The Last Broadcast

How do! / 你好 (nĭ hăo) / Namaste / Welcome!

“So here we are; At the last broadcast; Here we are; Our last broadcast” – The Last BroadcastDoves

To the students, parents, colleagues, the principal, the parent/teacher association, the board of directors, and those concerned:

I write to say the deepest thank you to all of the above. I thank you for a sincere and wonderful experience at St Lorraine Anglo-Chinese Primary School. The experience was an excellent one and one that has helped our class take many more steps forwards than sideways. The classroom life may be drawn to a close this week, but we all leave here with unforgettable memories, a new port of calling for everlasting friendships and a sincere view of both Western and Chinese cultures. This will only serve to inspire and give us ample opportunity to gather smiles from our warm memories.

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Each year has seen new challenges and requirements. The advantages of enjoying such festivals of Children’s Day or Mid-Autumn Festival helps bring balance to the routine of the teacher’s daily life. We must be open and honest by evaluating our progress. What could we have done better? What could I have worked harder on? How can teamwork improve each and every single one of us? Take some time to review the matters that matter and invest energy and time into conquering obstacles.

Three school years is a long time to a child. It hasn’t felt so long to me. I haven’t met a single foreign teacher who has stayed with students for longer than two years. And at times, it has seemed like madness. Many students develop a familiarity that can mean that they now, what they can get away with. They know the limits of a teacher very soon. They know your blind spots of vision. Thankfully, 3F have been mostly wonderful. The days of Billy climbing me like a tree come to an end. There will be no Tony calling me “disgusting” at every opportunity. Marline’s daydreams and assortment of wonderful questions have come to an end. The quiet star Kitty can take her big voice to the next teacher. Marcus can talk about Lego and Aaron about travels with their next teachers. Roselle’s great artwork; Candy’s enthusiasm; Angela’s endless questions; Jimmy’s brilliant curiosity; Tyler’s reading passion; Leon’s sporting skills; Allen’s desire to lead every team; Alice’s requests for a new pet hamster; Evan’s lack of fear to pick up challenging reading materials; Kim’s conversations about her mammoth sleeping habits; Kristy’s great descriptive capabilities; Natalie’s cheerful drive for dancing; and Sabrina’s sense of humour. They will all be missed. These three years have been a privilege.

In the beginning there were lots of students, and through various reasons (change of location, new school choices), we’ve been reduced from 27 students to presently just 19 (although 2 have been unable to return this semester due to COVID-19). We had three fixed classrooms with temporary residence in one other classroom whilst mosquito guards were fitted. Everywhere we have been, we have tried as a class to decorate and leave a touch of our own warmth and creation there. From the original white walls, we made colossal suns, song words, signs, and warnings. There has been a blend of east and west, with lanterns, vases and hexagonal bee collages. Idioms have been learnt through curiosity and stacks of books lifted-up and put back down again.

When I first stepped into room 110 of St Lorraine Primary School, I was faced by a group of parents and colleagues. It was quite a friendly atmosphere and any nerves subsided soon enough. I was introduced to everyone by the principal, Mr Lam, and my co-worker Miss Zeng. Miss Zeng, or Cici as she is sometimes called would go on to be my co-worker for two years. Cici’s hobbies are sleeping and eating. Cake pillows are her dream. Throughout the initial year Cici really helped me communicate my ideas with the parents and create a pleasant feel for the class. Those foundation months were critical to where we are at now. Parents have been receptive and encouraging throughout my time with our class, our team and our journey. Many parents would be familiar faces throughout my three years with class 1F, 2F and ultimately 3F. I hope we all remain in contact. Miss Li has accompanied us throughout this third year of school. I wish them all the very best in the future.

Footballs have been humped around the field, kicked with passion and passed to friends. Rugby balls have looped over heads and basketballs dribbled through legs. There have been hours of games, laughter and creativity in action. Students have become teachers to me. English, like Chinese, is a wonderful and beautifully crafted language – and foreign teachers usually feel most welcome in learning your native tongue, whilst giving our all to give the students our command of English. The students enjoyed laughing at or teaching me one or two words throughout our time together.

