Reflected.

Morality is an argument. Conscientious decisions trouble. Choices a barrage of beratement. Unearthed memories lay in rubble.

Wicked temptation twists contemplation. Rightfully wrongly, lyrics of living. Shrouded silk on slivered sensation. The sieged scattered soul of sacred sieving.

Reflection reigns readily within contrast. Thoughts tumble twist, blast, and clash. Tumultuous turmoil thrashes out the past. What once was, and what no longer is, rests in ash.

Triumphant yesterday smoulders in the mirror. Grounded mortar spills from split seams. Consider it, nor will it deliver and trigger a shiver. The remains of the day gleams no further dreams.

I said you were…

I said you were too hot, so you cooled down.

I said you were too bright, so you dulled somewhat.

I said you were too serious, and like that you became a clown.

I said you didn’t share, you gave away the lot.

I said you were too fast for me, so on the brakes you stood.

I said you were ever so proud, so you became modest.

I said you were an angel, so you got up to no good.

I said you didn’t hide truth, so you became dishonest.

I thought you cared, with that you spared no thought.

I said you were too dry, so you rained hard.

I said you saved too much, and the balance became nought.

I listened to your love for me, only I became a mard.

COME ON CITY!

This is for the fan who couldn’t get a ticket; this shout for the one who couldn’t afford it; this is a cheer for those no longer here; raising a glass, singing we’re not really here!

COME ON CITY

A dedication to the fan of Sun Jihai who followed him and then followed us, hooked to the buzz, the love, the passion of the South Stand, the joy of following City over land and sea (and Stretford), the York massive and the gatecrashers at Blackburn.

COME ON CITY!

This is a call to all, to follow the ball, and head it and kick it and shout it into thar onion bag at the other end. Cry out loud, cry out proud, Poznan, and bounce, swing uour scarves and poor out your hearts.

COME ON CITY!

To those who followed Gerry Gow’s moustache, Ball on the bench, Pearce’s sensational home team, Santa’s Cruz’s wobbly knee, Ireland’s Superman lingerie range, Uwe and his ancestors, the Doyle generations, or cold nights in Hyde watching our future.

COME ON CITY!

To the women’s team, done and dusted; to the under 16s, under 18s and EDS champions at rest; to the loanstars on their way back; Perrone and Co overseas; to the subs and the starring eleven…

COME ON CITY!

To the dreamers and schemers, they always believe us, the rioters and chargers or fields, and all who wear the pride in battle of blue and white… no matter what happens today, yesterday or tomorrow, we say:

COME ON CITY!

DZY

On special days; do nothing days; on stay in and snooze days; I wish you were here.

To find new pathways; climb new trails and have short stays; roll in grassy hays; I wish you were there.

Looking at cloudy skies; pondering those storms by eyes; sunny days swarming flies; I wish you were everywhere.

Tidying up after little ones; brushing dog hair off the chair; making efforts ever so fair; I wish we were together.

Foul weather; tough times; moody moments we can’t decline; I wish to share forever.

Just us.

Just us.

No-one else.

Those who matter in the distance.

Those who care, held close.

Our thoughts in your thoughts.

Your warmth together.

Just us.

Two peas. One pod.

Wrapped up snuggly.

Joined. At the hip.

Together.

Stronger as one.

A union led by destiny.

No pressures. No worries.

Challenges to face together.

Fearless and relentless.

For us.

Hope and glory, in lands, over the seas and by green trees.

Bound at the hands.

Rings on.

A bond. Embraced.

One.

Brick Walls

What I’m trying to say, is that I don’t want your throat to hurt so much, I don’t want you feeling so sick, and I’d take every ounce of the pain and suffering away, if I could take it from you. I’d kiss every drop of this evil bug from you.

I’d run through walls to defend and support you. Travel oceans, climb mountains, and rattle off clichés to make you understand that I am here and I am there for you. I’ll hug you closer and suffocate loneliness from you. You’ll be embraced so much that our skins will fuse. It’s that strong that even your farts smell of roses.

You have a way of doing things, and I respect that. Don’t push me away. I need you more than I need air. Without air, I might just be able to survive through some sort of chemical restructuring. Without you, well, what’s the point?! A sore throat comes and goes. I’m here forever. Until you get bored of me, that is.

