a spot of badminton in the wind, and some football tennis (which gives the locals something to look at in bemusement).

Tomorrow is day 169 away from the U.K.  Is it getting easier or harder?  I haven’t thought too much about this.  I miss family, football and friends greatly – but I really love being here.  More to follow… The blog has hit over 40,000 words.  Mostly gibberish.  Gibberish certainly boosts the statistics.  Gibberish is good.

Bài bài la (bye bye – commonly used in Taiwan and locally).

Honk Kong & How to avoid huge ships

4 May 2014

The title is in homage to this link.

Wednesday, as always, means Irene’s Pub Quiz.  With impeccable discipline driven on by Becky (the foreign teacher equivalent of Alex Ferguson) we romped to victory.  There was no real choice, Becky would have killed us should we have been first loser or below.  It is the taking part that counts?  Not with Becky.  3 wins in 5 attempts isn’t too bad though.  As Thursday was a national holiday we could drink our winnings, the vodka tasted vile so we allowed James and Liam to do as they please with the liquid sentence of duress.

For the national holiday, Nikki and I hopped on a CTS coach from the Sheraton Hotel (Houjie) to the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region of the People’s Republic of China.  For the national holiday (Labour Day, May 1^st) we were allowed Friday and Saturday off work, meaning Sunday we would have to return to the grindstone (and a latent sluggish six day week).  So, with our bags packed with dreams, toothbrushes and mosquito-repellent the coach tore down the highways of China towards Shenzen and the border crossing.  The journey took around three hours, of which half was spent at the border crossings.  Note the plural.  The first section, China stamp you out, check your visa and then you hop on another CTS coach for less than two minutes.  Here you take note of the next bus stop you need to seek.  You fill in an arrival card for Hong Kong, show your passport, get a little print-out advising when you must leave Hong Kong, oddly mine said by no later than October 28^th 2014 (my birthday!).  After this, you leg it to te next bus stop and the world changes.  Not massively, but enough to notice.

Hong Kong, being an ex-British colony, drive on the left.  There is order.  Traffic lights work.  Traffic stops at them.  There is a significant amount of street cleanliness, better than Blighty too!  Rare double decker buses patrol the streets for lost souls at every turn.  The roads follow clear and easy formats, bilingual signage adorns everything.  Europe and the Western world meets the East.  Guangzhou was big, Dongguan and Shenzen a multidirectional sprawl of urbanisation, and Hong Kong, well, massive.  Proper massive, like the old Maine Road floodlights.

The colossal roads and bridges open onto Kowloon island, looking out at Hong Kong island with ceaseless towering towers looming and soaring skyscrapers climbing the mountain sides like stalagmites creeping from a great lake to the heavens.  The lush peaks lined with dense foliage splintered repeatedly by lumps of leviathan Lego.  Sometimes, just sometimes, you look at a human creation and gaze in absolute wonder.  Hong Kong is one of those amazing wonders, a panorama of artificial textile over a topography twisted by time.

After departing the coach at Wan Chai, we exchanged our Chinese RMB (Monopoly money) for Hong Kong Dollars (special edition Monopoly money).  The Harbourview hotel was easy to locate and check-in was uncomplicated.  The room had a spectacular view of the strait between Hong Kong island and Kowloon island.  Soon after our feet began to pound the pavements, level and smooth, established and clean around the local vicinity.  Nikki and I decided upon a Turkey burger and a Canton Pulled Pork burger respectively, both filling our bellies with great ease.  Exhaustion and the overwhelming nature of H.K. (as the locals refer to it) led to the need to get some much needed shut eye.