Like I tell students, I advise them, “Don’t believe everything you hear and see.” In fact, believe nothing of what you hear, for until you see or hear, how do you absolutely know it to be true? A good environment needs a positive feel and respect, whether through reward or simple acknowledgment. All classes need classmates to be balanced in their manners and respectful. Don’t accept everything as it is. Look for ways to enhance and improve the working practices, without wasting time and passions. Encouragement is a valuable tool for students and teachers alike. Teachers such as Miss Huang (Minna), and Miss Cheng (Paris), amongst many can take their energy and give it to those they teach and work with. Over the years I have been lucky enough to meet many great people.

Life doesn’t get better by chance. It gets better by change. We adapt and we are flexible. Proper planning prevents poor performances, but that doesn’t always mean circumstances can be suited each time. Planning just makes us better prepared. Free time to do the things we love helps us come into school refreshed and ready to be effective. Holidays give us time to see family and planning such trips can be irritating and difficult. Uncertainty and discomfort can be avoided. That should be what a good teacher should always do. Avoid overworking and stay fresh for school. After all, that is something which we encourage our students.

Now, nobody’s saying the international class at St. Lorraine is the Garden of Eden, but it’s been a good home to us, to me, John Acton – and my students, who I’m proud of! Because every single one of them reminds me a little of… me. They can all think for themselves! Which they’ve their parents to thank for. Allen, who’s a bit loud! Aaron who is a lot like his sister, which is handy because she’s quiet and polite. Alice who bounces around like a ballet dancer. Our Billy, the little bucket of questions. Angela and her big smile. Candy, a model student until you take her pen away. Evan! The biggest trip hazard for a hundred kilogram plus-size teacher. Jimmy, a face of innocence with a head full of wit and humour. Kim and Marcus, fantastic neighbours for other students – until they open their mouths… and never close them! Kristy, who seems hellbent on making me bench press her bodyweight with, “Pick me up!” every other day. Marline, she’s gonna be a star, when she focuses. Natalie, skipping and hopping around with a big smile day after day. Roselle, she’s the student every teacher wants but only ever gets one of them. Sabrina, so curious and such a total angle. You’ve to check your desk but she’ll go miles out of her way to do you a favour. Tony and Tyler, full of energy, smiles and oddity. All of them, to a man, know first and foremost the most vital necessity in the classroom, is they know how to be part of a team. Let’s party! SCATTER!

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Turn off the subtitles, finetune your hearing and pick up those English newspapers, magazines and books. It’s always time to challenge yourself and push on for the next day of hard work. We can, little by little, make improvements. That’s why I’m saying thank you. You’ve improved me. Don’t stop learning. Don’t stop teaching. Look for those brighter and better days. The world’s future is calling you – and you must be ready for it. Anything is possible. A simple thank you is not enough. From the bottom of my heart to each and every one of you.

So, what now?

Yours in teaching; yours is passion for learning; yours truly and faithfully,

Mr John

The Final Report.

“Better three hours too soon, than one minute too late.” – William Shakespeare

How do! / 你好 (nĭ hăo) / Namaste / Welcome!

The school year of class 3F of St. Lorraine Anglo-Chinese Primary School is drawing to a close. To follow on from the final reports of class 2F, here is an end of year review.

“授人以鱼不如授人以渔” [Shòu rén yǐ yú bùrú shòu rén yǐ yú] / “Give a man a fish and you feed him for one day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime” – Chinese proverb

Education is a joint mission between schools, teachers and parents. A teacher will always need your help. We must work hard to discontinue inappropriate behaviour. We must work together to increase confidence and focus. Like parents, students must exercise consistent cooperation, show courtesy and good manners. The classroom should be like a family and a place of sanctuary from the world outside. Through escape we can nurture one another to develop rounded individuals and mature focused teams. The urge of distractions will be resisted and all will become an example of excellence in both behaviour and cooperation. Collectively class 3F have improved – even taking into account the difficulties faced during the pandemic.