Watching you sleep, restless and sweaty, face in contortions resembling a gurning competition, I am reminded of Egremont Crabbing Fair. Let’s go together. By then, you’ll be still, calm and feeling much better. Or, we could stay at home and do nothing. Just spend time wasting time and enjoying time in great company. You’re the best. I’m blessed. Let me treasure you. Stay strong. Stay positive. This bug will pass.

Stressful authority.

Prove your status.

Copy that letter.

Twice.

Translate this to that.

Duplicate, duplicate, duplicate.

Thrice.

Indicate at the tick box.

Here, there, and HERE.

There again.

Copies of a passport.

Duplicate and photostat your household register.

Voice print.

Embassy and Consulate verification required.

University experience desired.

Nose print.

Passport photos. Wedding photos. Holiday photos.

Travel history records. Paper money trail. Bank statements.

Dental records.

Fill in this.

Provide a copy of your birth certificate.

Photographs.

What was your dog’s mum’s maiden name?

And, what did your ex-wife eat for lunch yesterday?

Evidence.

Bloodtype, fingerprints, retina scan.

When did you last sneeze?

Health check.

How good are your genes?

Swear an oath, an affidavit, an allegiance to the flag.

Sing the national anthem. In Swahili.

Verify.

What are your political beliefs?

Trump or Xi? Sunak or Churchill?

Confirm.

Height, weight, favourite colour.

Where do you plan to go?

Bureaucracy.

Hand over your loved ones.

Get down on your knees.

Pray.

Relieve yourself of all sins.

Seek absolution and fix this.

Hurdles.

Wisdom.

What is wisdom? Things we learn and learn from? Our abilities to produce something whilst using our prior knowhow and experience? A guided version of common sense founded on our insights to life?

Unbiased judgement may play a part in keeping us grounded. Non-attachment isn’t easy. We connect. Sometimes, we connect more with someone or less with someone else. Or, the same person. At different times, too. I was here. I’m still here. We’re still here. Not every pathway is clear or easy. Not at all. We just have to find the right way. Changing the world isn’t easy, and arguably, you can change the world. However, you can change yourself. And nappies. Or not.

Drawing from our compassion, we should treasure every moment and focus all our energy on each and every brand new, bright tomorrow. The time we have makes us question, probe, redress, and counter our passing days, amongst other things. We make mistakes. We have to learn and relearn and adapt to survive and be the best we can be. Life is short. Enjoy it. No matter the challenge.

Having the capacity to know what contributes to growth and relate our conduct to our soundness of judgment should be simple. Choices are made. The means and ends of which can be practical, controversial, right, and / or wrong. Our experiential self-knowledge leads to self-transcendence. In theory, anyway. Give or take.

Virtues such as ethics and benevolence grow from who we surround ourselves with. Immerse ourselves with good friends and great family, and hope grows. Stand alone, and fear surrounds you. The doubts of self kick dust in your face. Regrets can cuddle you closely and strangle hope from your soul. But, with love and suitable familiar faces, we can dig in deep and accept hands to lift us up.

Doing what we do is important. Doing what we enjoy is us. There’s only one way of life, and that’s your own. We can also live that mantra, sang by The Levellers, by bringing in the ways of others. For every listener of The Hu, there’s a pebble painting pretty-eyed girl. It takes all sorts. For every dog called Panda, we need a dog called Sasha. Each unique character shaping our world and impacting us in their own little ways.

As for the future. Life goes on. We adapt. We face challenges. We survive. We try to fix our past. We grow new trees. A society grows stronger, in which an elderly gentleman plants trees knowing the shade of the trees will never be enjoyed by himself. We could look at clouds as something that blots away the sun or a canvas to be shaped and painted. Artists need treasuring.

So, is wisdom the right use of knowledge to tackle challenges and present a simpler setting. Our psychological construct allows us to foresee consequences. Be strong. Be pleasant to your friends. Apologise. Be honest or as close to it as possible. Never try to hurt anyone. Push away those who lessen your world. Keep good company. Build a strong foundation. Hug more.

Vellichor

The scent pours off of you, slipping away from your soul, wriggling away, pulling you down to the hole.

The depth opens up wide, snarling ruthlessly snide, ripping darkness from below, confirmation that hopes lost and lied.

The pages tear from the spine, torn away in time, words failing to be read, all shrouded in grime.

You lay on the shelf, emitting bad health, your pages full of wise wealth, yet all pass your stealth.

Daylight comes and goes, your words nobody knows, inside treasures like a rose, you slip away on endless rows.