Friday arrived, and waking up with a dramatic vista of the city once named after a fragrant harbour.  Numerous Black Eared Kites glide effortlessly on thermals overhead, amongst the skyscrapers and over the sea channels.  Egrets wander the seashore as ships sail serenely by.  Nikki and I head to a Swiss bakery, wander to the Hong Kong Park to see the aviary and explore the Tai Chi gardens.  Here beauty and relaxation surround you, grip you by the arm and drag you away from the city.  The very large aviary with a pathway raised above the trees envelopes your senses whilst many birds make their varied sounds, beneath water flows and fish swim.  Outside the enclosure Yellow Crested Cockatoos (introduced species) perch, flight and battle for their patch of sky.  In 1941, the then Hong Kong Governor Sir Mark Aitchison Young freed the Government House’s bird collection just before yielding Hong Kong to Japanese invaders.  They have bred a fair bit since.  After the serenity of the park, the bafflement of a two hour queue for the eight minute journey up to The Peak made for a polar experience.  The old engine house and equipment being from Bradford, Manchester (think Eastlands, Etihad Campus way) came as a pleasant surprise.  The ride up, with too much anticipation time, was worthy of the wait.  Up flew the train, at angles akin to that of the Harrier jumpjet.

The view at the top of the Pearl of the Orient is the impressive.  As far as the eye can see, islands, mountains, littered with buildings, tower after tower for businesses and accommodation, a patchwork of humanity.  Each building with many different diverse shapes, curved, straight, triangles, coated in seemingly impossible amounts of plastics, wood, metals and concrete or rock.

The Peak circular walk (around 2 miles) was pleasant enough, plenty of views of the city below, the islands afar and the many straits beleaguered with ships and ferries.  Birds flew by, insects roamed in numbers and mosquitoes attacked with rancour.  We stopped to talk to a local Chinese man who shown us his amazing images of juvenile mantises.  He helped us snap some!  Soon after we stumbled on some beautiful leaf and stick insects, I say stumbled, I mean spotted.  The wander ended with some wonderful frozen yogurt at about £10 for two cornets (H.K. is not cheap in any sense).  That evening, we met up with Chris, one of Nikki’s bootcamp mates from back in Essex.  Chris is in I.T. and has been sent to work in H.K. for a few weeks.  There are worse offices, globally.

After the Star Ferry crossed the strait, with magnificent views all around, we made a pilgrimage to the Avenue of Stars (Hong Kong movie and TV stars), took a snap of Bruce Lee’s statue and drank Asahi (Japanese lager) at a local bar.  At this stage it was agreed we would seek steak, on the suggestion of Chris.  On the way back we watched the breathtaking light show that is the Symphony of Lights (H.K. must have a big electric bill), set against awful music.  So, steak we sought and La Taverna (since 1969 located in H.K., ran by some Italians) was average – at best.  And overpriced.  Then we wandered around the hustling, bustling markets before stopping at a Spanish themed bar until 3am, where a taxi ride through the tunnel was required (the ferries stopping at 0130hrs).

Chris failed to mention that it was his birthday that day!  So, shēngrì kuàilè Chris!

Saturday, Nikki and I arose from our slumber late on.  We decided to meet Chris for breakfast (around lunchtime) before going our separate ways (Chris was off to Macau to jump off the world’s biggest bungee jump and we had to get a coach back mid-afternoon.  We hopped on an old H.K. tram, explored some more of the city areas before catching the coach back over the border to the hooters of Houjie.

Today is Sunday and we were both working.  I am shattered!

曼城 Màn chéng (Manchester City) / Yīng Chāo (Premier League) / Guàn jūn (Champion)

13/5/2014 lunchtime.