“师父领进门,修行在个” [Shīfu lǐng jìnmén, xiūxíng zài gèrén] / “Teachers Open the Doors. You Enter by Yourself” – Chinese proverb

Groupwork and togetherness has been encouraged from an early age within our classroom environment. Teamwork is important. It encourages sharing and constructive improvements to one another. Students within 3F have demonstrated acceptance of recommendations, sensitivity towards thoughts and opinions and taken on varied roles within their teams. A good team needs a leader. Fairness needs a team to allow the leader to have a voice. By distributing, planning and carrying out task together, 3F have shown great encouragement to one another. For future teamwork, each student must continue to share and work together. Participation is often active, and little added encouragement is needed.

一口吃不成胖子” [Yīkǒu chī bùchéng pàngzi] / “it’s impossible to become fat with just one mouthful” – Chinese proverb

Behaviour and attitude are linked as one. Through enthusiasm we can encourage all to enjoy school. We will push initiative, creativity and give confidence to instinct. The full potential of each student must be strived for. As teachers we must be committed to doing our best and set an example to those learning from us. Only then can each student do their best. Students who take responsibility for their learning and seek new challenges are a joy to behold. Class 3F (just like 2F and 1F in previous years) has had many such examples from our students.

“未雨绸缪” [Wèiyǔchóumóu] / “Dig a well before you are thirsty” – Chinese proverb

Students must perform classroom tasks and respect their peers. Each student must have an honest and trustworthy character. When they deal with others, they should be encouraged to display citizenship and concern for the feelings of their peers. A dependable student is thoughtful, kind and helpful. The classroom, its belongings, and the possessions of others are to be treated with care and pride. Class 3F have overall earned trust and respected their enhanced classroom facilities. Social skills have improved. Most students are well-liked, friendly, and compassionate. Disagreements are natural and resolved accordingly. Fairness and understanding have made the classroom environment comfortable. During free periods there are no withdrawn students, and all engage in conversations or game play.

机不可失,时不再来” [Jī bùkě shī, shí bù zàilái] / “Opportunity knocks at the door only once” – Chinese proverb

Regarding communication skills, class 3F have fast become confident, bold and clear. They choose words with care, have a well-developed and often increasing vocabulary and express themselves clearly. They are vibrant and imaginative. Logical and persuasive arguments are coupled well with listening to the comments and ideas of others. Each student is now encouraged to be more patient and not interrupt one another.

“吃一堑,长一智” [Chī yī qiàn, zhǎng yī zhì] / “By falling we learn to go safely” – Chinese proverb

With regards to talents and interests, the students of 3F have a very well-developed sense of the world. They play drums and violins, dance, hike, eat new foods, travel and play games amongst a huge list of things. They hold a well-developed sense of humour and display many wonderful moments, that are completely unexpected. Their interests are shared, talked about and related to real world scenarios. Many students have an impressive understanding and depth of knowledge about their interests. Others are developing themselves and I have no doubt that many will become gifted performers. Within the classroom we have dramatic actors, passionate readers and musical students.

“种瓜得瓜, 种豆得豆” [Zhòngguā dé guā, zhòngdòu dé dòu] / “ You reap what you sow ” – Chinese proverb

Most students have well-developed independent learning skills. Self-motivation and hunger to learn is evident throughout the class. The work habits of the majority of class 3F is far above average. Several students require encouragement and support, and all should check their work before submission. Little mistakes can be erased by checking once, checking twice and checking again. There’s no harm in checking too much. Through a little supervision the less focused class members can grasp new concepts and ideas, whilst learning to display consistent self-discipline.

“Time isn’t the main thing. It’s the only thing.” – Miles Davies, Jazz musician.

Time management concerns homework, classroom assignments, tasks, groupwork and, overall, there has been an improvement. I’m a firm believer that students here have too much homework, and a reduction may be beneficial. It should be trialled accordingly. More creative homework would allow students to develop at different paces and express themselves individually.