The dust on your front and back, tightened and slack, no hands to pick you up and put you on back.

Discrimination

Why do you discriminate against me?

Why do you think you’re better?

Who allows you to talk over me?

Am I too unambitious if not a go-getter?

What makes you the king of this castle?

Whose voices are you speaking for?

Why do you bring me all this hassle?

Was it my forefathers in that long forgotten war?

Didn’t you understand the mistakes of the past?

Is it my skin, you fear?

Do you blame me or my people for that blast?

What values should I hold dear?

My religion or your religion?

Hate us? Hate me? Hate our future?

Where is the peace dove or grey sooty pigeon?

What makes you think I’ll level a score?

Equality or inequality?

Why do you raise your voice?

Why do you question my ability?

Why do you ask me for my choice?

Will your hateful words always haunt me?

Do you decry the freedom I seek?

Where is forgiveness and the blossoming new tree of the free?

Are you unhappy that I am not weak?

What makes civilisation?

How do I know that you know?

Where is my destination?

How will you show we can no longer grow?

First Sight.

Eyes so precious and swirling with colours deep as an ocean and broad as a mountain. A smile that radiates heavenly light. That smile I’ve seen before in your ancestors. A touch of grandparents, from my line. Great grandparents, too.

Wavy dark locks of hair, and a head shaped to think, fight, and strive for brighter days. Hands to grip the day and right a rocking ship. Such light skin, yet shades of Mother and Father, should ward off any ray of danger. Yet, the curse of the mosquito feeding ground is within you.

Satisfying stretches as you reach to the sky. Your arms will know no limit. Each kick could be a practice for bike rides, games of sport, or swimming trips imagined. Or, to show your sounds of giggles and pleasure are practice for leisure.

I’m sorry for my mistakes and past, and all the moments of doubt. I give you the future, no matter its struggles and worries. Let your resting head lay on my shoulder and allow me to be the protector. We can tackle every worry and solve problems. I vow to cleanse my soul and body, to live better to give you the brightest possible start. To you and your gorgeous, strong-willed mother.

There shall be tears, torments, and tremors on our path, but I shall stand by you both until breath no longer enters and exits my vessel. For you, you both, you are each and everything I longed for, and the watermelon seeds we wished for are within you. Growing a fruit with limitless flavours. This is a day I could never imagine. Thank you to you. You are a miracle.

The future is now, and you are the future.

Hope’s message

I don’t want to see tubes coming out of your nose; or your face lacking cheeks coloured in rose.

I don’t want to see wires attached to your skin; nor your arms stretched out so thin.

I want to tell you off for trespassin’; I want to see you read Carl Hiaasen.

Or, shout at you for hiding your homework; watch you frustrated shouting berserk.

I want all your worries, testing times; problematic homework, and accidental crimes.

I want to learn alongside you; watch you grow strong as a Sky Blue.

We should be together, I apologise; when you’re older you’ll realise.

Wise as it is, life ain’t simple; especially seeing your still simple.

Finally, I believe we shall laugh together; walk on hills whatever the weather.

Those tubes and the fear can’t last; hope you recover ever so fast.

The fine line.

Key worker and essential cog one day, discarded the next week.

“Valued employee” and “fine example” until you’re not relevant.

“Outstanding” and “innovating” before being outdated and obsolete.

“Indispensable” or “central to the team” as a budget slash deems your release date now.

Punctual, loyal, and attentive to fine details, followed by succeeded and outdated.

Moving on up, rising to the top, but all of a sudden, tumbling and spiralling downwards.

There’s a margin. A wafer thin gap. A sliver of light between dark and lost. A piece of hope dangling on the thread of chaos and change. Which way it blows is not always your choice. Which way you respond, use your own voice. A pathway here or a tunnel there. Give in, or go on?

Go on.

Nothing to Everything.

It took everything from my system. All energy is sapped. It hit me like a tonne of bricks. A freight train to the soul.

I lost comfort.

Hope vanished.

Life’s path took a dark spiralling turn south.

Goals and ambition kicked into the gutter.

Shattered connections.

Unhelpful, unhealthy solitude.

All I could see was emptiness and fear.

A vacuum of a chasm.

Empty demands and is spoken of in snide words.

Lost belief in myself.

Hurt. Gutted. Irrelevant.
Life being a cunt. Tortured. Shamed.

You gave me everything, every smile and every belief. You fueled me. You lit the lighthouse once again. A defibrillator to hope.