1. 曼城 Màn chéng (Manchester City) / Yīng Chāo (Premier League) / Guàn jūn (Champion)
2. A six day working week is normal for many Chinese teachers.  I can substantiate to you that working one additional day was far from natural.  Firstly, Thursday is my busy day, and with that I have 6 periods, so Sunday’s classes mimicked that of the Thursday.  Class 704, in effect, having one more class than the remainder of grade 7.  On top of this brutal Sunday school, I had to host one extra class for the Chinese middle school teachers of English.  The subject being a comparison of U.K. and Chinese culture.  Needless to say, a log could not have developed a better style of sleeping than I did that night.  Nikki looked equally shattered.
3. Up dashed Monday morning, the customary 40 minute flag- hoisting ritual.  Three grade 8 lessons later and an early night.  The subsequent day and the haze of a three-day weekend (not quite on a weekend) lifted.  VIP class for grade 5 fell at the hurdle due to a writing competition.  It seems warnings of cancelled classes never arrive before the class starts.
4. Wednesday morning waltzed in, cancelling an English lesson for the P.E. teachers who had to oversee an interschool basketball game.  Hereon, the day progressed progressively with some progressing progress.  We came second in the pub quiz at Irene’s Bar.
5. During what seemed like an elongated week, nothing is better than to have two Thursday class schedules.  VIP class for grade 5 again was cancelled, this time an art competition, held outdoors pulled the plug.  Then it rained, just to ensure it could not be completed.  In the evening grade 7 and 8’s VIP class was a flashy affair.  The monsoon outside developing into a tropical storm.  Most of my class hiding their faces as soon as minute long rumble shook the roof.
6. Friday stuttered along like a McVities advert for a cold loving aquatic-feeding bird.  The evening comprised of food at the market, mainly shāo kǎo (barbecue).  That evening Nikki and I retired to the apartment, shattered but awake enough to watch the remake of Oldboy.  Pretty light watching before bedtime.  I prefer the original.
7. Saturday, Esben and I went to the bike shop to swap my pedals around and generally confuse the staff within Giant’s local branch.  The lady behind the counter wanted a photograph with me, being a giant in Giant.  Esben photo-bombed it (for the elderly out there, Photobombing is the act of purposely putting oneself into the view of a photograph when not invited to).  We then popped to our favourite DVD store, exchanged numbers with some of the staff, spoke limited English to some schoolgirls who kept following us around.  Their giggling and screeching altering a staff member to tell us, “they want to try English with you.”  This is not an unusual request or occurrence, it is pretty much the norm.  Anyway, the TV series Dexter is now on the to do list/pile of things for a rainy evening/day.
8. The evening started at the shìchǎng (market), proceeded to Anchor Bar and then Blue Orleans bar.  Blue Orleans is ran by Luther, a loveable Chicago ex-pat who teaches English too.  He is closing his bar today.  The lack of business, the lack of customers, the lack of regulars giving him rise to sell up, start a language school near Shanghai with his wife.  Good on him, I wish him all the best with his healthier venture.  Somehow, I did manage to get around 40 mosquito bites on my arms and face that evening, not good.
9. Sunday, a write off of a day if ever there was one, we ate, watched bad movies (Four Lions & Con Air) and avoided the monsoon enveloping our lives.  The whole of our foreign teacher circle came over and shared their smelly feet, damp jacket aromas and fridge contents.  I count Liam as eating 87.4% of all crisps we have ever purchased in China.  Esben and I braved the rain, headed to the market, made a bulk purchase of chǎo miàn (fried noodles) and Jiǎozi (dumplings) alongside some Bǐng (flat pancakes) and jī (chicken).  Jīròu means muscle and after walking back in that heavy rain, my muscles strained and one whole pot of chǎo miàn and Jiǎozi entered my belly.  I was bloomin’ ‘ungry.  After everybody had departed Ian Cheesman and The Goat popped on the internet radio, GDTV’s coverage of City v WHU was firmly switched to on – and the game was enjoyed.  Champions of England, once again.  The Premier League is a marathon not a sprint.  We didn’t limp over the line, we deserved to tear the finishing line.  I spotted my mate Nick, Nat, Dean and Frank on the telebox coverage.  Ed, who flies from Mallorca every game was clearly visible too.  To see everyone at the fulltime whistle fill the green pitch in blue, just shows what football means to Our City.  Forget the finances, the sponsorship, the lack of English players – Manchester simply welcomes all, and discards nationality, we’re people after all.  The future is bright for City and the massive Etihad Campus will bring us forward.
10. Monday, or Champion Hangover day, as it should be known, felt tiring.  Two lessons with a projector seemed steady, I asked the teacher in class 801 why the students are so reserved at speaking out in front of their peers, “they’re too concerned by their face; you’re doing a good job.  Don’t worry.”  I don’t worry, I just strive for better, and class 801 speak so well in groups or when I go around checking them individually.  The final class being with a broken projector meant use of the old fashioned chalk and duster on the chalkboard.  It didn’t go smooth, but a roughly filed sharp spike is better than an atom bomb.
11. Today is Tuesday, it is very humid.  All foreigners here are sweating moisture in amounts comparable to the contents of a bucket.  I was going to observe Esben but he has no lessons.  The teachers have taken away his lessons for Open Lessons (parents may observe).  This is odd because Liam, James and Birgitte all have Open Lessons.  Instead I have my three classes and have observed a class taught by James.  I may observe one or two of the other classes later.  Tonight is Mandarin class and Blue Orleans closes, for good.  I don’t think I’ll go to Blue Orleans.