“不怕慢, 就怕停”  [bù pà màn, jiù pà tíng] / “Be not afraid of growing slowly, be only afraid of standing still.” – Chinese proverb.

And with that, that’s all folks, well, kind of…

“请教别人一次是5分钟的傻子,从不请教别人是一辈子的傻子” [Qǐngjiào biérén yīcì shì 5 fēnzhōng de shǎzi, cóng bù qǐngjiào biérén shì yībèizi de shǎzi] / “He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.” – Chinese proverb

Reach For The Stars

The below are comments meant for each student. I want every parent to know something unique about their student. It is important to give suggestions and open a discussion. Parents and teachers are doing the same job. We all want those little minds we are nurturing to blossom.

Attentive Aaron is committed to doing his best. Aaron has completed a great semester’s work. He should be really proud of his efforts. Aaron shows responsibility and follows directions whenever they are given. Aaron would benefit from showing a greater desire to contribute ideas in class. Aaron makes a good effort to make his handwriting legible. He is able to print on the lines, use good spacing, and form letters correctly. Encouragement of reading is a must for Aaron. Go on pick up more books!

Cheerful Alice appears well rested and ready for each day’s activities. Alice is a conscientious, hard-working student. Alice relates well to classmates and is appreciative of different perspectives and experiences. Alice works well with classmates in group work and often takes a leadership role. Alice is learning to offer more direct responses to her reading experiences supported by reasons, examples, and details. I encourage Alice to read more often.

Eager Allen seeks new challenges. Allen demonstrates a willing and conscientious effort in his daily work. Allen has done a great job facing and overcoming big challenges this year. Please continue to nurture and encourage this behaviour over the summer. Allen needs to show more appropriate behaviour when interacting with classmates. Allen is able to offer direct responses to his readings and supports ideas with sound reasoning and specific examples. Allen would benefit from opening new books often.

Imaginative Angela treats school property and the belongings of others with care and respect. Angela works independently. Angela manages her emotions maturely and responds to feedback appropriately. Angela needs to listen to directions more attentively during lessons. Angela needs to improve her cooperation in group settings. She should work on voicing feelings and opinions and listening to others. Angela shows good ability when completing reading comprehension tests. Angela is honest and trustworthy in dealings with others. Angela should remain curious and pick up new reading materials often.

Confident Billy often shows respect for teachers and peers. Billy is a cheerful and enthusiastic class member. He shows an interest in most learning tasks but often needs reminders to remain focused on his work. Billy needs reminding not to listen to any negative words of fellow classmates. Stay strong and focus on you. Don’t get too involved in the silly behaviours of others.  Billy needs frequent reminders to be attentive during instructions and lessons. Billy has a positive attitude towards math but continues to have trouble in a few key areas. He should practice every evening at home. Billy and books should be better friends.

Capable Candy is courteous and shows good manners in the classroom. Candy participates in class discussions and shares his ideas with others. Candy has achieved a personal writing goal by constructing an informative text without the use of a scaffold. She is now working towards punctuating her writing correctly. Candy shows maturity when solving problems with classmates and uses good communication. Candy continues to make excellent progress in spelling and reading. She works hard to submit work that is free of grammatical errors. By reading Candy will develop both her writing and imaginative skills.

Polite Evan is sometimes quiet and shy, but often vocal and creative. When reading, Evan uses a range of skills to identify the meaning of the text. Evan is accountable and responsible. He makes smart decisions, admits mistakes and listens to opportunities to improve. Evan listens to and follows directions precisely and attentively. Evan shows the ability to quickly use spelling, punctuation and grammar rules that were recently taught. He is able to quickly learn new skills and is eager to apply them to his writing. Evan is able to analyse character actions, story plots, and shows strong fluency with reading. Let’s all encourage Evan to read bigger scarier books!

Dynamic Jimmy displays the ability to reason, solve problems and resolve difficulties. During our paper making classes, Jimmy used reasoning and questions to understand the processes. Jimmy is confident, positive and a great role model for his classmates. It has been a pleasure to have Jimmy’s enthusiasm, positivity and maturity in my class. Jimmy demonstrates a good understanding of all math concepts studied and communicates with clarity and good justification of reasoning. Jimmy consistently demonstrates comprehension of short-spoken texts by answering questions, and explaining the events described. Jimmy’s head should be in a book more often.