You gave comfort.

Life took a huge mountainous climb towards the sun.

The constant goal and need embedded.

You asked for nothing and embraced my confusion.

Impressive reality and challenges ahead.

It’s a wonderful miracle.

Without judgement, without demands.

Gained a soul this last year.

Excited. Overwhelmed. Relevant.
Life is a joy. Pleasured. Pride..

Storm in a Teacup

Don’t conceal it. Don’t hide it. Don’t fear it. Don’t fight it. Just put your head down and right it.

Don’t give in. Never surrender the win. Block out that enormous din. Just get yourself up and head for the win.

Don’t shatter your dreams. Avoid tearing at the seams. Watch out for low beams. Just look for the place with good teams.

Don’t slide about. Don’t scream and shout. Don’t ever make yourself doubt. Just let it all out.

If not, what have you got? Your thing, your place, your lot. You’re more, are you or not? You’re here on this pale blue dot.

Now go get it yourself! Trust in your health. There’s more to life than wealth. Put doubt firmly on the shelf.

In a pickle.

Financially, mentally, substantially.

In a pickle.

Unquestionably undoubtedly, profoundly.

In a pickle.

Historically, periodically, profoundly.

In a pickle.

Oddly, secretly, openly.

In a pickle.

To the letter, by the books, across the board.

In a pickle.

No trust fund, no benefactor, no obligation.

In a pickle.

Without reserve, without doubt, without care.

In a pickle.

Dark thoughts.

Take it all for yourself. Pool up the wealth. Cripple those in ill health. Myself. Each self. Yourself.

Why should anyone share? It isn’t supposed to be fair. Have power, will scare. Less care. What care? No care.

Copy it, market it, sell it on. Small trader’s hopes gone. Give in to each don. A con. This con. The con.

Hardened by grimy soot. Tough under each jutted foot. The struggling empty gut. Howling mutt. Growling mutt. Mournful mutt.

Crumbs shouldn’t drop to the floor. Beggars asking for more. Wounded families, sore. Greedy poor. Filthy poor. The poor.

Darkness crawls through the light. Crushing all that is right. Turning summer to winter’s night. Strangling delight. Sapping delight. End of delight.

Rebellion #2: Homelessness

I was ripped from my womb, sent from warmth, from my creator, made to work to the bone for the inflator.

No longer again to see Mother nor Father, in workplaces far away, sent out long hours day after day.

Through taxes and energy bills, through blooded sweaty torn up hands, ploughing out profits for someone else’s lands.


I carried my owners, along with my leaders, and prayed to the sky that God may receive us.

No answer from upon high, to my pitiful cry, as I crept out to deny my sigh. Time was to fly.

The strength of those who fed us with kind, as we wallowed through despair, without comfort of mind. An axe must grind.

Here, I ask of you to reflect for a while,
Along with my colleagues, in times of denial. This life has been a trial.


For we are the future thrust into fear,
And cold nights gave up some lives year on year. Year on year on year.

Remember us, the homeless dead, as we lay down, ice tethered to head. Dead.

Dead.

Rebellion #1.

I’m the rise against the odds. I’m the growl facing the sods.

I’m the vote that casts a change. I’m the matter that needs derange.

I’m the fighter in the field they want to mine. I’m the nurse fixing plasters rain or shine.

I’m the voice that they want to silence. I’m the battler against all manner of violence.

I’m with many who shout and demand new ways. I’m one of the glued-up rebellious art damaging strays.

I’m the silent protestor who annoyed the police sergeant some. I’m the leader of the change that has to come.

Stand alone, fall down. Stand tall and together, stand up for your town. Stand for the greedy and against the needy, stand opposite me, you’ll see. We’re the changes that are needs be. See.

The time is now.

Hey adventure, where are you?

I’ve been waiting, patiently and impatiently. Where are you? Perhaps, you missed me here. Hey adventure, where are you?

I know I’ve been distracted, confused and upset. Where are you? Just maybe, you’re too busy to call by. Hey adventure, where are you?

These days have been testing for me, unsure and hanging on the help of others. Certainly, you know where to look. Hey adventure, where are you?

I looked back at last year and the year before, and one before that. How come you didn’t visit me yet? Hey adventure, where are you?

Is it something I did, said or thought? Am I not the same person as before? Hey adventure, where are you?

When you call by, bring some tissues and a shoulder to lean on. I’m sure you’ll return. Hey adventure, where are you?