The Walking Puddle of Houjie

13/5/2014 1545hrs.

Until today I did not believe air could be so humid.  Yes, you see humid tropical rainforests on television, people so sweaty their proverbial bits of dropped off, but now I believe the U.K. has the finest air in the world.  The sweat is pouring off my body like the collective Horseshoe Falls, American Falls and Bridal Veil Falls.  [Nikki’s Mum and Dad should know their name]  Outside classes on the open-plan corridors students are sliding, taking risks up and down every slippery staircase to sanctuary.  The walls are damp.  Paper softens with every sap of soggy air that passes over.  The thermometre reads as 30°C, it feels warmer.

My back is clammy, my brow soaked.  My legs restricted by the dampened trousers encasing them.  Soggy pockets hold my increasingly sodden passport entombed in a waterproof wallet.  My arms are sticky and rest on the desk, sticking occasionally and gasping for fresh air.  Every breath taken brings with it heavy air, not choking but heaving and testing the boundaries of my breathing.  My core temperature has risen, ice or a pool of crisp fresh water would be my Elysium.  I desire coolness, the air conditioner and ceiling fan battle heat, losing.  Nausea is my blanket, my stomach coated with water, unable to take more.  My concentration in Esben’s class I observe drops, I see this from the students’ view.  Tired.  Too hot.  Why bother?

Rain comes in short swathes, a storm is wanted, a quick blast of cooler air, break the humidity, this clamminess is a tortuous unwanted moisture.  The forecast is the same for many a day.  Why isn’t there a demand for English teaching in Antarctica?

Singing In The Rain II (*with script*)

3 days ago

Barely a day passes without the questions, “do you have children?” or “will you have children?”  The Chinese are a vastly curious folk and no level of personal question is kept secret.  “How much do you earn?” is easy to defend, because contractually, and to the letter of the local laws, we are not allowed to discuss.  This is because a Chinese teacher will work harder than us, longer than us and earn less than us.  Some teachers work all week, some have one day off, some have the odd weekend off.  Invariably, they habitually work relentlessly.

On Wednesday, I asked the question, “How many days of continuous high humidity do you usually get?”  The response from a younger, much more petite Chinese teacher was, “Until a big storm.  This could be three or four days.  What will you do after China?”  For every question I ask, a finer further probing query arises.  The cultural difference of displaying uncertainty as to that next step clearly fascinates the Chinese teachers, but they accept nonetheless.

The Chinese rarely move occupation or change employers in comparison with us British.  They may move school or college, have a company taken over or be laid off and enter a similar company as a result – or their business may scrape by, but people rarely change jobs.  Even when a baby comes along, the little blighter is popped out, homeschooled for as little as possible and packaged off to kindergarten to learn in great detail.  Forget reception and nursery, kids start school in their first year of life.

Whilst most adolescents in China are surprised by my number of siblings, to mention cousins, uncles, aunts and their jaws hit the deck.  The recent revolution from a one child policy is apparent.  After school you see many younger children (up to 8 years old) alongside their babyish siblings.  Bumps on local women indicate winter was cold, maybe as low as 10°C.  This bodes well for kindergartens but maybe not so well for a population spike.

