你好/ Ní hǎo / Nín hǎo / Hello / How do,
Oh. My. God. I write it this way, to exaggerate a point and a half. There is a huge problem in the world and we need to address it now. Get it out in the open. No more hiding in the shadows. The time is now. Right here, right now. No more. We can’t go on this way. Renunciation, disavowal, denial and abjuration may well all be good enough for President Trump but not for me. No, no, no. And not for us. Not for the greater good. There is a menace to society and it threatens our ways of life. So. Let us talk. Now. About, well, I best add a disclaimer because I know some of my readers have complained about my graphic levels of details. DON’T READ ON if you are eaily disturbed. Back the flip up, whilst we shatter the realms of acceptance for good. Your world will change after this. Are you ready? I don’t believe you are. Nobody is. Nobody ever has been. I imagine this matter inspired Depeche Mode’s Where’s the Revolution? Religions have fell for less. Question everything. Okay, let’s stop beating around the bush. Like Catholicism, it is time to discuss rubber… erasers, to be precise.
Nobody can deny the Hollocaust. It was a monstrosity of modern times. The horror cannot be joked about. So many people lost their lives. Anne Frank was one such example, aged, just 15. 15 years on this Earth is too little time. Thankfully her words were never erased for all to learn about. Her life lives on in the form of an educational legacy. Thankfully she never took an eraser to her writing and we are left with a glimpse into dark times and a beautiful young mind. Other key moments in humanity faced threats. The Mona Lisa has been x-rayed, studied to death, infra-red inspected and UV examined. Beneath the serene lips of La Gioconda is a previous work, evidence of Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci’s inability to control himself with an eraser. Martin Luther King Jr may not have had a dream had he whipped out an ice cream-shaped eraser from the nearest Toys ‘r’ Us branch. Sir Winston Churchill loved writing. His scribbles, books and doodles were everywhere from his bunker and he led Britain against invasion and eradication before pushing on to defeat an enemy of freedom. As partitioning a figure as he may be, Churchill’s writing evaded the eraser and is mostly a fascinating look into an often complex and contadictive mind.
In class 1F there isn’t a more dangerous thing than the eraser. It is to my class as the nuclear warhead is to North Korea, Japan and America. This material and its rubbery consistency represent almost every argument and disagreement within the four walls of the classroom.
In bygone days, wax, bread crusts, sandstone, pumice and other coarse-pieces would wipe away mistakes from parchment to ancient almost-Powerpoint-like wall displays in cave dwellings. By 1770 and Mathematical Instrument-Maker Mr Nairne’s invention of the rubber, more people, with better education, meant more mistakes. The rubber had arrived. But it would take 69 years of perishable rubber problems before Charles Goodyear would fix it with curing, in vulcanisation. Not long after pencils had them attachecd to the end. The weapon was unleashed.
Some of these vinyl plastics, synthetic and soy-based gum devices come in a variety of shapes, sizes and colours. They started out erasing pencil-based mistakes before eradicating the odd inky blotch. Now these act as devices of conflict. Electric erasers, like an electric toothbrush, bringing to minds, a torture device more at home in a James Bond movie. In class 1F, these tools are used for gouging out eyeballs and enforcing turf boundaries. Until the batteries run out.
Erasers, whether missing, being projectile-launched from rulers, eaten, or lost are a huge problem to global security. I vote that all free nations launch their airborne outfits and bomb the shit out of those who hold erasers. Don’t take any chances.
再见/ Zài jiàn / Bài bài / Ta’ra / Goodbye