I’m feeling so low, blue and deep in shadow. You won’t see me outside. Hey adventure, where are you?

I need to feel the sharpness of lemons, taste the sweet cool air and smell of green life. Instead, you’ll see me between these walls. Hey adventure, where are you?

It could be worse I guess, cast off and unwanted? No letter of recommendation or wave off. Hey adventure, where are you?

Hey adventure, where are you? I need you. I need. I need you. Need you. You. Come get me. Hey adventure, where are you?

Hey adventure, where are you?

Blue. K.B.O.

23 days since the need to first go to hospital. That first wrap and support. Those X-rays and CT scans. The pain and self-annoyance. The fracture. The immobilization. The inconvenience. The anger. The rage at one’s self. The self-pity and self-loathing. The humiliating feeling. The worry. The stress. The tears that built up but haven’t yet released.


6 days since the doctor said another 28 days needed; maybe 21 to walk on the foot again. Hope is around the corner by to get there crutches are needed, and some hopping. Avoid the wet floor. No slipping. No placing your right foot down.

Keep it elevated. Keep up your spirits. Pain for a week. Codeine for a week. Bone setting traditional Chinese medicine. Maybe it works, maybe not. Support wrapped again. And again. One trip out. One barbecue. 23 days. 13 journeys to and from work. Avoid the wet floor again. Still no placing your right foot down.

For God’s sake! It isn’t bloody COVID-19! Grow up! Dig in. Dig in deeper. No pain, no gain. Call it a challenge. Growth experience. Aches without ibuprofenbfor a week. Bones grinding and aching. Mosquito bites under the bandage, maybe not so fun. Support from friends. Glorious friends. One trip out. One barbecue. 23 days. 13 journeys to and from work. Keep avoiding the wet floor. One chicken meal nearby. Coffee delivered. Friends. Support. Still no placing your right foot down.

22 more days? 15 more days? Keep going forward. Keep going. Forward. Keep buggering on. K.B.O. Without putting the foot down.

Spheksophobia

How many old dreams of the past are dormant? How many dreams of the future are yet to be realised?

The flocculant rain falls, and the howling wind calls, as he bangs his head firm on walls.

How many days drifted in and out? How many hours in light? How many in night?

The foundations of the house shake, they ripple, bend and quake, all the while his feet flip, slip and bake.

How many lights shine out bright? How many rays cast no shadow? How often does light fade to black?

The will of a man is tested, his head ill-rested, broken undigested, wasted hope scattered and shattered.

How come comets flash and zoom by? How do meteors find their way? How often do they evade all sight?

The feel of his feet grow rough and sore, unable to walk no more, lost on a map with no detail, cast off to sea without a voyage.

How does a guide find a route? How do you define what’s in a suit? How often is a path well-trodden?

The life of Riley, the hidden Eden, the leadership skills of Christ all the parts of Paradise’s Elysium far, far out of reach.

Eh?

We’re all writers putting pen to paper, typing night and day;
Singing love songs come what may.
Banging out letters of dismay;
Giving our opinions on hearsay.
All in front of us, our display;
Making sure we have our say.

Place down your head, just go and lay;
Eyes to the left, eyes to the right they bend and neigh;
Come month end’s wait for our pay.
Should I go or should I stay?

Passing our eyes over the latest play;
Heartfelt causes won’t go away.
In hard times, we kneel and pray;
Write that letter to the girl called Fay.
Oh sweet Fay, the next day your name is May;
Life moved on and we found our way.

Children rejoice, they jump and say, “Yay!”
No more waiting, no such delay.
Watching movies until we hit the hay;
It doesn’t really matter if anyone’s gay.
Dipping our toes in the deep of the bay;
All around the sound of that lovely jay.


On cloudy days grabbing each ray;
Talk about football on the Saturday.
Watching movies until we hit the hay;
It doesn’t really matter if anyone’s gay.
Dipping our toes in the deep of the bay;
All around the sound of that lovely jay.

Streetcat.

I feel like a roof won’t cover me.

I can’t busk under a tree.

Jobs will pass by me.

Nothing here, nothing to see.

The big issue is deep inside of me.

Confidence is my absent key.

I can’t earn this, unreachable fee.

Teaching, reaching and beseeching thee.

Fetch no path my way to feel glee.

Absence and opportunities aren’t free.

The other side: as a rotten wasted bee.