“When a man and a woman exercise together, they have a baby.  How?”  This is the second occasion and similar phraseology utilised to ask that all important question.  The standard response has always and will always be, ask your class teacher.  Each class has a dedicated teacher, there for most subjects or pottering around when I half-inch their desks.

Last night, “Team Floppy Birthday” in honour of Liam’s 19^th birthday won the pub quiz, we had been 2^nd or 3^rd until the last round, but we crept across the concluding line comparable to commendable Champions.  Prior to that I almost cycled over a dozen chickens in the mean backstreets of Houjie.

Today, like yesterday, has been incredibly hot, a furnace of a day.  Around 14:45hrs a light shower passed over, a few distant rumbles of thunder and all the students holding their hands out to the light rain, welcoming the coolness of every drop.  It did look rather bizarre.

My students refer to me as Teacher John or Teacher, never sir or miss.  Today, a dozen or so of my students had the opportunity to watch the foreign teacher’s enforced audition (yes, we had no choice) for the Children’s Day Show on 30^th May 2014.  To date, we have had 6 rehearsals (without props and effects), but alongside good old Gene Kelly (perhaps the greatest name for a football stand ever).  I give to you the “Singing In The Rain II (or That Play What We Tried To Write)” script.

Singing In The Rain II

(That Play What We Tried To Write)

Act 1:

The scene is a building site.

LIAM:  “I’m working 9 to 5…” [starts humming]

ESBEN:  “I’m so happy, oh so happy…” [hums and dances, with a power stapler in his hand]

BREE:  “I’m happy because I don’t have to watch The Lion King.” [whilst using a trowel to apply make-up on ESBEN]

LIAM:  “To me.” [Liam throws James something)

JAMES:  “To you.”

LIAM:  “To me.” [Liam throws James something)

JAMES:  “To you.”

[Enter] JOHN:  “Good morning workers.”  [John walks towards James] “What is your name?”

LIAM:  “Don’t tell him your name James!”

(a phone rings) SOUND EFFECT: NOKIA RINGTONE

[ESBEN answers a giant phone] “HELLO… I’M BUILDING AT A SCHOOL… I CAN’T HEAR YOU…. GOODBYE”

JOHN:  “James, have you fed the parrot?”

JAMES walks over to a parrot in a cage, the parrot is stuffed.

JAMES:  “Yes, but he hasn’t eaten.”

JOHN:  “Let me have a quick look at him.”  [the parrot is examined, hit across the side of something] “This parrot is dead!”

JAMES:  “He’s not dead.  He’s just having a sleep.”

JOHN:  “He very much is dead!”

JAMES:  “”You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! Norwegian Blues stun easily.”

As this happens… the argument fades away… LIAM lifts up a plank of wood, walks by JAMES, turns and hits JAMES on the head.  He then turns another way hitting ESBEN’s head before passing BREE who ducks to avoid being hit.  LIAM then ponders, realises he forgot something heads back hitting ESBEN’s and JAMES’s head again.  BREE dives out of the away with a big reluctant smile, “Phew!”

JOHN walks on reaches into his pocket, pulls out a paper bag, opens it, pulls out an imaginary ball, shows the audience, throws it in the air, catches it.  BREE looks at this in envy, tries to copy it, throws a ball in the air nothing lands.  JOHN snatches the bag back and catches the imaginary ball.

JAMES:  “What do you think of the show so far?”

LIAM:  “Rubbish!”

BREE:  “Today is sunny, I hope it doesn’t rain…”

Act 2:

[Music starts to play:  Singing in the Rain, by …]

The BBC TV recreation featured Ernie exactly copying Gene Kelly’s dance routine, on a set which exactly copied the set used in the movie, and Eric performed the role of the policeman. The difference from the original was that in the Morecambe and Wise version, there is no water, except for some downpours onto Eric’s head (through a drain, or dumped out of a window, etc.).   John Robert Acton-Brown’s recreation was written hastily, mostly copied and edited in homage to the original – not for profit, but to introduce others to Morecambe and Wise.