Pleasant Kim displays an ability to work collaboratively. She takes responsibility in group tasks, listens to others and works towards a shared goal. An area of focus for Kim is to include punctuation (e.g. commas, capital letters, speech marks etc.) in her writing, as well as paragraph her ideas coherently. Kim is having a little difficulty with reading, particularly with fluency and comprehension. Take more time and care to read. Kim is creative and warm-hearted. There are many books she would benefit from reading.

Outgoing Kristy often follows directions promptly and accurately. Kristy should read before sleeping and at every other possible moment. A future goal for Kristy is to include more complex sentences, adding variance in sentence length to better engage the reader. Kristy consistently completes homework assignments. Kristy is frequently among the first to help and mentor other classmates. She is a valuable part of the classroom.

Courteous Kitty is a self-motivated student. Kitty is interested in her own learning, listens attentively, and makes a solid effort to avoid distractions that could interrupt the learning process. Kitty is focused during class and contributes ideas willingly. Every semester Kitty’s ability comes on in leaps and bounds. Her confidence is at a wonderful level now. Kitty’s hands would be best placed around a book, where possible.

Energetic Marcus, when focused within class, willingly participates in group discussion. Marcus is encouraged to demonstrate more responsible attitudes and behaviour in the classroom. An area to focus on for Marcus is his control. He needs to slow his work down and doublecheck everything. Review each piece of work for careless mistakes. Marcus is a very bright and sensitive boy. His understanding of science and geography is most pleasing. Marcus often looks for ways to be helpful in the classroom. Marcus has trouble with his handwriting. I believe he can form letters well, but has to slow down and take a little more time. Neater handwriting will improve his schoolwork overall. Marcus loves looking at new books. Marcus should get all the information from new books as often as possible.

Creative Marline has shown she can work independently and takes pride in work done well. A future goal for Marline is to proofread more carefully. Check everything with great detail. I recommend that Marline practices under test conditions. Marline will be much better prepared for any test or exam. Marline consistently needs reminders to use time effectively. Marline is easily distracted during math lessons and behavioural issues are interfering with her learning. In the future, she will be working on more difficult subjects and she will struggle if she does not pay attention in class. Marline would benefit from extra practice with reading aloud and discussion of content. Marline’s love of books needs to be encouraged.

Sincere Natalie is an absolute pleasure to teach. Natalie should pay particular attention to ensuring she has read the questions (or tasks) thoroughly. Natalie has shown excellent ability to set goals and be persistent in achieving them. Natalie’s (comprehension, spelling, reading) has greatly improved, but she still needs extra work in (comprehension, spelling, reading). Please contact me if you need supplemental learning materials to use at home for practice. It is imperative that Natalie finds time to read new books.

Cooperative Roselle demonstrates a real commitment to her studies and approaches new learning in an enthusiastic manner. She shows great initiative and commitment. She is highly organised and works independently when required. Roselle puts forth their best effort into homework assignments. I believe Roselle will benefit from trying her hand at creative writing. Roselle shows good ability when completing reading comprehension tests. Without doubt, Roselle must read books for an older level. She will benefit greatly from this.

Independent Sabrina exceeds expectations with the quality of their work. Sabrina readily grasps new concepts and ideas. Sabrina is dependable and reliable, follows directions effectively, and follows through on her commitments to herself and others. Sabrina is conscious of putting care into her daily writing work, and frequently goes beyond the minimum requirements for assignments. Little ‘Siri’ has a delightful mind that would benefit from new stories and adventures found in many books.

Resourceful Tony is thoughtful, insightful and thorough in written and verbal communication, and has a talent for expressing his ideas clearly. Tony requires encouragement to listen attentively during group sharing times. Tony has a good understanding of all math concepts taught so far this year. He continues to turn in excellent assignments and especially enjoys hands-on math activities. Tony consistently reads grade-level material independently. Tony has a great imagination that needs nurturing through new stories and books.