“Our hands may be active, but our consciences are at rest.”

7 seconds ago

Today’s title comes from The Churchill Centre.  Not even remotely Chinese in origin, but it does make good bedtime reading.

Thursday evening passed by without eventualities worthy of note.  The lack of local internet access at school and home proving costly to the process of doing lesson plans and materials for the following week.

Friday could have easily passed as an audition into a boiling underworld, a cauldron of a netherworld, the road to perdition, or an inferno within the abyss.  Houjie had a power-cut of biblical proportions, which someone did not affect our apartment blocks, but everywhere else was not spared.  In hindsight I am exaggerating but in reality it was brutal agony.  Firstly, all foreign teachers were asked to turn up at 07:30hrs for photographs with Grade 6 students.  This eventually started by 08:15hrs, as is the way locally.  After a few random snaps, it was apparent the power would not return to the town (and school) anytime soon.  Goodbye powerpoint.  Secondly, water coolers and ceiling fans depend wholeheartedly on a constant supply of electricity.  Some local shops had generators, but not many.  Dehumidifiers dotted around the school’s larger buildings resembled colossal paperweights.  By the time 10:20hrs arrived, I had observed a lesson by Birgitte by means of chalk and chalkboard.  My class started ten minutes later.  704 are a very good class but you could see the heat draining their eyes, their many pleads of teach outside (in the raw sunshine) falling on my deaf ears.  We soldiered onwards; it was enjoyable and seemed to allow them to speak a great deal.  My back had drained and my stomach full of water warmed by the thermal nature of the air.  Class 703 arrived and the teacher from this form elected to cancel my class and just practice reading.  Her protest of “They won’t listen, they are too warm” being enough for my agreement.  “Go and rest, cool down” she told me, the moving mere of Manchester.  So, I went to observe a class by Liam and further repeat the dehydrate/rehydrate cycle. Lunchtime staggered in, a storm blasted through, I was utterly drenched, but relieved of too much heat.  The air heavier with humidity but far more welcoming than the intensity of the morning high temperature.  I ran back to empty the freezer in our apartment of a pot of luxury strawberry ice cream.  Nikki lay there is the air conditioned room basking.  Her neighbouring kindergarten where Briony works had been sending students home, having roasted the wee ones right through.

The afternoon rain faded within the hour, classes resumed, powerless, class 702 embraced my impromptu activities well but their polar opposite class 701 had burned out long ago.  Interest was not present, respect was distant and concentration so titrated it could easily have passed as a homeopathic lesson.  The afternoons on Friday start early and end at the usual 16:40hrs.  The storm began again after I impulsively observed Liam’s final class of the day.  His grade one students have buckets of enthusiasm, and whilst sweating like athletes after a full day’s training, the little blighters were still bouncing off the walls.  Straight after class, the heavens opened up, the downpour flooding the lower pathways of the school enough to merit tiptoed walkways between buildings.  I met Liam and Birgitte at their office.  Soon after James arrived.  We wandered up the building to the penultimate floor of five levels.  We looked across the vista at the low cloud, heavy deluge, lightning strikes and listened to the cracks, claps and din of thunder.  The inundation of rain dizzying the senses by the sheer magnitude of the cloudburst.  Every now and then a strike of lightning would crest a building nearby and the rumble would seem dangerously close.  Having seen a hasty lightning probe zap from above our roof over the courtyard below onto a neighbouring school building we scattered to the sanctuary of the office again.  Birgitte advised the teachers had moved desks because the lights above sparked around the time the building was struck.  Monsoon season is never boring.

In the evening, Liam, James, Birgitte, Esben and I ate at a steak house (which did not sell steak).  Nikki was out with her kindergarten staff for a meal at the posh Hyatt Garden Hotel and then KTV that evening.  I chose chicken in tomato sauce, on a bed of rice.  Out came chicken, in a white sauce on a bed of spaghetti.  Nobody seemed to get what they ordered.  We politely ate up, paid and vanished.  The food was so insipid and so trivial that it merited a pizza practically straight after.  The pizza shop (one we have not tried before), being of very good quality and orange juice was only 1¥.  The workers there even chucked an additional drink in gratis for everyone!

Soon after we retired to Irene’s Bar to drink the Champions of the Pub Quiz vodka bottle and other various drinks.  Much later Nikki joined us, alongside Briony, Becky and teachers from Briony’s school (with such exotic names as Yukky).  The intentions of an early night scampered, Nikki and I went home around midnight; Esben retired much earlier; and the rest of the clan went to Pink Lady for further licentiousness.

And then one Saturday morning, a bus took Birgitte, Briony, Becky, Nikki and I to Guangzhou.  The weekend involved a trip to the dark ages (I mean zoo), a meal in the evening at Perry’s Bar and overnight accommodation at Lazy Gaga’s.  Some of the zoo was okay, some was awful.  Saturday night, Sunday morning (Esben’s birthday) was spent playing Poohhead card game with Chairman Mao Zedong style playing cards.  Sunday, the monsoon swept through Guangzhou limiting tourist opportunities outdoors to visiting shopping streets, playing hide and seek in the city, and exploring many shopping malls/centres/precincts.  Esben, back with his beard, received a “I love beards” waterbottle from our group.

I started work today at 07:00hrs, not bad for someone who hates the morning almost as much as sweetcorn.  After reverberation, replication, recurrence, reappearance, repetition, and reiteration of the phrase “Good Morning,” I was released to relax at 07:40hrs.  The 07:55hrs flag raising ceremony appeared to be rained off.  Take two arrive twenty minutes later, as did the rain.  The initial marching with flag was okay, then the first attempt at raising the flag failed, the flag floundering as it was not fastened up correctly.  The national anthem being cut short on the parade ground, and soon after the ceremony became defunct.  Next door, Nikki’s nursery played over the loudspeaker a tune to make all westerners laugh, “Ole, Ole, Ole, we are the Champs… we are the Champs…”  Well it is a World Cup year I suppose.

MCFC, HKFC Citibank International Soccer Sevens Champions.

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Anyone of the group of ten from Brandon Barker, Charlie Albinson, Pablo Maffeo, Kean Bryan, Thierry Ambrose, Ashley Smith-Brown, James Horsfield, Angelino, Nathaniel Oseni and Denzeil Boadu will give Manuel Pelligrini something to look at and hopefully a selection headache.  In 32-35C heat, with the sun overhead, City looked as professional as ever.  The famous sky blue kits and the two away variants being worn with pride for each battle.

Throughout the tournament the Hong Kong Manchester City Supporters belted out chants and did the odd Poznan.  They clapped the opposition and cheered equally for very goal.  Typical City fans.

On Sunday, City U-18’s fought out a hard victory over Hong Kong U-23’s.  Their opposition had won 2 and drawn one (against Newcastle Utd 0-0) of their group games.  The 3-1 win in the quarter finals, seeing a Thierry Ambrose double and a Kean Bryan wondershot.

City earned a semi-final meeting with Sunderland (who came 2^nd in their group behind Kitchee) and the Black Cats seemed stronger in the air and much bigger in build.  City patiently got the ball onto the deck, worked it around before Pablo Maffeo drew City level.  His half pitch sprint and dive onto Jason Wilcox acted as a prime example of the team’s belief in their gaffer.  The entire squad soon piled on.  Sudden death extra time arrived, meaning four against four football.  City shed their keeper, looked to gain and retain possession.  Angelino popped on his gloves, passed the ball patiently with the other three blues before rifling a shot hard into the onion bag.  City followed Kitchee’s tactics in an earlier game of fielding an outfielder player and working the ball around towards the net.  Angelino’s superb strike being one of confidence and a worthy winner.

The group stages on Saturday gave light to City’s spirit in the squad.  City never looked like losing to Singapore Cricket Club (a 4-0 romp), Rangers (a well battled 1-1 draw) or a very well organised (and undefeated in 2013) BC Rangers (drew 2-2).  The final results in the group meant City topped the league closely followed by Rangers.  BC Rangers also finished the group on 5 points but goal difference sent them to the minor competition.