Constructive Tyler consistently reads grade-level material independently. Sadly, due to the pandemic, Tyler’s classes have been limited to video calls. The biggest reader in the class will no doubt have found his nose between pages of many books. Tyler’s questions and curiosity have sorely been missed in the classroom. He is an absolute model student with respect of his desire to share information and facts. Tyler’s passion for geography, science and technology and his mathematical skills will only improve. Keep going. Keep reading.

There have been other class members who have gone on to other schools (or classes). Rain, Justin, Kelly, Lewson, Henry, Victoire, Soffy, Jessie, Doris, Dongyee, Sharon, CK and Hardy. Poor old Leon is stuck in Japan due to the pandemic but his father tells me he is working very hard and improving in English. The people of the world are in a strange place but that doesn’t mean we have to worry. The pandemic will pass. We’ll be stronger because of it. Keep looking forwards and stay optimistic. Embrace change, because change is more normal than you may think. The weather changes. Socks [should] change. We grow. We should never stay the same. Change can be scary and worrying but being scared of something doesn’t mean you should hide from it. Why worry? How much of life can you control? Is worry constructive?

These last three years together have been a privilege and an honour. I wish every student a wonderful future and that they continue working hard in grade 4. Setting a good foundation today is important, but stay fair, stay humble and stay happy. Bring some sunshine to the bright and brand-new tomorrow.The journey of life goes on, and with it we often meet new people, new teachers, new students and new colleagues. Life finds a way. Adapt. Push on. Climb new mountains. Read new stories. Write new chapters. Draw new drawings. Dance like nobody is watching and sing like nobody is singing. Be yourself. You can be no-one else.

Jump On, Happy Now

How do! / 你好 (nĭ hăo) / Namaste / Welcome!

I recall Mr Jones at Chapel Street Primary School making a simple poem. It was wordplay on my name John. Jump on, happy now. So simple. So memorable. Like other school events. When I was young, our class went to Mam Tor and the Blue John Cavern in Castleton, Derbyshire. I remember very little other than giggling at the name Blue John. The cavern is named after a semi-precious mineral Blue John. The 250 million years old was and is mined for the purposes of jewellery. The cavern sits beneath Mam Tor, a rather tall hill, a 517-metre (1696ft) peak of the world famous Peak District. I never picked up any fluorite (with bands of a purple-blue or yellowish colour) but I do recall the French name of bleu-jaune (blue-yellow). So, my name went from blue to yellow. In China blue movies are called yellow movies.

Our class had walked the 4.8km up (3 miles) from a car park, where our coach awaited. In misty wet conditions we returned, a little soggy. The views across the Edale Valley and Kinder Scout were wasted on us. It was completely shrouded by clouds. The Derwent Moors were less than visible. We even walked to another cave, Windy Knoll, but the entrance was covered by loose rubble. That was invisible to us too. Still we’d climbed up the peak that means ‘Mother Hill’. The brittle shale and so-called shivering mountain also left us shivering in the damp and cold too. As our teeth chattered a teaching assistant rambled on about Bronze Age and Iron Age forts. To kids in a field, drenched head to toe, he mustered zero enthusiasm. We all had ideas of using the caves (Speedwell Cavern, Peak Cavern A.K.A. ‘The Devil’s Arse’ and Treak Cliff Cavern) as a kind of natural umbrella.

So, that was my first time to see the name John in a strange place. Our primary school used to have three Johns. John O’Neill and John Doherty, with myself. Recently, I played football with John Burns and John Crompton. My surname is Acton. So, here in China, we had John A, B and C at Murray’s F.C. It isn’t an unusual name. John is Jewish, or was. It coms from a word meaning ‘Graced by Yahweh’ – a kind of Samarian God. Jack, Jackie, Johnny and Jonathan all come from the name John. Jackie Chan is a wannabe John. also comes from the name John but as a Manchester City striker, I can’t take responsibility for him, and nor should the name John. Johns can be equally good or bad. Everton, not the football team, but the name also comes from the name John. Being a very biblical name, John has been mutated and transpired into Celtic (Ianto), Germanic, Romance, European, Arabic (يُوحَنّا‎), Hungarian, Albanian (Xhoni), Slavic (Ján) and other forms. One of the most common names in English-speaking countries is sticking around hard and fast.

Yahweh is or was a storm-and-warrior deity which explains why I like the rain a fair bit. That and being Mancunian – it’s a kind of Stockholm syndrome. Here in China, as the Dongguan rain lashes down, I can write Yuēhàn (约翰) into my phone to produce a local version of my name that sounds more German than Chinese. My Korean student Kim could write my name as Yohan (요한) and my Japanese student Leon could write my name as Yohane (ヨハネ). Then there are countless feminine forms around the world such as Jone, Johanna, Ghjuvanna and Sinéad.

John is mentioned countless times throughout religion, with the Gospel of John, First through to Third Epistles of John and the Book of Revelation by a certain Saint John the Divine scribbling something down. There were no blog pages in his time. Apocalypses have remained popular in fiction and non-fiction ever since. Well, until the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic. Gospel of John was the third sequel to the Gospel of Matthew. Mark and Luke were the other members of the Gospel boyband. The Gospel of John has much prattling and something to do with the raising of Lazarus and contrasts Judaism. It’s probably where Christianity broke away, circa AD90-110. Three faith-raising sermon letters (epistles) of John followed much like the Fast & The Furious franchise.

“Who’s that writin’? John the Revelator. Who’s that writin’? John the Revelator. Who’s that writin’? John the Revelator. Wrote the book of the seven seals” – John the Revelator, Blind Willie Johnson

Many kings and queens have taken on the various forms of the name John through time, with prophet John the Baptist (died 30AD-ish), John the Apostle (one of a dozen). John the Evangelist (an author type), John of Patmos (the Revelator/the Divine), John the Presbyter (open to interpretation), another John (father of Saint Peter etc), John of Antioch (a chronicler which is a kind of news reporter of the time), umpteen Pope Johns (at least 21 of them), and several Saint Johns. There are Saint John churches and places as diverse as Cornwall (a parish village with the nearby St John’s Lake SSSI), Malacca in Malaysia, the capital city of Newfoundland and Labrador and even the Church of St John-at-Hackney. Wherever a boat could sail, and a missionary could set up a parish, that’s where the name has reached. If you don’t believe me, take a glance at the maps of Antigua and Barbuda, Barbados, Dominica and Grenada. Oh, and there are ambulances displaying the saintly name: St. John Ambulance. Mighty Mouse was even a St. John Publications comic character.

Nicknames involving Johns area round us too. My Dad had a friend who was nicknamed ‘John the Ghost’ because of his pale look and I think had a few near misses with death in hid life. John the Hunchback isn’t as famous Quasimodo. Being a General and Politician in Roman times on the flanks of the Eastern Roman Empire wasn’t quite as romantic as being the protagonist of The Hunchback of Notre-Dame. John “the Savage” features in Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World. John “OO” Fleming is a trance D.J. and his music could be heard on a portable speaker sat atop your very own Johnboat (an aluminium hunter-fishing boat). My mate John Petrie shares the name of Arbroath F.C.’s striker extraordinaire – he scored a record 13 goals in a 36-0 win. That’s something to mull over as you listen to former Meat Loaf and Marilyn Manson guitarist John 5. There are countless Johns to plug: I mentioned John Rabe and John Nichols before.

Whether in a campaign, a B-side on a Kylie Minogue with Robbie Williams song, a Giant Cave of Gilbratar, the John’s Langur (Semnopithecus johnii), a famous New York pizzeria, archaic phones, or a show about Tourette’s syndrome, the name John can be used for good or bad. Fritz John made an ultrahyperbolic partial differential equation that carries the name John’s equation. It was pretty bad for my eyes to see it and understand very little of it. Not all Johns make sense. I know that I don’t.