The final was a match up between Group C winners City and Group B winners Kitchee.  Hong Kong’s dominant club and won the 2013/14 First Division.  City’s age difference, the build difference and overall underdog appearance against a side more acclimatised to the weather conditions on the back of their successful season did not stifle the young Citizens.  City battled valiantly and earned the win.  Sadly, I could not stay for the final as I had to catch the last bus to Houjie (China) at 1900hrs.  Well done to the lads, the highlights on TV looked great!  Here is a team who can battle form behind, fight to the end and refuse to be beaten.  Champions.

Indiana John & The Rickshaw Ride of Houjie

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Monday, May the 19^th’s classes last week seemed improved upon previous Monday classes.  Class 801 actually talked a lot when required, 802 delivered their required demonstration and 803, as always allowed for banter and hard work.  Not a bad day.  Tuesday rolled up and a solitary lesson with class 703 flew by without a great deal of fuss or commotion.  Sometimes classes feel smooth.  The students engaged, the work flowed.

Just when you want to go riding or running, Wednesday threw a torrent of rain at us.  The probability of rain increases as time draws closer to 16:00hrs.  The evening we celebrated Bryony’s 23^rd birthday with a slap-up meal at the market followed by the pub quiz (we came 2^nd) at Irene’s Bar.  The competitive teams often shout cheat, despite all phones being firmly away and it being obvious their teams are using their phones!  Some of the ex-pats here are a tad bitter towards other foreigners, this strikes me as very odd.  They are nice as pie face to face, but in their clicks, they can be right (excuse the Mancunian) “knobheads”.

Thursday, dragged by, rain and heat does that.  Oh and the six classes.  At lunch Liam, James, Esben and I went for pizza in town.  Esben and I returned via rickshaw, and survived.  My VIP class with the grade 5 students resembled and outtake from Gremlins.  A video of the rickshaw ride is here.

Friday, a lunchtime audition for our show on Children’s Day passed well, probably the best we have performed as a group.  Although I had to explain to Esben to duck from the plank or place his hands over his head and let the plank strike against his hands to create a loud slap.  His forehead having a little abrasion for his troubles.  Liam and James behaved too, this is rare in any rehearsals.  I’ll put it down to the heat and exhaustion.  Birgitte is professional.  I am not very confident in my performing skills (or lack of).  I need to perfect the Eric Morecambe paper-bag trick.   I was more annoyed it cut my class for 702 into half a class.

Nikki and I spent Friday evening on a bus to Hong Kong, queuing for very little time at the cross-border passport points.  The coach from the Sheraton Hotel in Houjie changed to a luxury people carrier for 5, due to lack of customers.  I for one was not complaining, top quality air conditioning and comfy leather seats beat a coach journey.  We checked into the Ovolo Hotel in Aberdeen (easy to get to from Wan Chai/Hong Kong central) and enjoyed the free minibar (two Tsing Tao beers, several soft drinks and a snack pack).

On Saturday morning, Nikki and I swept through the breakfast buffet like a plague of locusts.  After which we headed to Hong Kong Football Club for the football.  In the afternoon we explored Mongkok after taking the Star Ferry across from Central.  Soon after we wandered every market in the area (well it seemed that way), soaked up the views and bright lights.  Three polo shirts (for school), experience bargaining for a laptop fan (with built in light), a City towel, a traditional fan, an embroidered picture and a few random other bits later we finally had food (Mexican in Wan Chai) before heading off to dreamland.

On Sunday, Nikki went off exploring whilst I topped up my sunburn in Hong Kong Football Club.  We headed back very late on and went bed soon after.  Shattered.  Sunburnt.

Following a month of inactivity over at http://acton28.wix.com/a28/apps/blog , I have decided to relocate to wordpress. I have been unable to login due to a processing error and a lack of error solving information hasn’t helped me. So here we go… take 2. Bit by bit, I plan to move the old junk here and end my association with Wix.