“Be thine own palace, or the world’s thy jail.” – ― John Donne, The Poems of John Donne (Volume 1)

The name John is popular in many ways. Master Chief Petty Officer John-117 from the video game Halo wasn’t an ideal role model for me but he did accompany far too many adolescents through early development blasting the hell out of crazy religious Covenant alien radicals. Almost as great as sending a Dear John letter to tell your loved one that they are a former loved one and now you have a new loved one. Writer Philip Jerome Quinn Barry wasn’t a John but in 1927 the New Yorker published his play called, yes, you guessed right, John. That play was unsuccessful. Bad John. Lil’ Wayne (2011) and Desireless (1988) didn’t write their songs of the same name, based on P.J.Q. Barry’s failed play. They sold around 2 million and 313,000 respectively.

“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” – John Milton, Paradise Lost.

Other odd uses of the name John can mean someone who uses a prostitute, slang for a toilet (cheers America!), tropical storms and hurricanes, and there are about 13,400,137 Johns in the U.S.A. at any one time. That’s about one in every 25 Americans. On the flipside, John the Ripper is a program used to test the strength of a password. In Morse code John looks like this: .——….-. (which may be useless in the digital age). John Lennon and John F. Kennedy didn’t get any Morse code message of their fate. John R. “Johnny” Cash is one of my favourite Johns, in terms of talented Johns. John Paul Henry Daniel Richard Grimes is not.

Bizarrely the names Eoin, Evan, Yohannes, Ifan, Ioane, Hermes, Siôn, Janes, and Núño have origins in the name John. Jhon is also a real name. I guess somebody couldn’t type or spell, and it stuck. John has grace the rich and famous with numerous kings, Elton John, the late huge-nosed Gottfried John, Dame Olivia Newton-John and (was it personal?) R&B singer William Edward “Little Willie” John having a certain name. That 24-bar blues song Leave My Kitten Alone is so underrated. The Beatles and Elvis Costello copied it at some state too.

“Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard, are sweeter” – John Keats, Ode on a Grecian Urn and Other Poems

The name John is classic. It is a natural and wholesome formal name, refined and well at home in history and equally strong for the present day. It can represent the boring aspects of name history and the simple yet serious mature look of a person. Whether the name represents an author or an actor in Downton Abbey, the name John could likewise be a Canadian prime minister or a character in DC comics. John can be legend or literature, musician or theologian. The name John was once consistently popular in one of its many forms. Now newer names and international culture are heavily influencing naming across the globe. The name John, however, will not fade away.

Johnny Marr is from Manchester and spent some of his years in Ardwick. He probably wasn’t far from another famous John in Manchester. All of the above writing could easily have been a huge and tedious introduction to Manchester’s famous John Dalton. Born in Cumberland at a place called Eaglesfield (by Cockermouth), John Dalton headed for Manchester. He would go on to be a hugely influential chemist, physicist, and meteorologist. He made huge contributions to atomic theory research, the study of colour blindness and dissenting educationalists from church-backed establishments. He was radical.

Buried under Ardwick’s playing fields (former cemetery), Dalton’s legacies are far more than a statue-bust in Manchester’s town hall. The John Dalton Building of Manchester Metropolitan University houses the Faculty of Science and Engineering. There’s a statue of John Dalton outside. John Dalton Street connects Deansgate and Albert Square in central Manchester. There’s a bleu plaque at 36 George Street, his former residence. Dalton published many pieces including work on the Law of Multiple Proportions, Dalton’s Law of Partial Pressures, Daltonism (also known as colour blindness). He earned his Royal Medal amongst many plaudits and lived to study and research. Nowadays his name lives on through such terms as Dalton (S.I. unit), Daltonism, and the Dalton Minimum. The latter was a period of low sunspot count, representing low solar activity, possibly much like the City of Manchester’s exposure to sun at the peak of winter, right?

“John Dalton’s records, carefully preserved for a century, were destroyed during the World War II bombing of Manchester. It is not only the living who are killed in war.” – Isaac Asimov, Writer & Biochemistry professor